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Reviews
Evil Ed (1995)
Awful attempt to be classic horror parody
This movie was stupid. The plot goes like this, Ed, who is good Ed in the beginning, works at a the "Splatter and Gore" department at a movie company. His boss gives him the assignment to edit "Loose Limbs parts 5, 6, an d 7" to be distributed in Europe. While editing these films that are supposed to be comical rip offs of "Friday the 13th" and the like he begins to question the morals of these movies. He then goes crazy and kills people. It gets even more inane when the director/writer/actor begins to use Evil Dead effects for the chase scene and even has a street punk pick up a crow bar and say "groovy". The final moments are even more ludicrous.
This movie tries way too hard to be cheese and flops terribly. There are needless references to Evil Dead II and Gremlins that are not done well at all. Such as the bosses name happens to be Sam Campbell (hmm Sam Raimi,/Bruce Campbell). Ed's wife's name is Barbara and in a really dumb scene you see Ed coming around the corner saying "Bahbah-ra" (al la Night of the Living Dead). Don't get me wrong, I'm all for parody, but this pile crap lands flat. The acting isn't good and the scripting is so bad it's not even comical in its attempts to be comical. Avoid this movie.
You Better Watch Out (1980)
With a name like Terror in Toyland, how can you go wrong? That's what I thought anyway.
Well, Let me tell you how wrong I was. Here is an uninspiring attempt to be a profound film about a boy who witnesses his father dressed up like Santa making out with his mother. Well, the first thing he does is breaking a Christmas snow globe and cuts him. Apparently this incident has warped this poor boys life. He grows up and works at a toy factory that produces the cheapest toys possible. This upsets Harry because he thinks that everyone has forgotten the meaning of Christmas and Santa. After a lot of bad mouthing of Christmas, Harry loses it and makes a Santa suit. He steals a bunch of toys from the factory and donates them to hospitals and other children, all the while killing people who do not see the spirit of Christmas. Sounds like a lot of fun right? Oh my god. I could hear my brain cells committing suicide watching this film. This is another film that tries to be a dramatic thriller, fails and gets filed under horror. One has to stop and ask themselves, who took the time to write a script for this? I guess what I am trying to say is, this movie was just plain dumb.
Le lac des morts vivants (1981)
Italian horror at its...?
It's not Zombie or Tombs of the Blind Dead, but it is an installment in the Italian Horror Genre, complete with Jesus Franco on the script. True enough, it's got nudity galore and very little zombie people munching, but it's good fun. This is the type of film you watch at a party and have a good laugh when see all the flaws.
Haunted (1977)
What brainchild classified this pile of crap as horror?
OK, the movie. Way back in the olden days some cowboys and a priest decided that an Indian woman needed to die. The reason is completely unmemorable. They put her on a horse, take her shirt off and send her packing to die in the desert of Arizona. Before they set her off, she says something to the extent of her haunting this land. Off she goes. Enter present day. A family living in a ghost town witness a telephone booth going up in the middle of a grave yard. The mother of the two boys is blind after an accident involving a naked horse woman. The accident killed her husband. She believes that they are being haunted.
This movie gets cheese points because of the laughable scripting, acting, dialog, and the original songs that appear in the movie. There was even a soundtrack released to accompany the movie. In a terrible amusing scene, we see the Uncle chasing the woman into the phone booth with a sharp stick he wittled with a knife (where the hell is the knife?). The only blood in this movie is where Uncle Collage Grad stabs him self with his wittled stick. I'd also like to know who let them use the set from Wild Wild West.