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The Vast of Night (2019)
Don't get it
I was turned on to this film by The Newyorker review that called it the best low-budget sci-fi since "Monster" I believe it was.
I didn't get the appeal. It's. So. Boring. Talking that goes on and on. Scenes of blank screens where all you hear is talking. And at times, especially early, the talking is so fast and fevered that you can't even grasp some of it. We're supposed to find the two leads likeable and witty but they come off as rude bratty know-it-alls to me.
The visuals in The Vast of Night are impressive at times. Dizzying camera tricks and a great setting and good design that set the scene well. I found some of the film too dark, however, where you can't tell what's happening. The director has talent but this seems like an experimental student film to me.
Castle Rock (2018)
A slow burn, not exactly a page-turner
How do you like your horror? Gory? Psychological? Supernatural? Castle Rock tries to deliver all three in it's first three episodes (this review written when only the first three are available.) in a watchable effort that relies heavily on King's body of work while not wallowing in it. You won't find Pennywise here except out of clown drag as an unnamed prisoner (Bill Skarsgård), still creepy as a mostly mute captive of Shawshank Prison.
Much like the kids from the IT movies, Henry Deever (André Holland) is compelled back to Maine to deal with a dark childhood left festering for decades. Deaver is a broken soul with a mysterious past of his own, but somehow his story and character feel like a drag compared to the locals! A GREAT ensemble cast of characters include Sissy Spacek as Deavers dementia-suffering mother, Scott Glenn as King favorite cop Pangborn, a great Melanie Lynskey as Deaver's drug-addicted childhood friend with unspecified "powers" that will be familiar to anyone who watched The Shining, Terry O'Quinn who's spent way too many years as Shawshank's warden, Frances Conroy who brings her usual ghostly charm as his sorrowful blind wife. A character named Jackie Torrence (!) who pops up everywhere mostly unexpectedly. You get the picture.
Castle Rock is brimming with potential for great weirdness and suspense but the main plot feels boring. We keep getting reminded of it over and over when we'd rather check in with the mute guy found locked in a cage who keeps having those around him die or kill themselves. This show is a slow burn, I just hope it doesn't burn so slow it never lights up.
The Open House (2018)
Watch two capable actors try to do the impossible
I rated my review 2 stars for the two main actors unlucky enough to try and make this mess watchable. They both do a decent job with what's thrown at them. One even gets naked for the proceedings in scenes that feel unnecessary and border on exploitation for the sake of seeming "edgy". Putting it another way, if you cut out the swearing and nudity this could be (should be?) A Lifetime Movie of The Week. The makers of this sloppy, drawn-out, mean-spirited movie should thank their stars (both of them) for elevating this to something anyone would watch.
The other star of the movie is the Jump Scare Noise Machine, used over and over, every time a character sneezes.
I tried to square my feelings for this movie in my head before writing a review. Was I just mad how it ended? Did I not "get" it? In the end there is nothing to get though and without spoiling much I'll just say the last 10 minutes feature laughable makeup, horror movie cliche pile-on (the phones don't work! The tires are slashed!) and a chase scene so dumb and illogical it honestly makes me wonder if the production just ran out of time and money.
If they ran out of time and money I'm glad they did. Hopefully everyone involved in this film including the viewer can move on to bigger and better things. It's hard to sink to much worse.
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
James Marsden was cut out again...
I've never been a big fan of cyclops, but has anyone else noticed how much he's been cut out of all three of the X-Men movies? In X2 he was kidnapped and had to be rescued and in this film he's only given like 10 minutes of screen time. James Marsden has been an allot of decent movies and for him to have less screen time than Psylocke or Spike(!?) isn't cool. He's the leader of the freakin' X-Men after all. I wonder if it was script rewrites for Halle Berry that led to his diminished role, or maybe they were a tad angry James got cast (In a more prominent role no less) in the other big Summer superhero movie "Superman" along with the man that actually could direct a decent X-Men film, Bryan Singer.
Speedway Junky (1999)
Great talent + bad script = disappointed viewer
I waited with great anticipation for this film to find a distributor and make its way onto DVD so I could finally get my hands on it. The fact that "Speedway Junky" has floated in shelved-project limbo for at least a year did cross my mind but I figured I'd give it a go anyway. If nothing else the cast is oozing with attractive male stars, including Johnathan Taylor Thomas as a bisexual street hustler. As a gay 21 year old I had to indulge the crush I've had on the young "Home Improvement" star since I was young. Unfortunately it looks as if JTT chose this role more for shock value than for actual content, which is a shame since almost every actor in this short dizzy little film gave it their all but couldn't save it from its own mediocre plot. Jesse Bradford (Clockstoppers) plays Johnny, a military brat on his way to North Carolina to be a racecar driver. He hits a road bump in Las Vegas and ends up stranded in the big city all alone. A trusting soul, Johnny soon finds that seemingly everyone is trying to take take something from him. Thats when angel-faced Jorden Brower (Texas Rangers) steps in as Eric, a gay male prostitute who just wants somebody to love him. He takes Johnny under his wing and falls in love with him which is the main plot of the story.
Both Brewer and Bradford play they're roles well. Johnny, as his name suggests, is just an average kid who is almost too nice to be believable. He trusts everyone he meets and talks to strangers like they're old friends. Eric is sad and brooding and the viewer wants him to find his happy romance as badly as they want Johnny to fulfill his childish dream of being a racecar driver. The problem is after these basic points are laid out the two lead characters are bogged down in a plot that goes nowhere until the end when it spits out a totally ludicrous ending. Confusing the story are Veronica, Daryl Hannah (Splash) in a subdued role as an ex-prostitute/showgirl, and Taylor Thomas as the jaded hustler Steven. To me these two characters should have been bit-players but both took up quite a bit of screen time that could have been used to flesh out the story and make it more believable. That, in the end, was the biggest problem with this film.
For all the characters fretting and brooding and crying I had to wonder what all the fuss was about since the actual act of selling they're bodies for money was never really discussed and never shown. On top of that, key points like what happened to Eric's mother were left unanswered and in the end when the credits rolled I was left wanting more or at least to know what the moral was. Was it the hard process of growing up for Johnny? Was it Eric coming to terms with what he really wanted in life? It was sort of all these things and none of these things and I felt cheated that it didn't have the answer. In the end it was just kind of.. there. I gave this film a 7 because of the hot guys and the fact it at least tried to take on a real gay issue. This film brought to mind another film dealing with hustlers, David Arquette's "Johns". While that film was overly depressing and bleak this one was too nice and flashy. Hopefully someday someone will get it right but until then I'd suggest "Speedway Junky" to gay men only. Like I said there are allot of cute guys in it. Sadly thats about the only thing this underdeveloped mess has to offer...
Jeepers Creepers (2001)
This mess should have been an X-Files episode.
------------SPOILERS---------------------------------- WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS Jeepers Creepers could have been a great movie. It had all the ingredients early on. A cool scary song ala "Mr. Sandman" in "Halloween", a psycho hillbilly vibe, a creepy scarecrow monster. Then they had to add in the psychic old woman, the special effects that were not all that special, and the worst gimmick in modern horror history. Get this. Whenever something bad is going to happen the song "Jeepers Creepers" plays beforehand. I dig the song but why not just put it in the background for atmosphere? Probably the worst part of "Jeepers Creepers" was that it was not believable, even by horror standards. At least in old horror films like "Friday The 13th" the kids were stuck out in the woods and stalked like animals. In this film the clueless teens nearly get killed by the movies monster early on, only to go back to his house to find out if it was really bodies he was throwing down that sewer? Hmmm, I wonder? Next one teen ends up falling into the sewer! He sends his sis for help, and darn it she gets chased by the killer too. They survive this and end up in town where no one will believe they're CrAzY story. Do they ever? They just know the killer is after them! Rather than driving away or calling the FBI these two decide two local cops should follow them out to the killers house AGAIN! Jeepers creepers! Two deaths, one via decapitation, later the teens are on the run again. Then they are with the cops again. Then they are attacked again. The monster in this film had so many chances to just pick these two off so many times it is hard to find him scary. Even the over-acting psychic couldn't save these two clueless morons. If either of these two had been in a GOOD horror film they both would have been dead by the time the concession stand closed down. How many times in this film did one of the wide-eyed teens look at the other and say "LETS GET OUT OF HERE!"? That was what I was thinking after about an hour of this film, which feels long at 90 minutes. For this to have been a scary movie it should have been the teens against the monster. Period. They didn't need the 45 extras or Madame Cleo's granny to explain all the plotholes. The monster should have been a crazy cannable hillbilly and not the lame mutant winged monkey he turned out to be. WHY DID HE HAVE WINGS??? Even the creepy "twist" ending was predictable. Let me give you a hint, the killer needs human body parts to survive and the song goes "Jeepers Creepers Where'd you get those EYES!". If you are like me and hate gorey mess films like this stay away from "Jeepers Creepers". Something tells me "Jeepers Creepers in the hood" isn't far off!
Jeepers Creepers (2001)
This mess should have been an X-Files episode.
------------SPOILERS---------------------------------- WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS Jeepers Creepers could have been a great movie. It had all the ingredients early on. A cool scary song ala "Mr. Sandman" in "Halloween", a psycho hillbilly vibe, a creepy scarecrow monster. Then they had to add in the psychic old woman, the special effects that were not all that special, and the worst gimmick in modern horror history. Get this. Whenever something bad is going to happen the song "Jeepers Creepers" plays beforehand. I dig the song but why not just put it in the background for atmosphere? Probably the worst part of "Jeepers Creepers" was that it was not believable, even by horror standards. At least in old horror films like "Friday The 13th" the kids were stuck out in the woods and stalked like animals. In this film the clueless teens nearly get killed by the movies monster early on, only to go back to his house to find out if it was really bodies he was throwing down that sewer? Hmmm, I wonder? Next one teen ends up falling into the sewer! He sends his sis for help, and darn it she gets chased by the killer too. They survive this and end up in town where no one will believe they're CrAzY story. Do they ever? They just know the killer is after them! Rather than driving away or calling the FBI these two decide two local cops should follow them out to the killers house AGAIN! Jeepers creepers! Two deaths, one via decapitation, later the teens are on the run again. Then they are with the cops again. Then they are attacked again. The monster in this film had so many chances to just pick these two off so many times it is hard to find him scary. Even the over-acting psychic couldn't save these two clueless morons. If either of these two had been in a GOOD horror film they both would have been dead by the time the concession stand closed down. How many times in this film did one of the wide-eyed teens look at the other and say "LETS GET OUT OF HERE!"? That was what I was thinking after about an hour of this film, which feels long at 90 minutes. For this to have been a scary movie it should have been the teens against the monster. Period. They didn't need the 45 extras or Madame Cleo's granny to explain all the plotholes. The monster should have been a crazy cannable hillbilly and not the lame mutant winged monkey he turned out to be. WHY DID HE HAVE WINGS??? Even the creepy "twist" ending was predictable. Let me give you a hint, the killer needs human body parts to survive and the song goes "Jeepers Creepers Where'd you get those EYES!". If you are like me and hate gorey mess films like this stay away from "Jeepers Creepers". Something tells me "Jeepers Creepers in the hood" isn't far off!