Change Your Image
djonin
Reviews
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)
Where's the Intelligence?
Andriod fans if you're expecting an Isacc Asmanov quality, you'll be greatly disapointed. See "Bicentenial Man" or the Anime classics "Ghost in the Shell." or "Artamage Poli-matrix the third" aka "Artamage III". They are much better android movies and more Intelligent than A. I.
This is an Emperors New Clothes movie, because of the great film makers involved, most people wont say anything bad about it, and they will convince themselves that they liked it, even if they were board to tears, like I was.
I don't wish to spoil anything, so if you haven't seen the film and don't want to hear something that might spoil it for you then don't read on . . . But I feel this needs to be said.
David can go in water, but he can't eat? He looks and sometimes acts like a real child on the out side, but his program is so primitive you never feel that it's love he is feeling or care about him above the fact that he is just machine. When dose this movie take place? We are on the verge now of having machines that can do more than this glorifide Furby can do. Why would he or we care about a mother that abandoned him. All that says to parents is, if you can't handle a problem child forget counsoling, just abandoned them. They say movies are bad infuences for kids.
One more thing. Is it just me or did seens of this movie look like they were filmed on the set of Jurassic Park III?
Traffic (2000)
Like being stuck in Traffic
To quote a line from this SHI-ow. "Tell us some thing we don't know about the war on drugs."
This movies was so bad people were literally snoring in the theater. My question is why did this SHI-ow get nominated for best picture and the real best movie of the year 2000 "The Patriot" was practically ignored? The fact it got best director is crazy.
I like movies with messages as long as they are entertaining. But this wasn't entertaining or entertainment. So if you're just going to send a message use Western Union.
Chicken Run (2000)
Battle Field Chicken Coop . . . So who wants PIE?
There's nothing worse than dry Chicken, and this is really dry. This is a remake of the "Great Escape" told from the P. O. V. of chickens. See the original instead. The problem is they're CHICKENS!, so who cares if they escape or not. All this movie did for me is make me hungry for chicken pot pie.
The creators of this Show should stick to shorts that have one or two chuckles, instead of a full length movie with one or two chuckle. I guess brain dead children (The only kids that could sit through this whole thing) and people with a thing for clay (Which by the votes is a lot) will like this movie.
The only reason I gave it a 5 was there was nothing offensive in it, and it was cute(whoopty do!)
Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula (2000)
True Story. Not!
I've seen many documentries on Vlad Dracula, and even though this movie hits on some real points in the impailer's life I think it is more of a prequil to 1992's "Bram Stoker's Dracula" because it focuses on the love story between him and his queen almost mirroring in 90min the short prologue of Dracula '92.
Insted of hindering the show expanding that prologue to 90min makes this movie very enjoyable and worth watching. When I saw it I then watched "Bram Stoker's Dracula" skiping the prologue and it worked well as one movie even though the filming style is different.
Maybe Dracula 2000 will make this a good but unofficial trilogy?
Hollow Man (2000)
Invisible Man with the plot of Alien.
This years remake of "Alien". Like last years "Deep Blue Sea" they've use the plot of "Alien" with Keven Bacon as the creature(an Invisible Man) and Elizabeth Shue as Ripply. Unlike Deep Blue Sea an Invisible man is not as scary as a shark. So there's nothing new here, but it's still entertaining, not scary, but a good way to kill about a couple of hours. Maybe it should of been a comedy, like the "Mummy".
What Lies Beneath (2000)
Hitchcock in review!!
Take "Rear Window" "Psycho" "Frenzy" and many other Hichcock films, take out all your favorite scenes and paste them together in an order that might make sense, and you will have a movie very close to this one.
Not a bad way to kill some time if your a Hichcock fan or not. There is nothing knew in it. Pfifer plays a sexy vapped air head that might of had more head troma then the film lets on. Ford is O. K. in a little different role for him. The Ghost is more sympathetic then scary and would be a big help if you had your hands full of groceries while trying to get to your house. Most of the scares come from loud noises and flashes of lighting.
The mystery might hold most people in their seats, if they haven't all ready figured it out from watching the previews.
It's not a bad movies. It's just many others I've seen before.
X-Men (2000)
X-actly what I was waiting for.
Like any good movie series the first has very little plot and a lot of character development.
Patrick Stewart, Hally Berry, and Anna Paquinn, are here just to have stars on the marque. It's the unknown actors that stand out and give the best performances, and Ian always makes a good bad guy. Maybe if film was longer, they might have fleshed out the characters more, or make you feel for the more, but hopefully the next one will fill any plot holes and give the stars more to do.
Oh yea, lets have Gambit in the next one. He was missed.
A Bug's Life (1998)
Even the kids get board. The Horror! The Horror!
Loser ant tries to save his friends from opressive grasshoppers, by hiring a "Magnificent Seven" of circus bugs that he thinks are warriors.
The good guys are so stupid, and pathetic that you want the grasshoppers to win. Their seens are the only ones worth watching.
Just one of many "Magnificent Seven" remakes/spoofs this year. The Three Amigos did it better in 1986 as far as spoofs go.
Just another Disney's Sh** don't stink movie, which every one with out an opinion of their own liked. But that is just my opinion.
Revolution (1985)
Dark, and realistic. Not a glossed over patriotic movie.
Because of the dark portrayal of this subject is probably the reason the critics and most people not privy to what really went on during the war don't like this movie. But it is a Okay revolutionary war film.
It's kind of the norths version of "The Patriot(2000)" with out the fireworks and musical score, which is its main weakness. Other weaknesses might be the lack of character development, and the mis-casting of the main stars, except for Annie Lenox.
Out of the few films on this subject, it works because of the accuracies in it, but fails as a drama. So it is good for a history lesson.
Scary Movie (2000)
There's something about a scary movie, that comes with a slice of American pie.
Raunchy spoof of slasher movies,(mostly Scream and I know what you did last summer),the Matrix, American Pie, Usual Suspects, and Final Destination. In about that order too.
You will laugh until we see what your insides look like, if you can get past the raunch, and if you have seen the movies I've mentioned.
Much better then their last movie "Don't be a menace to South Central while drinking your juice in the hood." Whew!
Antz (1998)
A real bugs life!
A good spoof of human pecking order, "STARSHIP TROOPERS" from the bugs point of view, and road movies. These Ants would eat the ants, grass hoppers and the rest of the bugs from "Bugs Life" for lunch, except for Z because he is probably a vegetarian.
The World Is Not Enough (1999)
After two strikes, Bond hits a home run.
A good blend of mindless action, fun, and a good plot. They ever follow the three question rule explained in "Austin Powers the spy who shagged me" were you ask a bad guy the same question three times and he has to answer.
GoldenEye was strike one, Tomorrow Never Dies was a foul ball out of the park, and this was a barley good home run.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
Star Wars: Mars Attacks part 2
George Lucus just remade mars attacks in part with the same actor Nataly Portmen. The rest of the movie is just a set up for the next episodes, but has very little plot. The high points are the pod race, the voyage under sea, and the battle at the end.
George should consult more of the novel writers on the next two, to avoid remaking the same old movie again. This is what we waited 20 years for? Wasn't worth it.
Tarzan (1999)
Disney's flat animation falls flat again.
Disney's live action and animation in the past few years(with the exception of the Toy Story movies) just seams like they're not trying to come up with an engaging plot any more. Instead they put some cool colors on the screen and think that's all you need to spend your money on.
That's the problem with a lot of movies now days, but in Disney's case they don't think their Sh** stinks, and nether do the critics or movie going public. They think as long as it has Disney on it, it can't be bad. Unless it's a really good one like Pocahontas, that goes over their heads, then the movie going public hates it, just because the critics tell them to.
The studios are not in the business to make good quality movies, but to make money, and as long as the public will buy the cool colors, big bangs, and one liners, the independent artist will get all the awards, and the studios will keep making dumb movies like this one.
The Patriot (2000)
The Best Movie on the Revolutionary War I've seen.
This movie gets you on every emotion. They've finally made a movie that shows you every thing that our forefathers suffered to form this nation, without bashing you over the head with gore, and hoped up propaganda.
It might be one of the best ever made. Up there with Gone With the Wind.
You'll laugh, and you'll cry as the hero's live and die. We must never forget the cost of freedom.
The Patriot (2000)
The Best Movie on the Revolutionary War I've seen.
This movie gets you on every emotion. They've finally made a movie that shows you every thing that our forefathers suffered to form this nation, without bashing you over the head with gore, and hoped up propaganda.
It might be one of the best ever made. Up there with Gone With the Wind.
You'll laugh, and you'll cry as the hero's live and die. We must never forget the cost of freedom.
The Green Mile (1999)
Are you sure I. P. Freely didn't write this one.
I don't wish to spoil any thing but in this movie an innocent man on death row heals people with his mouth, except "Thankfully" when it comes to Tom Hanks' bladder condition. That's just one of the many plot holes in this silly movie full of hidden jokes.
Did you here about the one where a guy in prison that trains a mouse to tricks on command. Well when the mouse is finally fully trained, the mouse dies and the guy is put to death. So what was the point, except to fill time in an all ready to long movie.
Maybe I mist the point, because with all the urinating going on in the movie I had to go to the restroom myself.
Me, Myself & Irene (2000)
Jim Carrey, James Carrey, and the rest of the Cast.
Jim Carrey drags his feet as he tries to CARREY this un-original not funny enough gross out comedy, that has very little to do with the really funny stuff that goes when your "split", but most of that is internal. I know, "been there done that".
The gross out stuff is not even shocking any more, because you expect it. At least the P P jokes are funnier than the "Green Mile's" and fewer. Jim does a very good job of kicking his own ass, again, but that's about all.
I think African American's would be more offended by this than us Skitso's, because of the stereo typical foul mouth trio. But it's all in fun right? I guess if you a up-tight African American Skitso, this is not the film for you.
For some reason I just can't decide if this move was good or bad. Part of me liked it and part of me didn't. I guess I'm split on my opinion.
Curse of the Blair Witch (1999)
Better than the Project!
You have to wonder how this propaganda to promote "The Blair Witch Project" ended up being better than the movie that spawned it.
If you are going to see the "Project" see this first it is very entertaining and makes you almost believe that the Blair Witch is real, until you see the movie which destroys any illusion of reality.
A.D. (1985)
Why isn't this movie on Video? Its to good to be lost to time.
In the tradition of the Robe, Quo Vadis, and Jesus of Nazareth, this film is more than just a religious movie but a historical account of the Roman Empire. It goes in greater detail than any thing I've seen before about the time period. I've seen it only once and that was when I was ten years old. It left such a good impression on me that I still remember it fifteen years later.
I plead with the people who own this, PUT IT OUT ON DVD please, and Thank You.
Frequency (2000)
Can You say Back to the Future?
Instead of a flying Delorian, a flying radio signal thought time and space. Nothing new but a good movie if you don't think about it to much.
Not to spoil anything if that is posable? But this film suffers from the same problem all back in time movies have when they try to change the past. In these type of films the Hero has a sucky life and changes the past so that in the future his life is perfect. Never mind all the people's lives that are ruined so he can be happy. Let alone throughing the entire universe out of balance. Better luck next TIME!
In all it is entertaining, and good to see once.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
How Did this SH'ow ever get put out?
This SH'ow makes Waterworld look like a classic. If this is what L. Ron Huberd thought was a good Sifi story, that makes me want to avoid Sientolgist like the plague. But if it was all the film makers falt, I still would have anything to do with them, but I wouldn't blame them for this SH'ow.
Hello! 1000 year old unmatained jet will not work, and English the way we know it wouldn't be spoken let alone read. I could of forgave all the week day morning cartoon gags and lack of intelligence if it would of had an engaging story and characters you can care about.
Worst film this year so far.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
In 1994 three Idiots go in to the woods.
Totally unscary, and the three nimrods are so stupid that after an hour in to the movie you don't care if they get killed, you're just wishing they would die already, but it just drags on and on, a lot like this sentence. The way this movie end cements the stupidity of these people. If this was real you'd be glad there are three less idiots in the world.
What saves the movie is the low budget artistic style in which it is filmed. Hay I got a video camera. . .!
See "The Curse of the Blair Witch" It's much better and makes this flem, I mean film a lot better.
Sons of the Desert (1933)
OK but I've Laughed harder on other L&H movies
I got a little bored on this one, and I don't think it is their best work. Anything they've done is better than "Utopia" but this is not too much better. I can say I cried, because of my Love for L&H I bought this movie "sight unseen" and payed full price and I was very disappointed.
GoldenEye (1995)
A no brainer
I would Like to point out the biggest movie mistake I've ever seen in all my years of being an avid movie buff. So if you if you don't want me to spoil it for you other nit-pickers and film buffs don't read on.
This movie opens with our hero Bond bunjee jumping off of a DAM into a GULLY and entering a restroom in the Dam's power house. So Bond shoots his way from one room to the other, and so on. When he finally leaves the building we see he is now at a snowy MOUNTAIN TOP air strip. At this point you would expect Bond to look around and say "What the *@#^!" at the shock of entering a DAM POWER HOUSE and exiting to a MOUNTAIN TOP air strip. But neither Bond nor the people, who liked this movies enough to think it was the best Bond ever, even notice the problem. This movie is just one action seen after another with very little plot. Film markers, please stop picking on the Russian, find away to bring back SPECTOR because those were the best Bond's, and let our action hero's do some actual detective work to stop the bad guy, instead of everything just falling in their laps.