Straight Up (I) (2019)

Tracie Thoms: Dr. Larson

Quotes 

• Dr. Larson : Are you sure you're a boy?

  Todd : [pause]  Well, I was until now.

• Todd : People say that finding love is hard. Well, I did the math. There are four million people living in Los Angeles based off the 2010 census, approximately eight percent of whom are men aged twenty to thirty, five to ten percent of whom identify as gay or bisexual. Of these thirty-two thousand or less men, only ten percent will have an IQ of one-twenty or higher; so, we can eliminate the rest. Let's be honest. Of the remaining thirty-two hundred, I will be sexually incompatible with most of them. While there are no conclusive studies of the number of gay men who abstain from penetrative sex, I'm assuming the number is less than twenty-five percent, especially in my generation, and I think that's generous. Now, of these eight hundred men, thirty percent will be in long-term relationships with each other, sixty percent will find me unattractive, either because I'm Asian, because I have a crooked face, or because I'm generally incorrigible; and, an additional nine percent that can actually put up with me I will reject outright over various deal-breakers including, but not limited to, snoring, poor dental hygiene and/or bad taste in movies.

  Dr. Larson : Mm.

  Todd : That only leaves eight potential soul mates on the high end, and after calculating the binomial distribution for randomly meeting any one of them on any given day over the next half century...

  Dr. Larson : Todd.

  Todd : ...and integrating the probability mass from zero to one number of meetings...

  Dr. Larson : Todd.

  Todd : ...there is only a .0006% chance that I will ever fall in love, which is, as I'm sure you can guess, statistically insignificant.

  Dr. Larson : Todd.

  Todd : I'm having more compulsions, so if you could please refer me to a cognitive behavioral therapist, I'd greatly appreciate it.

  Dr. Larson : Why don't you call Dr. Lionetti?

  Todd : I don't want him to know that I'm relapsing. He has a very high opinion of me. He said so in our last session.

• Dr. Larson : Do you remember what happened when your father took you to Disneyland and tried to force you onto a roller coaster?

  Todd : Yes, of course, I was there.

  Dr. Larson : What happened?

  Todd : I started screaming that he was kidnapping me and he almost got arrested and we never went back.

  Dr. Larson : You can lead a horse to water.

  Todd : But you can't make it get on a roller coaster or try anal sex. I get it. I'm the horse, but am I a gay horse, am I a straight horse, or am I a Shetland pony? - which is basically a gay horse.

• [though he clearly isn't physically handicapped, Todd has told his therapist about preferring to use public handicap toilets and his fear of someday exiting the stall and confronting a disapproving kid in a wheelchair] 

  Dr. Larson : You treat sex like the kid in the wheelchair.

  Todd : Mm-hm.

  Dr. Larson : The handicap stall is a metaphor for your state of sexual confusion.

  Todd : Mm-hm.

  Dr. Larson : You're afraid of the kid because he might tell you that you're in a wheelchair too.

  Todd : But I'm not in a wheelchair.

  Dr. Larson : You're in an emotional wheelchair.

  Todd : So, does that mean I'm not gay?

  Dr. Larson : I don't know. It's just a metaphor.