Reviews

This is one of those movies made up mostly of acts playing for the screen. But most of them are lightweights or just plain bad! You may want to see it for Fats Domino, Joe Williams, Slim Whitman and Jerry Lee Lewis. There is also the "plot" to get in the way, too. It's about these two singing teenagers...only what they sing is a long way from "rock" and is a total miscalculation as to being included in this movie. They also end up being extremely annoying!

This Italian "documentary" is the best stripping movie I have ever seen. It stages stripteases through the ages: a cavewoman, during the french revolution, biblical times, ancient egypt, etc, etc all the way up to the future (a striptease for aliens on another planet). The narration is witty, the girls are beautiful. There could be little more you'd want in such a film.

This movie is pretty darn delightful, right from the first scene where Mr. Tod Slaughter is seen hammering a spike into an unsuspectingly asleep man's head! He then impersonates the man, gaining admittance into the man's estate that had just been willed to him. You get to hear Tod say, "I'll feed your entrails to the pigs!"!! Don't pass up a chance to see it.

A spaceship on the way to populate the new world "Earth 2" endures a mutiny when the tyrannical leader tells a woman with a critical disease that she can't have a second child. People argue a lot. There is a "closed circuit man" (a head in a glass case) and people whose bodies have been frozen (to later be revived upon arrival). Not much to entertain or surprise here and almost what I would call a "non-ending". The most recognizable cast member to me was child actor Mark Lester.

Pretty boring Italian mystery. Lots of things happen that seem to have little relevance to the plot. When people are killed, their eyes are removed (the bad effects are shown graphically). Not much to reccommend here, even for fans of Italian mysteries ("giallos").

While not a classic like some of his other films, this is still a fine Russ Meyer movie with all the things you would expect: great characters, wild dialogue and women that make you lick your lips. If you are a fan you won't be disappointed.

I just finished watching an exercise in tedium, STEREO. I'm a fan of David Cronenberg and while I certainly appreciate the fact that this is an early film of his, made for almost no money, that doesn't change the fact that it is totally boring! People do almost nothing while a voiceover tells us about some experiments that are being done in a research center. For 60 minutes. I'm 5 minutes into CRIMES OF THE FUTURE right now and it looks like it could be better.

I have immensely enjoyed some of director Leon Klimovsky's horror films, but this one is too melodramatic to be a good horror film. It concerns a woman (Emma Cohen) falling in love with an aristocratic-type vampire and the tragedy that ensues. There is one effective scene in a cemetary, but even such scenes as this are shot too dark to really be of any merit. A missed opporitunity; it could have been much better.

I enjoyed it very much. I assume this was the earliest of the bunch of muscleman films that became increasingly popular with the release of the Hercules with Steve Reeves. It starts out a bit slow, but Ulysses' voyage is done wonderfully. The highlight of course is the cyclops that takes him and his men prisoner. The effects are well done, as is the cyclops make-up. Kirk Douglas makes a good Ulysses and Silvana Mangano is beautiful as his wife Penelope and seductive in the second role of the witch, Circe. If you enjoy these kinds of films, this is one of the good ones.

This was Joe's last try at a horror movie and it's an average one. The film starts out very, very slow and then after the halfway point, it gets a little more exciting when the actual horror plot kicks in. At that point it got a little nostalgic, I felt like I was watching the Euro-trash that came out in the early 80's. That was a nice feeling.

It's true - not a day goes by practically that I don't quote this movie in my everyday conversation. From "You owe me one gumball machine" to "You buy a hat like this you get a free bowl of soup with it", I have the dialogue from this film embedded in my brain. First saw this movie on a network TV showing in 1982 or 1983 and watched it countless times. Only recently (1994) did I finally see it uncut and the stuff I didn't know about just made the film greater. All the comedians are at their very best - and no one ever mentions how great Ted Knight is in this!! Even the soundtrack is excellent! I ain't payin' 50 cents for no Coke!

A very funny movie. Dennis Morgan and Jack Carson are two guys who want to put on a musical, but they need a backer. Also hindering their plans is an orchestra conductor (S.Z. Sakall) who lives next door and doesn't like their "noise". Morgan simply has the conductor's daughter (Martha Vickers) - who is also an opera singer - fall in love with him. Then everyone gets along fine. Lots of good one-liners - Sakall gets a lot of the laughs. One of my favorite actresses, Janis Paige, also appears, as one of the show's stars (and Carson's girlfriend, if I remember correctly). There's one number that Morgan sings in blackface and there's a big production number with all the dancing girls dressed as cows that has just got to be seen to be believed! The only time I was bored was during the tap dancing - I have trouble watching that. Keep your ears clear for the best line, spoken by Vickers to Morgan - "I don't want the best, I want you!". I could say something similar to this film.

I just finished watching Star Portal less than five minutes ago, and as Athena Massey says, "I needed to contact my people". This is not a great film, but as a film that keeps you interested in what will happen next, it is a good film. It's from one of Roger Corman's companies (footage from Battle Beyond the Stars is once again "borrowed" to pad one of his sci-fi movies out), and has some plot elements in common with Not of This Earth. Athena Massey is very enjoyable in the role of the alien that comes to Earth accidently and must live on the blood of humans in order to survive. Steven Bauer plays the doctor who falls in love with her. Some of the dialogue is pretty stupid, but the fact that Massey talks like someone who doesn't have the best grip on the English language makes for a lot of the movie's humor. Worth a watch.

A very campy jungle film, with a woman whose husband has disappeared hiring a guide to try to help her find him. When they find him, he's got a jungle bride and she decides to marry the guide. I enjoyed this movie a lot.