Change Your Image
Derrick-10
Reviews
Snakes on a Plane (2006)
The Rocky Horror of this generation
I went to the opening night of SoaP expecting to be disappointed in all honesty. I thought there was no possible way that they could live up to the hype, that it wouldn't be entertaining, etc. Now, I'm trying to figure out how many shows I should try to go to during opening weekend.
The plot is an atrocity and the acting is pathetic, granted. But, as everyone else has stated, its called Snakes on a Plane for crying out loud, if you need a well developed story go put Citizen Kane on your Netflix queue. The excitement in the theater was palpable as even during the previews people dressed up in snake costumes were yelling "bring out the mother****** snakes!!!" By the middle of the movie, people were hootin' and hollerin' and shouting things like "Shoot that f***** snake, Sam!!!". The couple next to me spilled a huge thing of Diet Coke all over themselves. People waved plastic snakes and after every great Sam Jackson line, a raucous cheer erupted. I was in tears due to my inability to stop laughing. When Jackson utters his famous line, people jumped out of their seats to cheer. After the movie was over, strangers were high fiving each in the lobby, calling their friends frantically to tell them to get tix for tomorrow night.
Who cares what serious movie critics think of it? What movie in recent memory has created such an atmosphere amongst movie goers? The hilarity of the guy getting his Johnson bitten off, the ridiculous coincidences (the Mexican lady who knows how to cut open snake bites and gargle venom with olive oil, the fat kid who can fly a play after playing video games), the gratuitous sex scenes, the flagrant product placement, snake vision...it was absolutely absurd, and completely enjoyable. Not the best movie I've seen, but far and away the most fun I've had at a movie theater.
Spider-Man 2 (2004)
Bored silly
We have at least found a cure for insomnia. I am a frequent movie
goer, and that means seeing lots of bad movies along with
excellent movies, and this was the closest I've come to sacrificing
my 10 bucks and walking out during the middle.
Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire are just plain bad actors.
There's no getting around it. Anytime there was dialogue between
the two, I swore it felt like it took over an hour, with them usually
conveying the same message in the previous 2 or 3 on screen
interactions. The best character in the movie, Molina's Dr Octopus,
we don't get nearly enough of in this flick.
The plot of movie was predictable, but I was willing to accept that
on the basis of its a comic book movie, and we all know roughly
what was to come to pass anyways. So, in that regard, I was
waiting for the acting and cinematography to blow me away, and
all the movie did was put me to sleep. Even most of the action
sequences and special effects in the movie were just downright
lame. Instead of wasting your time with this drivel, rent the X men
series, thats how you translate a comic book movie onto the big
screen.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Pass the Zoloft, please...
I would love to see the American Medical Association do a study of
the risk of severe mental depression in people who have seen
Manos versus those who haven't. The results I guarantee would
be staggering. I mean...that film was so bad...it robbed me of my
will to live. I've seen some baaaaad movies before, but usually I
can find some unintentional comedy to get me through the
hobglobins and killer klowns from outer spaces of the world. I
would have rather been getting my wisdom teeth removed with no
anesthesia than even watch that opening sequence of them
driving around, sprinkled with porn music and stock footage. I can't
say anything that hasn't been said, but I just want to warn you, you
might want to keep any means of committing suicide locked and
away from your person if you're going to watch this film.
a negative 30 million out of 10 stars.
Undercover Brother (2002)
not to be taken seriously
Ahh, nothing like some trashy racial humor to get the laughs going. Obviously for those people expecting to see Oscar winning screenplay this movie lacks a lot, but for sheer silliness Undercover Brother is worth the hour and a half of your time. Dave Chappelle steals the show of yet another movie, and Neil Patrick Harris was just amusing for all his own reasons. If anything, they could have enchanced the "plot" of this movie by actually explaining and developing Chris Kattan's character. Thats what has made the Austin Powers series so sucessful, developing the comic villain in Dr.Evil.
And, the boom mics and tracked camera in the shots were awful, but I think that might be playing into the blaxploitation satire even more, which adds another dimension of humor to the movie. Have you see some of those movies from the 70s? I swear, Dolemite is shot from one camera angle the entire movie, and everytime he "punches" someone its obvious his fist does not come within 9 inches of the person's face.
For both intended and unintended comedy, this is movie definitely deserves a "solid" rating.
Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)
cool, refreshing, Asahi will ease our worries
Ok, forget the fact that this series of movies has maybe the most ridiculous premise in the history of movies: I mean, come on, a serial killer gets his DNA crossed up with......water molecules????? (all us college science majors are cringing at that one). And Good Old Captain Fun, who's sexuality is definitely in question throughout the movie. But am I the only one who noticed the absolutely hysterical plugs for Asahi beer? Between trying to foil the snowman someone was always either drinking an Asahi, ordering one, or some pan in shot from the cameras on an Asahi beer. Geez, I know the Japanese don't have a solid handle on the beer market, but do they have to stoop to such lows to market their product in this crapstravaganza?
Other than that, this is a must see for all of us "good" bad movie fans. You will laugh deliriously at the baby snowballs, when jack frost finally is molten into that big pool of shaving cream like substance, the guy with the terrible Carribean accent, it will all just make you want to kick back with the smooth, crisp taste of a bottle of Asahi beer and enjoy the ride. A 1 out of 10 as a movie, but a 10 out of 10 in the "it sucks so hard its funny" category
Ferocious Female Freedom Fighters (1982)
it will make your sides hurt
Well, I had thought I had seen it all until I saw 4F. Basically what must have happened is a bunch of guys got real drunk one night and were adlibbing to some crappy asian wrestling movie they were watching on the international channel. Someone decided to record it, and hence you get this movie. Some of the lines in this mockfest will make you laugh to the point of tears. The movie features a butt kickin martial arts master who talks like King Elvis Presley, and who can only count to three. He takes on such titanic forces such as the "big ugly guys", and who can forget the ebonically adept snake n the bath tub....."you been wipin your *ss with that dirty *ss rag". This movie isn't even to be explained, just rent it and I guarantee you won't regret it.
Thunder and Mud (1989)
Crap at its crappiest
Well, with a bunch of bumbling college students bored on a weekend afternoon, we were frolicing about Blockbuster observing the plentitude of garbage that lines the shelves of movies. In the comedy section, we saw a movie that by its title jumped at us as the apparent worst piece of cinematic trash ever rendered, "Thunder and Mud". This hour and change crapstravaganza is predicated upon females who mud wrestle for some ratty late 80s glam rock bands. Need I say more? This is the single stupidest thing ever, and I'm not exaggerating. I've seen some of the worst stuff ever in drunken undergraduate jolly, but watching dirty glam rock fans with fizzy hair drink beer and hoot and holler over mud wrestling, and the stupid side plots of the right wingers outside trying to shut the event down, this is in all serious the worst of the worst. Its a great novelty movie that amuses for the sheer mindnumbing crap that it is. And for all of us "thunder and mud" alums, all I've got to say is ROCK ON TUFF!! ROCK ON!!!
I Got the Hook Up (1998)
I'm a NO TALENT SOLDIER
This movie proved to be one of the most nauseauting hour and a half stretches of my life. I just don't comprehend how Master P manages to produce such garbage, and the fact that there is a market for it. The worst rappers on the planet expand the horizon of their unharmonious lyrics to some of the worst dialogue, and I've seen pornos with better plot development. Master Trash and his partner steal some cell phones, and how so COINCIDENTALLY he has friends who can activate them? And the whole thing about the store owner with the hot women in the back, and how Masturbator P's romantic interest lives in a technological outpost resembling the Batcave in her apartment, and that scene were AJ Johnson starts talking about what he's going to be wearing while Master Pathetic is on the phone....my skin crawls at the horrible editing, screenwriting, and utter shamless self exploitation that riddles M.P's videotaped ego trip. When it comes to the one of the worst movies ever made, to modify the words of the No Talent Soldiers, "It IS YOUR FAULT"!!!!
American Pie (1999)
absolutely hysterical
With all of the teen/young adult crap movies that have come out in past few summers (for example, Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer), I went into this movie expecting to be highly disappointed. However, after watching American Pie in the Theather, my rib cage still aches from laughing as though the theater had been pumped with nitrous oxide. Rest assured this movie won't go to far into changing your view on the world, but its what modern comedy is all about, good old raunchy American humor. It mocks a stage in each person's life that is naturally awkward, the "first time", with such frankness and a handful of ridiculous comic anecdotes that you can't help but scream along with the other howling patrons in theater. Klein is supposed to be another Keanu Reeves, but frankly in this one movie as Oz he's proven to be a better actor. And Jim's antics throughout the movie could carry the movie if it had to.