Reviews

What is the moral here? Make the most out of life, because it's gone before you know it? Don't play around with forces you can't possibly comprehend? Or always keep your record player close at hand lest a tragedy like this happen?

Who knows. I was too distracted by the 'bouncy' animation and the unique story to care. This intriguing concept could fill much more than a short of this meagre length, and I hope to see it one day utilised in this format.

A 6/10 from me all the way. Wellworth watching at least once, and you certainly won't feel you wasted your time.... it's called a 'short' for a reason.

I love this film so much. Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter make a great dumb duo, the historical figures are all hilarious and it's not surprising it's gone down as a cult classic over the years. So msany quotable lines... so many memorable scenes... (especially the ones at the water park and mall) it deserves all the success it's got and the two sequels can't hold a candle to it.

People should watch it again and again, and learn just how such an enjoyable film can be made about a couple of dummies who end up changing the world forever. It's the kind of talent that doesn't come along too often, but when it does it can create true magic... as seen here for now. 8/10.

Another one of those melodramaic made-for-TV movies with an interesting concept but completely overblown delivery.

This particular flick features a psychotic therapist who ends up tearing an unsuspecting family apart by making the wife confess to an affair she had years back, sleeping with the husband while wifey is outta town, pretending hubby abuses the daughter when he rejects her later, manipulating the son into setting fire to their house, then later murdering anyone who steps on her toes.

You know, the usual. Maybe it's time to find a new specialist.

Discard all pretensions that this might be an intimate study of her mental illness at the door, everything here is simply done for cheap thrills... mentions of the psychiatrist's childhood abuse at the hands of her dad are slightly touched on, but are swiftly swept under the carpet as she spins her web of seduction and lies. At times it's fun to watch, but you'd forgive your brain for shrinking considerately whilst you feed it this trashy junk food passing as entertainment. You should feel bad, I know I did.

What really sinks the movie though, is aside from the ever-growing sensationalism which becomes more and more grating as it carries on, is how stupid it treats it's audience. This therapist is supposed to be pretty smart, right? Well, how come the mother is able to break into her house to discover evidence of her past crimes... by finding a KEY hidden underneath an ornament outside?! Who even DOES that anymore? Probably a dumb scriptwriter desperate for a ciggie who couldn't think of a better way to get from point A to B. Hey, at least he didn't write that the therapist left the door unlocked. That would've been REALLY stupid...

Oops, sorry I forgot... he saved that 'gem' up for the climax, when our insane psychiatrist just strolls into the remote log cabin where the family are hiding from her. They know they're in danger... it's the middle of the night... and she's allowed to waltz in to steal their little daughter. And frankly, what happens next is beyond belief... the psychiatrist spends all night dressed up in the mother's clothes, then waits until the crack of dawn to steal the daughter, then she takes off in the family car... which promptly crashes. The family rescues their daughter from the burning wreck, but the therapist obviously decides to kill herself for some reason so stays behind to die in the explosion. Umm...

It's the kind of conclusion that gives the term anti-climax a bad name. We've suffered all the way through this drivel... for THAT?!

Maybe the ones playing the true 'Mind Games' here are the makers, to see how we'd react. Only, instead of giving us a twist ending, they decided to throw us the stupidest one ever.

Well guys, if you're reading this right now and it was your stated aim to tick me off something royally, then congratulations! Mission complete! Now go out there and complete your paper, because I'm sure you'll pass with flying colours.

You utter gits. 4/10.

Molly is a Russian girl who gets relocated to America with her family in the middle of the Cold War. Bullied at school for her 'strange' clothes and 'weird' accent, it's only when her mother designs a special Soviet doll for her for a Thanksgiving class project that she starts to make friends.

This Academy Award-winning short could really have been expanded to feature length status, as the solution to all Molly's problems is achieved far too quickly for my liking. Sophia Eliazova is excellent as the put-upon heroine, and the kids playing her school 'mates' also do a reasonable job, but you can't help feeling, with a bit more fleshing out of the intriguing premise we could've had something special here.

Instead, we have a bit of name-calling (led by the typical blonde female bully of course) easily rectified by unconcerned parents and an 'inspiring' speech by a teacher which solves everything. A nice message and moral no doubt, but enough to solve all Molly's problems? Doubtful. More realism, less fantasy next time, please. 5/10.

Only in the fantasy land of Hollyweird could an 18-year old white rich Californian girl, disillusioned with life in the rat race, turns up unexpectedly in South Africa and instantly befriend a group of travelling bohemian types who just live for the surf, man. Oh, she has her money stolen upon entry, but this is no obstacle to a down-to-earth socialite such as her! Soon, she's hitting those waves to reignite her mother's dying wish to see all the country, whilst falling in love with the local Nice Guy who fixes boards for a living, and rejecting the advances of the arrogant POS who traffics in stolen elephant ivory. BOO, HISS to him, I say!

As you can probably see, there isn't much to get your shackles in here, aside from some very healthy tanned 20-somethings who look great in their bathing suits hitting those gnarly waves and looking damn fine while doing it, too. You probably don't need to be a screenplay genius to figure out that our main character patches things up with her estranged father, gets her new bestie a spot on the all-girl surfing team and succeeds in her ambition of visiting every 'hidden' South African surf spot in existence. In fact, happy endings all round. Totally radical, man!

The only problem is, this is all very laboured, dull, unimaginative material to say the least. So if you want good vibes with barely a hint of actual quality, this may be the jam for you. Otherwise, it's like, a total wipeout, bros. Adios, amigos! 4/10.

If you enjoy movies tailor-made to heap on the schmaltz with every syrupy spoonful, that are shameless in extracting every last drop of moisture from your overworked tear ducts, and where nothing remotely surprising occurs so you can show it to your granny safe in the knowledge she isn't gonna have an aneurym halfway through, this may be the flick for you.

Otherwise, this stolid tale of an old lady who enlists the held of an unrelated foppish boy-band reject to be her 'grandson' because her real family neglects her may be a tad too predictable and bland. I could've also done without the supporting cast of 'colourful' pensioners in the background giving regular commentary on proceedings. Some may find them delightfully charming... I, it must be said, did not.

Why was she staying in a hotel long-term In London when she obviously couldn't stand it there, anyway? If I had that much money, I'd go on a nice extended cruise, or something. Not hang about with a bunch of irritating oldies and hire Mr Boring to be my comfort blanket. I don't see what was wrong with her real son and mother, anyway... sure, they didn't go up and see her straight away, but people have LIVES.

I've reread back what I've written, and it does make the film sound worse than it is. I just like a good rant, is all. This is a perfectly acceptable watch if you keep your expectations low, and don't mind an ending which is Treacle Central...

...Which isn't an underground station, sadly. Believe me, I checked. 5/10.

Teenager Lia has a mother who doesn't pay any attention to her, a dad who abandoned her long ago, a bestie who she doesn't seem to get on with that well and a larger group of 'friends' that only seem to want to bone her. No wonder she falls for the charms of a much older man called Tom, when he listens to her for hours and compliments her endlessly. As you've probably guessed by now though, things aren't always as they appear...

Both a cautionary tale and a sad indictment of today's youth culture, the rather oddly titled Palm Tree And Power Lines is a depressing but ultimately absorbing view of a young girl's attempt to find some level of meaning and value in her existence, even if it may harm her in the long run.

The acting is universally excellent, with Tom every inch the deceptive creep you inititally think he is and Lia a quiet and vulnerable girl who makes plenty of bad choices along the way, but considering her dead-end life, you can understand EXACTLY why she does what she did.

Especially during the ending, which others may rage at but neatly ties into everything we've seen so far of the characters. All I can say is, she should've listened to the waitress... 7/10.

Ben is an atheist writer. Ara is a Muslim student. They meet together at an art gallery and fall in love more-or-less straight away, even if they don't realise it yet.

They have lots of pretentious conversations about culture, religion and philosophy, which to these ears at least was the epitome of boredom. Still, not to worry, eh? At still have the romance to look forward to...

Well actually, no we don't as he is as dull as ditchwater, and she is a bit more interesting but doesn't really have that much chemistry with Mr David Duchovny-lite.

After a while, Ara falls pregnant and they seem ready to settle down together, but then out of the blue Ben finds out he made another woman who he was seeing before he met Ara 'in the family way'... and she plans on KEEPING the baby.

So, what does Ara decide? She dumps him on the spot, has an abortion, fully commits back to the religion she's spent most of the film being a passive follower of at best and worst of all, agrees to an arranged marriage with a dude who she doesn't even like.

Wow. Just, wow. I can understand having second thoughts over your boyfriend because you find he's expecting a child with someone else, but butchering your own future in the process? I believe they call that a 'self inflicted injury'. In any case it sucks, and doesn't just end the movie on a bad taste... it practically empties the entire bottle of castor oil down your throat.

I suppose this seriously unsatisfying conclusion is meant to prove the point that 'some things just aren't mean to be' and 'the gap between their two lifestyles was too wide', but I just saw it as a tacked-on finale which was probably put into not offend any religious sensibilities out there. In other words, fear wrote the script.

So what was a very tedious film to begin with full of padding in the middle turns into an absolute horror show by the end, because they take any possible happiness for our characters and throw it back in our faces with a 10 ton weight attached. I'm all for 'surprise' twists, but when they feel as disheartening and frustrating as this one...

Nope. Not having it. Get ye gone. 1/10.

It's all a movie like this deserves.

If you like plentiful nudity from BOTH genders, then congrats... you've come to the right place.

If, on the other hand, you enjoy any semblance of humour, character, or God forbid a half solid plot, then look elsewhere.

WE get one cringeworthy attempt by our titular heroine to pop her cherry after another, until finally she gives oral to an old man in a coma.

Yes, you did read that right. And we're talking about the comic high point here.

This is a film that turns the pursuit of sex into the most boring and unpleasant thing imaginable.

Quite the feat. 2/10.

A trio of doctors working'together at a mental hospital get together to discuss their latest cases, and this template basically takes the form of three allegedly horror tales that show why each of their patients ends up in the booby hatch. Let's review each one in turn, shall we?

1. A teenager (who looks about 25) doesn't want to introduce his girlfriend (who's one of the worst actors I've ever seen) to his parents, who happen to be bald telepathic aliens. The premise is a LOT more interesting than it sounds, and after around twenty minutes of nothing she accidentally discovers them on a home visit, isn't remotely bothered and HE ends up cracking under the pressure. No humour, shocks and with an abrupt ending that makes literally zero sense. Terrible. NEXT. 2/10

2. A washed-up TV producer ends up killing a guy who he owes a lot of money to, and ends up trying to hide the body whilst a comedy laugh track echoes all around him. Funnily enough, the terrible sitcom pilot which ultimately bankrupts him in this segment is STILL better than anything we get on screen here. Can we have a full length version of that please, and get rid of the rest of this nonsense? 2/10

3. Ah, now THIS is more like it... well, not really. It's still near-total rubbish, but at least this tale of a fashion photographer who goes bonkers after an anonymous source sends him a vinyl record has a half-decent finale where he goes around insulting everyone: think Jim Carrey in Liar, Liar. Plus, in showing his addiction to listening to the brainwashing record which ultimately costs him his sanity and career, it makes an interesting (albeit clumsy) parallel to uncontrolled drug addiction within the industry. Apart from those (very) minor redeeming features, total pants. 3/10

Now, you'd think by rounding those scores together I'd rate this as about 2/10 overall... well, the narration device of the 'doctors' telling the stories has an okay twist at the end that I didn't see coming, so let's stretch to a 3/10, shall we?

'Still not good at all, but has brief moments of lucidity'. Write that on it's chart.

I don't watch too many Iranian films... this may be the one that helps change my mind.

A brutal tale of trauma, revenge and the aftermath of a life-changing event, the performances are great across the board and every reaction and conversation feels real and honestly earned, instead of something out of a fictitous movie.

There was a bit near the end when I thought a certain despicable character might get away with an unforgivable event, but fortunately this was just a red herring. Thank goodness for that, as it would've SEVERELY blunted my enjoyment of the film.

Good stuff all round, then. Recommended. 7/10.

Blush is one exhausting film to watch. There's enough material crammed in here to make a whole mini series. Sometimes it felt like I was stuck on an out-of-control spinning fairground ride, unsure what direction I was heading but enjoying myself despite the occasional bout of nauseous dizziness.

The film jumps from one idiosyncratic character to the next, and we barely have enough time to process one scene before the next one begins. This doesn't exactly help with getting to know them, but it does mean you'll never get bored anticipating what random craziness will unfurl next.

So if dysfunctional relationships, midlife crises and obnoxious teenagers are your kinda jam, you could do a lot worse than to check out this oddball indie drama. For once though, it would be nice to watch a film featuring a cute cat where it doesn't end up on it's last life by the end.

By my own personally cat-alogued statistics, felines die in 70% of the movies they feature in, whereas dogs survive in 0.05 in their pictures. This is blatant canine favouritism, and I demand a full and thorough enquiry right now.

You think I'm joking? Well I'm not. Get it done! 6/10.

I loved this story about a young Jewish boy growing up to find his true place in life as a film director, while familial upheaval and the changing trends of the 60's all went on around him.

Having had no idea it was directed by Steven Spielberg before viewing it, everything began making sense as soon as his name appeared in big letters afterwards. Not only becauise there are obvious parallels, but just considering how well made it was.

Every character has their own uniquely intriguing personality (even our main's two bratty sisters) and the beauty of it is you may even begin liking those individuals you originally despise. Now, THAT'S what I call complexity.

The development of each intricate story thread, from the big family moves, to the extramarital affair is slow, deliberate and keeps you wanting more, and even at such a length I could've spent an extra hour with these fascinating folks.

It's also unbelievably refreshing to see a picture made at a specific place in time that actually FEELS like it's set there, not a 21st century alternate version which would involve shamelessly forced propaganda and the ticking of many boxes.

Such decisions have ruined more than a few recent historical dramas I've watched, and most audiences don't appreciate the blatant inauthenticity of such moves.

But the studio keep doing it and even seem to be ramping up their efforts in recent years... fortunately, when you're a famous filmmaker like Spielberg is I suppose you can sidestep such artistically-damaging yet usually compulsory quotas.

For anyone else though... 8/10.

Surprised to see think rank so highly on here. The only thing interesting about it is it's the first Icelandic movie I've ever seen, although surely even a nation of just 500k people can do better than this.

It's about a depressed English guy on holiday there meeting up with an native woman who's had mental health problems, but it's not a romance.

The movie focuses mostly on their budding friendship, but seeing as the obsequious dude tries too hard to be 'nice' to the point of being slightly creepy and the subdued lady is so quiet most of the time she might as well not even be there, this onscreen partnership doesn't really work.

Things liven a bit in the second half when the woman's relations to stir the pot a tad, and the sad Brit really starts to lose control of his random mood swings. But by then it's too little too late, and I'd already tuned out before the credits rolled.

Some good moments here and there, a flash of witty dialogue or a genuine shred of emotion but certainly not enough to justify the stil-too-long running time of 82 minutes. A noble failure then, and hey... at least I learned a few new words in another language! Good bi. 4/10.

Very unknown Australian family film, based on the fact that this is the first review for it here twenty years after it was first released.

A couple of orphaned Chinese children run away from an Aussie detention centre after their mother dies, to return to China because they don't want to be taken to separate orphanages. Along the way, they're helped by various people including a young Aboriginal tracker, all while trying to stay one step ahead of the authorities...

I predicted the ending to Southern Cross long before the ending credits rolled, but getting there wasn't entirely boring. It's fun spending time with these kids and the colourful characters they run into, and ultimately despite not being great art in any sense I certainly got more out of the experience than I expected.

Nothing special, but an okay diversion nonetheless. 5/10.

Hayley Mills goes looking for Jesus with her friends and finds him, or rather she doesn't, in this classic British 60's film about religeous fervour... but then again, not really.

Packed full of great performances from the mostly junior cast and with a complex underlying commentary regarding the innocence of youth, it reeks of the time period and the Northern rural setting in a good way.

The accents, the mannerisms, the interactions... this is truly a period in history, for better or worse, that'll never be repeated, a time capsule preserved on camera.

Some people may complain about the subdued ending, but I thought it suited the thoughtful material well, and under the circumstance it was completely believable. Truly a one of a kind drama you must see at least once. 8/10.

A twisty thriller/drama about consent and society's attitude towards women, this film boasts an excellent performance by Carey Mulligan as someone out for revenge for her best friend who commited suicide while they were at college together seven years ago. She had a list of people responsible for her bestie's trauma and subsequent lack of justice, and she won't stop until she's made sure they know what it was like. Even at the expense of her own future...

Moral lines are blurred, big surprises are in store and characters you think you're got a firm grasp on turn out to not be as they expect. There are some moments where you feel our lead goes too far in her actions regarding her quest for vengeance, but her heart is in the right place and whatever rules she breaks are nowhere near the indignities her friend suffered before she took her own life.

The ending leaves more than a few unanswered questions... like, can't he just plead self-defence? Will the incriminating video ever get released? And... Is it really that cute to sing Paris Hilton's 'Stars Are Blind' in the middle of a shop, or slightly disturbing? I tend to sway towards the latter... 7/10.

This is one long film at more than two hours, and I'm not sure the content quite justifies the length. As you no doubt know by now, it's about a seemingly normal everyday youth intruding on an aristocratic family during his University break, and the effect he has on their lives during 'one unforgettable summer', as Amazon describes it. Hmm.

There are quite a lot of scenes here that initially seem interesting but outstay their welcome, and a few cringe moments in term of sexual content I could've done without. The acting is universally good and everything escalates rather fast to tie together nicely in the end... I'm just not sure I'd see it a second time, that's all.

Oh, and if you're wondering why 'Murder On The Dancefloor' is currently climbing the charts, it's because of the climax where the main actor Barry Keoghan... well, that would be telling, but sufficed to say it all seemed a bit unnecessary to me.

And if you really wanted to stream the song based on this movie... I don't even know what to say to that. 6/10.