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Birds of Prey (2002–2003)
Another fresh look at the Batman Formulae
10 October 2002
Birds of Prey is set years after Batman's final victory against The Joker; a battle with a terrible price. Catwoman was killed, and Batgirl (Dina Meyer) was confined to a wheelchair for life. Batman disappears...apparently, too stricken with grief to continue. In his absence, Barbara Gordon (Batgirl) becomes "The Oracle," acting as the eyes and ears of her protégée, The Huntress (Ashley Scott). The Huntress has a personal vendetta against the criminals of Gotham; she's Catwoman and Batman's daughter. So continues the Bat-legacy.

Enter `bird' #3: Dinah Lance (Rachel Skarsten), a young psychic who arrives to Gotham to explain the strange dreams she's been having. Of course, comic book buffs will know that Dinah Lance is the name of The Black Canary, thereby completing the "Birds of Prey" trio. However, for now, she's just a young novice, learning to be a super-heroine as the series progresses...

While comic-purists whine about comic-book inconsistencies, there is a lot to love about this "alternate" Bat-city. For one, their arch-nemesis is Harley Quinn (Mia Sara), who was once The Joker's main squeeze. The premiere also had the fun of Mark Hammil as the voice of the Joker, which he performs as brilliantly as he did in the cartoons. Best of all, though, is how The Huntress' eyes turn into feline slits before a fight; it may not be like The Huntress of comic lore, though who cares? It's a cool shot, plain and simple.

Regardless, some comic purists insist there is no way Catwoman and Batman had a child. What's the alternative, kiddies? That the rumors about Batman preferring the company of young boys are true.? Of course he and Selena Kyle were more than `just friends,' as we've seen in movies, TV, the comics, and even the cartoons. So yeah one thing led to another and Huntress was born. It could happen. Accept it.

Of course, you can never tell what series will be accepted by younger audiences. Back in the 1970's, "The Six Million Dollar Man" lasted four seasons, while "Bionic Woman" lasted only two; go figure. In today's pop culture, will a young Superman in "Smallville" be considered cooler than Batman's daughter in "Birds of Prey"? If so, that's a shame. There is a lot to like about this series. I look forward to seeing Birds of Prey as long as it lasts. I hope that's a long while.
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7/10
Take it from a Phantom Menace griper; this sequel rocks.
17 May 2002
Warning: Spoilers
(Mild SPOILERS, though no more than any typical review…)

This film is for the fans who KNOW what they want, versus the ones that merely think they know what they want. When Phantom Menace failed, the word went out as to why. Two camps emerged; those who fair and impartially told Lucasfilm what they disliked, and those who just said `Neener neener the whole films stinks nyah nyah nyah!' Attack of the Clones is for the former group; barely any Jar-Jar, more Obi-Wan, no Jake Lloyd shouting `yippee' (better yet, no Jake Lloyd PERIOD!), Boba Fett's father, Amidala kicking butt, Yoda in battle, C3PO back in top comic form, and at least two people becoming `Hand Solo' (a bad joke, I know). If you disliked it, fine. As Stuart Smalley would put it, your opinion is very special. It's just wrong.

To those who claim `Neener neener this film stinks too,' I retort with three words: the last hour. I personally feel that anyone who does NOT like the last whole hour of this film is on drugs. Well, that's too harsh; they're just not actual Star Wars fans. The climactic Yoda scene led to the whole audience roaring. If you disagree, again, you're very special. You're just boring.
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4/10
Another "Robot-wants-humanity Movie"...that's all.
9 July 2001
Warning: Spoilers
Every time a film like this comes out, there's the fans that claim all who hate the film "just don't get it." Well, how hard is it to "get" a robot movie? From silent films like Metropolis, to The Matrix, robots in film have been done over and over. Personally, I prefer movies about robots who are happy simply to be robots, like Short Circuit. If you prefer the emotional-robot stories, the list is not pretty: the perverted robot in Demon Seed, the comical robot "couple" in Heartbeeps, and most recently, the sex-starved robot in Bicentennial Man. Sure, A. I.. has a far superior "epic" feel to it, that divides it from the above films. However, the "emotional robot" plot concept still has its flaws, and neither Kubrick nor Spielberg can correct them.

(Mild Spoilers follow, though all from the first third (or so) of the film, so it shouldn't be a worry...)

People have alluded to Pinocchio when discussing A. I..'s story. This is incorrect. Pinocchio was a puppet who became human when he sacrificed himself for the life of Gepetto. In this picture, there is no such epiphany in David; he merely wants to hear "I love you" from Mommy, because his programming lists it as a requirement. No biggie; "humans" in this story have reactions even more questionable. We see his human "brother" treat him badly, because allegedly a boy would not want a robot as a brother (since when? I mean, how cool would it be to have C3PO as a brother?). In a similar emotional contradiction, David's "mother" does not have the heart to see him destroyed, though sees no harm in leaving him deserted in the forest. HUH??? Sure, neither Spielberg nor Kubrick were ever mothers, and I wasn't, either, though even I know this is a cockeyed view of the human spirit, and maternal instincts in particular. With this in mind: WHY would David not be infuriated at her for deserting him in the woods? The answer to this question seems to allude to the truth; since his emotions after this desertion are not real, David himself is not real. So why should we even care?

Don't get me wrong. I think this film has some great production values, regardless of its negative attitude about humanity and human compassion. However, what dropped my rating of the film, all the way down from 9 out of 10, to ***5*** out of 10? Simple; the finale is horrid. I can forgive an unsatisfying ending; that is commonplace these days. What I *cannot* forgive is an ending so contrived, every single plot inconsistency seems dragged in, just for one more audience tear. I don't want to give anything away; suffice to say every minute of the third "act" of the film is pure cornball, and left me saying, "Why would this happen...? ...just to make the audience keep crying? Give me a break!" It just goes on, and on, and on. In truth, the only tear I felt was in realizing this laughable finale ruined a possible classic in sci-fi epic cinema. Instead, Mr. Spielberg, all your "artificial emotions" warrant slicing your film's rating in HALF. Boo hoo.
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