peterc-8's Reviews

Dr. Tarr's Torture Dungeon (1973)

18 September 2004

I just cant see any of the nuances that other reviewers seem to have noticed.

A plot less revolution in the asylum...the hippie thespians have taken over. Hide the marijuana.

Seems like the film had a decent budget. Excellent filming, good sets and costumes. But WOW! what a lousy film.

Plot? Hmm...little more than loosely connected vignettes. Crummy actors hamming it up pretending to be insane people...again and again and again.

"Where is Mr. Chicken" (enter some summer-stock-caliber dork - covered with glued-on hay - scratching around like a refugee from a Hee-Haw skit) "He eats corn" (the dork pecks at the corn) "eat hearty, Mr. Chicken".

Oh...I get it. The guy who thinks he is a chicken is really INSANE.

The guy who has deer antlers or sticks or something tied to his tricorn hat is really INSANE, the guy with the spiral of rope sewn to the front of his tunic (ala Alfred Jarry's Ubu) is INSANE.

If you think Peter Greenway is a shining talent, or you enjoy being hit over the head with a stick, then this film might just be your cup of tea. Otherwise, its a torture test. Can you watch the whole film without pecking at corn and clucking like a chicken?

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The Murder Mansion (1972)

print hacked to death

6 September 2004

Watched this film titled as Murder Mansion on sub-cheapo Brentwood DVD set called Hell In the Family. Must originally have been from a TV print, because there is no nudity and almost no violence to speak of. Most annoying are the choppy jumps in the film where the violence and nudity belong.

Pity, because the filming of "Mansion of the Fog/Cloud" is really top notch. Fantastic saturated colors ala Mario Bava. Great sets. Decent budget. Decent acting. Great looking damsels in distress. But that is about it.

Too much of the film is missing for the movie to flow well. Too many plot holes. Too many scenes that are suddenly cut.

On the plus side though, Murder Mansion is still a very nice looking movie - lots of atmosphere, and still fairly interesting despite the chopped scenes. Buying the Brentwood DVD set costs less than renting. Bonus in the set is another weird Spanish film - A Veil for the Devil - which is presented as It Happened At Nightmare Inn - also missing the violence and nudity, but still pretty creepy. Both films would be good little cult flicks if someone could scare up intact prints.

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Chinese Erotic Ghost Story (1998)

Another HK Cinema Wild Ride

21 March 2004

Chu is a lowly debt collector for the local strongman Wang. Problem is that Chu is too nice/honest/dopey to be very good at the grubby collections job. Chu is treated badly by his boss Wang. Eventually Wang catches one of his twin daughters in the act of seducing the hapless bumpkin Chu. Wang naturally blames Chu rather than the daughter. For punishment Wang sends Chu on an impossible quest to Satan's Temple to steal a statue of Judge Lu.

At Satan's temple, Judge Lu - the statue - comes to life. The Judge is impressed by Chu's good nature and decides to make some changes to help Chu. Judge Lu gives Chu's wife a good heart. He gives Chu more brains, and most importantly endows Chu with a gigantic "Magic Dick".

At this point things get a bit weird.

Chu with his new brains and his Magic Dick get into some the wildest adventures I have ever seen.

Chinese Erotic Ghost Story is like a Mad TV skit version of a "farmers daughter" dirty joke. Slapstick shtick, hammy mugging, fake sex, and some of the goofiest most tasteless scenes I have ever seen. Has the mentality of a Chinese version of American Pie.

My biggest problem with this film is that is reuses the same joke over and over again. It gets a little old by the end of the film. Also the English subtitles on the DVD are dreadful - nothing you can really do about that though.

On the upside though...Chinese Erotic Ghost Story is much weirder/wilder than Sex and Zen. Hilariously funny in a few scenes. Also there is enough nudity in this film to make your head explode. Despite the bad subtitles, wooden acting, largely absent plot...the film somehow manages to keep you interested right up to the end. It is not that you really care what is going to happen to the characters. It is more that you sit transfixed hoping that the makers of the film have one more wacko scene to unleash on you.

Not Oscar material, but well worth watching, if just for the W.T.F___?!?!?! factor.

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The Phantom of the Opera (1998)

What a mess...

21 March 2004

There are only small glimpses of the classic Argento touch in this film - a couple of tense moments and a few creative gore scenes which are right on target, but the rest of the film is a confused mish-mash.

This film is lusher than anything else I have seen from Argento. Seems like he might have had a Hollywood-sized budget for this. Very elaborate costumes and sets. Budget wasnt the issue here though.

The film is a toss-salad of unlinked plot fragments, goofy scenes, disjointed dialog. Most scenes are individually well done, but add them all end to end and you don't really get a movie. Some scenes are funny, some scary, some dramatic - but overall the film wasn't funny, scary or dramatic. Confusing and annoying...yes.

This film will probably annoy die-hard Argento fans more than viewers who are not familiar with Argento's better films. If you are not an Argento nut then Phantom is just a bad movie. If you rented Phantom hoping to see a good "Argento" film, then you will be disappointed. The building blocks are there, but the film never comes together.

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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not (2002)

Not what the box makes you think it is.

27 February 2004

Warning: Spoilers

Partial SPOILERS??

The DVD case makes the film look like a fluffy romantic comedy. Not really. A much darker film than you'd imagine from the packaging and blurb.

Actually a really good film with a couple of annoying aspects that keeping it from being great. Sort of a French take on the Fatal Attraction theme, but much more intelligently rendered and missing the Hollywood bombast.

Audrey Tautou plays Angelique, a needy art student treading emotional water while her Cardiologist lover - Loic, goes through the process of leaving his wife.

Not really...Things are not as they seem...

The film is told from two different viewpoints - both radically different. Not a completely original idea, but better than average. The problem is that as the film unfolds...one viewpoint is 100% wrong and the other is 100% correct.

The film would have been a bit more compelling if the line between right and wrong were more murky - or if at least the audience were kept guessing (at least past the 20 minute mark)as to who was deluded and who was rational.

Also Tautou is such a cute/breezy actress...She infuses the film with a happy bubbly aura that clashes with the darker events. She is not 100% believable in some of the scenes that try to show the darker side of her devotion.

All in all a great film - well worth a rental.

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Frailty (2001)

Creepy for the wrong reasons

23 December 2003

Warning: Spoilers

SPOILERS??

This is an interesting flick. Fairly transparent horror-flick plot. Much better filmed and directed than most axe-killer flicks though. As a straight horror flick it is fairly lifeless. The scary aspect is the half-baked religious theme that is central to the film.

Is this some weird kind of born-again propaganda? Or is the film goofing on true believers?

Either way, the film is disturbing.

If it was intended to rail against religion (visitations, visions... whatever), then it is smear-flick which hopefully leaves you feeling oily after watching it.

On the other hand...if the movie was intended to be a religious morality tale (more likely, this was the intent), then the irony of the message is just too weird - If you see an angel who tells you to kill someone, go ahead, that someone is a demon. Don't worry! You are God's humble servant, not simply a garden variety schizophrenic nutbag with an axe...like everyone thinks you are...Everything is cool.

Nice reasoning there guys! Brr... So then have we come full circle and are we back to goofing on people?? A paradox?

Whichever side you end up believing, the film is well worth watching. It'll keep you thinking/discussing for quite a while. You could also get a great film-studies term paper out of Frailty.

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Dr. Caligari (1989)

8/10

holy #$%&!...what is this?

14 October 2003

I saw this flick when it first came out and just recently re-discovered it on the 2 for $5.00 table at the local video store. YOW it is goofier than I remember. High-1980's weirdness. A bit of the incomprehensible nutty flavor you'd expect from an Alfred Jarry play, minus the gravity. Dreadful production values, but cool costumes and great innovative homemade sets - really cool overall look and feel. Entertaining, clever, creepy and crappy all at the same time. The script?!?! Err...unique...(how's that for diplomacy?). One of a kind film.

Belongs in the same category as Liquid Sky and the first couple of years of music videos made for MTV.

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Zardoz (1974)

Planet of the Apes' sexy cousin

14 October 2003

Great flick. I had seen a heavily hacked version on TV as a kid. Didn't make much sense then. Most of the scenes that advance the plot in Zardoz have nudity or something else that isnt TV friendly in them. They were probably cut from the TV version I saw as a kid. Get the DVD if you plan on watching this.

This film has the feel of Planet of the Apes, The Prisoner (TV show) and Space 1999 (TV show). Fantastic cheesy 1970's special effects and costumes. Right up there with Barbarella, Tommy, Diabolik, in terms of wild visuals.

The plot is muddled but somehow it works. The biggest weakness is the hammy didactic babbling that infests the script. Lots of self-important utopian speeches fobbed off as serious social commentary - which reminded me of Space 1999 a bit. BUT...it all still works well on a camp level. just be prepared for a grin or two at points.

Interesting takes on the Christ story and Exodus, buried under all the 70's utopian baloney too.

All in all the film is a blast. Great to look at too! Turn off your brain and enjoy the ride.

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The Black Cobra 2 (1989)

Stinks, but better than Black Cobra #1

1 July 2003

Malone (Fred Williamson) is back (good gawd!).

The intro/beginning of this film is actually pretty funny. See a crummy car keep up with a Suzuki racing motorcycle looping through a parking garage! See a harrowing 2 MPH motorcycle crash! See the running bad-guy actor slow down to let a winded Williamson catch up to him - several times!

After Malone blasts this evil motorcyclist into oblivion, he gets shipped off to the Philippines until Chicago cools down. Apparently to help Interpol (huh? wha?). At this point the film becomes incomprehensible and boring like BC#1. Malones wallet is pinched, there are some sinister Iranians, microfilm, then there is a surreal hostage taking/rescue which belongs in a DADA performance art happening rather than in an action film.

Fred Williamson is a bit more awake in BC#2 than he is in BC#1. His acting is a little better, more relaxed, more focused. There are more laugh-out-loud lines in this film.

The soundtrack is better than BC#1. Decent Jan Hammer/Miami Vice ripoff sound. The film is also full of whacky 1980's artifacts. Williamson is constantly wears a powder blue Members Only jacket with the sleeves rolled up. Leather pants, The women in the film have some pretty scary haircuts. The sets/props/hair-do's blend seamlessly with the cheese-ball soundtrack.

Even with all the faults, if the pacing was better this could have been a watchable flick. Unfortunately the film is clunky and boaring at points when it needs to be exciting. Worth watching just the goofy intro and then F.F. to some of the more absurdist scenes.

Apparently there is a Black Cobra #3.

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The Werewolf Versus the Vampire Woman (1971)

Disappointing Snorefest

25 June 2003

I had this film on one of the cheapo Brentwood DVD sets but didnt watch that version opting to buy the Anchor Bay restored version so I could see the complete film. DOH!

Don't bother spending the extra $$ on the complete film. Definately not worth it.

I heard some buzz about Paul Naschy and I'll admit that I enjoyed Horror Rises from the Tomb.

Werewolf Shadow on the other hand is really really lame. The plot is as deep as a Scooby Doo episode. The pacing is mindnumbingly slow. Naschy is a truly awful actor. He doesn't do a lot of line intensive "acting" in Horror Rises from the Tomb, so in that film he is easier to take. In Werewolf Shadow though - his scenes are ENDLESS....After about the half-way point in the film the very sight of him was triggering fits of yawning. The scenes where he turns into a werewolf are particularly embarassing - just him roaring like a 4-year-old pretending to be an angry dog - while they do the most rudementary special effects. His make-out scenes are even worse. Dreadful.

Only for the compulsive completist. The Brentwood print is dark and scratchy and 10 minutes shorter than the complete Anchor Bay version, but after seeing the complete film, darkness, and brevity are good things. Go with the Brentwood version.

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The Blood Spattered Bride (1972)

Man Hating Vampires

23 June 2003

Warning: Spoilers

I'm not sure why this has such a low imdb rating. It is a very well made/smart movie compared to many of the other European female vampire movies. Not as over-the-top sexy as say...Vampyres - this may be the problem that many have with this film??

Inspired by Le Fanu's story Carmila. Pretty much the same old story: a castle, a curse, Karsteins...but BSB is artfully told.

Mandatory viewing for fans of the genre.

SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILE RS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!SPOILERS!!

A couple of things set Blood Spattered Bride apart from the garden variety T&A vampire flick.

One: The "vampire" experience in this film is tied to themes of virginity and rape - most other vampire flicks sort of hint at this but none that I can remember spell it out so clearly. Tons of Freudian stuff to unwrap in this film.

Second, the lesbian vampire motivation this film is fueled more by hatred for men (well...a couple of specific men at least...) than a hunger, a need for blood. The killing is revenge, the blood drinking is an aside. Very interesting. Especially unsettling is Mircala Karstein's rant to Susan about her husband violating her, spitting inside her. A genuinely creepy man-hating rant that would make Valerie Solanas proud.

Other than that the film does a good job of keeping the audience off balance by cleverly smudging the line between reality and Susan's fantasies/delusions. Kept me guessing until the end. Watch the movie yourself. I don't want to completely spoil the story. There is a lot of great Freudian stuff for all you English Majors out there.

BSB is a little long, but the plot is complex. After all is said and done the film actually makes sense (unlike many films in the genre). It would be great if someone remade this film - tightened the pacing a bit. BSB couldnt be made today today without probably softening the tone and cramming the film full of pointless cheesy CGI scenes.

A coven of man-hating, man-hunting, man slaughtering, psychotic lesbian vampires - plenty there for a movie - maybe shoot it in black and white? Make sure the chicks win this time around.

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The Forgotten (1973)

actually pretty good

11 June 2003

I was surprised how good this film was. The IMDB rating is so low. I'm not sure why it rates so poorly.

The biggest problem with the flick is that it had a miniscule budget. The overall look is fairly shabby - a very thin production. BUT it has everything else you want in a cheapo horror flick...the script is original, the acting is actually decent, bordering on pretty good for a few characters. The camera work is creative. The heroine is a babe.

A bit of gore and a bit of suspense. Seasoned horror junkies may be able to guess the main gimmick after the first couple of scenes, but it is still worth watching. The film does provide a couple of minor twists that you won't guess though.

If you are looking for bland and well produced then perhaps you should stick with Phantom Menace. If you want to watch a nifty little throwaway horror flick, try Dont Look In The Basement.

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Night of the Dark Full Moon (1972)

Dark and incoherent

9 June 2003

The version I saw was the Brentwood DVD. Nearly unwatchable for two reasons. First the movie just plain stinks. Second the print is so dark that you can't see what is going on, not just a little dark, but black screens with one or two pinpoints of light, while long passages of dialog take place. I think this is a problem with all prints and not necessarily just a problem with the print Brentwood used for the DVD.

Aside from being physically unwatchable. The movie is a choppy confusing mess that is only barely held together by cheesy voice-overs. The narrated explanations don't even really follow what you can see (...or hear, in the case of the darkened scenes). The acting is dreadful, the characters are completely wooden.

The one saving grace of this film are asylum flash-back scenes. They are shot in a choppy blurry sepia-tone technique that looks really great. Still too dark, but these scenes have a saturated high-contrast look like an old German Expressionist art-film. Pretty cool.

Overall though, Silent Night Bloody Night is an uninteresting, unintelligible, guaranteed-headache of a movie.

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Satan's School for Girls (1973 TV Movie)

Ugh...What was I thinking.

9 June 2003

I read through the other user comments about this film and was astounded. I can't believe that people actually liked Satans School for Girls?!?! A made for TV lamefest. Great title/concept and stars 2/3rds of Charlies Angels - but the film just can't get going. Not scary, not interesting, terrible pacing. Not even really a movie, more like a fluffed-up episode of Six Million Dollar Man - or some other 1970's Sunday evening pablum.

Taking the commercials out of TV movies exposes how truly empty they are. A 90 minute TV show minus the commercials does not magically become a movie. The spell just isn't complete without having your brain erased every 12 minutes by ads for Alka Seltzer or All Temperature Cheer. One of the most empty films I have ever seen. There is absolutely nothing compelling about Satans School for Girls.

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Cobra nero (1987)

terrible - run away!!

13 May 2003

This is one of the films on the super-cheapo Brentwood 4 movie DVD set called Dealin Dirty.

Fred Williamson vs. a poofy bunch of 5'3" twerps on dirtbikes. I can't think of one good thing to say about this movie. An incoherent steaming pile. Fred is obviously bored by the film, to his credit he doesn't even try to act (...I dont show up 'till the check clears...got it??). Some of the nameless Italian actors do try to act a bit. Not really much point though, because it seems like someone lost the only copy of the script about half way through shooting.

The highlight of the film is the chief bad-guy. He looks like Pete Sampras' little brother after illegal estrogen therapy. He tries to menace, but no one can convincingly menace in bluejeans that are so well ironed.

There are a few unintentionally hilarious lines, like the almost-verbatim rip-off of the "do you feel lucky punk" dialog from one of my favorite Clint Eastwood flicks. It would have been genius if the lines were exactly the

same, but one of the sub-genius writers must have thought that no one would notice that he ripped the lines off if he changed a few words. Good thinking - that was close.

Overall Black Cobra is, poorly filmed, terribly scripted, terribly acted, and generally idiotic. Worst of all it is boaring.

I just thought of something good to say...Black Cobra is a lot better than the film Dealin Dirty (shot on video) that the DVD set is named for. Just the title sequence was enough to make me flip to the Anna Nicole Smith Show.

AVOID THE WHOLE SET!

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Nude for Satan (1974)

Lame for Satan

21 April 2003

Warning: Spoilers

I really tried to like the film!

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Pretty much unwatchable - wretched. This is one 1970's "bad" Euro-sleaze films that is actually really is bad.

The film starts out OK. Dark murky night. Phantom in the road. protagonist veers his car off the road to avoid hitting the phantom, right behind him - Euro-hottie Rita Calderoni also veers to avoid the phantom but she isnt so lucky and crashes her car. The only place for the pair to seek help is in the local spooky mansion on the hill.

A decent start, right? No Problem. But from there the film progressively and steadily implodes. The mansion is trapped in some poorly thought out satanic time warp plot device. Themes from Jekyll and Hyde lamely blended with Brigadoon. I guess that is what they were aiming for (?).

The acting is terrible. Calderoni puts in the only passable performance - if only because she runs around in the buff most of the time. All of the other actors are just terrible. Terrible script, terrible direction. The head boogie-man (Satan, I guess) looks like Liberace in the throes of a hissy-fit - hardly Satanic. The most menacing thing he does is carry a duck-headed swagger stick while scowling, laughing and flapping his cape around (p***ed that he can't find his piano?). The scariest moments in the whole film are make out scenes between Calderoni and James Harris. Everyone has horrible greasy looking teeth. "Good god!...Calderoni is really going to suck face with that slimy toothed wooden indian?!?! Yikes! Cringe! Ick!"

Scenes which should be great, are just not great - Calderoni being molested by a two eyed paper mache spider, girl-on-girl make-out scenes, etc., nothing ever really jells. If you keep watching to the end you are treated to the most idiotic scene involving nudity, face paint, and bad modern dance every committed to film. BAR NONE!! Not cool-idiotic, just stupid-stupid-stupid idiotic. A real head scratcher. We are talking Cop Rock bad here.

You should really draw no connections between this steaming pile and anything by Argento, Franco, Naschy - even at their worst.

Also, NO! this movie would NOT be a good candidate for that freaking godawful MST3K drivel everyone keeps raving about on this site. This movie is lame enough on its own. Adding commercials, subtracting nudity and adding nerds with puppets geeking-out over the dialog would just make it more pathetic.

OK...On the positive side there are a few excellent visual effects which are very unique - Never seen anything quite like them. In one scene Calderoni's clothes disappear and then she is sort of overlayed onto a close-up of the bad guys eye - This scene is a classic. Also the surreal effect they used for a magic painting/mirror is great. Rent this film for these two scenes alone. The spider attack scene and ending dance-break scene are worth watching as examples of what happens when you need to finish a film in 2 days and for $24.00 or else your films financiers are going to repo your house.

Rental only, with generous fast-forwarding.

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Devil's Nightmare (1971)

cheap and cheesy fun

20 March 2003

I found this film on a cheapo Brentwood 4 DVD set called Blood Bath. To my surprise the print is actually pretty good - appears to have been borrowed from the Redemption DVD release (!?) rather than some crummy video dub.

Devils' Nightmare is an interesting hybrid between a stiff Agatha Christie style locked-room drama with a cheesy Italian girlie vampire flick. Opens with Nazis in Germany at the end of WWII, and then switches to the modern day (err... modern day 1970's anyway). A tour-bus full of people (a fat guy, a priest, two nymphos...stop me if you have heard this one before) is forced to overnight at the local spooky castle. The spooky butler tells each guest about the spooky horrible murder that happened in each of their rooms, the succubus arrives, and the stuff hits the fan. Basic Scooby-Doo caliber plotting with nudity and a touch of gore. This film has a couple of great scenes, some really interesting camera tricks and a fairly incomprehensible ending (sort of works if you really really give it the benefit of the doubt). Lots of klutzy charm. Enjoyable, if perhaps not the best film ever made.

Fast-forward past the Redemption intro/crapola before the actual film or you might feel compelled to throw something heavy (like a large brick?) at your TV.

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The Ghost Galleon (1974)

Not As Crummy As I Read It Was

16 March 2003

I read that this is the weakest of the 4 Blind Dead movies, but it isnt that bad. I found it on the cheapo Brentwood 4 film DVD set called Horror Rises From The Grave - in this set the film is titled Zombie Flesh Eaters. Found in the cheapo bin at a huge chain video store inhabiting 99% of all shopping malls. The print is passable, but not great. The title sequence is partially missing (probably to accommodate the name change), the lack of gore and nudity make me think that this version is a TV edit, but until they release a Criterion version, this one is OK.

Typical ghost ship story, with a couple of twists. Namely the ghost ship is full of Templars. Creepy scenes with the bearded Templars running around in their grubby oilskin robes are so well done that they excuse surreally wooden dialog, huge plot holes and the all time goofiest burning toy ship in a bathtub scene you will ever see. Classic!!

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