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christopherspringer1
Reviews
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Matrix Retarded
If I was teaching a movie class on how to make a movie this would be the movie I would show to say how not to make a movie. This movie is purely about the special effects, major boobage and really crappy kung fu action. I think this film wouldve been ten times better with a Brandon Lee, since he was able to act and fight (though only a shadow of his father thats far better than most including Keena Reeves who was stiff in the film because of an injured neck, what a wuss). But alas he's not with us ;(. Anyways im off on a tangent, the story is so horrendous; thin characters, lots of useless scenes that stop the story right in its tracks, cryptic story concepts that are there to stop you from realizing how unintelligent the story is. I thought the dancing was hilarious with the sex scene. Very important for the story development :P.
Max Havoc: Curse of the Dragon (2004)
Max Havoc: Curse of the boring film
This movie is sooooo bad and not in a "so bad its good" way. Its so bad in an annoying way. The lighting was downright amateur and the acting was just as bad. I ended up seeing his steaming pile of horse manure movie when my brother bought it on a bargain for $2.99 brand new. hmmm...I wonder why it was so cheap. He is a fan of really bad David Caradine films. He figured this would be one of those films where you can laugh at the badness like "Dune Warriors". Turns out this film is some sort of film propaganda to go vacation in Guam. Its hilarious that they put in stock footage of Guam in the movie, I laughed my ass off. Whatever you do, don't rent or buy this movie it is a pile of dog dooky.
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Watching flies eat steer manure is more exciting and respectable than watching this movie
Hmmm...what moments in this movie were the most awkward/ weird/annoying for you?
-the exposition at the beginning of the movie that basically explains everything like were 'tards
-the high boot, slow walking Psyclo aliens with human faces (just Travolta and his right hand man)
-the knowledge machine that helps you learn quickly
-Johnie handing back the Psychlo gun to Turl after the humans jump him
-Turl not investigating how the hell the cavemen smelted the gold
-ALL the glass breaking on the dome from an explosive even if its sectioned off so that wouldn't happen
-a nuclear bomb destroying planet Psychlo
-Turls greed for gold despite the fact its not explained WHY he wants gold or why an intergalactic space traveling race would need gold
-the crappy grunting which represented our language that all the humans made
-the dialog that the Psychlos had that was all too human (places like Home Office ???) -(bonus material section) the seriousness of John Travolta in the making of this movie
-(bonus material section) the seriousness of the art director in the making of the crappy vehicles
I know I'm missing more than half the weird moments. Heck, the whole movie was one weird/ awkward moment after the other. If you are morbidly curious this movie is good for a laugh but starts becoming VERY irritating and tiresome after 20 minutes. Whats really pathetic is a supposed budget this movie had. I mean $70 million !?
I have to take a bath now and burn my clothes after just thinking about this movie.