Reviews

I don't know.. he was okay in some parts of this movie, but for the most part he just acted like an asthmatic wussy. I mean, not the sort of dude that's especially frightening, or could even win in a fight, if it came right down to it. Max Schreck's Nosferatu absoultely wipes the floor with Kinski's. I mean, realistically, of course, no one could (or really should try to) recreate verbatim the frightening countenance of Schreck, but Kinski, in a few vital scenes in this film (Nos at the window, Nos in the doorway, but the end scene with Nina is actually pretty good). He just doesn't do it for me, I guess. As for the film itself, it does a good job of recreating all the events of the original (the original being around 60 minutes, this version is about 140 with added little extras, and more things from the original are treated in-depth), even to the point of superboredom (for some people), but it was okay. I heard Kinski cleans up his act in the sequel to this one, not so emo-vamp the second time around. I'd sure hope so.

If I see one more "happy young couple" TV show, I swear to God I'm going to shoot myself in the face. Jenna Elfman is rather attractive, though. Guys, I would recommend watching this show with the TV on mute, as to avoid any inane dialogue or fake laughter that might assail your already-pummelled eardrums, and allow your eyes to be gratified. Ac..cennn.. tuate the positive, e.. limmmm.. inate the negative...

School Spirit, noooo!!!! The concept alone makes me wanna vomit, much less naming

a movie after such a heresy. Alas, the title is a charming play on words, as a young man who is killed in a car wreck en route to his first lay returns from the dead to.. to what?? Get some, I guess? Okay, he's a ghost. Sure, that's fine, we've seen it before and we'll see it again, it's an accepted film staple. But, a ghost that can make himself visible at will???!! NO!!! That's wrong! That's completely wrong, that defies the very principle of being a ghost! When you are a ghost, people can't see you! They can't touch you (unless you bond with them on some very emotional level like in that crap movie Ghost), they can't smell you, you are a GHOST! And you stay that way! You can't just snap your fingers

(or, in this case, wiggle your fingers on your head like Curly used to do on The Three Stooges) and become a living, sentient being again. That defies even basic religious precepts! Add to that the ridiculous notion that God would allow you a second chance on Earth just to "tap it".. jeez, this was rotten. Found it in the "mature" section, though suitable for 12 year olds. Minimal t&a but mass quantities of 80's frizzskank and terrible cliches. Also features poor old David Ogden Stiers as the dean.. From those goofy Armitraj brothers, who brought us Nine Deaths of The Ninja and innumerable other no-budget flicks.

I am usually pretty tolerant of crap cinema. In fact, I usually go out of my way to ensure that my rental choice is the absolute worst I can find in the store. Big, faded box, hand-drawn cover.. those movies are gems. For the most part. This one wasn't. This vile teen sex comedy made me violently, gut-wrenchingly ill. If by some rare chance you were looking around for a

review of this film, I suppose I can waste a few more precious minutes of my life and give you one.. Beverly Hills brat girl tires of her mundane, sheltered

existence, gets punk makeover (complete with half-shirt

that says "savage") and drags her best friend along for the ride, looking for cute guys to toy with and eventually abandon. Enter typical horn dog jock meathead type and his hapless, virgin buddy. And then throw in a feeble criminal caper involving a not-so-well-guarded rare jewel that looks remarkably like one you'd plop 25 cents in a machine to get. So, these crazy kids and bumbling criminals butt heads, with hilarious results! Not bloody likely.. Not a single thing was funny in this movie. No camp value, nothing. Some 80's skank, typical laundromat recruits,

but nothing of any real note. Just sheer cinema masochism for your hard-earned dollar. Feel like enduring particularly brutal sensory torture? Rent this. (Do NOT, however, watch this back to back with Pistol Packin' Leroy, like I did. A combination with potentially fatal results..)

This movie came with another one, New Fist of Fury, which was a poor pseudo-sequel to Bruce Lee's original masterpiece. You'll sometimes see Snake Fist Fighter sold in mall stores as "Master With Cracked Fingers", complete with deceiving, fancy cover. Got mine from Wal-Mart, actually. Anyway, this movie features the always-watchable combination of Simon Yuen (you know.. he's ALWAYS the drunken homeless guy who whups everyone's ass with a bamboo stick) and Jackie Chan. These two you'll find in Drunken Master, Snake in Eagle's Shadow, many many others. Obligatory evil warlord kills Jackie Chan's dad in a duel, and he (his dad) leaves Jackie (that's what he's called in the movie, no original name given) with his friend and fellow warrior, who adopts him as his uncle. Young Jackie trains with Simon Yuen (known in this movie as "The Man Who Isn't There") to be a great kung fu guy. He has to use his skills when thugs reak havoc in his family's restaurant. Turns out these bullies are the obligatory evil warlord's henchmen. His uncle punishes him several times for fighting ("carry 50 buckets of water back & forth from the well, oh, uh.. catch these heavy flower pots.. and, uh.. oh yeah, stick your hand in this broken glass.") throughout the film, and it kinda gets annoying after a little while. There seems to be a slight incestuous undercurrent between Jackie and his adoptive sister, too..

Very weird. (similar to Fists of Fury in that the hero is tempted by a female member of his immediate family.. in Fists it was Bruce's cousin who wanted to hit it off. is this a recurring theme in kung fu flicks? I haven't watched enough of 'em to really tell.. if I see one more with that sorta stuff, something's wrong.) Okay, so Yuen fights Casanova Wong (a great veteran actor, usually in the comedy-type kung fu films), who plays an effeminate landlord who extorts money from Jackie's uncle. Not only does he defeat him, he adds insult to injury by farting in his face. Pretty typical kung fu humor. (Wong, inexplicably, eats spinach and uses his "Popeye Special.") After some disjointed flashback scenes and stock footage from Drunken Master, Jackie fights the obligatory evil warlord, and (suprise suprise) beats him. Breaks his neck, too. That's almost always how it works in these sort of films. It's an okay movie, actually.. Jackie's voice actor isn't too overbearing, and there are some familiar faces in the film too. It's one to pop in the old VCR now and then.