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Rumor Has It... (2005)
Another mediocre Reiner film
What in God's name has happened to Rob Reiner? In the early part of his career, he was a can't-miss kind of director. From "This Is Spinal Tap" to "A Few Good Men," his directing was infallible. And then... what? I guess someone turned off the spinal humor tap.
"Rumor Has It..." is boring. Boring, boring, boring. Romantic comedy? Ha! It's not romantic, and the packed theater I saw it in was shockingly devoid of laughter. The three big laughs the movie DID get just highlighted the fact that no one was laughing through the rest of the show.
Worst of all, throughout "Rumor Has It..." the characters reference other movies. Every time it happens you'll think, "Yeah...I'd rather be watching that than this." This is a movie to avoid.
Signs (2002)
AAAAAA!!!
Okay, yes, I'll admit it. I know it's not a manly thing to say, but I think I screamed in fright during this movie. I say "think I screamed" because
everyone else around me was screaming so loudly that I'm not positive any
sound actually came out. I might have just gasped for air.
M. Night Shyamalan is actually making me feel bad as a video producer.
Whenever I see some hack like Michael Bay take a movie with a $140 million
budget like "Pearl Harbor" and steer it into the ground, I think "I could have trashed a movie for $140 million!" By comparison, Shyamalan's "Signs" was
made for $62 million, probably could have been made for a tenth of that if no- name actors would have been used, and was simple enough to have been shot
on someone's camcorder. Yet his knowledge of how to pull an audience's
strings makes this the best movie of the summer.
Go see it with a big crowd. That'll hide your screams.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
Episode II: The Apology
I'm going to take a little different approach here and comment on other people's criticisms...
1. Is AOTC's love story "clunky?" Well, on a scale of "Say Anything" being a 10, and "Pearl Harbor" being a 1, I'd give AOTC's love story about a 6. It's not great, sometimes it's even a little stilted, but unlike PH, at least it doesn't grind the movie to a halt.
2. Does the dialogue seem forced? Sometimes, yes. But not distractingly so. It's not as colorful as some of the earlier Star Wars movies. It serves mainly to advance the plot (and boy, is there a lot of plot). But at least it's not stupid. Stilted I can handle. Stupid I hate.
3. But does it look good? Two words: Eye. Candy. You've never seen anything like it. And ultimately this is its strongest suit. Yes the love story and dialogue are average, but the plot and action are great. And admit it, that's what you want to see, right? 8 out of 10.
Jurassic Park III (2001)
A great guilty pleasure.
Okay, there's not a lot of character development, and there's not even a lot of plot ("We're in the middle of the island, let's get to the shore"), but let's be honest...you're not really going to see JP3 for character development, are you?
Honestly, Jurassic Park III surprised me because I thought I'd hate the people a lot more (as in JP2), but director Joe Johnstone treats all of the characters pretty much as filler to get us to the next dino chase scene. God bless him for that.
The dialogue is neither brilliant nor teeth-clenchingly stupid; it's merely adequate to move the simple plot along. Don't expect to be enriched intellectually after leaving, but damn if I didn't have a good time! In a summer full of movies pretending to be more than they are, it's refreshing to see something like JP3 that is satisfied with just providing 90 minutes of cheap thrills. It may not be great, but at least it's honest.
Planet of the Apes (2001)
It looks great! And the script? It looks great!
I can't say I didn't enjoy POTA, but it's not really groundbreaking either. Yes, the apes look great and yes, the sets look great, but do ANY movies really look bad anymore? Especially ones that cost this much.
I'm usually pretty forgiving about overlooking minor plot holes, but after a while in POTA, you reach a breaking point. Other people here have provided plenty of spoilers, so I don't think I need to detail them.
Ultimately it comes down to this: should you see it in the theater? I'd say yes, but barely. It's a big-screen kind of flick. But once it gets to the rental store, you'd be better off renting the original.
The Dish (2000)
Great movie!
Sometimes, after seeing a lot of bad movies in a row, I kind of start to lose faith and wonder if I'm setting my standards too high. Then I see something like "The Dish" and realize that someone else's standards must be too low. I hate to use adjectives like "quirky" because that makes it sounds like only those who like "films" instead of "movies" would like it. But I'm a popcorn-eating kind of movie reviewer and, although I'll pay good money to watch stuff blow up, I had a blast at this movie. It's really funny without being mean, and it actually left me with a big smile on my face when I left the theater. And isn't that what a "popcorn flick" is all about?
Pearl Harbor (2001)
Sneak in for the good parts then leave
There's really no point in sticking around for three hours, as there's not three hours worth of compelling story. I know, I know..."it's just a popcorn movie." What a cop out. People who use this phrase as an excuse for bad movies will just end up getting more bad movies. "Pearl Harbor" was just bad, plain and simple. The actual attack scenes are spectacular (and 90 minutes after the starting time...plan your sneaking in accordingly), but even those are ruined by the main characters talking.
Here's the breakdown: The good part of "Pearl Harbor," the attack, lasts about 40 minutes. The rest of the three hour movie is a bad, bad love story. The dialogue is wooden, the situations aren't believable, and after a while, you just wish the Japanese would finish them ALL off. None of the actors can act, but even if they could, the editing is so choppy you'd never be able to tell.
Michael Bay is a great technical director, but he doesn't know how to tell a story. Shaking the camera does not an action scene make. With the exception of the attack (which I suspect was choreographed by the artists at ILM), the action is incomprehensible. You never can see who's doing what to whom.
So yes...stuff blowing up is cool, but the love story is so sticky it's like watching a bad episode of "Felicity." My advice is to show up 90 minutes late, watch the attack, then leave the theater and get a refund. Trust me. You'll be much happier this way.
Summer of Sam (1999)
What a waste of celluoid
In the end, I just couldn't take it anymore. Or maybe I should say, in the MIDDLE, I just couldn't take it anymore. I can't remember another movie I've actually stopped watching in the middle because it was so bad. I don't have a problem with sex, profanity, or extreme violence in films, but "Summer of Sam" used all three to a blatantly stupid effect. One-half hour into the film, no violent, sexual, or profane act portrayed either shocked or titallated me, and one hour into the film it even stopped surprising me that they were so bad. By the 1 1/2-hour-mark, it was clear that the only way to save the movie was if the Son of Sam were to brutally slay all of the major characters. However, since that seemed unlikely, I did the smart thing and gave up. I suggest you do the same.
The Matrix (1999)
Pure Eye Candy
The Matrix is probably the best-looking movie I've seen since Dark City, and it may actually be better looking. There is not a single shot in this movie that hasn't been thought of stylistically, and it shows.
And the plot? Well, when you think about it later, you will kind of wish that the last third of the movie had been as intellectual as the first two-thirds. But that's only later. When you're actually watching it, all those thoughts of "why didn't he..." will be blown away by jaw-dropping action scenes.
That's not a major flaw, though, just a slight one. Certainly not enough to keep this from being a must-see. This is easily the best action movie of the year so far.
Mad Max 2 (1981)
Not just a mindless action flick
Now I give this movie a 10 out of 10. I used to only give it an 8. Why the change? Easy. I watched the little things.
Those of you who haven't seen it, stop reading now. But for those of you who have...
The first 8 of that ten comes from spectacular action sequences. Anyone can see those. What the other 2 points comes from is the subtle things that director George Miller slipped in there that you would only notice the second time you watch.
Missed by almost everyone else's comments is that "The Road Warrior" is simply a locked room puzzle. The good guys have the gas and want to escape from their compound to "the coast." But if they try to leave, they will surely be killed by the savages waiting outside who only want their gas. Their solution is completely unexpected, yet when you watch it again, it is telegraphed the entire movie.
For instance, when Pappagallo is giving an inspirational speech to the good guys about how "that vehicle" is going to haul their gas to the coast, the vehicle in the background is NOT the tanker, as it should be, but instead the school bus that eventually takes them, and the gas, to freedom.
And what will the tanker be hauling? Notice the day before the escape when Pappagallo talks about driving the tanker with Max. He stares blankly into an hourglass, filled with SAND. He already knows he's not coming back, as his diversionary tactic will surely get him killed.
Anyone who claims "The Road Warrior" is merely a testosterone-laden guy flick should watch it again. What it REALLY is is the tightest, smartest, pure-action movie ever made. No moment is without significance. No moment is wasted. It is a testament that every post-apocalyptic movie is referred to as "The-Road-Warrior-on-'x'." The next time you watch it, REALLY watch it. You'll find there's more there than you ever thought there was before.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)
The worst movie I've ever seen.
After 20 minutes, I started checking my watch. After one hour, I was trying to think of where else I could go if I just left my friends at the theater. As opposed to doing something more entertaining like hanging out in the lobby, I toughed it out. Man, am I sorry. I would rather watch a Highlander 2 marathon than see this movie again. Stay away!