Reviews

Yes, yes, yes...I KNOW it's not meant to be taken seriously.

But; as with SO many "humorous" odes to older movies, it is NOT humorous.

Other commenters on here have claimed for example, that everyone in the cast is dressed in period clothes (that period supposedly being the 1950's), when in fact only a few are.

They claim the props are all period faithful...they aren't. I don't think I saw even one 1950's car; the oldest was maybe late 60's at best.

They claim 'the kids' use correct period expressions...I don't think the M. G. driving 'kid' telling his girlfriend's Dad she's a slut over the phone is exactly 'period correct'.

It's easy to see what the makers were trying to do; and I'm sure they're all avid fans of films of the period; but they are NOT good film-makers themselves.

I have to assume that a lot of the people giving rave reviews here, are either in someway related to the film, or very easily amused.

I could go to the trouble of enumerating everything that's wrong with this but I've got better things to do with my time today (lord I wish the obligatory Required Character count was lower!).

But to go over it with a fairly broad brush.....pretty stupid plot; how likely is it that the U. S. military and spooks together would/be able to smuggle a whole bunch of advanced "battle drones"; and themselves; into the former Soviet Union's territory to run a combat testing program on them?

Unlikable or just dull characters with some very poor acting (I'll single out 'The Psycho' and 'The Sniper' here).

Naturally the bad guy drones couldn't hit anything so most of 'the team' come out alive.....relly not worth watching.

This is the first Chinese film I've watched in ages and it's eminently forgettable.

The story is no different from anything you've seen 1,000 times before. In it's favour, it's SLIGHTLY better than the average offering from The Asylum, but that's hardly saying very much, is it? And it's only slightly.

Now I can't speak Chinese, and my reading of the Japanese subtitles was far from perfect, so any subtleties in the dialogue (if indeed there were any!) evaded me.

A cliche-ridden team of special forces are sent into a desert area with a sciencey guy and a pretty martial arts expert. Or is she..... Naturally the military aren't told they're going to be facing giant (well, bigger than usual...) badly done C. G. I. Spiders, so aren't really equipped for said baddies.

Oh, and the special forces guys are from something called (if I remember correctly) World Relief Organisation; seemingly a Chinese Quick Reaction Force despatched anywhere to save the downtrodden from Hollywood imperialists..... Exactly where the desert area is I couldn't figure. When they find the lab where the nasty arachnids are coming from, a group of terrorists are already there.

Luckily W. R. O. Is able to despatch them all with barely a sweat raised. We're led to believe they're not Chinese, as the one and only guy who doesn't wear a mask.....isn't.

The C. G. I. Explosions here are piss-poor and obvious.

They enter the lab, do all the cliche things expected; find a lab team member in a wrapped up in a web, in a case, with her naughty bits covered...and you'll never guess.....she's a hybrid!

A predictable battle ensues and the important cast members survive.

Really not worth the time in my opinion.

The brief blurb at the start of this page hasn't even got that basic detail correct? They don't go to an "old, dark mansion", at least not in a literal, physical sense, only in a plot sense. However; I'm not confident I can use the words 'plot' and 'sense' in the same sentence with this film.

Planes are falling out of the sky, for no apparent reason, until a (temporary) survivor tells the authorities a mysterious plane marked with an X appeared just before they crashed. They subsequently call/haul in 5 former W. W. I aces; from 5 different ;countries living in the area, who all turn up, resplendent in the uniforms of 18 years earlier.

From then on it is indeed a cookie-cutter "old, dark house" until the mysterious X pilot is revealed and a hasty wrap-up finale.

Along the way to the conclusion there are aerial dog-fight scenes,.which are decidedly unconvincing and unexciting.

The only thing it had going for it I thought was Lona Andre, who looked gorgeous.

I'll give low-budget, amateur films a go if they have something to offer, but I'm beyond clear film and sound, and acceptable C. G. I.; this really doesn't offer anything. Maybe as other have said, the people responsible will improve with time, I don't know. If the plot and script are any indication though, they have a long way to go.

Again; as others said; the lines and interactions between people don't seem to be much based in reality. How old is the Thomas character supposed to be...7? 8? A pillow-fight with his sister? And while lost in the forest, after being attacked by monsters/aliens and seeing a huge U. F. O., with his sister lying injured...a stick fight with the main guy?

No-one is particularly fussed when the ranger disappears, nor do they make any attempt at all to find the (el-cheapo hand-held) camera guy and his girlfriend after they're dragged away from the camp-site.

After the remaining four are attacked again later and Geoff or Greg or whatever lead guy's name is, spears one of the beasts, they just all go back to sleep, no probs.

We get to see camera guy again one or two times, lost in the wilderness (alternative universe? We weren't given anything in the way of clues really.), but not his girlfriend, she doesn't rate?

I'm afraid they really need to up their game .

It's hard to imagine someone could make a boring movie about the zombie apocalypse, but here's the proof. Now sure, it's an amateur, low-budget first effort; but I saw nothing in it to make me think this was just a first uneasy foray into movie-making. What it struck me as was someone had the cash, delusions of adequacy, and could talk their friends into helping them out. The sound quality varies wildly but is often too poor to hear. The acting isn't a total write-off, but it's far from good. Originality is just not present at all; all the ideas have been "borrowed"...from somewhere else. The story doesn't explain things that SHOULD be explained; such as how did the zombies manage to break into the (presumably) locked and secure shopping centre? The characters show a decided lack of 'zombie apocalypse' logic throughout; most of the time few of them have anything even resembling a weapon (but somehow, from God-knows where, one of them has a grenade...); but especially when they go into the house after the young girl collapses on the street. They don't close the door, don't close the curtains, don't barricade the doors and windows, don't check for food or supplies, they just flop down and kip! Then when they meet the "soldiers", none of them are in British uniforms or carrying British weapons, and the "secure area" doesn't even have the most rudimentary protection at all! How they got the money (and the self-deluded audacity) to make a sequel is beyond me.

Is it O.K. that cast members and family write reviews here? I mean, even though they state that they are such, is that really ethical? that's one reason I gave only 1 star, I really find that unethical. As for the movie itself; sure, I think it was made with good intentions for the budget available; but it really isn't very good. There are quite a few continuity problems; I suppose that's from no apparent editting. And although we're told that "the only way to kill him is cut off his head with his own sabre", at the end his (I suppose demonic) horse brings back his still living (though removed) head, presumably to slowly kill the next group of unwary city folks.