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masonwoods
Reviews
The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (2022)
Boring and Cringey
Nothing happens. Its just slow and boring and none of the characters are worth watching. The show is soulless and has none of the magic that made LOTR or The Hobbit wonderful to watch and just takes a massive dump on them. Avoid at all costs. Galadriel is boring and devoid of all personality and elrond is possibly gay now? How the heck did he father arwen then if hes queer? Did they not think it through? The writers had no idea what they were doing with this snoozefest. I would suggest going off and watching the original 6 movies and appreciating how incredible they were. And then watch house of the dragon. Support better movies and better shows and dont waste your time with this slobbish mess of a story.
Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life (2016)
Almost nothing like the book, and its for the best
This is a movie "adaptation" of the y/a novel and it's nothing like the book, but thank God. Sure its an adaptation, but that just means you have the same characters and a skeleton of the books plotline. The characters are all imagined different, acted differently, and presented differently, and I'm so glad they fixed them. None of the characters were likeable in the books at all-not even the protagonist! They were all horribly written and it just became a Diary of a Wimpy Kid wannabe. But this movie fixed almost all of the books problems by writing funny, likeable characters portrayed by likeable, funny actors. The only person i had a problem with was the little sister cos she was so obnoxious and didn't act too well, but what can you expect from a child actor?
Other than that everything was cleaned up. Sure there are plentiful moments of pure cheese, but it doesn't ruin the movie, and sometimes makes it even funnier.
Another huge thing is that it can appeal to more than just kids and teens, even adults will get a kick out of the shenanigans and the hilarious rude humor sprinkled about, so its a darn good time for everyone. Would highly recommend for anyone wanting a good, fun, and mostly clean laugh.
The Christmas Chronicles (2018)
Writing while watching
I dont even have to finish it to bump this down to a 5. The entire movie is dragged down by the cringey little girl. Kurt Russel is easily the best part. The brother is fine ig, he over acts sometimes but isnt too bad most of it. Even tho its a 1492 production, the filming is mediocre and the music is cheesy.
And back to the little girl. Shes awful. Annoying and says the most random, badly-acted lines. She tears down the movie just with her presence.
Overall rating, 5/10. Would've been 7/10 but the girl tears it down 2 points.
Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017)
Great
Very different and interesting. They cast Vince as the main character and he shines as the exboxer turned drug carrier. The violence isn't to graphic or brutal until the last 20 minutes, and thats the most surprising part.
The acting is believable and very heart wrenching in some scenes.
The only problem i had was the end onscreen death of Vince. He gets shot in the head and it looks very fake unfortunately and is just kinda unnecessary to be shown in such close detail.
Otherwise, incredible film.
Spontaneous (2020)
First 20 minutes were funny . . .
So i put this on hold in December and it finally came in May, and i was SO excited. I popped the disc in to watch with my sister and i was very impressed with how funny it was . . . Until it wasn't. After the 20 min mark, i just realized how much i hated the main character. She was gross, always doing drugs, smoking, always swearing, always making inappropriate jokes, etc. I liked the guy that played Dylan, but he seemed to be really bringing himself down by falling for her. Her friend had common sense sorta, but she also was annoying. She had bas parents, and the entire movie wreaked liberal. They were constantly making stupid political jokes that never landed, and the idea that we were supposed to find it funny was just dumb. It was like the jokes were written by a teenager who spends his life on Twitter. By the time they had sex and she said "my present to you is my body in a sexual way," i felt sick. These were underage kids (in the movie) having sex to fulfill a feminist ideology. Felt like i had watched an entire movie by the 50 minute mark, and i said to my sister "i can't watch this crap for another 50 minutes." So we watched Burn Notice instead.
Tenki no ko (2019)
Eh
It started out pretty good. But then it just got stupid. Im open to all the mystical stuff in anime to blend reality and fantasy, but here it was just dumb. I loved Your Name, and after watching that, i got recommended this, but i wish i wasn't.
If youre into nonsensical, annoying anime without any real resolution, then take a gander at Weathering With You
Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018)
A poor man's "Deep Blue Sea" remak3
This movie sucks . Its not "5 huge sharks vs sea team" as advertised. Its "10 bad actors vs a big shark and some tiny ones." Just imagine the original, good Deep Blue Sea, but with bad sets, bad acting, bad story, and everything from the first is rehashed and made worst. Only the black dude can act. The CGI wasn't particularly awful and i was able to laugh hysterically, so that's a plus. All in all, stay sane, and dont watch this stuff unless you can take a joke.
Fatman (2020)
Interesting premise, not well executed
So, this movie was okay. I liked Mel as Santa and Walton as the bad guy (the little kid was good), but it seemed like there wasnt enough script to go into the movie. Much of the violence was offscreen and there wasn't enough language to make it Rated R. It was extremely slow (albeit funny) until the last 20 minutes and it was then over. It needed more action. Thats all i have to say. If it it was more evenly balanced then sure, id rate this 8/10.
Becky (2020)
Lacking but pretty okay
This was good i guess. I would've given it a higher rating but i had few problems with it:
1. Kevin James didn't have enough to do. He started out strong in the beginning but the writing didn't let him really play his evil role to the fullest
2. Not enough action and the criminals were dumb. Only 4 bad guys were in this movie, and one of them wasn't even really bad. Beside Kevin and the big dude, the other two bad guys were just dumb and you couldn't take them seriously. They needed at least 2 more bad guys and more serious ones at that
3. Story was sorta weak and needed a little more to be memorable
Things i liked:
1. The soundtrack was very good and wild. It really set the mood for what the movie was trying to be.
2. Lulu Wilson was great as the sorta-psychotic teen. Her acting was great and i just all-around loved her in it
3. Kevin James was a good bad guy. Even though hes a smaller, heavier man, he was genuinely scary and even more so when he loses his eye
4. Interesting story. Although there wasn't a solid conclusion (probably setting up for a sequel), the story was very interesting and it made you wonder why they wanted the key and what the key opened
Final rating: 6/10
Finding Jesus (2020)
Oh boy.
You know when you have some random depression rabbit-punch you in the the chest and make you wish there was a building taller than your one-story house that you could throw yourself off of?
This was the cause of it.
Wo hu cang long (2000)
Not too likeable and cheesy
Main character: no development
Co-stars: no development
Bratty little girl: bratty
Bad guy: just sits there
Story: non-existent
Action sequences: fly fly swoosh unrealistic
Creed (2015)
Boring and stupid
Remember Rocky, the 1976 masterpiece based on good story, good music, and very likeable characters? This movie had none of that.
The movie stars Michael B. Jordan as Adonis Creed, son of Apollo Creed. This whole project was out of Stallones hands, so i cant blame him, but what the hell? Adonis is the most immature, whiny brat I've seen in a while. He's totally unlikeable, he finds out Rocky had cancer so he cusses him out and insults him. His girlfriend isn't any better, being 100% useless to the plot and almost breaking up with Adonis because he didn't tell her he was the son of Apollo. They even try to make her interesting by making her have an ear problem that will eventually result in her being deaf. This story also insults Apollo, having him cheating on his wife in order to have Adonis. It was missing all the depth and all the heart of 1976's Rocky. The only reason i dont rate it a "1" is because Stallone is good in it and reprises his role as Rocky very expertly.
Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)
Stupid and underwhelming
I've never been the hugest fan of these sorta films. Paranorm was great, Boxtrolls was eh, and Coraline was a hellish nightmare, but nothing quite takes the garbage-filles cake like Kubo. I was actually looking forward to this a whole lot, but it sucked. The story was so predictable and boring and there are no twists. It was actually borderline cringe-stupid The only reason why i rate it a 3 and not lower is cos the animation is sorta cool.
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)
A early 2000s-style waste of time
This was just another basic action movie with a pathetic story. Tom cruise was good as usual, but the supporting actors all sucked. The woman he ran around with was stupid and arrogant. His daughter was a stupid and obnoxious little feminist who ruined the movie by doing the exact opposite of what she is told to do and puts their lives in jeopardy multiple times (once just to get donuts). It was a Jason Bourne wannabe, and Jason Bourne isn't even that great, making it double suck. The conflict was confusing and the whole movie had me wondering when it would be over
Tron (1982)
Tron: The movie that's colors burned your eyes beyond imagination
Despite the film having good effects for its time, the colors hurt your eyes, its hard to tell the three main male characters apart and you just end up becoming confused, wondering who's who, and wondering whats going on in general.
The Hunt (2020)
Gilpin Vs Swank: The best frickin movie to come out this year
This movie is controversial. Deal with it. You can look at Google reviews and there are those dipsticks that give it a bad rating because even the thought of something being highly controversial gets their pathetic panties in a twist. The movie delivered great action sequences and dark humor. This incredible balance and marvelous story will be remembered for years to come. Some think its just hate speech in movie form, and its not. They watched the freaking trailer and was like "I'm TRIGGERED." Watch the movie. Don't rate before you watch. You wont regret it. And if you do, then you are depressing.
Watch The Hunt and support the film, for movies like this need to come out more often. Be good people.
I Still Believe (2020)
If you're looking for a religious film, you're looking in the wrong place
This movie was okay. The acting was fine and stuff, but unfortunately, it felt like the film's bad outweighed the good. This is supposed to be the inspiring story of Jeremy Camp, but all it did was show me that God takes backseat to love. It was supposed to be about a man's relationship with God and his story though that, but the religious factor was shoved way back. Heck, Pale Rider had more to do with God than thus film. I watched for good long while, and before you know it, you forget that this is supposed to be a religious film and it turns out to be a less-faithful Walk to Remember. God's name isn't said till around over a half-hour into the film. It just seemed more like a typical romance film. "Oh, I love you, but oh, this guy loves you, and oh, you don't want to hurt his feelings, and oh, he finds out anyways and is pissed." I just described a good chunk of chick-flicks. And yes, I know that this film was supposed to appeal more to female audiences who enjoy those movies, but please. The thing that made A Walk to Remember so great is that the main focus wasn't supposed to be on God, rather it was an incredible explanation to why the female protagonist was so kind and loving, yet they made it known to the point where it was relevant and an important piece of the story. The point was, A Walk to Remember was a romance film with some religious backstory, but it gave more credit to God and God was more important than in I Still Believe. I Still Believe was supposed to be about a Christian artist and his walk with the Lord and such, but had less to do with God than a movie that uses God as an explanation to some questions. That is sad.
They constantly do all this stuff, but over 30 minutes in, they're like "Oh, yeah, God is supposed to be a part of this movie, might as well use him as a dating tactic." The first reference to God IN A CHRISTIAN FILM is when Jeremy tried to deceivingly use God as an excuse to go out with a girl. The girl references to God a minute earlier, but it was so irrelevant that it could easily be forgotten. The first thing that sticks out is "Yo, what if God WANTED us to be together?" Then you just realize it's not a Christian film, just a romance-drama with some Jesus sprinkled in to sell to a Christian audience. This must have also been sad for the man who this story was actually based off of, because instead of showing in the movie how God changed his life, it just showed that it could be a less heartbreaking, less religious Walk to Remember. I'm sorry Jeremy for not having a movie based on your life treated better.
The Call of the Wild (2020)
A Visual Masterpiece
This is one of the most incredible movies I've ever seen. Although the dog looked fake at times, the cinematography was stunning. The sunsets and wildlife were amazing and it was visually exiting. Some elements seemed rushed at moments, and you felt what Buck felt. I don't want to spoil anything, but all in all, this movie is definitely worth anyone with an eye for a good story will appreciate it.
Arachnid (2001)
A little frustrating, but done pretty well
The plot is that some sort of alien tornado shoots a pilot off onto an island where all the bugs are mutated and such. After that, we get word that some National Geographic dipstick needs a plane to get to the island to study the new arachnids, and the plane is coincidentally flown by the pilots lover, or brother, or whoever (she was majorly forgettable). She agrees to fly him, a doctor and his assistant, and some guns-for-hire.
So, this movie was okay. It had a pretty okay flow, but my biggest problems were the characters and the alien mystery. The main female lead was horribly annoying, making me not care if she lived or died. Then you had the doctor and assistant, who were secretly lovers and pretty crappy, so you didn't care too much about them if they died. After that, you had the National Geographic who was so stupid you didn't care about him at all (although his death was sort of sad and cruel). Then there were the guns-for-hire and their leader. The guns-for-hire were not bright, so they were forgettable, but their leader seemed to have sense. The leader was by far the best character.
Now, this movie was a cool creature feature, but it was lacking a good story, which was extremely spotty. It often included weird, unanswered hallucinations that seemed like it was part of the plot, but ended up being pointless. Pretty much all they did is imply the existence of aliens so they could have an excuse to make a movie about giant bugs with alien crap on them or something, I don't really know anymore.
If the movie had a better plot, made the characters likable, and had some better CGI effects, then this movie would have been a cleaner success.