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The Beekeeper (2024)
2/10
Absolutely horrendous waste of time
4 May 2024
Truly a horrendous movie that the entire group demanded be turned off an hour in.

To be clear, we love brainless action movies. This one is not only brainless, it's insulting. Nothing about it is redeeming.

The acting is horrendous. The action is laughable. The storyline is beyond absurd. You don't care about anyone. There is zero logic or sense in any of the characters.

It's a sad rip off of John Wick, minus any talent in anyone involved. Everyone involved with this outing should be embarrassed and should retire from the industry. Take up basket weaving or something more productive. Cinema isn't for any of you.
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Devs (2020)
6/10
An okay watch. Not much more.
30 April 2024
The performance by the lead actress is simply horrendous. She may have been directed to act lobotomized and this was an intentional choice, but the result was detrimental. With good acting this show would have been immeasurably better.

The showrunners lean far, FAR too heavily on atmospheric space-age music (e.g. Calling it music is an exaggeration -- if you have a synth, load up an environmental or atmospheric synth and hold middle C and you have the soundtrack for this show) for long, horrendously drawn out scenes. Two people talking for ten minutes and they barely say anything. But space sounds.

Cool sets. Great cinematography. Some of the bit acting was fantastic. Some was incredibly cheese (like the "homeless" guy).

Drawn out. Not nearly as deep as it imagines it is. Disappointing / cheap ending. Eh.
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True Detective: Night Country: Part 1 (2024)
Season 4, Episode 1
5/10
This should have stood alone, having nothing to do with True Detective
10 February 2024
There is no meaningful association with the quality, spirit or intention of any prior season of True Detective, and the only reason this was released under that name is to exploit the good reputation it deservedly earned.

This is not a good outing. Quite aside from the cudgel of social justice, the characters are all ridiculous two dimensional facades.

Just terrible.

And while this is a weird technical aside, it also has horrendous foley work. Someone will knock on a door and the foley audio will have an extra knock, for instance. Other weird foley sounds abound. This doesn't really matter much if you ignore it, but it's a canary in the exploitative mine that a lot of people were phoning it in. That actual quality wasn't the primary purpose but instead everyone was busy patting themselves on the back about how incompetent they portrayed every male character.

I went into this show with an open mind and hoping for the best. I'm a huge Jodie Foster fan and normally think she can carry a show. Here...she isn't enough.
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Invasion: Chasing Ghosts (2023)
Season 2, Episode 2
3/10
Bizarro world
30 August 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This episode encapsulates the insanity of this ridiculous show.

Let me recap-

Family is having a bbq under a giant alien invasion craft (one that looks like it would be the size of Manhattan). Apparently this area is "safe" for unknown magical reasons given the aliens are basically unstoppable, at least unless you have an infinite pouch of Molotovs in your coat with the arm of Patrick Mahomes.

Good times. Beer. Tunes. A well maintained pool. Enormous apocalyptic alien craft committing human extermination towering above you. What's not to love?

Child drowns and requires emergency resuscitation. The real deal. After some bizarre "get back" gesticulations, the hero revives the child and instantly the child -- one that moments ago was in full arrest -- is entirely forgotten by the crowd, including the child's parents, and instead all attention is drawn to an inappropriate social outburst by the very person that just saved this kid. Hero is banished.

Bizarre. I am committed to this show out of raw morbid curiosity now. I cannot fathom how something so completely terrible made it all the way to airing.
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Invasion: Something's Changed (2023)
Season 2, Episode 1
3/10
Disposable, forgettable garbage
25 August 2023
The first season started interesting but then rapidly went downhill. By the end I, like so many others, was rooting for the aliens.

The beginning of the second season has plumbed all new lows. This is incredible, and the thought that so many millions went towards such a busted, turgid product is just such a waste. Burning the money in a bonfire would have been a better use.

Characters that you just *hate*. Portrayals that are so D-grade they boggle (the portrayal of purported Canadian military members -- who strangely had Southern US accents, though this was in the "deserts of British Columbia", so expectations weren't high -- was cartoonish). Situations that...there is no way serious professionals are involved with this, right?

The Mitsuki scene that starts the episode is so laughable that I was sure that she would wake up in a cold sweat. But it was actually sincere. Amazing.

Occasionally you see shows on IMDB where there are loads of suspicious reviews that look like cast and crew and their families, and this one easily takes the crown for that. Seeing the desperate high rating that quickly starts nosediving as actual normal, unbiased observers weigh in is fascinating.

Keep on telling your mom to call it a slow burn and give it a 10, cast and crew. You'll hold on for a while.
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Lucky Hank (2023)
9/10
Wonderful watch
5 May 2023
This show is being pummelled by Breaking Bad / BCS fans who cannot accept Odenkirk in anything but the same. Their opinions can be soundly ignored, and ultimately anyone giving something like this a "1" have discarded their critical credibility. It isn't for everyone, but going so far to try to offset is just gross.

I loved BB / BCS. This is something entirely different and stands on its own. It is a character study, or rather many character studies, about pretty complex people and their relationships. Some of the characters are annoying, some of the situations obnoxious (the show has a very casual relationship with adultery), but it's a fun entry about academics and just people in generally trying to find happiness in life, or trying to understand their own barriers to happiness.
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The Diplomat (II) (2023– )
8/10
Tremendous acting. Fun storyline.
21 April 2023
Absolutely top tier production and acting throughout. The screenplay is clever and interesting, engaging and well-paced. Character development is pretty robust, and the players aren't simple caricatures. Again and again a character at first appears to be one-dimensional, but then the story develops and they actually are much more complex than the first blush.

My only complaint is that some of the injected "romance" storylines are so ham-fisted and out of place they are disjointed and jarring. Professional situations that suddenly devolve into "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy" seemingly out of nowhere. Someone decided to soap opera the show up a bit and it does not improve the result.
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3/10
If this didn't lean so hard on snippets of 80s hits, it would have nothing
18 April 2023
Had high expectations given some of the promos and accolades from people whose opinions I respect(ed), but had to turn it off halfway through the first episode. While it might be unfair to post a review having seen so little, what I did see was so horrendous that it didn't merit a longer watch.

Maybe there was a big twist that was coming. Maybe it has a depth that I failed to see, or was a slow burn that was going to wow if I stuck with it. I simply couldn't torture myself into sticking with it.

The constant, ham-fisted incantation of favorite 80s songs, each with tiny snippet teasers, is so amateurish it belongs on YouTube. The characters are one dimensions caricatures, and the whole thing reeks of D-grade bunk.
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5/10
Wes Anderson Films Are For Me. Not This One Though.
14 December 2022
I have seen all of Anderson's creations, and generally enjoy the experience end to end. He has a style and technique -- one that has been lampooned and parodied many times -- and this movie displays all of those Anderson standards.

The problem with the French Dispatch is that I just don't care. Nothing was actually interesting or compelling, and no characters deserved curiosity, empathy or even disdain. It was just hours of stuff.

At the halfway mark it was feeling a bit like torture looking at the runtime still remaining and realizing it was barely half done. It is such a mix of banal stories that it's hard to even recollect later when thinking back.

This movie feels like a Family Guy gag parody of Wes Anderson that runs for two hours.

Anderson needs better stories and content. Just deploying the Anderson formula to anything is not a winning strategy.
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The Devil's Hour (2022– )
9/10
Fantastic story. Extraordinary acting.
3 November 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Tremendous series.

If there were any complaints with the extraordinary story (and of course these are spoilers and I'm tagging this review accordingly), two small storyline issues do distract me-

-Dhillon is tremendously willing to accept and act upon someone's apparent mental illness as they tell a tale about seeing memories that haven't happened yet, in very consequential ways, yet late in the season he is suddenly irrationally skeptical of essentially more of the same.

-If Isaac is unbound because the ripples in the timeline split this reality so much from those before and after, wouldn't these cities be absolutely full of unbound people? The changes Gideon is causing (over seemingly uncountable numbers of iterations) would significantly change the timeline of large numbers of people directly, whose changed timelines would ripple across magnitudes more until at some point Gideon has changed the lives of millions. This isn't necessarily a fault in the storyline as perhaps there are indeed millions suffering the same issues Lucy does (explaining ghost sightings and so on).

Regardless, stellar story done spectacularly. Look forward to season 2 and 3 if they happen.
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6/10
Well executed, well paced entry into the LOTR universe
10 September 2022
Excellent attention to detail permeates in a story that bravely gives a different interpretation of the universe (while abiding to all canon that actually matters).

Great acting. Great CGI. Over the first three episode my complaints are pretty minor sloppiness observations -- the sound of a sword sliding on metal (usually incorrectly used as an unsheathing noise) as someone takes it out of someone's hand, little things like distant scenes of people talking where their mouths aren't remotely matching the overlaid dialog, etc. Also that the Halbrand actor seems to be trying way too hard to ape Viggo M's mannerisms.

I look forward to additional episodes. I was skeptical that they would pull it off -- expectations in this franchise are off the charts -- but I really think they did.
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Moonfall (2022)
2/10
So much budget for so little
4 April 2022
Even if you suspend all critical thought and just consume the ridiculous story as is, the horrendous, phoned-in acting, the catastrophically bad editing (loads of scenes with bizarre overdubbed audio, often where the corresponding character's mouth isn't even moving), and the laughable CGI come together to just make an impossibly bad movie.

This feels like someone was making the best with a tiny budget, creating some sort of weird campy parody. Instead it's a sincere effort with a massive, blockbuster budget. How did they possibly make someone so completely bad in every dimension?

Just a horrid movie. This is one of those outings that will be completely forgotten in 6 months. Including by the weird people trying to hold up this terrible disaster of a movie.
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2/10
Quite possibly the worst movie I've ever seen
20 February 2022
And I've seen some of the terrible Halloween reboots/remakes/sequels.

Just terrible from top to bottom. I wish I could unsee that.

On the bright side, the runtime is short.
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Wisting (2019– )
6/10
It's okay and little more
29 January 2022
The show itself is formulaic. It has some good acting amidst some truly terrible acting (including Moss, who to be fair is often working with terrible "ha ha look at the American!" material).

What I just have to point out, however, is the bizarre use of zoom throughout the show. It's jarring and is a throwback to the 1970s, and it recurs again and again.
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Archive 81 (2022)
6/10
Awkward dialog. Slow pacing.
21 January 2022
Netflix has come to love taking one or two hours of content and stretching it to eight or more (another recent example being Midnight Mass). That doesn't make it a "slow burn", as the apologists so often claim, or some sort of demonstration of one's superior patience.

It's just a lazy way of controlling your time for longer with less meaningful content. Of padding out viewer hours, and giving more of a sense of "return" for a subscription.

This show definitely has its moments, and if you have time to burn it has an interesting premise. But to enjoy it you have to look past a script that seems to have been written by an angry fourteen year old (the number of awkward, completely misplaced F-bombs might just set a record, and just to be clear I'm no prude and partake myself when appropriate, but just an endless barrage renders it impotent), some seriously cheesy effects, and just loads of lazy filmmaker tools. Every shot, for instance, tries to get a newspaper box in frame somewhere (a lazy trope making sure to communicate "It's a city, remember?!"), including locations like "church entrance".

The main actress, whose acting is basically making pained faces and giving a performance reminiscent of community theater, often gives an exhaustive narration of what she is looking at, what she is doing, among the many F-bombs. I guess it's a homage to its podcasts roots, but it's ineffective and distracting in this medium.

Neat show. Worth the time if you have little else to spend your time doing. But it isn't a positive that it's so drawn out.
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Nightcrawler (2014)
9/10
Excellent in every dimension
11 December 2021
Brilliant writing. Extraordinary acting. Top notch cinematography.

This is an uncomfortable movie, with unpleasant subject matter, but it is a triumph of movie making.
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6/10
It's fine and nothing more
13 November 2021
I feel like this film is being grossly overrated for saccharine / reminiscing reasons. It is one of those outings that time will not be kind to.

The story is cliché and utterly forgettable. The acting is bad, particularly from Craig who seems to despise every role he is given, each performance given a half hearted, sneering treatment.

The action...so much could be written about the horrendous action. Clearly many of the action scenes were found to be mediocre so in editing they literally speed up some action segments at times, leading to some positively ridiculous, cartoonish action scenes where physics no longer operates. Just ignore when car chases change scenes and end up in entirely different environments. Or the blatantly fake soundstage setup for Cuba.

Callbacks to old cars and gimmicks. A lot of self-references. This movie would be 3 out of 10 if not for those lazy tropes.
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The Chestnut Man (2021– )
9/10
Engrossing and well executed
8 November 2021
Brilliant acting throughout, and a captivating, interesting story that gave a good payoff.

The only criticism is that the "single officer doing an entry alone" thing gets a little absurd (it almost seems like a self parody late in the series), and sometimes the story seems to progress through some pretty contrived ass pulls. The raw excellence of the execution overshadows those criticisms, though.
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Invasion (2021–2024)
4/10
Overly convoluted mess
25 October 2021
Too many storylines that take too long to yield worthwhile contributions to the plot, some of them just abandoned. Long periods of time that just feel like completely irrelevant filler.

The audio of the film is a mess as well, with mumbled dialog (the Kandahar sequences in particular is such a sloppy wreck of slurred dialog delivery and overlapped audio), and much of the series so far feeling like an ASMR session. Emotive audio is used excessively.

I want to like this. I want to love it. The execution is flawed.

EDIT: After watching the remainder of the season I've adjusted my rating downwards. Actually terrible. Absolutely a waste of time, with a mediocre plot that made shockingly little sense but could have been improvised it was so nonsensical. The final "reveal" not only was terrible CGI, it was just groan inducing.

This series has you rooting for the aliens.
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2/10
More believable as a spoof
17 October 2021
If this were presented as a spoof of the genre, Flanderizing the absolute worst tendencies of the genre and the shallow, idiotic characters that exist in the universe, it would be more credible.

Just horrendous. The original Halloween was such a simple exposition on the genre, yet somehow it has descended to this utter tripe.
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Midnight Mass (2021)
5/10
It felt like work finishing the series
1 October 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Absolutely loved Flanagan's other recent work, however Midnight Mass was a big miss overall.

After the first episode I was encouraging friends to see it. By the fourth episode I was politely withdrawing my recommendation and casually discouraging the same.

It started great. Intriguing little town, wonderful locations (not a soundstage or studio, but actual little village facade they built for the show).

Extraordinary acting from some of the cast. Linklater and Sloyan stand out for their incredible work. If the overall product were better they would be heralded for their utter brilliance and would be lining up for awards, but instead this will be quickly forgotten.

By the end I felt like I was watching just to get some sort of payoff for the time invested, throwing good time after bad.

The first miss is the terrible "young people playing old people" tactic, which literally never works outside of comedies where it is intentionally farcical. Immediately obvious to anyone with eyes and ears, you're deconstructing the plot to figure out how or why these people would be de-aged. Though over time you realize the plot is riddled with holes and nonsensical motivations regardless, so you don't want to think too much about it. The fact that not once does anyone on the island ask "So...vampires?" indicts the whole work. The "everyone suddenly is completely useless" ending was so extraordinarily sloppy it was the cherry on the top of this waste of time.

And the monologues...Flanagan seems to have become too much of a fan of his own product (and has been elevated to a degree that the people around him aren't being honest to him) because the monologues are just a crime against humanity. Boorish, insipid, philosophy-101 expositions, containing little intellectual or insightful merit, that go on and on and on. Couple them with absurd human interactions that border on parody (for example someone revealing they had a miscarriage, to which someone casually responds about a dream they had) and you start to wonder if the screenplay was authored by GPT-3. It truly feels like someone realized they only had 3 episodes worth of content so 4 episodes worth of dialogue filled out the space.

Some of the camera work betrays the same sort of self-absorbed arrogance, including the long single-shot beach scene that was awkward, jarring to immersion, and just served absolutely no value beyond someone saying "See! Look what I did! Aren't I great?"

The bizarrely unnecessary camera techniques and horrible "elder" makeup give you time to focus on the backing soundtrack, which I think was the result of some sort of dare or challenge: The entirety of the soundtrack consists of periodic chords in isolation, and could have been algorithmically accomplished to better result. It, like so much of the product, seems to the result of people who have literally no one around them telling them when their product is not good.

Ultimately I'm left wishing I'd never started the series at all. The whole thing just leaves a bad taste and sours Flanagan's legacy.
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The Wraith (1986)
3/10
Only the rose-colored glasses of reminiscence gives explains positive reviews
29 August 2021
Absolutely atrocious.

Single dimensional characters. Farcical "races". As is the norm for 80s movies, a bunch of people in their late 20s or 30s playing teenagers. People quaffing various automotive fluids. Cartoonish special effects that often make zero sense (like the bizarre vanishing braces).

Just horrendous. Good for a laugh though.
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Bordertown (2016–2020)
4/10
Loved season 1. Enjoyed season 2. Season 3 is just intolerable.
5 May 2021
The writers ran out of ideas and stretched a decent concept to the point where it's a threadbare parody of its beginnings. It taints the entire series.
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4/10
Great CGI. Terrible everything else.
21 February 2021
The CGI for the squirrel is generally fantastic, and makes for a humorous, lovable character.

The movie around the squirrel, however, is just a giant downer. If you've gathered the kids around for a fun Disney tale you'll quickly discover it's a movie about cynicism, divorce, dysfunction, and an array of people who are motivated only by a quest to harm animals.

It's just a giant downer. Add that with some terrible acting and everything just falls apart. Add that the director seems to constantly do long hanging shots on the lead actress making some "quirky" face or other -- bizarrely -- and you've got a movie that's just entirely unenjoyable to watch.
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Antebellum (2020)
8/10
A worthwhile, interesting watch
9 January 2021
This is a very grim tale, and in the first segment I wasn't even sure if I started the movie I thought I had, the movie not remotely following the description.

Nonetheless, very creative story with excellent acting throughout. The story is a little rough to stomach at times, obviously because of the evil elements, but also that human motive and actions aren't quite realistic.

Regardless, it's a much better film than its rating conveys.
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