Reviews

I thought I had seen some of the worst movies ever until I finished watching XXX: State of the Union ten minutes ago.

This is BY FAR one of the worst movies ever made. I'd rank it in my mainstream bottom 3 with Catwoman and Gigli. The only reason why I watched it until the end was to see how badly executed this whole drama was going to be. Believe me, I wanted to walk out.

It has barely if nothing to do with the first XXX movie. This time around, they took the usual patriotic fight-for-your-country propaganda but mixed it up with hip hop. It's the closest thing to taking a swim into a pool of puke.

This "movie" seems to be 100 minute rap video about the glorification of bums. It's filled with the biggest clichés: the bad boys from the ghetto riding in their hummers, the corrupt government officials, the abusive and aggressive use of computer-generated graphics (which are WAY off, Star Wars was candy compared to that), the endless fight scenes every five minutes, one-dimensional women characters with large curves and a hip hop soundtrack.

The actors are unbearable. Ice Cube is cold (no pun intended) and acts as eloquently as Anna Kournikova in Enrique Iglesias' video. I don't know what the hell Xzibit is doing in this movie; they stayed with the obvious for him, he pimps up rides in the ghetto.

I just can't write any more of this without feeling aggressive and it seems I can't even tell you everything that is so wrong about this movie. I won't waste any more time on this steaming pile.

This is the biggest sell-out piece of junk I have seen in a long, long time. Horrible. Watch it at your own risk.

It had been a long time since I hadn't seen a film just for the violence in it. Well, my friends and I didn't feel like thinking that night, so went seeing Dawn of the Dead.

One word: FUN.

Having seen the original 70's version, I was afraid it would be nothing more than a remix. The story is a bit different this time around and they MANAGED to give characters depth, believe it or not. It was cool to be able to laugh with the whole audience when innocent people died (often in horrible ways), but hey, that's what these movies are for eh?

I even got scared, in the sense that I could really feel what the characters were going through. Stuck alone in a sea of zombies without any hope is really one thing I wouldn't like to experience.

All and all, great movie, and I'm gonna buy it.

The Master T Score: **** out of 5 Stars

King Arthur is a guy movie.

Not trying to be macho here. But still it's the latest in the "epic" and "mass battles" movies since Gladiator, Return of the King, Last Samurai and Troy.

King Arthur's story has been done over and over again, and it's one of the first times to my knowledge that they've (tried to) stick to the facts. Well of course it's a bit pushed at times but it was a new and fun version to see.

A great Friday, Saturday night flick. Not a classic, but a fun movie.

The Master T Score: *** out of 5 Stars

When I first saw the trailer for Troy, it took my breath away. When I saw the movie, it didn't, but I was still very entertained. It's hard to innovate in the "mass battles" movies after the Lord of the Rings saga has pretty much done it all.

Don't get me wrong. Troy is a great action flick and I really felt I had my money's worth. I never read the book, but I felt the movie wasn't too much compared to the original writing.

The visuals are stunning and the shots have a lot of grandeur. It's a great popcorn movie for a guys' night in, and it's not all too hard to follow. Lots of action keep us attentive to the movie, and the actor's performances are very good.

Eric Bana was THE star of the movie. I felt he had the most human character, a noble warrior and a great person at the same time. His performance stole the show and he was pretty much everyone's favorite hero.

Maybe Oscar-material here!

The Master T Score *** and 1/2 out of 5 Stars

"Babe" is one of my favorite movies.

A lot of people laugh at me when I say that. But I know that this film is one of the best ones ever made. It's simple, beautiful, positive and original.

The story is about a farm pig who wants to become a sheep dog. Pretty strange considering a pig's place is in people's plates. But Babe has something the sheep dogs don't have: gallantry. His kindness, determination and good intentions will make him a truly unique individual, one that stands out from his peers, proving that no matter who you are, you can make a difference.

I love the way the story is made. It is cut into chapters with a bit of narration, giving us the warm "grandfather story" or "old school" feeling. It's a very comfortable ambiance, and every animal brings its personality into making an awesome story.

Now I am sure you've all seen talking animal movies before, with voice-overs. Babe took it one step further with the animals' lips being in sync with their lines! Talk about realism! The sets are very friendly to the eyes and contribute into making this movie a classic.

Babe is one great movie for everyone to see, it's magical and enchanting!

The Master T Score: ***** out of 5 Stars

I was skeptical when I first saw the Kill Bill trailer. I thought Quentin Tarantino was going to use to old American recipe and make a Kung Fu flick like Van Damme or something.

But Kill Bill has pleasantly surprised me when I saw it on the premiere day.

Tarantino leaves behind the shades, blacks suits, royale-with-cheese and Madonna, and goes for something really fresh!

Of course, there is presence of martial arts, but it's part of a bigger combo. Kill Bill's got elements of an epic movie, martial arts flick, western, even anime mixing it with old school music, action beats, japanese-latino-disco remixes.

Avoid it if you're too stuck up on the classic and predictable movie styles and afraid to try something new (like my parents)! Otherwise, go see Kill Bill right away!

Tarantino made something really original again and I just can't wait for Volume Two!

The Master T Score ***** out of 5

When I saw the trailer for this movie, it got me interested so my friend and I decided to go see it.

I thought the concept was really cool. An alternate 19th-century dark age with a bunch of characters for books of that era; of them, I knew Tom Sawyer, Mr. Hyde, and Captain Nemo.

Even though the movie seemed cool, I got bored in the first few minutes. The script was corny and predictable, the story wasn't anything new, and there is a bunch of unresolved subplots that appear throughout the movie.

I know movies is about exaggerating sometimes, but in LxG, it was just too much, I mean, how can the Nautilus which is like 2 kilometers long and 23-stories high even make it into Venice?

Too bad.

The Master T Score: 2 out of 5 stars

Revenge of the Radioactive Reporter is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I saw it announced in the TV Guide so I taped it and I found out just how bad it was. Unless you're making a Movie Cheesefest, don't watch this (if you can FIND the movie)!

This movie is so cheap I can't believe the Canadian government gave a subvention to these people to make such a lame picture.

The script is poor. Predictable, cheesy, boring, and the jokes are not even funny. It's a about a reporter who finds out that the local nuclear power plant board of directors is poisoning the environment, and he threatens to reveal their little evil conspiracy to the media, but before he does, the evil director throws him in a pool of radioactive waste. But miraculously, he survives and becomes a superhuman being with radioactive powers, killing the power plant's employees one by one. Seen that before.

The actors are the worst it can possibly get. I'm glad it was the only movie Kathryn Boese (Richelle) was into, because I honestly never saw a worst actress. Randy Pearlstein also doesn't deliver, proving that he has no experience in acting.

If you look closely during the movie, you can see some Dollar Store props, like the foot left behind when Tony Trouble gets eaten up by the giant monkey (yes you heard me right). It just shows you how bad this movie is.

So basically, everything about this movie, the script, the actors, the plot, the sets, the props, the cinematography, the music, sucked. It should be shown at movie schools for people never to make something that bad again.

The Master T Score: 1/2 out of 5 Stars (for entertainment)