Reviews

An okay movie to watch if you need to kill some time, but overall it's too much rehashed sight gags and one-liners not only from Brooks' earlier (and better) films, but from other spoof-movies as well. "Robin Hood" is dull and annoyingly predictable even as silly films like this go. And that Richard Lewis...oy vey!! One interesting thing about this film though is Roger Rees, a great and seasoned stage actor playing broad comedy on the big-screen; it's a far cry from his role as the heartless English professor on "My So-Called Life". Nice score by Hummie Mann...

"Gettysburg" has to be one of the best movies ever made. The rich (and some might say unique) storytelling works wonderfully in the film. It may lack the profanity and lewdness that modern audiences are so used to these days, but it conveys the overall feel of the Gettysburg battlefield and of how the battle must have been like in a startling way that I don't think any other cast or crew could have done. EVERYONE should see this movie...

"Payne" is not "Faulty Towers", and it suffers because of the obvious comparison. While "Payne" may have its occasional moments of amusement, it is a sanitized, cliched and overall dimmer relative to the original British series, that sparkled so brightly with wit and comic timing. Let's face it, John Laroqette is no John Cleese. Not by a long shot...

"Wow" is all I can say after watching a good portion of "Jingle All The Way" for a second time on HBO. "Wow, wow, wow, wow..."

There are some points that must be made about this movie. For starters, A) Arnold Schwarzenneger and Sinbad are truly a comic duo to be reckoned with in the flesh-crawlingly awful comic acting department.

B) Anyone...and I mean ANYONE...can write a movie script that will attract a big studio funding these days.

C) Some of Hollywood's biggest paid actors will sign on to a movie without even glancing over the said script.

D) A Christmas dominated parade at the tail end of the movie features a miniscule Chanukah and Kwanza section. People are dancing and grooving in life-sized dredyl's and menorah's and African tribal gear, seen in split second editing cuts. Have we turned into such a politically correct-oriented people we must try to please everybody even if it means making them look really really silly for no reason?

E) Phil Hartman is the snobby next-door neighbor who's eyes are on Rita Wilson, Conan's wife. Phil: you should've stuck to "NewsRadio" and "The Simpsons". What a role to leave behind for future generations...

F) A bomb exploding in a police officer's hands is not funny. I don't care if it's a meaningless kid's movie and in the next scene he's wild-haired and wide-eyed and covered with gun powder. It's poor taste in the worst way.

G) Sinbad, although giving an enthusiastic performance here, is best left to giving all of his performances onstage and at comedy clubs. Not memorizing and reciting lines with other actors on camera.

H) "Jingle All The Way" is more like a Saturday Night Live bit than a holiday family movie. Just watch it for a scene or two: the heavily-accented, muscle-bound foreigner in middle class suburbia, running around and interacting with other Americans and trying to act as average as them. The flubbed words and ignorance as to what word emphasis goes where is quite funny, especially with the fact that it's completely unintentional on both Arnold and the director's part. But sitting in a crowded theater watching it with a silence that borders on deafening just makes it uncool in every imaginable way.

I) The flat-out stupid ending involving the parade (which was filmed in 90 degree July heat, by the way) isn't funny nor exciting.

J) The gooey ending to the ending, the one that employs almost every shamelessly-by-the-book Christmas saying really does not work here. It rarely does.

Okay, I guess that about covers it. I swear I am not a Scrooge. If you want a real Christmas movie, or a comedy, you can do better blindfolded in your local video store's drama section. Much, much better. Oh boy, can you do better...

Afterthought: Why is Conan's character such a sleaze for working hard enough to provide a comfortable life for his family?

All through "The Deli", a movie centered around a New York City deli and its gambling-addict owner through the course of a weekend, the film shakes the audience by the shoulders again and again and shouts with the desperation of a drug addict in need of a fix (or a filmmaker in need of a positive buzz for his project)"I'm a quirky independent film with even quirkier independent-film-characters, I swear!!" Plot be damned! Scenes in "The Deli" are set up again and again to showcase the whacky ensemble cast of semi-familiar names playing loser-like, yet sometimes endearing characters that must inhabit the middle class neighborhoods of New York City's outer boroughs like locusts: one prime example is a scene involving a slimy Italian couple with over-the-top Brooklyn accents in a shouting match over some insipid topic as their stepdaughter dances around yelling with them, with rapper Ice T between them. The scene ends with Ice T stamping his foot in frustration and shouting with mighty gusto: "Damn! This place be crazier than my own hood!" Ha-ha. Boy, quirky independent films don't get any quirkier than this. Mike Starr, after a career of second-fiddle-at-best roles as the big, beefy working class guy with the big New York accent, finally lands a lead, and now he most likely never will again. Quentin Tarantino spawned a horrble plague on us all, and it is that of the bratty independant filmmaker who thinks Tarantino is successful only because he made "Reservoir Dogs" first. As a lifelong New York City resident, I've seen this breed of artists (and I use the term quite loosely) flock to Manhattan's trendier districts to jumpstart their careers, and the few who do just that, usually make B-Grade films like "The Deli", and paint their canvas with colorful New York characters who are mere figments in their imagination of what real New Yorkers must be like. I can't say it's all that insulting, at least when it's a mediorce quality film like this one, but it sure gets tiring after awhile, and makes one long for the days when Tarantino was still a waiter, and his army of wanna-bes still in Anytown, USA.

It is a shame "Angus" never got the high praise or exposure it really deserves. At times gut-wrenching in its portrayal of high school cruelness, at other times sweetly heartwarming in its portrayal of high school innocence, "Angus" is an endearing good guy trapped in a waspy, snake-pit-like high school in Anytown, USA. The strength of "Angus" is its believability; of course it's far-fetched at times, it's a movie, and yet it still works amazingly well. Charlie Talbert and Chris Owen, Angus and Troy, respectively, are a real treat to watch as the pair of outcasts. Their chemistry radiates offscreen, and they become both heroes and comic relief in a combination that drives them to the audience's heart. Some of the film's best belly laughs, in fact, are direct results of their all-too-believable dialogue.

James Van Der Beek is one of the most hateable bad guys I've seen in some time, and boy he plays it well. What a deliciously different role, compared to his often annoying "Dawson's Creek" persona! This is some great work by him, even if its not a lot. Strong support from George C. Scott and Kathy Bates; it was fun watching them in a heartfelt film like this, especially Scott, General Patton himself. Please, if you ever get the chance to see this film, SEE IT!! You will not be untouched nor remorseful. You'll have a new favorite way to pass an hour and a half. (Great score by David Russo, I'd love to see a release of it!)

"Mafia!" is a new low. If you watch this, you will be bored. If you're of Italian decent and you watch this, you will be bored and grossly offended. Although Jim Abrahams is a card-carrying member of the ZAZ film team (he's the "A" between the Zucker brothers) he just cannot do this sort of medium himself. Much like the "Hot Shots" series he helmed, "Mafia" is a collection of by-the-book sight gags and cliched toilet humor. It's the sort of film where you force a "guffaw" at each predictable punchline and vague pop culture reference, not because you are genuinely amused, but because you actually feel embarrassingly awkward if you don't. Certainly "Mafia" has its moments; much like being blindfolded and taking a hundred swings at a piñata, you're going to hit it at least once. It's mathematical. But Abrahams lacks the original comic-spoof snazz that's been churned out so often and seemingly so effortlessly by his "Naked Gun" and "Airplane" co-hort, David Zucker. In this wacky film genre, the movies always come out in small batches like a bad rash. And the best rash to come out of the summer of '98 would be "Baseketball". If you want consecutive laughs, or if you're Italian, check it out and witness Mr. Zucker's gift first hand. And let's hope Jay Mohr stops fumbling his still-accelerating career before it stops accelerating. You only get so many chances in this business...

The actors of "The Other Sister" are absolutely convincing. It's nice to see Tom Skerrit with a meaty role on the big screen again, and he works well and conflicts better with Diane Keaton. Obvious contribution by Juliette Lewis and her unique (to say the least) co-star, Giovanni Ribisi. The two of them really carry the film and make this a touching, heartfelt movie, although I couldn't help but notice that at times it seems the film reverses on what it's trying to teach by allowing the audience to laugh AT the antics of the retarded leads rather than with them. It's no "Forrest Gump", but it's no "Patch Adams" either. It touches the heart strings without manipulating them, and the filmmakers should get a grateful high-five for that. As well as for not casting a doe-eyed Robin Williams. Overall this is good stuff, though Rachel Portman's music seems underused...

One of my favorite movies of all time. The cast is great, the cinematography is rich and flawless, the music is unbelievable. It should be put back in the theaters for its grandest effect. I saw it at its initial release in the fall of '93, and the packed movie-house as a whole was just blown away by it. Five out of five stars to everyone involved!!! Should be considered a masterpiece of cinema...Ronald Maxwell should have been at least nominated for an Oscar.

In "Police Academy 6: City Under Siege", the gang's all here to save a crime-ridden city from the wrath of 3 white guys named the Wilson Heights Gang...I imagine this complicated premise was pitched to Warner Bros execs something to the effect of "Um, they like to rob stuff...and they're bad guys. Oh, and the city's under siege because of them." I know this is slapstick and it was never intentioned to be taken seriously, but even when writing a film like this you have to TRY, at least TRY to write something good!!

Anyway, the cast is all here, again, and they're not unlike the line of lower-income, shady low-lifes I see waiting outside the Department of Labor office every morning to pick up their unemployment checks. I don't think these guys even bother auditioning for other parts anymore, they're all blacklisted for life. There's Lt. Harris, once funny and a believable antagonist, now a cartoonish straight man to his bumbling apprentice Proctor, the two of them like some ill-fated and painfully unfunny Abbot & Costello bit that goes on too long. Way, way, waaaaay too long. There's Hightower, for the sixth time, he's big and black. Really big and black. Ha-ha-ha. Hooks and Tackleberry are here, oh Lord, don't forget about Hooks and Tackleberry...she's mousy and timid but sometimes she yells loudly, and T-man, he's a walking arsenal who loves guns! Most interesting though is Nick McCoy (I can't remember the character name) who's simply a modern replacement for Steve Guttenberg and his Carey Mahoney. Both are bright-eyed and boyish, both the unofficial leader of the gang. Put all these guys together and you have...well, you have...you have a cast, I guess.

Police Academy 6 should have been the end. The sad, painful end to a once respectable series (meaning the first P.A. only) that had gone on seemingly forever, like that old uncle who lives in Jersey who's 103 and can't walk or talk, just lays in bed and mumbles in pain with everyone waiting for him to pass on and finally be at peace. Instead, a seventh police academy was made. It never made it to the theaters and I have yet to see it, but I remember seeing its preview in the movies some years back...as soon as the title and Robert Folk's Academy March started, a universal groan filled the theater. I think the marketing execs were in that theater and got the idea. But don't worry, Academy fans, I'm sure there'll be an eighth and a ninth, and a tenth...it will outlive us all, this series. And true genius is never recognized in its own time.

"Police Academy" has some good lines and great bits, no doubt about it. In fact, G.W. Bailey's Lt. Harris is one of my all-time favorite comedic villains, and his clashes with Steve Guttenberg's Carey Mahoney are just pure fun. The completely unbelievable rioters towards the end (the hundreds of low income urban white guys on a rioting rampage) exhibit some bad casting, but what film is without fault? Besides, this is a slapstick comedy of the 80's era. And c'mon, Robert Folk's marches for this film (heard most prominently at the beginning) should be considered one of Hollywood's most enjoyable themes in the world of movie scoring.

However, what should've been a ruby in director Hugh Wilson's crown as one of his earliest movie-making achievements, the film losses a lot of its charm with the knowledge of the bastard children it would go on to spawn. The "Police Academy" sequels have become somewhat notorious as being the very essense of what makes a bad sequel really bad. Each one became gradually poorer in writing and casting, especially in writing. Each one demonstrates the true desperateness of the cast as the more employable actors left (well, more employable ACTOR, if he can even be called that: Steve Guttenberg). In each sequel, the supporting cast for the most part return, like glutoness, yet starving, stray dogs. Like a drunk vagrant dancing and singing for quarters, Tackleberry is still the big crazy guy who likes guns, Jones the whacky black guy who makes sounds, and Callhan, the chick with the big breasts. And by the way, Groundhog Dave is one of those cast members, I think....hs words read like the back cover of Police Academy 6....

"Purgatory" has an interesting premise and wonderful potential. However, it suffers from the handicap that is epidemic among TNT Originals...not enough money. With a bigger, more generous budget, this movie could be serious entertainment. Better music, better special effects, and for God's sake, maybe a re-write or two! "Purgatory" sets things up nicely and simply, but allows the audience to ask questions that are left bare and just never answered: are the townspeople of Refuge dead? Or are they half-dead? The evil gang of bank robbers threaten to plunder the town at the end, and kill anyone standing in their way. Buuuut...aren't they already dead? Or half-dead? If they were killed, wouldn't it just speed up their passage to Heaven? I'm not really sure. Whatever makes you feel better, I suppose. Composer Brad Fieldel, once James Cameron's main musical man (until "Titantic" and James Horner came along), comes up with some great cues that very much enhance the whole mystical, supernatural feeling of the movie. Even with the little money he had to work with. But when the action scenes come along, case-in-point the big shootout in the streets at the end, the music is far-too-slow, and far-too-synth. It bogs down what's happening, which seems to be a greatly-choreographed fight scene.

The acting is nothing spectacular, other than Eric Roberts, who's one of the most authentic-looking Old West bad guys I've seen in awhile. Sam Sheppard also fits the bill well, as the unarmed, gentle Sheriff who resembles Wild Bill Hickock. The low point in this department is Randy Quaid's Doc Holliday. There's no real fire in his performance, and worse, he appears to be going for Val Kilmer's brilliant, tongue-in-cheek portrayal of the dry-witted gunslinger, from the same film mentioned earlier. You gotta have a smudge of originality when doing a role that's been done recently before. "Purgatory" is a fresh jump-start not only for the Western genre itself, but for TNT and their originals, which have been declining slowly as of late. Maybe someday twenty years down the road it will be re-made by an ever creativity-lacking Hollywood as a bigger, better vehicle. Wouldn't that be cool?

Obviously I was not there...but neither was John, thus the point of my mini-essay. He was confusing historical authority (saying what did and did not happen) with a personal opinion of stuff he did not like in the film. Let's nip this in the bud and lay the matter to rest...this is a forum to say how you felt about the movie, not people's self-knowledge of what did or didn't happen at the battle itself.

We need Keaton/Burton, stat!! I don't think Gotham City was ever meant to be the Las Vegas/Vaudeville celebration of color and production design creativity as it is in this movie. Though Schumacker should get a nod for trying to take a new direction in the Batman franchise, it just doesn't work. And to do this loud, over-budget and campy mess again in "Batman And Robin", someone should really send Schumacker to the showers!! Enough is enough, man! Burton's vision was the best, and even HIS sequel didn't match up to the brooding, sometimes tongue-in-cheek thrills and chills of the original. Val Kilmer is simply accumulating wealth in this one, and I can't tell which is more flat: his Batman or his Bruce Wayne. (I believe Kilmer got a whopping 7 million for this waste of time and energy! How much money can one person possibly have??) Skip this one and do your part to discourage future Schumaker Batman's. If Tim Burton won't come back, let's try out someone new to helm the next installment! (And c'mon...Danny Elfman's scoring to "Batman" is like decorations on a Christmas tree...his theme should likewise be brought back)

Kevin Williamson writes this one with all the wit and suspense of "Scream", but without the latter's tenseness and grim mood. "The Faculty" is not just about aliens taking over people's bodies, but the alienation we all go through in some form or another during the high school experience. Robert Rodriguez seems to have lost his independent film edge and directs by the book (it's still effective, though it would be interesting to see otherwise), and Elijah Wood retains the childhood likability that made him so enjoyable in the past. It's interesting to note that the acting debut of Usher Raymond (the singer) is really no more than an extended cameo. It's almost as though he were cast in the film as a favor for either him or his agent, as what many directors do with relatives or friends they may owe. An enjoyable flick and a good time at the theater.

"Patch Adams" I'm sure has well intentions, and it's nice to see a quiet, no-frills movie about good people doing good things, especially in our cynical day, but c'mon...if this doesn't look like the most pretentious veichle for Robin Williams, what does? Williams plays Hunter "Patch" Adams, a mental patient turned med student who believes in treating patients with laughter and showing them signs of glowing life, unlike those other establishment-type doctors...they're too square, man! But watching such heart-felt and completely cliched scenes such as Doc Adams bringing laughter to the sick children's ward by jumping and rolling around screaming, or reciting poetry over a beloved friend's coffin, combined with composer Marc Shaiman's usual heart-tugging score, which, in this film, if I had to give one word to describe would be REPETETIVE (I've never seen Shaiman in this type of unoriginal and almost lazy form before), "Patch Adams" rubs off like a big budget, expanded tv movie, gooey and weepy, warm and fuzzy, the likes that will have "Lifetime Television" execs drooling for similar projects.

Williams still has lots of energy, and Bob Gunton still has the evil charm (I truly hope the typecasting will soon stop for him...he's a talented actor and deserves to stretch his acting legs a little bit more than see-through roles like these) but "Patch Adams" is just too manipulating for me. For demonstrating how endlessly lovable Robin Williams really is, I'll take "What Dreams May Come" or even "Cadillac Man" over this literal fluff.

Now I usually despise nitpicking in forums like these, but... John from Austin, Texas' claimed that "Gettysburg" is "revisionist history at its worst"...what movie were you watching, John?? I can't think of a more grossly exaggerated line than that! John must be reminded that "Gettysburg" was a Hollywood feature film production, and not a play-by-play documentary narrated by eye-witnesses. Even without stating that fact, "Gettysburg" is remarkable for its accuracy, ESPECIALLY as Hollywood films go. John claims Longstreet did in fact favor a different strategy than Lee, but there's no evidence that supports he didn't accepted it. So what does that mean? Whether Longstreet accepted it or not is a moot point. A) Longstreet was a human being like you and me and did not shout out every thought or disagreement he had floating around his head, especially if the disagreement is with a highly respected superior, and B) this is a movie, and movies tend to have personal conflicts for the benefit of a storyline. The fact that Longstreet favored another strategy alone is grounds enough to assume he didn't accept the opposing strategy personally. Chamberlain is slammed by John as a stuttering idiot...what stuttering or stammering was in the film was a clever touch by actor Jeff Daniels to make Col. Chamberlain more real to the audience, and thus more vulnerable. As well, the speech he made, how do we know if he made it or not? Were you there, John? Do you think every spoken line was written down in 1863? Regardless, its a movie, and the speech was a development of character and a vehicle for the modern day audience to further understand the causes of the war and the countless men enlisted in it. I also failed to see when the Federal troops were portrayed in the movie as though they were on a holy crusade...I was a participant in the filming, and can tell you first hand there was no such atmosphere, nor were we given any such direction; I can't even see this coming across once during the film. As a final point (I'm trying to be quick, I can go on), Hancock's line of "There are times when a corps commander's life does not count" was something the real Hancock was quoted as saying during the actual battle; it was not made up Hollywood fluff as you'd like to believe.

John's comments are both fiery and exaggerated, and while I respect his opinion on whether he liked or didn't like the film, I believe he basically sat down expecting a 4 hour and 8 minute truth-telling history lesson without extensive knowledge of the battle in the first place (this is not meant to be a personal attack, how many of us really do have such a knowledge?) or a well-enough understanding of Michael Shaara's novel on which the film was based on, almost more so than the battle itself.

Director John Gray, after his last two mediocre-at-best theatrical efforts "Born To Be Wild" and "The Glimmer Man", returns to his tv-directing roots with "The Day Lincoln Was Shot", a fascinating look at one of our country's most famous assassinations. When you watch a good movie, you usually go through the motions: suspense, awe, tragedy (or at least mild sadness), and hopefully in the process crack a smile or two. While no brilliant cinematic triumph, "The Day Lincoln Was Shot" more or less manages to achieve those basic standards, and nowadays, that's no easy feat. What helps it achieve that, though, are two vital factors that elude most modern Hollywood projects: great subject material and great casting. The material is obvious, and should be interesting to most anyone who has even the vaguest knowledge of American history. As for casting, "Millennium" star Lance Henriksen finally lands a fresh role as the Sixteenth President, and it's a startling discovery to find that Mr. Henriksen has been seemingly born with the precise facial mold of good ol' Honest Abe himself, and that it's taken so long for someone to notice! Just add beard, costume and viola! While still playing a dark role, there's a spark to Mr. Henriksen's Lincoln, that makes him alive and real, and more importantly, human. Rob Morrow is John Wilkes Booth, the actor gone bad, who, as we see here, is not just a cardboard borderline psychotic, rather, there's a method to his madness, a motive that fringes on being understandable that brings a freshness to the scenes Morrow steals; it's a relief to see him playing someone other than a smug yuppie trapped in our society. All in all, John Gray has been blessed with the gift of story-telling brevity, and we get a satisfying tv-viewing experience in one evening, not two or three or four, as is the growing tradition for TNT films...done sparingly, this is a treat for the audience.

"Andersonville" is John Frankenheimer's most pivotal step in his quest to regain a perch on Hollywood's "A" list of directors, and he is in true Frankenheimer form in this latest of TNT, Civil War-oriented mini-series. Quite simply, it's about a group of Union soldiers and their span of a year doing hard time in the most infamous of Southern prison camps, and one of the most infamous of prison camps in recorded history, Andersonville, Georgia. Andersonville the prison is literally a fenced-in cesspool of humanity: it's grossly overcrowded, there's not enough food to go around, there's no shelter from the heat or cold, the creek used for drinking water is the same used as a latrine by the camp's entire population, and, on top of all this, there's a vicious gang of marauding prisoner's that prey on their weaker counterparts, taking their clothing and what little food they may have for themselves. I began watching this film expecting a smaller, tamer, less original version of "The Shawshank Redemption", and at several points you'll think likewise: we witness acts of both harsh brutality and stirring compassion, and follow our hero's as they decline physically and struggle to succeed morally. But the period setting and the freshness of the subject make it appealing more often than not. What's interesting about this big-budget, well-hyped production, though, is that the entire cast are relative unknowns, the lead role being held by a young Broadway actor named Jarrod Emick, who's acting demonstrates he is just that: a Broadway actor. He projects his voice and over-emphasizes words as though onstage, and when a dramatic monologue is in order, his facial contortions rival the worst case of constipation one can imagine. The length of "Andersonville" is a problem, as after awhile it just runs out of stuff to say, and appears to be chipping away at the minutes until the conclusion. After all, how many scenes can one sit through of watching deteriorating men rot away in sheets of rain or stifling holes in the ground . . . look for a deliciously vicious role by Frederick Coffin as the evil prison gang's leader, and William Sanderson as his cowardly right hand man. There's also a small role by William H. Macy as a Confederate prison inspector who discovers the camp's horrors and condemns it . . . great score by Gary Chang.

This movie's major flaw, other than the early release date in a shameless attempt to get the jump on the holiday movie dollar, and the utterly cliched writing that makes for scenes more sappy than a Vermont Maplewood, is the casting of Johnathan Taylor Thomas as the lead. Thomas, still his gravelie voiced, smart-alecky, "Home Improvement"-type self, just doesn't work with the material given to him. He's playing a smug pretty-boy with all the connections and all the answers, and he comes off more snotty than charming. Mainly because his one-liners just aren't funny. His smugness is un-amusing. There's no biting intelligent sarcasm, nor razor sharp wit or funny facial expressions. He's more like a spoiled 16-year old trying to be funny in front of dad's camcorder. Director Arlene Sanford, who's past efforts behind the camera have consisted mainly of tv sitcoms and hour-long dramas such as "Ally McBeal" and "Caroline In The City", does manage to pull off a few heart-warming holiday moments (aided greatly by composer John Debney's trademark gooey scoring), and even manages to make Jennifer Biel of "7th Heaven" fame interesting, mostly when she's in scenes without J.T.T. Kudos also to Sanford for casting Gary Cole in her film; even though his role is limited and largely unimportant, he's a talented actor who deserves more exposure than he gets. If it's Christmas Eve and you're in the mood to be pumped up for the holiday and sick of "Its A Wonderful Life", than "I'll Be Home For Christmas" is for you. Otherwise, wait for the next theatrical Christmas vehicle...without good looking teenagers from tv in the lead.

The above/below comments are obviously written by someone directly associated with the show, if its not a complete reprint of an NBC press release. I have yet to watch a vaguely realistic episode of this show (though I admit I don't watch often), nor crack a smile from the flatly delivered "safe" jokes. It's a routine and predictable teen-oriented sitcom, and like all of Peter Engel's routine and predictable efforts, follows a routine and predictable formula...destined never to be taken seriously by anyone living in the real world.

"I Know What You Did Last Summer" has always been "Scream"'s dimmer cousin, but the sequel to "Summer" breaks new ground in really bad sequel/spin-off movie making. With Kevin Williamson gone from the project, "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" relies solely on slow walks through dimly lit corridors, that will more often than not end with an almost painfully loud orchestra crash. That's pretty much it. Like clockwork, every ten friggin' minutes. If the music score was taken away entirely, don't think there would be much of a movie, just a series of screams and random, predictable violence that becomes tiring way before the conclusion...you know Hewitt will survive, and you know the killer will survive as well, Hollywood execs will NEVER EVER turn their backs on the possibility of making more money and REALLY milking this pathetic franchise. Hopefully, ticket sales will be less than desirable and we'll all be spared from further "Summer" projects...though seeing Miss Hewitt in a bra and g-string was entertaining...

One Final Note: In the end sequence in the new house, when Hewitt's fiancee is brushing his teeth, how in the hell does the bathroom door lock from the outside??

"Mark Twain's America" is more A&E Biography than it is spectacular Imax 3-D entertainment. Sure, its interesting enough, and sure you walk out with a better understanding of our distant yester-year and famed author Mark Twain, but "Wings Of Courage" or "Everest" it is not. There are no avalanches coming down on us, nor wild tumbles down mile-high mountains. What this latest IMAX effort does have, though, is black and white photos of the Twain-ster himself and other semi-familiar historic glimpses of the past, digitally transferred to a 3-D format to create a startling realness. As a mild fan of Mr. Twain myself, and a mild American history buff as well, I found my eyes wide at the remarkable effect of the photos in 3-D, and my attention was held for some time; until the minutes kept ticking by, and the novelty of wearing 3-D glasses began to fade, and director Stephen Low's endless assortment of photos kept coming with the narrational talents of Anne Bancroft droning on... Mercifully, Mr. Low does cut in live action footage to break up the monotony and take advantage of shooting a 3-D film. The Civil War re-enactment battle scenes are particularly enjoyable, as well as some 19th century ballroom dance sequences. Combined with these are scenes of modern day Hannibal, Missouri, Twain's own birthplace, which give a somewhat confusing affect. The whole point the film stresses is the past that was the world of Mark Twain, and it seemingly cries out to the audience to allow yourself to be swept away and immersed in a time long gone...yet when we're not watching modern day parades and modern day youngins' frolicing in rivers, we have Anne Bancroft's voice similar to that of a principal's voice over a P.A. system telling us that the scenes we're watching supposedly set in 1860-something are "just recreations, the people we're seeing are just actors pretending to be in the past"...so what's up with that?? It's really the film's only sore point, and that should be placed on the shoulders of Low, who, on his way to a documentary IMAX film touchdown, fumbles the ball he has placed in his own hands, and leaves us only vaguely satisfied at the hurried conclusion the movie has. Special mention should be made of Alan Williams' heartfelt score...I predict we will be seeing, or hearing rather, a lot of his work in the near future.

Just what the American tv viewing public has been in dire need of...another Saturday morning, teen-oriented "sitcom" from the master of the medium, Hollywood outcast extraordinaire, Peter Engel, creator of the "Saved By The Bell" series, a franchise that has no doubt made him richer than he ever imagined and spawned a collection of similar projects from his frighteningly unoriginal mind, the latest of which is this laughable effort, "One World". Once more, a cast of about seven or so well-groomed, well-mannered and extremely well dressed "teens" (I put the word in quotes because there are at least 3 cast members that look well over 20) who struggle with that pesky thing called a conscious as they get into such life-shaping and soul-searching situations like...finding the PERFECT gift for their foster dad, or...learning to live with the rebellious new girl, because she's rude with an AT-TI-TUDE, GIRLFRIEND!!! But the real kicker about this show is the overall premise...the teens are all orphans and/or troubled kids living in a huge three story house with their foster parents, who I suppose just woke up one day and said "Honey, let's forget about kids of our own! Let's just welcome in as many ethnically diverse juvinile delinquents and orphans the state has to offer!!" And thus this brilliant filler of a half hour was born, complete with the good ol' Engel touch of mixing in some adults to balance the viewing balance...and like past Engel triumphs, the adults here have been seemingly pulled at random out of crowds at shopping malls or movie theaters, because if they can be called actors, I have a pet parrot that can deliver embarrassingly awkward jokes more flatly. However, I get the feeling Mr. Engel's intentions are, in fact, good...after all, behind each storyline is a very thinly veiled morality message, and kids do need that. Its sort of a "Sesame Street" for teens, only without the Jim Henson wit...and creativity...and decent writing...mediorce lighting...I could go on...but I'm going to get work on making my own sitcom. Because apparently anyone who speaks the King's English can...

"Son Of The Morning Star" is by all accounts and definitions an epic. With a period backdrop, compelling characters, a cast of thousands and a span of ten years, "Morning Star" fits the mold of almost every made-for-tv-mini series. Yet you can't help but feel it's being confined on the small screen like a belt that's too tight on you. It has the look and feel of a theatrical feature, and would seem so much bigger on the big screen. But Mike Robe's gigantic effort is no movie of the week basic network fodder. It's the post-Civil War story of General George Armstrong Custer, his lovely and loyal wife Libbie, and Custer's Indian equivalent Crazy Horse, and the interesting chain of events that lead the two warriors to the gentle slopes of the Little Big Horn, or, more popularly, Custer's Last Stand. But, as the Indian female narrator Kate Bighead tells us, "it was not [Custer's] last stand...it was ours". The first half of the film seems somewhat confused of its real direction, and it's pretty much the movies only flaw. We meet the characters, soak in the rich setting of the western plains of our country, and are led through such happenings as Custer's court martialing for his harsh treatment on deserters, the training of his 7th cavalry, the somewhat flawed presidency of Ulysses S. Grant, who, apparently, is quite the anti-Custer, and to a lesser extent to all of this, the early days of the Cheyenne warrior Crazy Horse, played by underrated Native American actor Rodney A. Grant (Wind In His Hair from "Dances With Wolves", which is what I believe ultimatly helped greenlight this production). But besides that jumbled storyline, which really isn't all that jumbled, there are first rate acting scenes displayed by Gary Cole as our arrogant blond hero, who seems to really know his stuff when it comes to first person impressions. Rosanna Arquette is just going through the motions, and so is Dean Stockwell as Custer's superior in Washington, General Sheridan. But the real reward for sticking through this movie is the heart-wrenching climax of all movie climaxes, the Battle of Little Big Horn. Custer's actual Last Stand isn't until the final half hour, but boy is it worth the wait. Mike Robe really deserves some, heck, A LOT of credit for this logistical nightmare of a production. He takes us through Custer's final moments with true skill and utter authority. Combined with the poetic and professional lens job done by director of photography Kees Van Oostrum, and a lush orchestral score by Craig Safan, "Son Of The Morning Star" is a real piece of work, and should be considered a genuine cinematic triumph in the annals of western and dramatic film. Kudos, guys.