Reviews

If by some cruel twist of fate you were told you could only watch one Shannon Whirry film in your lifetime, this film should be your choice. Ms. Whirry is just lovely and this role allows her to show her full range of talents. Simply put, the definition of luscious is Ms. Whirry. While Ms. Whirry carries the film, the supporting cast of Sara Suzanne Brown and Lauren Hays further elevate our viewing pleasure.

The director Holzman reveals he is a child of the 60's where "Make love not war" was a catchphrase. The overall theme of this film is that tensions between warring parties can be solved by getting some action. With this in mind and an impressive cast, this film caught our attention at the Eye Candy Hall of Fame. First of all it stars Griffin Drew (2nd team All-Century). Other actors of interest are Shauna O'Brien (as Elke--the friend) and Lisa Boyle. As a public service announcement, Ms. Boyle's scenes are quite tame and there are better films out there to display her true abilities. We don't know if this was intentional or not because she plays a teenage girl and the producers may have feared it would be bordering on kiddie porn. All we can say is that no girls at our high schools came close to being as mature as Ms. Boyle's stature. The good part is that Ms. Drew and Ms. O'Brien make up for this omission and beyond (the hot tub scene).

Just reading the credits alone for this film caught the eyes of the Eye Candy Hall of Fame academy. It is a joint product of the auteurs Wynorski and Olen Ray, known for their unique visual style, classy special effects, and strong women characters. It stars All-Century team beauty Michelle Bauer. It has dinosaurs on an island roaming free before they were confined to zoos. Upon watching the film, the real pleasure was the star-turning performances of Antonia Dorian and Griffin Drew. Ms. Drew is a very gifted actor and earned 2nd team All-Century status with her charm, which was especially evident during the healing scene. All three leading ladies and some minor characters help elevate this film beyond just a travelogue. We don't know how, but we would all enjoy seeing more of these lovely women.

The auteur Olen Ray put his heart into this telling tale. It stars All-Century Eye Candy Hall of Fame member Brinke Stevens who can uncork our cask of Amontillado anytime. Ms. Stevens plays a woman with a haunting fear of premature burial. Her evil husband is hoping to usher her fall to gain possession of her house. Pitted against this man, will Ms. Stevens conquer her terrors against her worm of a husband or will the pendulum swing against her, driving her 'raven' mad? We apologize for this descent into the maelstrom and pledge to repeat it nevermore. All that stated, the film is enjoyable even though we can not understand why anyone married to Ms. Stevens would want to be cruel to her. Also, Ms. Stevens takes a bath in the film confirming the old adage that cleanliness is next to goddess-liness.

The auteur Wynorski's pro-feminist stance is highly apparent in this film. The women cast members, in several instances, take the dominant position and sometimes come on top in certain situations. Overall, the cinematography gets rave reviews from us at the Eye Candy Hall of Fame, but we do have a problem with a specific plot point: why would anyone married to someone who looks like Tammy Parks want to cheat on her? Even her character had no dislikable qualities to promote straying. Unless, like her film husband, we would meet through the internet women who resembled Julie Strain, Gail Harris, Taylor St. Clair, Lorissa McComas, or especially Annette Burger. To paraphrase the old adage that it takes money to make money: to meet gorgeous chicks on the internet you must already be involved with one. This validates our apparent failure to find any desirable (or even to some degree undesirable) mates on the web. Thank you auteur Wynorski for your message.

This film deserves comment because it contains scenes with two members of the Eye Candy Hall of Fame All Century team: Monique Gabrielle and Michelle Bauer. Before they became screen legends, they did a number of small roles in films like this one. Through hard work and making the most of their screen time, these two ladies were able to reveal their true talents. Eventually they built a reputation amongst themselves to get better and leading roles in films and most importantly enshrined into the Hall of Fame. As a note, both Ms. Gabrielle and Ms. Bauer are featured on the video box artwork yet are listed only in the tail end of the credits. Also within the film, our two actors appear often together. The fantasy sequence with both Ms. Gabrielle and Ms. Bauer is outstanding and ranks as one the greatest in screen history. This is one test that receives an A+.

One of the auteur Olen Ray's finest works is this little gem. It features two of the Eye Candy Hall of Fame All-Century team members, Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer. Every synopsis or review seems to contain the words camp, horror-comedy, and gore. While it is all that, we would like to comment on the nifty dance numbers. The auteur Olen Ray has added some eye-popping choreography which allows Ms. Quigley and Ms. Bauer to put their bodies in motion. The sultry Ms. Quigley performs the Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws. We fell like a virgin Brazilian rainforest watching her. The majestic beauty Ms. Bauer does a striptease to an Elvis tune that is pure graceland. Proving she ain't no hound dog, Ms. Bauer's character will take you to Heartbreak Hotel but that's alright. As a word of warning, you might feel like a giant Redwood as you view this film, but both these ladies wield a wicked chainsaw and can cut you down to size.

Any film that features the luscious Monique Gabrielle is a must-see in our book. Ms.Gabrielle is a favorite of the academy having been awarded its highest honor (All-Century team-Eye Candy Hall of Fame). In all her performances, Ms.Gabrielle usually gives it her all and never lets us down. In this film she surpasses our highest expectations and we thank her for it. She is an interesting cast choice by the director Graver (a genetic clone of the auteur Olen Ray). The character Angel is either a troubled teen-age girl or a troubled adult acting like a teen-age girl. With this complex character, Ms.Gabrielle strips away layers of her facade allowing the audience to gain more and more revealing glimpses of Angel until she explodes into a wild ride of energy. Raven (Rachel Vickers) also gives a fine performance and allows the viewer to compare/contrast her talents with Ms. Gabrielle. Overall, Ms.Gabrielle as Angel is pure heaven.

Cybil Richards has made an out-of-this-world film. An E.T. played by Vanesa Talor comes to our little world and is the kind of alien we all dream making first contact with. She befriends an easy earth girl played by Jacqueline Lovell (All-Century second team Eye Candy Hall of Fame) and thus begins a series of close encounters of the interesting kind. As our star treks through the big city, she finds nothing is forbidden on this planet in terms of sexuality. While this film features a whole galaxy of heavenly bodies, it is the scenes with Ms. Talor and Ms. Lovell that make the earth stand still. A classic.

This film is a throwback to the pre-siliconized days of Hollywood. We here at the academy admire the blossoming of natural talent as it explodes onto the screen. The film centers around the exploits of a bevy of buxom beauty outcasts (Susan Kiger, Pamela Jean Bryant, Kimberly Cameron, Lisa London, Angela Aames) as they form a sorority. Their nemesis is the snobby sorority with its buxom beauties (Lindsay Bloom, K.C. Winkler). College hijinks prevail as the film brings forth the truth about typical sorority behavior: showering, topless sunbathing, topless skydiving, wet T-shirt contests, outsmarting the pesky dean, and strip football. That's right, strip football: score a TD and the opposing team loses an article of clothing. This definitely is an Eye Candy Hall of Fame moment and causes us to reflect that they don't make movies like this anymore. As football fans it pains us to actually hope for a weak pass rush and lapses in the secondary coverage for both teams. Fire up the grill, open a beer, and enjoy the game.

In the spirit of Dadaism, director Trevillion has created a surrealistic fantasy. The absurdity of a happy marriage is brought forth by having the wives realize they are not the Mistresses of their Domain. Anarchy reigns as our two heroines, whether flying solo or in tandem, journey south of the border and start messing with the danger zone. Old relationships are torn down, new ones built, and old ones restored until they all come together at the climax. Our two plucky leading ladies are played by Eye Candy Hall of Fame inductees Jennifer Burton and All-Century Second team member Monique Parent. Their performances are a stroke of genius from beginning until the end of the film. Excellent cameos by Ashlie Rhey, Julie Strain, and Tammy Parks help flesh out this classic.

In this multi-layered art house film, Ed Hansen makes use of dialectical conflict to tell his story of unbridled capitalism. Polarities such as streetwise beach girl - naive farm boy, brash new marketing ideas - conservative ideas, hard work - play at work, bikini on - bikini off are presented. It is the reconciliation of these opposites in which Hansen demonstrates the plus side of naked ambition. A well rounded cast featuring Sara Suzanne Brown, Neriah Napaul, Rikki Brando, Kimberly Bee, and the gorgeous Kristi Ducati give performances that bust out with enthusiasm. Ms. Ducati, as sleek and detailed as the Ducati motorcycle, earned All-Century second team status. We here at the academy, on principle, do not like to dwell on the physical attributes of the actors, but Ms. Ducati has the most bodacious pair of ... eyes. Also keep an eye out for the auteur Wynorski in an important role. In summary this is a great film with an uplifting message and definitely a classic.

This film gave the academy a new direction. It is a visually splendid piece of cinema verite' and has the distinction of being the only documentary in the Eye Candy Hall of Fame. Directed by two unknowns (who oddly enough are names in the Western, "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly") who definitely were apt pupils of the auteurs Wynorski and Olen Ray. This film features three members of the All-Century team who deserve the royalty status: the ever-so-lovely Brinke Stevens, the majestic beauty Michelle Bauer, and the luscious Monique Gabrielle. Like all masterpieces, there is a minor flaw in the casting. We here at the academy wish that Roxanne Kernohan and Kelli Maroney could have been traded for Linnea Quigley. This would have made the All-Century team complete and could boast of having the Fab Four in the credits. Nonetheless, Queen Stevens is an oustanding lecturer who could read the phone book and make it sound erotic (preferably by reading in the nude). Queen Bauer is a delight and could put VIAGRA out of business. Queen Gabrielle, while not a horror legend, has an impressive body... of work and may be responsible for global warming by her performance. All five together in the hot tub bring to mind the making of a fine beer: rich in character, robust, and full-bodied. This is proof there is order in the universe.

This indie film by the auteur DeCoteau is the single greatest influence for the creation of the Eye Candy Hall of Fame. The cast boasts of three members of the All-Century team: the ever-so-lovely Brinke Stevens, the majestic beauty of Michelle Bauer, and the sultry Linnea Quigley. Each of our extremely fabulous leading ladies give such a high-caliber performance that it sets the standards by how we at the academy judge our potential members. As actors, they strip down to the basics and bare their natural talents unlike any other ensemble in the history of cinema. Memorable performances are the seance-transformation scene, the kitchen scene, and the bathtub scene. The auteur DeCoteau has created a masterpiece that will simply blow you away.

This film is the work of the auteur DeCoteau and boasts of a cast that contains three members of the All-Century Eye Candy team (Brinke Stevens, Michelle Bauer, and Linnea Quigley). The underlying message of this film is the horrors of hazing within the Greek system and its potential for things to go bad. The two pledges are played by the ever-so-lovely Ms. Stevens and the majestic beauty Ms. Bauer. Our third All-Century member, the sultry Ms. Quigley appears at a later juncture but alas does not play a role that allows her to bare her soul. However, Ms. Stevens (ahhh!) and Ms. Bauer (oooh!) give a knockout performance as a 1-2-3 punch: they get paddled, then sprayed with whipped cream, followed by a shower. Further into the film , Ms. Bauer gets to show more of her talents when her character gets possessed. Unfortunately, we here at the academy can't give classic status to this film. However, don't deny the fact that 2/3 of the All-Century team deliver the goodies and that is a winning percentage.

This film is the work of the auteur Wynorski who has a distinctive visual style that is a favorite of the academy. Eye Candy Hall of Fame inductee Traci Lords plays a live-in nurse to an eccentric millionaire with a rare blood disorder. However, this recluse is actually an alien scientist intent on saving his dying planet by harvesting human blood. It is up to our heroine to uncover the truth and save mankind while wearing a bikini. Ms. Lords is the first inductee to be honored for actually wearing something (that wonderful blue bikini). This must cap Ms. Lords film career; she began as a Porn star legend, became of legal drinking age, quit that biz, and became a B-movie actress. The auteur Wynorski does have two brief au naturel scenes of Ms. Lords but we still harp on that bikini. In the Wynorski style he does provide some other actresses to show their ample talents such as Becky LeBeau, Roxanne Kernohan, and Ava Cadell. While not a classic, it does have a few "eye candy" moments worthy of our mention.

The film Meridian is basically a live version of the classic cartoon "Beauty and the Beast" but without the singing teapot, candle, and clock and some other plot changes. The heroine, as played by Eye Candy Hall of Fame inductee Sherilyn Fenn, inherits a creepy castle. One day, she and her friend (fellow inductee Charlie Spradling) venture down to the village and watch a creepy little circus. They proceed to invite the creepy performers back to the castle for dinner. The creeps then drug our two ladies, and while in an altered state, the creepy ringmaster disrobes them to engage in a carnal act. Here at the academy we deplore the concept of date rape or any other act of sexual aggression within a film to justify a nude scene. In this case it is an important plot development, the film is of the horror genre, no physical abuse is incorporated in the scene, and the fact that it proceeds at a snail's pace causes us to forget what triggered the event. Putting our bias aside, upon viewing the de-clothed heroines, we realize that Sherilyn looks Fenn-tastic and Ms. Spradling ain't such a bad thing. In fact hold onto your beer while admiring the natural talents of Ms. Spradling. This scene alone fulfills the requirements of the academy but the film alone does not (no more worthy scenes of nakedness). As for the film itself, the story then proceeds along to answer the following questions: Can the curse of the Man-Beast be lifted?, Why are there strange happenings at the castle?, Will Ms. Fenn's character find true love?, and How come some of the castle walls are made of cardboard?

The members of the academy have selected this film into our Hall of Fame mainly on the physical attributes of Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton. These two lovely ladies make a (have a) wonderful pair and their camaraderie give this film a uplifting spirit seldom seen (think Newman & Redford). Throw in the changing clothes scene of Cynthia Brimhall and the topless walk-thru by Patty Duffek and the mix is complete. This is the first entry of the Sidaris spy-action movies with this ensemble. It is also the best work by Speir and Carlton in terms of acting without the threat of costumes stealing the scene. So grab a brew and watch this piece from start to the closing credits where the nude scenes are reshown (a wonderful final tribute thanks to the genius of Andy Sidaris).