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Reviews
The Wrong Trousers (1993)
Who knew?
If you had told me that sitting for 30 minutes watching bits of clay would be entertaining, I would have said you were mad.
But you would have been right.
Thanks, Nick Park, for making this old man feel like a kid again.
Space Mutiny (1988)
I've never laughed so much.
This 'movie' definitely falls into the 'so bad it's good' category. I won't go into all of the ways that it is bad, I will just say that it is bad. Bad bad bad.
But that's why I love it so.
Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
One thing stopped me from giving it a '10'.
One of the best movies ever made. But then I'm not saying anything new. Hasn't everybody in America seen this movie already?
This film is the best example of 40's adventure-style movies. In fact, it was the first revival of this style. Movies like The Mummy could never have been even considered without this movie.
I did have one problem with it, but I hesitate to say it. Criticizing the Raiders of the Lost Ark is like saying that Mother Theresa had really bad breath. But it does prevent me from giving it a '10'. And here it is:
When Indiana Jones is face-to-face with a cobra in the Well of the Souls, you can see his reflection on a pane of glass seperating him and the snake.
I know! I know! It's a stupid thing to complain about, with such a fantastic movie, but it bugs me every time I see it.
Well, hopefully now that it has been digitally remastered (finally) that small glitch has been fixed.
Final word: one of the best movies of all time.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
The most disturbing part of the 'film'...
... besides Torgo's knees (which still wake me up at night with a hearty laugh), is at the end of the 'film'. We are shown the master's wives, all tied to posts around his altar... and then we are shown THE SIX YEAR OLD GIRL as one of his wives!
No!
NO!
BAD MOVIE!
BAD BAD BAD!
Thank you, and goodnight.
Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Eyes Wide Open... and glued to Nicole's tush.
This movie is the three-toed sloth of the film world. It is massive, slow, interesting to look at, and extinct. By extinct, I mean that it tries to shock the viewer with scenes of strange sex, but nowadays most of the viewers have been there and have indeed done that. If this movie were made in the sixties, I'm sure it would have caused quite a stir, but not now.
As far as the pacing goes, the late Mr. Kubrick tries so hard to create tension with how the timing runs, but instead it left this viewer wanting to shout at the screen, "Act faster!". The dialog was delivered slowly, endless scenes of Tom walking around the city slowly, people staring at each other for interminable amounts of time... I was literally yawning thirty minutes into the movie.
The only reason to see this movie is for the beautiful naked bodies. Trust me, however, that is a very compelling reason to see it! Nicole Kidman looks as good as I imagined she would (keep your eyes open for the two dimples on her back, worth the $7.50 right there!), and the rest of the cast were just as easy on the eyes.
Overall, unless you have a burning desire to see Nicole Kidman nude 15 feet tall in front of you, wait for the video.
Future War (1997)
Bad, bad, bad.
This is a bad movie. I am so glad that the only way most people will see this movie is on the wonderful television show Mystery Science Theater 3000, which gives this time-hopping-puppet-show- Jean-Claude-Van-Don't shlockorama the treatment it deserves.