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onairbob
Reviews
Cloverfield (2008)
No stars
I had no idea what the film was about before I started watching it and I was so bored by the inane beginning, I got up and walked out after ten wasted minutes. Why on earth do we have to wade through bits and pieces of somebody's life and then go to some completely uninteresting party for some character who never shows up? We are treated to incredibly bad amateur photography featuring every bad angle made by people who apparently never saw a camera before. There was zero plot development until sometime after the time I got fed up with the movie. Next time, at least tease me about something that might happen at the beginning. That junk about the video being top secret hooked me for the first minute, but after that, all I wanted to do was run out.
Desolation Canyon (2006)
Poorly written, poorly acted.
After seeing Robert Duvall in "Broken Trail," I guess nothing much can compare to that. "Desolation Canyon" was awful. First of all, where did they get the name? One hour Republic Studios films used to have titles like that that bore no relation whatsoever to the movie. This was a one hour Roy Rogers movie that was dragged out to two unbelievable hours, but didn't even have the comic relief of Gabby Hayes. Everybody in the movie was Canadian except for the leads. I'm fed up with that. The only highlight for me was Patrick Duffy. No, not his acting. I saw an amazing resemblance to Hopalong Cassidy. I'm going to write a screenplay for a bio-pic of William Boyd and try to sell it to Duffy. Who can we cast in Andy Clyde's old part?
Spider (2002)
A word of warning and a tip.
This had to be the world's dreariest bore of a movie. Do not be sucked in by the top names in the director's chair (David Cronenberg) and the protagonist's role (Ralph Fiennes). From the moment the movie begins in a rail station to the last scene of Fiennes in car, it appears that he really was on heavy drugs when he was coerced into making this bomb. Spider MIGHT have made an interesting half hour segment on a Rod Serling TV show, but they dragged it out far too long, not with lots of sparkling dialogue, but with overlong silent scenes. I rebelled after the second such scene and simply fast forwarded the video tape. It won't matter where you stop. You can figure out the thin plot because nobody ever says anything worthwhile. Lynn Redgrave had the meatiest role in the picture and did a great job, but it was totally wasted.
Trial (1955)
An undiscovered gem of a movie
Trial is a movie that begs for a re-make, but in the current climate of political correctness, it is a story that cannot be told today. The Left Wing writers and actors that populate Hollywood would never allow that. This story was perfect for its time. Although it ostensibly is about the trial of a young Hispanic boy, it tells the tale of how activist groups twist and turn the laws and the people of the US in such circles that people come to believe that wrong is right. The bad guys were the Communists in this movie, but they have been defeated... or have they? Watch this movie and instead of the Communists, slip in the names of other prominent modern Leftist groups and you'll see that the story is not as dated as it looks.
Radio Days (1987)
I laughed, I cried...
Although I thought it was one of Woody Allen's best, I must say that I am biased. Most of America (anywhere west of Manhattan) doesn't get Woody. I do. I also don't like a lot of what he's done, but this wasn't one of those times. Anybody under the age of 40 probably was turned off by the music in the film. Sorry, but that's what made it for me. I do have one minor comment about ten seconds of the movie. There was a scene in a Jr. High classroom in which one kid brings a condom to class and the entire class breaks out in laughter. Never would have happened. Kids in the 30's had no earthly idea what a rubber was, not even in New York. I grew up with radio and the movie showed how much affect it had on the daily life of all Americans. It accurately depicted the morals of the country back then, not like some more modern films that like to distort what America once stood for. Hats off to Woody for this one.
Victory (1996)
What??? Speak up!
The film starts off with a hint of sultry islands and sultry nights in the South Seas and I was planning on liking it, but about one third of the way through most of the characters became unintelligible. If I could only make out what they said, it might have been a good movie. I ran the volume all the way up and all I got was British mumbles even when I rolled the tape back to try to catch what they were saying.
Dancer in the Dark (2000)
Can't believe I watched the whole thing.
I'm sure this thing appeared rather avant-garde to some, but it was just plain dumb to me. In the middle of the most serious parts, the cast suddenly breaks out singing and dancing. As the heroine is about to be hanged, a musical number precedes her falling through the trapdoor. What kind of a perverted idea is that? The story, camera work and acting seemed as if a university film class had made it.
Monsieur Verdoux (1947)
Wishy washy attempt at comedy.
I guess that I'm just not politically correct, but I never considered Charlie Chaplin as a comedic genius. So many others of his contemporaries were a lot funnier, but he seemed to get all the credit. In this film, he shows quite clearly that his acting talents are composed of silent era mugging. Watch him when the phone rings or when someone knocks on the door or window. It's like a scene in a silent flick as his features show shock and surprise. I could almost hear the movie organ player in the background. Most of the comedic moments came out flat. The lessons he wanted to teach the great unwashed millions who flocked to his movies are far too blatant for my taste. Chaplin also got credit for the music in this movie. BAD! It stood out as loud and overbearing.