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Reviews
The Grotesque World of Jimmy the Bean (2019)
I should've known what to expect when the tagline for the film doesn't even have proper grammar.
The movie was finally over, and the I wanted to die. The die.
Metropolitan Crush (2018)
15 minutes of your life that you'll want refunded.
Watching this was like peering into the mind of an adolescent teen fantasy about how grownup life would be terrible and; how one would act terribly during said circumstance. The entire premise is trivial to the point of absurdity. The situations explored during these scenes are hilariously inane, histrionic, and unrealistic. People don't act or talk like this. The story feels like one silly shower thought fantasy that someone thought would be a good idea to make a short film on. Hint: it's not.
Camp Wedding (2019)
Somebody is goshdarned lying about this film.
I'm willing to bet dollars to pennies that these other reviews were bought and paid for by people tied to the movie. This film was one of the lowest of low budget trashterpieces I've seen in a good decade. The practical effects look like someone fired the makeup artist and just sent one of the interns on a Dollar Tree run and gave them a promotion for a few hours. The acting was so ridiculously thespian that I was waiting for the house lights to come on mid-film. And the editing...why do low budget films feel the need to hang onto long dialog pauses? Edit that stuff out and move to the next line and/or scene already. The humor had a few small puns that exerted a snide chuckle here and there but it was mostly sophomoric at best; we're talking freshmen level National Lampoon here. Don't get bamboozled, folks.