Reviews

Ravage (1997) is another Salt City offering of high caliber. This action/horror film by Ronnie Sector has a very "Michael Mann" feel to it and we could easily see this as one of the best airings of Miami Vice (This is a good thing, believe us). The 85 minute film features very high-quality scripts, editing, music and stunts. The acting is fair and the basic storyline is excellent. We were enthralled from start to finish while watching this film, especially the two brothers and their battle with one another. The action sequences were some of the best we've seen. The picks for location are well-chosen and this film shows you quite a bit of surreal imagery to help accent the best of buzzes. You can visit the Ravage Website for more information. This is a must-have video and would accent the best of home-video collections.

It's long overdue for a review of Day of the Dead (1985) by the excellent George A. Romero. Many people feel that "Day" is the best of Romero's "Dead Series" because of its ease to watch. We can't agree that it is the best (we'll leave that honor for the original, Night of the Living Dead) but we can say that the characters are some of the most memorable of the entire series. Our review source was the original formatted Media release, while in excellent quality, we wished it was widescreen (It has just been released this way for VHS). This cult-classic contains a great storyline with an admirable cast. Sherman Howard plays "Bub the Zombie" and does a most-excellent job at doing so. This 102 minute film, perhaps, is the only one of the series that actually makes you feel sorry for the zombies. A complete classic!

After such a plethera of fine independent films, we returned to a classic. Anchor Bay reissued Mark of the Devil (1970) aka Hexen bus aufs Blut geqialt, in all its splendid, uncut glory. And Widescreen to boot! The 90 minute film is basically a German docu-drama, depicting the stories of three people who are falsely accused of Witchcraft during the Inquisiton era. Hold onto your tongues, this film has some of the most gruesome torture scenes ever! The location of the film is breathtaking as is its lead character Vanessa. The movie combines tragedy with an ethereal 70's-type soundtrack, that really makes your buzz sink in. Leave it to the Europeans to pull off another terrifying classic.The remastering job is excellent on the Anchor Bay copy and we suggest you add it to your collection as soon as possible!

Out of the garbage pile of 90's movies comes this excellent production by Salt City Video. The Vicious Sweet (1998) by Ron Bonk proves that you don't need a major budget to create great films. A totally enjoyable story and well acted production. This film will please even the most discriminating horror fan. Chock full of surrealistic imagery and artistic shots this rare gem deserves a permanent place in your video collection. Ron Bonk is sure to receive the recognition he deserves with this offering. The music is great, editing is superb and overall quality is excellent. The story centers around an upcoming actress and her abductor who helps her. The climatic ending is well, climactic. It makes you wonder how films like this continue to be "underground" while The Blair Witch Project is dubbed a "classic?"

Here it is. The best movie, ever! Michele Soavi's The Cemetery Man or "Dellamorte Delamore" (1994). We are the lucky stoners who own an original of this hard-to-find classic. We have watched this gem over fifty times and just now are we willing to write a review on it. Find it. No matter what you do, find it. This is the cornerstone of everything we love about Italian horror containing twists of comedy, surrealism and drama. The most professional offering to date and most-likely the best actors of the genre. The story revolves around Dellamorte (Rupert Everett), a groundskeeper at Buffalora Cemetery, and his experiences with trying to find "true love." Released in 1996 (can you believe it?) and running a nice 100 minutes, this is an R-Rated masterpiece in filmmaking. Our overall review of the film is "Nagg!" (Basically, Top Rating)

When I was browsing through the shelves at my favorite second-hand video store, I came across "Scandal in a Small Town" (1988) starring Raquel Welch. The Vidmark Entertainment box boasted "Uncut/Unrated" version so I sprung the $4.98 plus tax at the cashier and eagerly ran home to feast in some good old-fashioned "T&A." Well, needless to say, this is probably the biggest piece of cr** I've ever slaved through. First off, it must be a made-for-TV movie because if it was rated it would've been "G." Secondly, the description on the back of the box has nothing to do with the movie inside. The concept is simple; the town whore (played by Raquel of course) finds out that the local history teacher is teaching that Jews started all the major world wars and takes the whole school board to court and wins. The problem is that you are left wondering which side is right. So, this 92-minute eyesore is for people who can't think for themselves. We only have ourselves to blame for stepping outside of genre and even giving this one a chance.

From the depths of our archives we pulled up a copy of Make Them Die Slowly or "Cannibal Ferox" (1980) by Umberto Lenzi. This 92 minute classic contains some of the goriest scenes ever in addition to a fantastic plot and great acting. Mr. Lenzi is proof that horror is best left to the Italians once again. The premise is simple, a group of college students venture into the depths of the rainforest on an assignment to disprove cannibalism only to be met by a ravage group of cannibals. No true horror fan should be without this one. The special effects are more believable then the best Hollywood computer presentations and the opening frame boasts a "most graphic film ever" warning. We will continually browse the store shelves until a widescreen version releases!

Werner Herzog's Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979) is a must-have for fans of the genre. This is a great movie for those lonely nights due to the fact that it has a surreal feel to the movie. If you're a fan of flicks like "Mark of the Devil," this one is for you. This gem stars Klaus Kinski revamping the classic role of Dracula in a gothic style. This film was not billed as a remake, but rather a "rebirth." We won't go into details about the plot and storyline because it might ruin the finale. We have noticed that this film is VERY hard to find. Our searches on all the major search engines only returned a handful of entries. Also known as "Nosferatu - fantôme de la nuit" in France and the plain title "Nosferatu" in the USA. It runs 107 minutes and has mono sound. Get this movie!

It's amazing how ignorant some people can be. I Spit On Your Gave is a classic! This masterpiece is the ultimate story of revenge from a helpless (and ravaged) woman. The music is superb and not over-used like many Hollywood offerings. The rape scenes are extreme even to today's standards and only run about 15 minutes. There is a complete sense of justice when she completes her duties and anybody who couldn't feel this, I'd venture to say that they have a very sick spirit indeed. This innocent woman had nowhere to turn in this small town and took matters in her own hands, I say: good going! It's also amazing to see that most IMDB users who give this film a bad rating are also male (myself excluded), I wonder why? This is the message of the film, things never change.

We decided to return to the classics by checking out "Alice, Sweet Alice" (1977). This slightly twisted and somewhat confusing little morsel boasted a starring role by the very young Brooke Shields. In all actuality, Brooke was only around for about 20 minutes before she was strangled, stuffed in a chest and burned to a crisp all on her first day of communion. At this point our eyes were wide open in anticipation of a great murder mystery in the making. Throughout most of the movie you are led to believe the killer is Alice, the overtly jealous and psychotic sister. The plot goes through the typical twists and turns and includes a lot of overacting and annoying melodrama. Finally, you end up thinking the killer is actually a severely tormented housekeeper in charge of the parish priests. ANYWAY, by the end of this thriller you are still not sure who did what but overall we were entertained.

Tombs of the Blind Dead (1971), wow! We actually found the original Spanish (subtitled), widescreen version by our favorite company, Anchor Bay. This is the only way to watch this great movie (if your not too drunk, that is). The film was directed by Portugal's Amando de Ossorio and runs 93 minutes. The twist in this movie is that the zombies are Templar Knights and can only sense their victims by sound. This makes for an interesting twist on the zombie "theme." The location of the shoot is excellent, a great abandoned castle and the video contains professional everything with digital remastering. The original title is La Noche del terror ciego and should not be missed. Do whatever it takes to posses a copy of this film, even if you risk getting eaten alive by blind zombies!

Wes Craven's Don't Look Down (1998) on VHS? Okay. We found this rare nugget for sale on the internet for a mere four dollars and despite our previous review, decided to waste the money. This film is still as crappy as it was when it premiered on Halloween 1998. Scaled down to 89 minutes (aren't all television movies 93 minutes after they've been edited?) and boasting the traditional (what else?) unrated logo, this piece of garbage is destined to go down in the annuals of Shock Video Magazines as an even more embarrassing to Wes as his most current movie offerings. The traditional who-done-it with terrible acting, and an even worse storyline. This leaves us wondering, why would Wes put his name on this awful movie? The logical answer would have to be the obvious: money. Run from this mega-professional LP Speed video now!

Vamps: Deadly Dream Girls (1998?) was a complete waste of film. We normally can get through even the worst of movies but had to put this one on the shelf. We tried on two separate occasions to watch this garbage and failed. It borders between soft-porn and the worst episode of "Full House." This flick has everything, bad acting, bad dialogue and even bad editing. The script could've been made into a watchable movie but sadly these people failed. This nugget is offered by Independent Edge Releasing and we're sure that all of their titles couldn't be this bad. It runs 90 minutes and is unrated. Well worth the watch if you like this kind of "brain-candy" otherwise, stay as far away from this offering as the black plague. This opinion seems to be the minority amongst the underground circuit

I cannot understand why this film did not receive higher acclaim than what I have seen on IMDB. This movie was a masterpiece within its own genre. This movie shows us, those who are stuck in the 90's desperately wishing we could transport to another era, how one man can be both highly understood yet highly unstable. The conclusion of this film brought us to the understanding that no matter how "dangerous" Ted may have seemed, he was only a victim of his own comprehension. This movie was truly a masterpiece in that in delved into the mind of someone most Movie Goers could never understand. The entire intention was to show how limited most humans can be, and at the end of the film, even the "tortured" Linda realizes the true intent of the wayward and mentally unstable Ted.

Love and acceptance means everything.. even enough to risk one's fate and freedom.

This is the worst movie I've ever seen. Awful acting by a bunch of nobodys. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME! I repeat, DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME! If you have something better to do (like jump off a building) do it! This trash-flick was made with the brainless in mind.

The Blair Witch Project is for those who do not like to think. Any true horror fan will be let down by this complete piece of garbage. For one: Don't bother seeing this in the theater, it's completely filmed in 16MM and has no widescreen ratio. Secondly, the acting is truly the worst I've ever seen. Lastly, the film is about as scary as Disney's "Watcher in the Woods!" Filled with nothing but profanity, this film offers little else. I was in line with the rest at the movie theater demanded my money back, thank GOD I got it.

If you like gothic vampire movies, then Full Moon Entertainment's Vampire Journals (1997) is for you. This 92 minutes gem is actually for sale at video stores (many Full Moon Videos are not available) because they now distribute for themselves! This is another chapter of the Subspecies series and is directed by the same director, Ted Nicolaou. The story continues when Ash, an understudy of Radu, becomes more powerful and vicious as his master and the vampire-hunter must destroy him. The special effects are much more advanced in this chapter and you can actually see the vampire's "shadow morph" travel. This, like the other parts, was filmed in Romania and has a very ancient "feel" to it. The story is great, as is the filming. What else could we expect from our favorite company but another "must-have?" As always, a Video Zone is included.

Considering all the hype that surrounded I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997), we decided to give it a chance. Written by the same guy who did Scream, it was hailed as a "pure fright machine." But we have another description for it, "CRAP!" This 101-minute bore told the story of a group of teenagers who "inadvertently" murder some guy while celebrating on the 4th of July. Jennifer Love Hewitt delivers an overacted performance that leads us to believe she would have a better career as a porn star. The plot is similar to Scream in that you spend half the movie trying to identify the killer. But just like Scream, in the end you realize that there was no way to determine who the murderer was since the plot takes a twist into utter stupidity. Ok, so there were some good gore scenes, but overall this film was an over-budgeted mess!

We actually found the widescreen version of Fallen (1998) and hoping for a decent horror offering from the 90's we bought the tape and ran home to watch it. This movie stars Denzel Washington and John Goodman trying to stop a serial killer (who may be a fallen angel) from continuing his reign of terror. Very interesting. We do have a few complaints though. Firstly, why do most current films run too long? This film ran at a painful 125 minutes and could have been done in 80. Secondly, who writes this cheese? Granted, Fallen had a few clever moments but overall had no gore, no suspense and a boring storyline. Lastly, why does Denzel come off on screen as being a self-serving idiot? Who knows. Either way, this movie is good to watch but you'll find yourself wishing for the days of Jason or Freddy and real horror movies. Good ending however!

Stalked (1994) is the kind of movie you neither hate nor love. It has a witty appeal that forces you to continue watching, but a feeling of "yeah, right!" We must confess, Daryl the stalker had his gig down and sure knows how to ruin a girl's life (that's the good part), but Brooke the stalked (played by Maryam D' Abo) needs to find another career. We're not saying that she's a bad actress, she just has a bad screen presence. Her son we cannot blame because his lame routine of throwing a ball at Daryl can only be blamed on the script-writers (or whomever wrote this nugget). We can't find any notation of this flick in any of the film guides or on the internet so it tends to make us believe it was either a mistake that the film company is trying to rectify (Republic Pictures) or it's a rare gem. All in all, this 95 minute film is worth watching once.

So there we lay on a cold, dismal day wondering what the hell to watch. Finally, we decided on another made for TV movie entitled, "Frankenstein" (1993). This 116-minute adaptation of Mary Shelley's most famous novel starred Randy Quaid as the misunderstood monster. Yes folks, that's Randy "Are you sh**ting me, Clark?" Quaid. Mr. Quaid actually does very well with the character and I am not ashamed to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Who Knew? The movie tells the somewhat overdone, yet classic, story of Dr. Victor Frankenstein and his dubious research involving the attempt to create life on his own. I will say that it was not as annoying as Kenneth Branaugh's interpretation in the sense that it was not as overacted with all those annoying "We are so happy we will run around like idiots" scenes. Don't get me wrong, Branaugh's adaptation held its own brand of charm but its hectic nature was somewhat unbearable. One thing I would like to know is how come they always pick a butt-ugly woman to play Frankenstein's ill-fated fiancée', Elizabeth? I mean, Woah! The actress playing the role in this version was hideous. Maybe that shouldn't matter, but it was hard to pay attention to the movie when all we could think about was MAN that chick is FOUL! Surprisingly, this film contained a good bit of gore as, after all, it was made for television. And I will say the method they used for making the monster was original and kind of fascinating. Check it out if you are not yet too bored with the story line of "Doctor screws up playing God"!

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987) is basically a re-cap of the original with a few improvements. Firstly it continues the story through the eyes of the other (and younger) brother, Ricky. As an even more homicidal and insane killer he narrates the story that was part one until he breaks free from jail and goes after "Mother Superior" and finally manages to behead the control-freak. Secondly, if you watch closely you'll notice several story changes and unused footage from the original Silent Night, Deadly Night. Finally, Ricky makes his older brother, Billy look very tame with such eye-candy as a killing spree taking up several urban city blocks. Such familiar yells like "Naughty" are met with new shouts like "Garbage Day!" This 88 minute video tape is out of print and a necessary addition to any horror freaks collection.

When I came across the out-of-print Garbage Pail Kids, I thought I had found a rarity. Well, I truly found something rare. This total 80's retro piece of crap was most likely the worst "children's movie" I ever had to suffer through. This movie has it all; the hunt to save the Garbage Pail Kids from the "State Home for the Ugly," flat-chested fat girl gangs, homo-biker groups and special effects that can be made under anybody's kitchen sick. The "kids" all look retarded because they can't close their mouths and the same goes for the wimpy fellow (Mackenzie Astin) who befriends the puppets who continually piss on themselves, vomit and "want to party." This trash-movie was solely pushed towards pimply-faced twelve-year-olds in 1987. If you are into S&M, this 97-minute tape is pure torture to watch.

Remember the eighties? Better yet, remember when horror films were trying to reach new heights in the eighties? Well, when you watch The Wraith (1986) you will remember again. This 91 minute film has everything you hated back then, idiots in "belly-shirts," fast cars, fast women and punk gangs. This film stars Charlie Sheen who comes back from the dead to seek revenge on the guys who murdered him while he was "doing" his girlfriend. Randy Quaid plays the town sheriff who is trying to track him down, only to give up and let him go at the end. The soundtrack has great music from Ozzy Osbourne, Motley Crue, Billy Idol, Robert Palmer and more. More of a "race fans fantasy" then a horror movie, this VHS tape will either entertain you or send you into a flashback of when you were hitting the bong while your folks were at work.

Well since it is that time of year again, when everybody becomes excessively greedy and so disturbingly happy, we went through our annual ritual of watching the timely horror classic Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984). This 79 minute blood bath is a wonderful film that anyone could appreciate. The story begins when a young child witnesses his parents being murdered by a guy in a Santa suit. The kicker is that moments earlier the boy's insane grandfather had filled his head with the notion that Santa isn't always so jolly and giving. For if you are a naughty little boy or girl Santa comes to PUNISH!! Well, needless to say, young Billy grows up with an understandable hatred for ol' Saint Nick and when forced to wear a Santa suit one Christmas, the murdering rampage begins. This is an extremely entertaining flick that should be a part of every horror fan's holiday experience. For, afterall, tis the season to be.. DEADLY!! Or, as Billy would say, "NAUGHTY!!"