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conanobr
Reviews
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Not bad...
... Not good. Just kind of blah. Long-winded at times, mind-numbingly boring at times, and exciting rarely. Blah... Maybe I'm just not sophisticated or intelligent enough to get it. I think the whole trilogy would make a great 2 hour movie for someone as closed-minded as myself whose not endlessly fascinated by Bobbitts and Dagnabits.
5/10
Tiger Claws III (1999)
This cost me $3.50!
Where do I start? First, the three villains from Superman 2 come back to life to do this movie. But now they're asian! They still wear their black outfits and wreak havoc on the unsuspecting population, though.
Second, this is a Cynthia Rothrock film, so you expect some female fighting action, right? Wrong. As a matter of fact, Cynthia Rothrock is barely in the movie.
Third, this movie sucks in every conceivable way. I keep waiting for Cynthia Rothrock to do a decent movie. I'll be damned if I haven't been waiting for a long time. Now, they're putting her name on a movie simply as a publicity stunt. Next time her name appears on a movie, I'll wait for it to come out on cable.
Fourth, I want my $3.50 back.
The American Angels: Baptism of Blood (1990)
Spankworthy
One of the best movies ever made. Rent this and watch half-naked babes doing aerial acrobatics. This movie is why slow motion was invented. It's a shame this movie had to end. By the way, just fast forward through all the dialog. 10/10
Terror Firmer (1999)
This crap isn't even worth a comment.
But I'll do it anyway. The people who came up with this should be institutionalized. For two hours, I was stuck in their sick world. I'm glad to be out. Don't be fooled. The only reason this crap got such high reviews is because sick minds are attracted to sick s***. The worst movie (if you can call it that) I've ever seen. Don't get me wrong. I like sick humor, but there was nothing funny in this. It was just a series of sickening scenes designed to appeal to the truly disturbed. Truly intolerable. How many eating feces scenes can a normal person watch before going insane?