CaZSuede's Reviews

Xenosaga: The Animation (2005– )

6/10

Awesome potential, let down by cheesy metaphysics and confusing plot

7 February 2009

This series will make sense to those who have played the game, but for "virgins" like me, it is not the most understanding plot line. The plot takes place 4000 year after the Earth is wiped out (it is not clear in the series what wiped out the Earth), and humanity is spread over the galaxy. There are several classes of people, from soldiers fighting for the Federation, workers for Vector Industries, Realiens who are designed humans, Androids, Cyborgs, a dimensional race called Gnosis, People working for U-Tic (bad guys), The Kukai foundation (good or bad?). They are looking for the Zohan (not Adam Sandler) and they only have zohan avatars (I don't know who made them or what they actually do, but they have Jewish characters on them).

It's a confusing mess and the way the plot unwinds doesn't help. It makes assumptions that you know what is going on, when new characters suddenly appear, or when a flashback happens. The problem is that the series (which is only 10-25 min episodes should be 2~3 seasons long (30~50 episodes) where the complex plot can be explained and flashbacks unveiled. It has the possibility to become an excellent show, but it seems that the producers wanted to finish with the series and move to their next project.

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Just Friends (I) (2005)

6/10

Funny, and relevant, but the Hollywood machine hurts it.

12 March 2008

The saying "Nice Guys finish last" has a lot of meaning in this movie. Chris, a real nice guy who has crush on his HS best friend is stuck in the Friend Zone. A netherworld where a woman sees the ideal guy.....but just not as a boyfriend.

He leaves HS and goes off and becomes an executive and due to some twist of fate, ends up back in his hometown in NJ and coming face to face with Jamie.

Of course, he is a buff, but arrogant man and his dating tricks don't seem to work, since she still sees him as the sensitive, nice guy that she was friends with.

The movie is funny, in sort of a mix between light comedy and Van Wilder and there are some LOL scenes in the movie that I didn't expect to see. Amy Smart is just about perfect in this role, as the "real" GF that character Chris Brander (Ryan Reynolds) pines over and doesn't know how to act around. Brander only know how to deal with superficial girls that have no meaning to him.

Ryan Reynolds does a good, but not great job as Brander. He is witty and funny and is fearless when it comes to self-deprecation. His problem is that he is just not really that sympathetic and his character comes across as bland in many scenes.

I had real issues with a lot of the script. I can tell this script was touched by studio hands and that execs were screaming "We need wacky characters! We need contrived scenes involving kids and Christmas ornaments!" The story had a strong core, which involved the longing of Chris for Jamie, but is muddled by the introduction of Cartoon character Samantha (Anna Faris) and typical jerk Dusty (Chris Klein).

If this was an independent movie, I feel it would have been a lot better. If I were the writer, I would have made Dusty more true to being a competitor to Jamie's heart. I would have made Anna be more bitchy, but not cartoon-y with Chris' job in her hand, and I would lose the typical crazy mom, the dorky hockey scene, the idiotic Christmas eve scene and added more things that Chris and Jamie did in the past that made their friendship special to both of them

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Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

2/10

Stupidity Incarnate.

27 December 2007

Warning: Spoilers

There have been some good brother partnerships in the past. The Coen Brothers, the Wachowski's and the Hughes Brothers. The collaboration of siblings can add a dynamic element to the movie.

The Strause brothers are not one of them.

AVP-R was a mess. First of all it makes no sense. It takes place at the end of the first movie where this "A-P hybrid" is born (which is funny because in no where in the alien franchise has an alien hybrid mutated naturally), but when the dread locked superhunter sends out a distress signal, it get's the attention of just one Predator.

Even Danny Glover got more respect out of it. Of course, this hybrid is also a hybrid warrior-queen because it can lay it's own eggs, but for some reason, none of their offspring are hybrids, nor are they human-alien-predator hybrids, since pregnant women seems to be it's preferred burrowing hole it's gut pounding children.

Take that an a super-lame story of two brothers (of which there is a "Transformers" like subplot between one of the brothers and a Megan Fox wannabee with her jock boyfriend) who are on the wrong side of the law, but loved by the Sheriff (for some reason) and a paper thin attempt at emotion involving a soldier (why did Reiko, who was awesome in 24, take this role?) and her daughter and you have a movie that has no real plot. Add to this, some shady CIA type character, who just decides to nuke the whole town and then steal technology to give to a corporation seemed completely lame and unbelievable (I guess the President didn't want to be desired).

Even the predator, who acts like a member of CSI should have had the common sense to just nuke these sad characters from space and be done with it.

However, this was not the only problem with the movie. They really needed a lighting crew for this movie, cause they were not working in this movie. Everything was extremely dark and half the time, you didn't know what you were looking at and creatures are in darkness.

This is not helped by the fact that the editor of this movie had ADD. Compound this with two directors who don't seem to know how to direct an action scene (I mean W.S Anderson is a genius compared to these two) nor create any type of atmosphere, tension or dramatic effect and you are left with a movie that is flatter than a piece of sheet glass.

But the worst is the acting in this movie. Even given the fact that these "actors" were given jack to work with, the acting hits a razzy low with this. I mean, where the brothers recruited from a local Century City Starbucks? They have no inkling of acting, or trying to act. Even worse is the Sheriff, who gives the worst job this year as an actor portraying law enforcement.

And the ending....Like the first movie AVP, they try to get the Alient Quadrilogy association by including the Yutani corporation (Ellen Ripley was employed by the Yutani-Weyland Corporation), but seems like it was a cheap add in to end the movie. It's so eighties when they actually have a company that is named after an actual owner. Yutani Industries I'm sure what the company is called.

Please skip this movie, it is not worth your time. It has it's place with other lousy sequels like Saw 4, Hostel 2 and The Hills have eyes 2.

A place away from your eyes. I wish I could get the 1.5 hours of my life back again.

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Black Mask (1996)

2/10

A mess of a movie

17 May 1999

Jet Li, is one of the best hand to hand combat fighters in the world. He has been for over 20 years and he puts others in the genre to shame. While he is big in Asia, he is almost unknown here in the US.

Black Mask is supposed to be a breakout movie for him, but it fails horribly. First of all, it is dubbed. While it may have camp value (the dubbing isn't even close and it is flat in tone), it seems inappropriate for the ordinary movie viewer. Secondly, the director in this movie, Daniel Lee, does a horrible job. He cuts scenes so fast, at times, you don't know what's going on. Other times, the camera shakes and wobbles. Fans see Jet Li's movies for the fantastic martial arts. However, the director edits the scenes so fast that you don't even know who's who half the time! Other times, a scene is left hanging (ie Li is beginning to cut a hole in the floor of a jeep, while the badguys arm their guns, two seconds later, both Li and the love interest are already under the car!) Other scenes are so improbable, that they cross over the point of being completely ridiculous (killer CD roms? Just give him Throwing Stars!!!!). Li, needs a director who is less prone to machine gun cutting and more to creating a cinematic mise-a-scene. The added rap/techno music goes from being okay to intrusive. The plot has possibilities but are all squandered by cartoonish characters that take away from any credibility that this movie strives for. And are we really to believe that the love interest would not recognize Simon, because he has a half mask on? Wouldn't the hair, lower jaw, or voice give it away?

If you want to see a Jet Li movie, try Iron Monkey or his classic Shaolin Temple. This disjointed mess is a complete waste of time.....2/10

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Fame (1980)

This movie is Sooo New York!

29 March 1999

This movie is very flawed and outdated. It is very episodic and many of the episodes come out of nowhere and is inconsistent with the flow of the movie.

Having said that, this movie is rare for the Teen genre. It features mostly plain looking energetic people from a (refreshingly) varied background from the most multicultural city in the world. This movie has so much energy that you can't help but to root for these kids, who after they graduate will enter the hard life and will most likely, not achieve Fame.

This is one of the most 3 dimensional teen films to have come out of Hollywood in the last 20 years and filmmakers nowadays should have taken a lesson from this movie before making the current load of vapid teenflicks.

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The Burning Moon (1992)

4/10

Nasty movie

17 January 1999

It is an amateur movie, with non-actors in the role. The main character is a junkie, forced to babysit his little sister and he terrorizes her by telling horrific stories. There are 2 stories and first is about a psychotic serial killer who terrorizes his blind date and her family. The second is about a serial killer priest who rapes and murders to cleanse their souls.

It is very gory and boring in many parts. The second story has a extremely gory scene which is not for the faint of heart. However most of this movie is not worth watching.

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Enter the Devil (1974)

5/10

Soft-core horror.

17 January 1999

About a woman who restores a statue that is eventually possesses her.

The directing is a little above normal (for the genre that is) but this movie is boring and definitely belongs in the exploitation section of the video store. Cashing in on the Rocky horror picture show (the copy I got was not called the "Sexorcist", but the "Eerie Midnight Horror Show" it is supposidly a true story of a woman who gets possessed by the devil. The acting is mediocre all the way through, with the exception of Ivan Rassimov, who overplays the devil and is doing pretty good.

Try an Argento film instead.

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The Gingerbread Man (1998)

6/10

Disappointing film....

7 January 1999

It has the right mix. Robert Altman, while often hit and miss, was sort of on a streak. Kenneth Branaugh, Robert Duvall and Robert Downey Jr, are some of the best working actors in film and Grisham has made some good legal thrillers like "The Firm" and "The Client".

However, this movie was a disappointment from the get-go. The characters were boring and underdeveloped and the twisting story had so many holes, that no way could it have happened in real life today. The pace is plodding and the dialogue is poor. Avoid this one if possible.

BTW: Why is Tom Berenger only playing bad guys nowadays?

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Deep Rising (1998)

6/10

"deep" I wouldn't say so.....

7 January 1999

This was a double James Cameron rip-off, first of Aliens, then of Titanic, and maybe a bit of the Abyss thrown in as well.

Anyway, this movie is cheesy, but better than a B-movie. The action is there, even though horror and suspense is not. This movie is gory, but the effects are so poorly done, it doesn't really seem so. A movie like "the Relic" had more gore. At least it was better than Speed 2.

The tongue in cheek homor is actually pretty funny and Famke Janssen is extremely personable (in a very sexy way). I think this was a fairly good popcorn, throwaway movie.

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Vampires (1998)

6/10

Shows how Carpenter has lost his touch.

28 December 1998

Having seen this back to back with "The Thing", I had realized how Carpenter had lost his touch. His last good movie in my opinion had been "Big trouble in Little China" and Vampires is following the trend. Carpenter is playing Vampires like a Western, more than a horror film and Jack Crow is more like Clint Eastwoods' Man with no name or Russell's Snake Plissken than a horror movie Vampire hunter. Even the music, composed by Carpenter himself, is western like, not unsimilar from an earlier movie (assault on precint 13).

However, for this movie, I think it fails. Carpenter is much better when his movies are moody, atmospheric and scary. While Woods deliciously plays up his bastardly character, the other characters fail in their roles. Are we to believe that Montoya falls for Fenn's character? On what basis? Because he could slap her around? Because he could tie her up naked? Because she bit him and took a chunk of his neck out? Or is it because she doesn't talk much and just makes grunting noises?

The movie is very gory, but nothing extraordinary. The idea of the movie is very interesting and it's take on the subject of Vampirism fairly original. It's just too bad that Carpenter was involved on this project and that he lost his touch 14 years ago.

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The Mask of Zorro (1998)

8/10

Excellent film with great cast.

28 December 1998

Mask of Zorro was the biggest surprise actioner for me this year for 3 reasons.

1. Old fashioned swashbucklers have become out of style. 2. Antonio Banderas, while good looking, is not a proven action lead actor. 3. Anthony Hopkins as Zorro?

The movie moves at a brisk pace and Banderas and Hopkins are very believable as the mythical (?) heroes. The chemistry between Banderas and Zeta-Jones is also absolutely smoldering.

Zeta-Jones is a relative newcomer to the American scene, she is not drop dead gorgeous or sexy but she has a physical presence in this movie that simply glows. There's something about Catherine....

Anyway, this is a movie, the whole family can watch, and it is chemistry between all three main actors that make it work surprisingly well.

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The Avengers (1998)

2/10

I rarely sleep through movies, but this one....

28 December 1998

This was one of the stalest movies of the year. I know that Steed was supposed to be a gentlemen, but even even Anthony Hopkins' starchy character in "Remains of the Day" had more spice than Raph Fiennes.

Chechnik has now messed up his second remake, the first being "Diabolique", which was also unforgivable. The main characters seem to be sleepwalking through the movie, mumbling out their lines, while knowing that they are making a crappy movie, so they have no zeal for their roles.

I fell asleep during the last act, but I was told that I didn't miss anything much. Give me Austin Powers anyday!

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Dario Argento's World of Horror (1985)

8/10

A documentary on a good director.

28 December 1998

Dario Argento was a new breed of Italian directors that appeared on the scene in the late 1960's with the Giallo form of horror filmmaking. Giallo's were detective style structures and mixed with horror. Argento dealt with Serial Killers very well. With Mario Bava and perhaps Lucio Fulci (stretching that one a bit), Italian cinema entered a "golden era" of horror gore and exploitation during the 1970's.

World of Horror shows the best of Argento's movies, leading up to Demon's, which he produced only. Most scenes are either "Death Scenes" or "Stylistic Shots". Anyway, there is some technical shots, but the movie does not really go into detail about the technicals of his movies. However, you get a dose on what happens in his noggin, and that in itself is scary enough. If you happen to find this movie on video (good luck), try it out, but good luck trying to find some of his movies on video (I'm still looking for his "4 flies on Gray Velvet")

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The Thing (1982)

7/10

John Carpenter....

28 December 1998

Was on a hot-streak when "The Thing" came out. He had Halloween, a landmark film for horror, the very good "The Fog" and the cult classic "Escape from New York" under his belt, so he tried his hand on sci-fi/horror combination (two genres which he knew best).

The thing succeeds because people like to see gore, and while that concept was sort of new to Carpenter (earlier movies were almost goreless), he succeeds in making one of the gorest films in history.

While the movie sometimes moves at a glacial pace, the story is well developed (like an X-files episode), the characters are at least identifable (sometimes, movies with alot of people in situations, I sometimes forget whose who!). Not really scary, there is a lot of suspense and tension built up, because

1. The people don't know who the alien (thing) is and

2. They don't seem to like each other and would have no problems blowing each other away.

For a good movie (skip the popcorn on this one), with the right mood music, darkened lighting, plenty of gore and tense atmospherical cinematography, try out "The Thing"

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A Little Romance (1979)

To wish for more innocent times...

1 December 1998

This movie is about the innocence of childhood loves. A very intelligent film that does not dumb down the child viewer. A young girl is studying in France and meets a street wise kid. They begin to fall in love, and with the help of an aged thief, they try to get to Venice to kiss under a bridge that will make them love each other forever if they kiss when the bells of the church ring (as the story goes).

The images of romance are lovingly created by director George Roy Hill, and they have a French taste that makes it even more so, without a cheesy "American" feel of overkill. The two leads make the movie and they are great, especially Dianne Lane, who will eventually go on to greater (but not always better) things.

Laurence Olivier is excellent as the old man who longs for the innocence of child love, and who loved and lost in his time. One excellent scene occurs when they are running from the cops, Olivier tells them to hide in a theatre and then watches in remembrance of what it was like to be in love through the window.

Excellent film, great for smart children who enjoyed movies like Secret Garden and Little Princess, yet smart enough for parents who will may enjoy it even more. Listen for the Oscar winning love song at the end of the movie.

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