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Char Man (2019)
2/10
It's ALL B-Roll
22 October 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This is basically your standard bad found footage film. It's got the usual trope of film makers investigating a local legend only to run afoul of said legend. The villains are the usual creepy kids wearing masks, except that kids just standing around isn't really creepy anymore. The film includes the required "Oh my god, run away!" scene of the actors running like idiots through the woods. There are no scares to speak of in the film, not even anything that would qualify as a jump scare.

In a nutshell, there's NOTHING to differentiate this film from every other ultra-low budget found footage movie ever created and no reason whatsoever to watch it.
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1/10
No horror, just boredom
9 April 2023
I was bored silly by this movie. Found footage films all follow one or two basic, paint-by-numbers procedures: either it's collection of video footage of the stuff leading up to a big scary event without a lot of direction narration, or it's a few people TALKING about the stuff leading up to a big scary event, followed by some video footage. This film is the latter, a few faux interviews of people who knew and/or who were searching for the main character interspersed with some faux footage of the main himself. It's all unbearably yawn-worthy for the first hour, and it doesn't improve by the end. FF directors need to at minimum study the work of the folks that put out conspiracy theory videos, so they can learn at least the barest basics about establishing and building tension.

Bottom line, there's no pay off whatsoever in this film. No horror, no tension, no scares, nothing. Watching paint dry is more exciting. Hard pass.
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Arctic Void (2022)
3/10
Low budget psychological mystery
5 February 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Don't be mislead by any attempts to categorize "Arctic Void" as sci-fi and/or horror. There are no special effects, no thrills, no chills, no monsters, no aliens, and very little in the way of make-up effects. Any suspense in the film comes from the loneliness of the environment and the unexplained mystery... and the explanation is really nothing exciting. Said explanation is basically the only tenuous connection the film has to sci-fi at all. In fact, there's not really a whole lot to this film except what little drama exists between the characters and with their various internal struggles. It's a good thing that I usually put movies on in the background while I do other things, because this one was kind of a waste of time.
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Ghosts in the Hood (2016– )
3/10
Dumb
11 January 2023
This show is pretty dumb, even for a ghost hunter show. The group is sloppy, generally low-tech, and quick to jump to the conclusion that every place they investigate happens to be haunted by whatever the owner happened to tell them about at the beginning of the episode. And like every other ghost hunter show, the crew is absolutely certain that every shadow, every bit of static picked up on a sound recorder, and artifact of light is evidence of a haunting. This is basically garbage TV, something to throw on for background noise while you do something else. Some of the jokes had me chuckling occasionally, though, which is why this gets 3 / 10 instead of 1 / 10. There's really nothing here that you haven't already seen on a dozen other bad ghost hunter shows.
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7/10
Jim Cummings is a gem
1 October 2022
Jim Cummings is the centerpiece in "The Wolf of Snow Hollow". His dialogue is fast and biting, his acting intense and on point -- it may be incongruous for a horror film, but for much of the film, he was simply hilarious fun to watch as an over-stressed, alcoholic, somewhat neurotic deputy sheriff struggling with anger issues, barely keeping it all together, while on the trail of a serial killer in a small town. In fact, he's such a presence that there's barely room for the other actors to shine, but I think that's fine in this instance, and the other characters mostly fill the roles of long-suffering co-workers, associates, and family.

As far as genre goes, I consider this to be more of a suspense film than a horror movie per se. I can't think of an appropriate comparison to other films, but in my admittedly imperfect memory, I keep thinking more of, say, "Fargo", than of "An American Werewolf in London". Don't go into this one expecting a slasher film.
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2/10
Typical FF
20 September 2022
This one is another run-of-the-mill found footage haunted house / demonic possession movie, except that this time the usual cast of idiots is composed entirely of women. That is literally the only thing that differentiates this movie from any of a hundred other similar films.

Viewers can expect the usual low budget horror elements: people barfing up black goo, demonically distorted facial features, over-processed demonic voices, static-y interruptions to the video footage, and idiot characters who utterly fail to notice anything unusual happening until it's too late even though they specifically go to the haunted house to verify that it's haunted. In this case, it only becomes "too late" because the characters keep putting off leaving the house for some inexplicable reason -- there's not even any sort of supernatural power forcing them to stay on-site. The females aren't unattractive, but there are no cheap voyeuristic thrills to be found here., and no violence and no gore to boot.

I don't know who the target audience for this film was. Maybe 12 year olds will find it scary, I dunno. For the rest of us, look elsewhere.
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5/10
Not bad
10 September 2022
Warning: Spoilers
This is a light psychological thriller about a couple who crash a party and spend the evening.manipulating their hosts to some nefarious end. What carries the film is largely the acting -- as anybody with half a brain or a modicum of social experience would spot the gaslighting and manipulation from a mile away. There are simply a TON of "coincidences" in the dialogue that would make anybody suspicious. Some of the coincidences had me thinking that the party guests scouted out or researched their hosts ahead of time, but this doesn't quite gel up with the explanation given towards the end of the film. Chalk the inconsistencies up to lazy writing, I suppose.

The "B" portion of the plot involving the other pair of friends was pretty well useless, and I'm not even sure what narrative purpose it was supposed to serve other than to simply break up the "A" part of the plot. I'd argue that it was the weakest part of the film.

Other random thoughts: I think Timothy Granaderos has got a pretty strong Elijah Wood vibe going in this film -- kind of a weird off-kilter feeling, something that comes across as an intensity just barely cloaked in a veneer of casualness. Like a wolf in sheep's clothing kind of thing. I dunno, maybe I'm wrong, but it worked for me.

Overall, I'd say this is a pass for hardcore horror fans, but if you like lighter fare, you might be the target audience. A little thin on content but not bad in execution.
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Offseason (2021)
6/10
Light on plot, heavy on atmosphere
5 September 2022
Nice atmosphere, a few good shots to give a bit of dread here and there. This is kind of a horror-lite movie with modern film making sensibilities. No blood / gore nor anything that qualifies as a jump scare. Light on plot. I give it a 5/10 because I like the style, and +1 star because it was apparently filmed in New Smyrna Beach, which is pretty cool because I've been there many, many times. This is the kind of horror film you might show someone who's squeamish. The film has some vaguely Cthulu-esque references but I wouldn't characterize it as a film in that mythos per se.

Also, when did IMBD start requiring 600 characters minimum in reviews?!
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1/10
LOL
14 July 2022
Lol, this didn't age well. At the time of filming, QAnon man believes in crazy alien conspiracies and that Trump will save us all from the evil worldwide Satanic cabal of pedophile bankers. HINT: Things didn't work out IRL quite the way this guy imagined they would.
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2/10
Incoherent Drivel
5 March 2022
Maybe I wasn't paying close enough attention, but the plot of this film came across as nonsensical cult-worship garbage. The make-up effects were horrible enough for me to comment, and Lori Petty's career belongs consigned to the dust bin of history. (Maybe it already is and that's why she's in this film.) Likewise Judd Hirsch and Corbin Bernsen ham it up past the point of believability.

I've seen many, many worse movies, which is why this one doesn't get a 1 star review, but that's literally the only reason. I can't think of anything even remotely redeemable or interesting about this film. The movie's ridiculous ending is merely the icing on the cake.
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Under the Bed (I) (2012)
4/10
Not shown in the film...
2 March 2022
Warning: Spoilers
...is the epilogue where the survivors have to explain to the cops at the end of the movie why there are several dead people across two neighboring houses. No physical evidence remains of any monster. If I'm a cop, I'm thinking that the most likely culprit, despite any protestations by other witnesses, is the disturbed kid who burned his house down a few years earlier. What follows is some jail time, a lengthy investigation, and possibly a prosecution. The neighbors' dad certainly is going to want to know who decapitated his kid. I'd bet that a media circus follows and the disturbed kid ends up serving life in prison.
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4/10
Ambivalent
16 February 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Other reviews discuss the twists at the film's end. I feel ambivalent about these events myself, to the point that my overall reaction is WTF, and more or less why I give this one 4/10.

There are really no worthwhile scares to speak of. If you're looking for a horror fix, this one is a pass.
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Shelter in Place (III) (2021)
2/10
Dull
6 January 2022
I watched the first 27 minutes waiting for something interesting to happen. Then I gave up and went back to watching '80s horror movies. Horror film makers in the current age need to remember to grab the audience's attention fairly quickly. Gimme something interesting within the first 15 minutes or it's time to move on to something else.
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Death Valley (II) (2021)
3/10
Generic Scifi Action Monster Horror Movie
11 December 2021
The description of the film for the pitch meeting probably went something like this: a monster in an underground laboratory / bunker hunts and kills mercenaries.

We've seen this formula a million times before. There's nothing here that particularly stands out. Play this film in the background for an hour thirty minutes of generic fun while you do something else more productive.
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Intersect (I) (2020)
1/10
OMG I am so bored
2 May 2021
Warning: Spoilers
I thought this was going to be a movie about time travel and space monsters and whatnot. I guess it was, but the space monsters literally do absolutely nothing for the whole 10 minutes they're on screen, and wholly cow I was bored crazy through most of the film. Shortly after the funeral scene, I paused the film and was surprised to see that I was an hour in with nearly an hour left. Who the hell though this movie needed to be this long?! It should have been 1 hour 40 minutes tops.

Shortly after the 1 hour mark, the film took a hard left turn, moving away from the adult versions of the characters, and tried to turn into Stranger Things or something similar. Like, seriously, I didn't care about the whole storyline with the kid versions of the characters AT ALL, and it wasn't until the 1 hour 42 minute mark before the whole time travel thing actually STARTS AFFECTING THE STORY. Literally 86% of the film is a bunch of boring setup for about 10 minutes of payoff that was just nonsensically bad.

I was going to give the film 2 stars because I liked the design of the alien monsters (even though the CGI was not that great), but the ending of the film achieved absolutely nothing. This is definitely one of the worst time travel films I've ever seen. I suppose I should have been tipped off by the reference to Miskatonic U, but I figured we'd at least see some unspeakable horror devour someone, BUT WE DON'T EVEN GET THAT! I've seen a LOT of bad movies over the years but I'm actually angry I watched this. Do yourself a favor and just skip this one.
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Hosts (2020)
4/10
An okay film diminished by a sub-par script
28 March 2021
Warning: Spoilers
I've been a horror fan for 40+ years, so my opinion of the genre is informed by an awful lot of experience. "Hosts" is by no means the worst film I've ever seen, not by a long shot. It's also not the best, either. Reviewers that state the former are engaging in unjustifiable hyperbole; reviewers that state the latter are probably shills for the film. If this was the worst (horror) film you've ever seen, then you haven't seen many films, and I wouldn't trust your opinions.

As for my take, this is definitely one where the first half falls into the slow burn category -- too slow, I think, as the film makers could have pared down the first 40 minutes by at least 10-15 minutes and still maintained a good build up to the pivotal scene. I thought the acting was serviceable, and the directing competent if not inspired. There were a few shots here and there that would make for pretty cool movie posters, but, overall, the cold glowing blue eyes thing doesn't hold the creep factor.

Where the film really falls flat is the script. The story is pretty well nonsensical and basically just serves as a vehicle to inflict a bunch of violence on an unsuspecting family. The possession angle isn't explored to any significant degree, we never find out WHY anything is happening, and the end of the film isn't satisfying in any way. The best scenes would have been much more powerful in a better film.

If I had to break down my review as to why I give it 4 out of 10, I'd say 1 star for the actors, who did well with a not-great script, 1 star for the directing / cinematography, 2 stars for that pivotal scene in the middle of the film, which could be truly shocking for less experienced viewers.
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1/10
Yawn-worthy
21 February 2021
This might possibly be the most boring film I've ever seen. The lead character has all of the energy of rotten potato. I let this run for maybe 40 or 45 minutes before I started fast-forwarding. I get it, found footage films intentionally show a lot of tape of mundane activities, but, wow, I felt like that's pretty much all there was in this one. I haven't actually finished watching the movie yet; I was so bored I had to pause it and write this review so that I could stave off sleepiness for a few minutes.
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Blood Spirit (2020)
2/10
Dull
18 January 2021
Completely yawn-worthy. Low budget, no scares to speak of, completely amateurish acting and directing, threadbare script. No suspense whatsoever. Makeup effects not even worthy of a SyFy channel original. The actors and characters are thoroughly unlikable.

All of the above would be forgivable, except that the film commits the cardinal sin of being boring. Skip it / would not recommend.
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5/10
Not Bad
3 January 2021
If Gomer Pyle and Chris Elliot had a child and that child grew up to be a flesh-eating demon, that would be the title character.
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2/10
Dull Dull Dull
2 January 2021
Completely tame modern day gothic horror film,. Has nothing to offer whatsoever to experienced fans of horror. No scares to speak of, no original ideas, no gore or effects. I've seen made-for-TV movies that are less yawn-worthy and episodes of Ghost Adventures that are scarier. If this film had been made 60 years ago, it'd be the kind of thing I'd expect to see on daytime TV for housewives, like when I was home with my mom as a kid in the 1970s.
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8/10
A bright spot in a world of darkness
25 September 2020
I think this is my new favorite show. Add your favorite alcohol and enjoy!
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1/10
Horror fans look elsewhere
30 August 2020
There is literally nothing about this film that I liked. The characters to a person were unlikable and obnoxious with no redeeming characteristics whatsoever, the plot is nonsensical, and the twist at the end is stupid beyond belief. There are no scares to speak of, and the attempts to build suspense throughout the film were disjointed and completely ineffective. I would classify this film not as horror but a thriller (albeit a lukewarm one). I've watched a LOT of bad movies, so I have quite a tolerance for shlock, and while I wouldn't call this film shlocky, it actively annoyed me. Give this one a hard pass.
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The Shed (I) (2019)
5/10
Watchable
29 August 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I enjoyed the first 2 acts of the film, but it unfortunately falls into the realm of cliches and one-liners in the final act. I think the film makers missed an opportunity to ramp up the fear by really taking advantage of the titular setting more. Instead, the film just sort of degenerates into barricade-the-house-and-kill-the-vampires at the end. Overall this turned out to be a fairly average vampire flick -- watchable, but ultimately nothing special.
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Vibration (2020)
2/10
There are better production values in an amateur haunted house
28 August 2020
Not the worst movie I've ever seen, but it's pretty awful. I liked the music -- that's worth +1 star -- but the rest of it is garbage.
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Hellmouth (2014)
5/10
Had potential but...
2 July 2020
This could have been a good flick but the story was too muddled. At the end of it, I find myself asking, what was the point of it?!

The CG / effects are hair better than a typical SciFi channel movie; with a bigger budget, the film's visuals could have been outstanding. As it is, sometimes they're interesting and other times they're almost distractingly bad.

As far as the acting, Stephen McHattie certainly stands out in a good way, but the rest of the cast are pretty standard and not all that interesting. Unfortunately, McHattie can't make up for the film's drawbacks, and ultimately what drags the film down is any lack of coherence or depth to the plot. The teaser "Hellmouth is about a gravekeeper who is drawn into a hell dimension to save the soul of a beautiful woman" sums the film up completely, and sadly, there's not really any depth to the story beyond this statement. This is one of those films that felt like it could have had real vision, but failed due to a lack of focus by the film maker.
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