Criminal Minds (TV Series)

Ashley (2018)

Kirsten Vangsness: Penelope Garcia

Quotes 

• Penelope Garcia : You got a ring? You bought a ring, and I had to hear it from Portia and not you?

  David Rossi : Penelope...

  Penelope Garcia : Look, I know I'm not your daughter, and Portia's gonna be your daughter thanks to your pending nuptials. But I'm kind of like your daughter, so...

  David Rossi : Penelope, uh...

  Penelope Garcia : [mortified]  K-Krystall's behind that door right now, which means that she knows that you got her...

  [Rossi opens the door] 

  Penelope Garcia : ...an engagement ring.

  Krystall Richards : Hi, Penelope. It's good to see you.

  Penelope Garcia : Oh... there's no way I can un-ruin this?

  David Rossi : Oh, that cat is so far out of the bag.

  Penelope Garcia : Uh... I don't like cats being in bags usually, but right now, I'm very sorry, sir.

• Emily Prentiss : Even though you have been on supervisory probation for the past month, I wrote in my report on our last case that you performed well in the field. You followed orders and you played an integral role in closing that case.

  Luke Alvez : So I'm out of the doghouse?

  Emily Prentiss : I've put in the formal request to have you reinstated to full SSA status, but the process takes time. So you're gonna work our next case with Garcia.

  Luke Alvez : I understand. Do we have our next case?

  Emily Prentiss : I'm waiting for details now.

  Penelope Garcia : [entering]  Oh, my god. Where is he?

  Luke Alvez : Speak of the devil. So, I hear you and I are gonna be lab partners.

  Penelope Garcia : Ugh! Blerg! Ugh. Whatever. If I must.

• Luke Alvez : Okay guys, so it looks like...

  Penelope Garcia : [coughing]  Ahum-ahum

  Luke Alvez : Garcia has some things she wants to... tell you

  Penelope Garcia : Hmm, hmm, I'm about to say the same as Luke was going to, but far more chutzpah, wit and eloquence

• Penelope Garcia : You think of all the things, Emily Prentiss! This is why you are a boss lady. I will hit you right back.

• Luke Alvez : Do you want to know what I think?

  Penelope Garcia : Nope!

  Luke Alvez : I think we wrecked house on this case together. I mean, I think we're a dynamic duo! Come on, hit me

  Penelope Garcia : Oh! Please! We will never be a duo

  Luke Alvez : Oh, well, come, admit it, I helped

  Penelope Garcia : Oh, you'd have to torture me. You'd have to force me wear beige, deny me of all things unicorn for me to ever admit that you helped!

  [phone rings] 

  Penelope Garcia : Excuse me

  [reads text from the phone] 

  Penelope Garcia : I hate hubris. I need your help

• Emily Prentiss : What other leads do we have inside the adoption system?

  Penelope Garcia : It's kind of a slog. There is a lot of stuff to consider, like, for instance did you know that there is a home decorator for potential parents? That is a thing. It's not a thing we need to look in to right now, I don't think, but it's a thing

  David Rossi : I know you have a full plate, but there's one more search we need

  Penelope Garcia : Oh? No problem, put all the things on the plate. I do way better when I'm overwhelmed. Hit me