I will not begin to comment on the well-documented cinematic achievements within this film, but this movie (like all of Leone's for that matter) is hard for me to watch. The amount of looping of dialogue is a major distraction... and it's not an outgrowth of Italian/English translation. Just count how often the lines "spoken" during a scene were obviously dubbed in a booth later. Were there planes constantly flying overhead during principal filming ruining the audio takes? Maybe I'm picky, but when the video and audio are out of synch, it detracts from my ability to focus on the scene.
Reviews
16 Reviews
Mystic River
(2003)
Good, but over-rated and over-long
22 October 2003
Warning: Spoilers
Notes: Sean Penn: Overall... very convincing. Don't overuse the grimace, and remember, you're still not James Dean.
Tim Robbins: A bit hokey on the Boston accent, otherwise another strong performance.
Marcia Gay Harden: Enjoy your Oscar nomination
Kevin Chapman & Adam Nelson: Stole every scene you were in. Cut down to two packs a day, though.
Kevin Bacon: Made me forget about "Hollow Man."
Tom Guiry: Liked you better in Sandlot, but you're talent shows here as well.
Tom Stern (Cinematographer): Your background in lighting paid off. Loved the scenes on the porch steps.
Clint Eastwood (Director): Kudos for letting your cast shine, and imbuing the film with darkness.
Clint Eastwood (Producer): Should have told your director to slash at least 30 minutes. Didn't need the parade, Bacon's estranged wife, or the "You are the King of the family" speech from Linney.
Clint Eastwood (Composer): Please find the phone numbers for Howard Shore, James Horner, Michael Kamen, or any of the Newman boys. Your piano banging at worst, ruined the poignant moments, or at best, diminished their impact.
Continuity Department: ***(SPOILER ALERT***)How can Brendan know his brother Silent Ray spoke on a 911 tape he cannot have possibly heard?
Tim Robbins: A bit hokey on the Boston accent, otherwise another strong performance.
Marcia Gay Harden: Enjoy your Oscar nomination
Kevin Chapman & Adam Nelson: Stole every scene you were in. Cut down to two packs a day, though.
Kevin Bacon: Made me forget about "Hollow Man."
Tom Guiry: Liked you better in Sandlot, but you're talent shows here as well.
Tom Stern (Cinematographer): Your background in lighting paid off. Loved the scenes on the porch steps.
Clint Eastwood (Director): Kudos for letting your cast shine, and imbuing the film with darkness.
Clint Eastwood (Producer): Should have told your director to slash at least 30 minutes. Didn't need the parade, Bacon's estranged wife, or the "You are the King of the family" speech from Linney.
Clint Eastwood (Composer): Please find the phone numbers for Howard Shore, James Horner, Michael Kamen, or any of the Newman boys. Your piano banging at worst, ruined the poignant moments, or at best, diminished their impact.
Continuity Department: ***(SPOILER ALERT***)How can Brendan know his brother Silent Ray spoke on a 911 tape he cannot have possibly heard?
Zero Hour!
(1957)
Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up parodies
9 September 2003
And you thought the dialogue and acting went over the top in "Airplane," huh? Thank you TCM for running this the other day. I had never seen it before, but wait a minute, sure I had... dozens of times. That's what made the ZH viewing such a hoot. ZAZ did such a fine job colorizing "Zero Hour!" I had the whole script memorized. If you have grown slightly weary from repeated "Airplane" yukfests, find a copy of its propellorized progenitor and enjoy the comedy anew. So true is the original to its parody (note the deliberate juxtaposition) I half expected Geoffrey Toone's (Dr. Baird) nose to grow as he attempted to calm the passengers. All that was missing was June Cleaver's "Jive Talkin'!"
At the Earth's Core
(1976)
Caroline Munro, and that's about it
4 September 2003
Warning: Spoilers
I've devoted the whopping 43 nanoseconds this film review deserves, and have come up with something I hated more than the Circa Georges Melies visual effects. It's the audio. From the electrified clicks and grunts of the Sagoth, to the screeching dino-dragon-flying whatevers, right up to the woefully mismatched ADR work chiefly utilized during Grand Moff Cushing's utterings, the sound work here is far below the standards of a "B" movie. Sound editor Jim Atkinson must have grown work weary after splicing Ned Beatty's pig squeals together four years earlier in "Deliverance."
Here's something else to ponder... ***POSSIBLE MAJOR SPOILER AHEAD*** At the end of the film, when the Geo-Screw emerges on the White House lawn, what the heck are British bobbies doing guarding the front gate? Must have been a sale at Brit-Cop Surplus Wear the day of filming.
On a positive note, we do have the privilege of seeing a fair amount of the statuesque Caroline Munro. She can polish my "Goodie Two Shoes" (thank you Adam Ant) any old time... at the earth's core, or wherever.
Here's something else to ponder... ***POSSIBLE MAJOR SPOILER AHEAD*** At the end of the film, when the Geo-Screw emerges on the White House lawn, what the heck are British bobbies doing guarding the front gate? Must have been a sale at Brit-Cop Surplus Wear the day of filming.
On a positive note, we do have the privilege of seeing a fair amount of the statuesque Caroline Munro. She can polish my "Goodie Two Shoes" (thank you Adam Ant) any old time... at the earth's core, or wherever.
S.W.A.T.
(2003)
too bad about the third act
12 August 2003
Character development, witty barbs, credible police situations and outcomes, then KABOOM...
The first hour of S.W.A.T. had me dreaming of what will be a reference quality DVD release in a few months. The sounds of automatic gunfire and shattering glass will rock my home theater. This movie rocked as well up until the final, preposterous 45 minutes.
On the plus side, you've got to like this guy Colin Farrell. Here's an actor whose brogue is as thick as potato soup, yet he sounds more American than most "Americans." In the role of Street, he brings to the screen a dynamic physical and intelligent presence. We learn just enough about him to give a damn about his fate, unlike too many other action film characters.
Sam Jackson does his usual no B.S. best as Hondo, and with fine supporting performances by Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J, and Olivier Martinez, all the pieces are in place for a rivetting conclusion.
Someone should have rivetted the writers' trailers shut until they came up with a 3rd act as plausible as the rest of the picture. I mean, seriously, how long is that 6th street bridge for a Learjet to land, turn around, and attempt take off anyway??? Ridiculous... and like the rest of the climax, needlessly so.
I'll still pony up the $19.99 for the Special Edition DVD... I just hope the bonus features include an alternate ending.
The first hour of S.W.A.T. had me dreaming of what will be a reference quality DVD release in a few months. The sounds of automatic gunfire and shattering glass will rock my home theater. This movie rocked as well up until the final, preposterous 45 minutes.
On the plus side, you've got to like this guy Colin Farrell. Here's an actor whose brogue is as thick as potato soup, yet he sounds more American than most "Americans." In the role of Street, he brings to the screen a dynamic physical and intelligent presence. We learn just enough about him to give a damn about his fate, unlike too many other action film characters.
Sam Jackson does his usual no B.S. best as Hondo, and with fine supporting performances by Michelle Rodriguez, LL Cool J, and Olivier Martinez, all the pieces are in place for a rivetting conclusion.
Someone should have rivetted the writers' trailers shut until they came up with a 3rd act as plausible as the rest of the picture. I mean, seriously, how long is that 6th street bridge for a Learjet to land, turn around, and attempt take off anyway??? Ridiculous... and like the rest of the climax, needlessly so.
I'll still pony up the $19.99 for the Special Edition DVD... I just hope the bonus features include an alternate ending.
American Wedding
(2003)
Captivating... like a train wreck
6 August 2003
Maybe I'm too old (41) but I've never been a huge fan of the American Pie series. Admittedly, there were plenty of yucks for the dollar, but the mediocre acting and lack of convincing camaraderie among the main characters always left me wondering, what if? So when the early buzz on American Wedding sounded too good to be true, I was quite skeptical.
But after watching American Wedding last night with two other couples, I think I've been sucked into vortex of vulgarity. Why the turnaround? It surely isn't the acting. Many of the prime players from the first two efforts sat this one out. Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, and Thomas Ian Nicholas have clearly outgrown whatever adolescent appeal they had back in 1999. Fred Willard simply reprises his reluctant Father-in-Law-to-be role from "Everybody Loves Raymond." Even the wonderful Eugene Levy isn't given as much material to work with here as in the prior two installments. So that leaves us with the ever-annoying Seann William Scott. Yes, I hate to admit, but he carries the show. His grossfest is so over the top this time it really worked for me. Eddie Kaye Thomas' counterpoint as Finch only heightens, or maybe I should say "lowers" Stifler's appalling appeal.
Most of set pieces are brilliantly executed as well: The gay dance sequence, dog humping, bachelor party, and granny in the closet to name a few. Heck, I was so overcome with crudity even the Pomeranian Poo Feast nearly had me in tears. I don't know if director Jesse Dylan took any pointers from his famous songwriting father, but he handled the timing of these scenes quite well for a newcomer.
As a fan of "The Price Is Right", it was also nice to see ALL of former Barker Beauty Nikki Zierling.
I'm not sure how much gross grist is left in the American Pie comedy mill, but if "American Divorce" or something similar opens in two years, I'll see you in line.
But after watching American Wedding last night with two other couples, I think I've been sucked into vortex of vulgarity. Why the turnaround? It surely isn't the acting. Many of the prime players from the first two efforts sat this one out. Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, and Thomas Ian Nicholas have clearly outgrown whatever adolescent appeal they had back in 1999. Fred Willard simply reprises his reluctant Father-in-Law-to-be role from "Everybody Loves Raymond." Even the wonderful Eugene Levy isn't given as much material to work with here as in the prior two installments. So that leaves us with the ever-annoying Seann William Scott. Yes, I hate to admit, but he carries the show. His grossfest is so over the top this time it really worked for me. Eddie Kaye Thomas' counterpoint as Finch only heightens, or maybe I should say "lowers" Stifler's appalling appeal.
Most of set pieces are brilliantly executed as well: The gay dance sequence, dog humping, bachelor party, and granny in the closet to name a few. Heck, I was so overcome with crudity even the Pomeranian Poo Feast nearly had me in tears. I don't know if director Jesse Dylan took any pointers from his famous songwriting father, but he handled the timing of these scenes quite well for a newcomer.
As a fan of "The Price Is Right", it was also nice to see ALL of former Barker Beauty Nikki Zierling.
I'm not sure how much gross grist is left in the American Pie comedy mill, but if "American Divorce" or something similar opens in two years, I'll see you in line.
Sheena
(1984)
She can ride my zebra anytime!
21 July 2003
"Sheena" has a ludicrous plot, inane dialogue, pinstripe-painted horses and the attack of the helicopter-devouring flamingos. What it also has is Tanya Roberts, clad in natural hides and very little of them. That is about all that makes the 117 minutes remotely bearable, or should I say "bare" able. Victoria Leigh Blum (aka Tanya) isn't enough to save this cheesefest, but she sure makes me want to speak chimpanzeese!
Star Trek: Nemesis
(2002)
Plot holes to be sure, and yet...
14 July 2003
I dropped my $3.99 for Nemesis on Pay Per View this weekend having opted not to plunk $8.00 per person last summer at the box office. Despite enough plot holes to fill a turbo-lift, holo-deck, and sick bay combined, I still feel I got my money's worth out of this 10th installment in the ST series. I won't go into the glaring and troubling flaws with this film. My predecessors have thoroughly and eloquently itemized them for your inspection. As a fan of Trek since the original series aired on Friday nights in the late 60s, I've lost count of continuity errors and flaws in Trek science. They come with the territory, I figure, so I've learned to accept most of them. I think that's why I was able to sit back and enjoy Nemesis. Of particular note were the performances of the venerable Stewart, and his chrome-pated clone Tom Hardy in the role of Shinzon. I hardly recognized him from his role in Band of Brothers. His best scene emerges from the darkness of the Predator, revealing a Trek villain as unctuous as any before him. But my highest kudos are extended to composer Jerry Goldsmith. No stranger to Trek themes, Goldsmith's work here enlivens the slow moments and properly accentuates the bombast of the battle scenes.
Many critics like Roger Ebert say they're tired of the formulaic Trek franchise. Perhaps they're right, and Roddenberry's magnum opus has run its course. I hope they're wrong, and that Paramount finds a way to propel the Enterprise even as her dilithium crystals appear all but drained.
Many critics like Roger Ebert say they're tired of the formulaic Trek franchise. Perhaps they're right, and Roddenberry's magnum opus has run its course. I hope they're wrong, and that Paramount finds a way to propel the Enterprise even as her dilithium crystals appear all but drained.
Sink the Bismarck!
(1960)
Not as compelling as "The Enemy Below," but...
8 November 2002
As a youngster growing up in Chicago, WGN-TV had a Sunday evening program entitled "Family Classics." The show was hosted by the avuncular Frazier Thomas of Garfield Goose fame. He would sit in the cozy high-backed chair and set up many fine films for all ages, such as "The Adventures of Robin Hood", "My Friend Flicka", and the like. "Sink the Bismarck" was one of my personal favorites as it appealed to my interest in ships and planes. As an adult, I've seen the movie several more times. While the effects show some age, the story of German naval haughtiness vanquished by the concerted effort of the British still hits the mark. Kevin More delivers a quintessential performance of the stiff-upper-lipped and dutiful Captain Shepard. He's given a win-at-any-cost mandate by Winston Churchill (via a poorly executed impersonation of the P.M.'s voice over a squawk box). Shephard's gamble pays off, thanks in large part to one of the earliest demonstrations of naval air power. Despite the dated models, the battle scenes are effectively filmed, conveying a sense of desperation on both sides.
As pointed out by a previous reviewer, Karel Stepanek's portrayal of Admiral Lutjens is wildly amiss. Lutjens was far from the raving Nazi egomaniac we see here, though his decisions during those days in late May 1941 do reflect poor judgment in hindsight. The other major flaw in the story deals with the recovery of Bismarck's survivors. Only 115 German sailors were rescued from the Dover Straits... as British forces suddenly withdrew the rescue effort due to the fear of U-boats in the area. Many survivors resented and questioned the rationale for the action. Perhaps British-born director Lewis Gilbert chose to omit that episode for jingoistic reasons.
STB is still a fine cat-and-mouse film 40+ years after its release. Mitchum and Jurgens still rank tops for "The Enemy Below" in this genre, but put on the old Johnny Horton song, curl up in your high-backed chair by the fireplace, and enjoy this "Family Classic."
As pointed out by a previous reviewer, Karel Stepanek's portrayal of Admiral Lutjens is wildly amiss. Lutjens was far from the raving Nazi egomaniac we see here, though his decisions during those days in late May 1941 do reflect poor judgment in hindsight. The other major flaw in the story deals with the recovery of Bismarck's survivors. Only 115 German sailors were rescued from the Dover Straits... as British forces suddenly withdrew the rescue effort due to the fear of U-boats in the area. Many survivors resented and questioned the rationale for the action. Perhaps British-born director Lewis Gilbert chose to omit that episode for jingoistic reasons.
STB is still a fine cat-and-mouse film 40+ years after its release. Mitchum and Jurgens still rank tops for "The Enemy Below" in this genre, but put on the old Johnny Horton song, curl up in your high-backed chair by the fireplace, and enjoy this "Family Classic."
Signs
(2002)
At its best during the lighter moments
11 August 2002
*********SPOLIERS AHEAD***************
It seems I had been watching trailers for "Signs" for months in the pre-feature darkness. I was led to believe this movie would scare the CROP out of me. Unfortunately, that is precisely where I feel this movie fails.
Sure, there are a couple of pop-you-out-of-your-seat moments, but there was no sensation of impending doom, despite the best efforts of Gibson, Phoenix, and the two talented tykes to convince me the end of the world was nigh.
I now believe much of my disappointment is rooted in the now-thoroughly debunked phenomenon known as crop circles. Anyone who still feels aliens are hard at work making geometry out of greenery probably sleeps with a wreath of garlic to ward off werewolves. When Spielberg brought us the return of Flight 19, mysterious radar echoes on the air traffic control screen, and toys that spontaneously came to life, he established the plausibiliy of alien visitation before we ever saw a spaceship or creature. Crop circles fail to tee up the terror,
I don't mind that the director goes cheap and only tells us about the destruction going on outside Mel's private little world, but perhaps a few frames depicting awesome alien power might have heightened the tension. There were only vague reports of armageddon on the radio and tv. While I'm on the subject of those TV reports, I thought after spotting the home video of the "scary" alien, that when it re-appeared in person, it might look more, oh, I don't know, realistic??? Come on, ILM, this baby had a 62-large budget, and you give us a dude in a space suit with pointy teeth and a wrist-deployed vaporizer? Yeah, I know this isn't a movie about aliens, but did the ONE we do see have to look like fodder from Mystery Science Theater 3K?
"Signs" does elicit some hearty laughter. Sprinkled in among the faux fear and trumped-up terror are several genuinely funny lines and set pieces. I'm sure they were intended to break the gripping horror, but for me, they only punctuated the mediocrity.
It seems I had been watching trailers for "Signs" for months in the pre-feature darkness. I was led to believe this movie would scare the CROP out of me. Unfortunately, that is precisely where I feel this movie fails.
Sure, there are a couple of pop-you-out-of-your-seat moments, but there was no sensation of impending doom, despite the best efforts of Gibson, Phoenix, and the two talented tykes to convince me the end of the world was nigh.
I now believe much of my disappointment is rooted in the now-thoroughly debunked phenomenon known as crop circles. Anyone who still feels aliens are hard at work making geometry out of greenery probably sleeps with a wreath of garlic to ward off werewolves. When Spielberg brought us the return of Flight 19, mysterious radar echoes on the air traffic control screen, and toys that spontaneously came to life, he established the plausibiliy of alien visitation before we ever saw a spaceship or creature. Crop circles fail to tee up the terror,
I don't mind that the director goes cheap and only tells us about the destruction going on outside Mel's private little world, but perhaps a few frames depicting awesome alien power might have heightened the tension. There were only vague reports of armageddon on the radio and tv. While I'm on the subject of those TV reports, I thought after spotting the home video of the "scary" alien, that when it re-appeared in person, it might look more, oh, I don't know, realistic??? Come on, ILM, this baby had a 62-large budget, and you give us a dude in a space suit with pointy teeth and a wrist-deployed vaporizer? Yeah, I know this isn't a movie about aliens, but did the ONE we do see have to look like fodder from Mystery Science Theater 3K?
"Signs" does elicit some hearty laughter. Sprinkled in among the faux fear and trumped-up terror are several genuinely funny lines and set pieces. I'm sure they were intended to break the gripping horror, but for me, they only punctuated the mediocrity.
Road to Perdition
(2002)
Two Newman's and a Hall shine
17 July 2002
Watching this movie last night, I was struck by how how absolutely glorious this film looks. Cinematographer Conrad Hall outdoes his previous teaming with Director Sam Mendes (American Beauty) by taking us down a slightly sepia-toned "road to picture perfection." Each shot is a thing of beauty, whether it's the rain cascading off the brim of a fedora, or a brilliant rack focus and zoom as Newman and Hanks walk out of the room leaving the humiliated Connor blurred until the last moment. Hall has worked with Newman before in "Cool Hand Luke" and his Oscar-winning "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid," and once again he captures the living legend.
Paul Newman will likely receive Supporting Actor attention, but the film's other Newman, composer Thomas Newman deserves even higher marks. His score, perhaps his best alongside "Shawshank Redemption" propels us when the action calls for it, and stirs our emotions with his trademark piano and strings during the slower, pensive moments.
I've read some critics' bashing of the film's finale. Without divulging too much, I was pleased Mendes risked what could have been a 7-minute shorter movie and more "Happy-Hollywood" ending for the less mirthful but yet hopeful ending he provides.
Paul Newman will likely receive Supporting Actor attention, but the film's other Newman, composer Thomas Newman deserves even higher marks. His score, perhaps his best alongside "Shawshank Redemption" propels us when the action calls for it, and stirs our emotions with his trademark piano and strings during the slower, pensive moments.
I've read some critics' bashing of the film's finale. Without divulging too much, I was pleased Mendes risked what could have been a 7-minute shorter movie and more "Happy-Hollywood" ending for the less mirthful but yet hopeful ending he provides.
The Pride of the Yankees
(1942)
Too bad Cooper couldn't swing a bat
14 July 2002
Rather than simply re-hash the well-established platitudes this film and hero deserve, I wish to pick out the glaring flaw found not only in "Pride of the Yankees," but many other baseball movies. Why don't the actors seem to have ever picked up a bat and ball before in their lives? Here, In Gary Cooper, we feature an actor so incapable of the rudiments of the game, his baseball-playing scenes had to be filmed with the frame flipped around. This was supposedly because Mr. Cooper was right handed, unlike Lou Gehrig. But watch him at bat... even right handed his swings look like those of a tee-ball tyro. Cooper's not alone. Check out Ray Liotta's ungainly effort as Shoeless Joe Jackson in "Field of Dreams," or Tom Beringer's wimpish swings in "Major League," or almost all of the supporting cast of New York Knights in "The Natural." Kevin Costner seems the only actor who looks like he's actually played some ball in his life, and the crucial athletic realism in any of his sports films is heightened because of it. I'm not looking for MVP-caliber skills in a sports movie actor, but it sure would be nice if he or she looked like they knew how to play the game better than your average 4th grader.
Extramarital
(1998)
late-night fare missing key component
13 June 2002
Caught this the other night... as in wee-hours-of-the-morn' night, and I agree that Ms. Lords turns in a respectable performance in an otherwise vapid 90-minute tease. However, the "steamy" sex scenes fail to deliver because in an effort to prove herself a "serious" thespian, Ms. Lords keeps her naughty bits carefully covered. I know less is supposed to be more, but in a film like this, destined for skinemax viewings, let's show your full beauty, girl! I notice she's made only three very limited-release films since 1998... maybe if she'd go back to showing more, she'd work more.
Planet of the Apes
(2001)
Typical Burton effort.. style over substance
8 August 2001
Warning: Spoilers
SPOILER ALERT "Get your hands off me, you damn dirty human!" Once I heard Michael Clarke Duncan deliver this line, I knew the screenwriters had phoned it in. And it's a damn dirty shame, because the look of this film, from the marvelous make-up effects by Rick Baker, to the lushly imaginative sets of Rick Heinrich, could have been used to far greater reward for audiences of "all species."
I was left scratching my head like an ungroomed chimp several times during the movie. Here are but a few. 1.Why does Leo (Wahlberg) go to the trouble of putting on a helmet when he heads out to follow Pericles in pod D? His space suit is barely zipped up, so how does the space hat do any good? 2.When Leo enters the ape planet's atmosphere, he's going about mach 20. How does he slow down to his landing speed, and then seriously folks, how does he survive that crash? 3.Charleton Heston, why, oh why? 4.Who is this little boy warrior we're supposed to root for near the end, and when did he earn the respect of Krull? 5.The human rebels are gathered at the wrecked spaceship... it's evening... Leo conjures up his big plan ("it's our one chance!") He tells everyone to "get behind the ship." Dissolve to the following morning, and guess what? No one listened... he tells them again, "get behind the ship." 6.About that wrecked ship. Nuclear power that "lasts forever"???? Really? And, 7.Ka Li Ma. Did any of those super-smart simians ever think to scrape the crud off the sign to reveal the rest of the letters????? As for Ape-raham Lincoln, I hope this isn't the poetic contrivance necessitating Planet of Apes 2 (again).
Not all is bleak here... Paul Giamatti is terrific as Limbo, this movie's answer to Oliver Reed's Proximo in Gladiator. I kept wishing the rest of the writing could have had the edge and wit given his character. But alas, it was not to be. Tim Roth (Thade) looks and moves the part of the merciless general, but his best dialogue is a cacophony of grunts and screeches. Helena Bonham Carter's beauty cannot be concealed, and she does what she can with the drivel penned for her character, Ari, kind of the Eleanor Roosevelt of Apeville.
True, the technical cinematic business of making monkeys out of men has improved since the 1968 original, but there's no comparison with Franklin Schaffner and Rod Serling's collaboration behind the typewriter and the camera.
3 out of 10.
I was left scratching my head like an ungroomed chimp several times during the movie. Here are but a few. 1.Why does Leo (Wahlberg) go to the trouble of putting on a helmet when he heads out to follow Pericles in pod D? His space suit is barely zipped up, so how does the space hat do any good? 2.When Leo enters the ape planet's atmosphere, he's going about mach 20. How does he slow down to his landing speed, and then seriously folks, how does he survive that crash? 3.Charleton Heston, why, oh why? 4.Who is this little boy warrior we're supposed to root for near the end, and when did he earn the respect of Krull? 5.The human rebels are gathered at the wrecked spaceship... it's evening... Leo conjures up his big plan ("it's our one chance!") He tells everyone to "get behind the ship." Dissolve to the following morning, and guess what? No one listened... he tells them again, "get behind the ship." 6.About that wrecked ship. Nuclear power that "lasts forever"???? Really? And, 7.Ka Li Ma. Did any of those super-smart simians ever think to scrape the crud off the sign to reveal the rest of the letters????? As for Ape-raham Lincoln, I hope this isn't the poetic contrivance necessitating Planet of Apes 2 (again).
Not all is bleak here... Paul Giamatti is terrific as Limbo, this movie's answer to Oliver Reed's Proximo in Gladiator. I kept wishing the rest of the writing could have had the edge and wit given his character. But alas, it was not to be. Tim Roth (Thade) looks and moves the part of the merciless general, but his best dialogue is a cacophony of grunts and screeches. Helena Bonham Carter's beauty cannot be concealed, and she does what she can with the drivel penned for her character, Ari, kind of the Eleanor Roosevelt of Apeville.
True, the technical cinematic business of making monkeys out of men has improved since the 1968 original, but there's no comparison with Franklin Schaffner and Rod Serling's collaboration behind the typewriter and the camera.
3 out of 10.
Road Trip
(2000)
A mouse-lickin' good time! NOT!
25 July 2001
Warning: Spoilers
If you are among that special group of comedically challenged individuals that find Tom Green's nauseating brand of on-screen behavior remotely amusing, then perhaps you will enjoy Road Trip. More on him later.
First the plot... boy cheats on girl, girl tapes the event, boy's college pals mistakenly send porn tape to girlfriend, boy and pals travel cross-country to intercept said tape prior to delivery and viewing. Hmm, ever seen "Overnight Delivery?" Yeah, it's pretty much the same movie, but at least it has the redeeming value of Reese Witherspoon in a major role. Here, the prodigious acting requirements are pulled off by Breckin Meyer whom you may have seen in Go or Josie and the Pussycats, Seann William Scott(no doubt cast to remind a stupified audience of his earlier Stanislavsky-esque work in American Pie), and Amy Smart of TV's Felicity fame.
Road Trip fails on multiple levels. As a love story, we never understand Meyer's affection for his long-distance girlfriend, nor can any sane individual concoct a rational explanation as to why Amy Smart is so taken with him. As a buddy picture, there are a total of three laughs between the four guys during their 50-minute on-screen road trip. That works out to roughly one laugh per 17 minutes if my math is correct. As a bawdy sex flick, sure there are few topless moments, but even they seem uncomfortably staged.
What prevents this foray into vapidity from being a total loss is a well-disguised Andy Dick in a role as a sarcastic motel clerk, and one sight gag involving a Ford Taurus.
Then there's Tom Green, a fellow student who narrates this rubbish in flashback fashion to a group of potential freshman. If this is the poetic thread holding the fabric of the screenplay together, then somebody better buy E.P. Ivan Reitman a new suit. I don't think this qualifies as a plot spoiler, but if you want to preserve all the shock value of the 100 minutes you will invest, nay, waste, watching this, then stop here. Okay, still with me? The highlight of Green's performance involves licking a live mouse, then inserting it fully into his mouth. If this sounds funny to you, I wish you all the best next year in 5th grade. Where's PETA when you need 'em? 2 out of 10.
First the plot... boy cheats on girl, girl tapes the event, boy's college pals mistakenly send porn tape to girlfriend, boy and pals travel cross-country to intercept said tape prior to delivery and viewing. Hmm, ever seen "Overnight Delivery?" Yeah, it's pretty much the same movie, but at least it has the redeeming value of Reese Witherspoon in a major role. Here, the prodigious acting requirements are pulled off by Breckin Meyer whom you may have seen in Go or Josie and the Pussycats, Seann William Scott(no doubt cast to remind a stupified audience of his earlier Stanislavsky-esque work in American Pie), and Amy Smart of TV's Felicity fame.
Road Trip fails on multiple levels. As a love story, we never understand Meyer's affection for his long-distance girlfriend, nor can any sane individual concoct a rational explanation as to why Amy Smart is so taken with him. As a buddy picture, there are a total of three laughs between the four guys during their 50-minute on-screen road trip. That works out to roughly one laugh per 17 minutes if my math is correct. As a bawdy sex flick, sure there are few topless moments, but even they seem uncomfortably staged.
What prevents this foray into vapidity from being a total loss is a well-disguised Andy Dick in a role as a sarcastic motel clerk, and one sight gag involving a Ford Taurus.
Then there's Tom Green, a fellow student who narrates this rubbish in flashback fashion to a group of potential freshman. If this is the poetic thread holding the fabric of the screenplay together, then somebody better buy E.P. Ivan Reitman a new suit. I don't think this qualifies as a plot spoiler, but if you want to preserve all the shock value of the 100 minutes you will invest, nay, waste, watching this, then stop here. Okay, still with me? The highlight of Green's performance involves licking a live mouse, then inserting it fully into his mouth. If this sounds funny to you, I wish you all the best next year in 5th grade. Where's PETA when you need 'em? 2 out of 10.
Shanghai Noon
(2000)
Chan drives, but it's Wilson's vehicle.
7 July 2001
Comedy... Kung Fu... Romance... Hilarious out-takes... and it's a Western! What more could you want for your fistful of movie dollars? Jackie Chan's unbridled energy electrifies the action sequences, which punctuate a taut script laced with humor. Lucy Liu is stunning as the Chinese princess, but the real scene stealer is Owen Wilson. You've seen him in Armageddon and Meet the Parents, but as the endearingly inept gunslinger Roy O'Bannon, Wilson gives his best performance to date. The pairing of Chan and Wilson makes one of the best buddy combos since Glover and Gibson, and director Tom Dey should be congratulated on letting the two actors find a palpable friendship with what appears to be natural ease. Be sure to stick around for the credits, which keep the laughs rolling, and give a glimpse of how hard it must have been to keep a straight face on the set. Spring for the DVD and you'll find a wealth of extras, including great commentary tracks and an interactive trivia game.
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