Reviews

A bunch of campers, lovemakers, skate bunnies, artists, cops, and sightseers are brutally murdered by a

To say Don't Go in the Woods is episodic would be the understatement of the century. There's not a realistic dialogue exchange or a character arc to be found in these treacherous woods. Acting and writing are the kind of amateurish where you really convince yourself that these people have been kept in an attic for their entire lives without human contact and have never had a normal interaction with another human being. There's no other explanation for how bizarre this movie is. Everything is so disjointed like it was made up on the spot or like these were all a bunch of different short films that were edited together to make a feature. That said, it's one of the most hilarious movies I've ever seen in my life and I think I'll probably watch it 500 more times before I die.

Three women find themselves stalked by a deranged killer after they stop by to help out their recently widowed friend whose husband might have been murdered by the strict religious cult he recently escaped from.

Not one of Wes Craven's best, but even here you can see he has a flair for dramatic set pieces, building suspense, strong female characters, and well timed jump scares. In spite of a bizarre and somewhat convoluted script, Craven makes the most of it and delivers a few memorable moments such as the scene where Sharon Stone is trapped in a barn with a poisonous spider and a deranged killer and another where someone slips a snake into a woman's bubble bath.

A bunch of hicks beat up and kill a childlike man named Bubba for allegedly abusing a little girl and his spirit comes back to haunt them for killing the wrong man.

Dark Night of the Scarecrow is one of those rare TV movies that could have easily worked just as well on the big screen. It's beautifully shot with all those bright blues and greens popping all over the place and Charles Durning's sleazy performance is one of the best in his career. There's a playful amount of nuance and ambiguity that's sprinkled throughout and you're never quite sure if Bubba has come back or if it's someone else entirely. No gore, but it's high on atmosphere.

3 children who were born during an eclipse turn out to be wicked sociopaths who like to murder teens and adults in horrible ways and it's up to some other neighborhood kids to try to warn everyone before they're all killed.

Blood Birthday has everything you'd expect from a slasher movie - the deaths are fairly gruesome, there's a little nudity, and it features a few semi-well known actors who make glorified cameos. It also has a wicked sense of dark humor and is a lot meaner than many films of this type. Having children not only in danger but being the ones putting others in danger raising the stakes a lot. It's not the best slasher from this time period, but it's memorable enough to worth your time.

An overprotective aunt will stop at nothing to keep her nephew home with her and that includes drugging him, knocking out his girlfriend with a meat tenderizer, and stabbing anyone who tries to help.

Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker would probably already be worthwhile due to the absolutely insane script, but Susan Tyrrell's performance really sends it over the edge and turns it into must see entertainment. There's really no way to describe what she does in this movie. It's over the top, but it also feels so realistic for a person as disturbed as the one she's playing.

A family moves into a vacation house for the summer and the matriarch finds herself possessed by either the original owner of the house or, perhaps, the spirit of the house itself, driving her mad and the rest of her family mad.

Karen Black gets the most to chew on here, turning from warm mother to cold and cruel possessed woman. Performances by Oliver Reed, Bette Davis, Burgess Meredith, and Eileen Heckhart are excellent as well and this might be the best thing Dan Curtis ever made. He's the perfect one to bring this story to life. The pacing is leisurely to say the least, but it never felt too slow for me. It's all worth it once you get to the ending.

4 pledges are required to spend the night in a mansion that was once the scene of a grisly murder spree and the killer might still be living somewhere in the house.

Linda Blair's best and scariest horror film next to The Exorcist. This one really took me by surprise with how elegant and, at times, truly scary and intense it gets. The gore is very minimal, but the suspense level is high and some scenes are downright masterful. Even a scene as simple as Blair going to retrieve a gun that another victim dropped becomes a nail biting set piece. The period costumes and candlelit sets are a great Gothic touch, giving the film a great timeless quality. Really satisfying ending, too.

A bitter actress crashes an audition for a major movie role at a director's secluded mansion after spending months in a mental asylum preparing for the role and a crazed killer in a hag mask begins trimming down the competition on by one.

Curtains possesses a winning concept, some wonderful actors, and a few memorable set pieces, but the script makes absolutely no sense and many of the characters have nothing to do and we learn very little about them. It's also not really clear who the main character is supposed to be. Is it Samantha Eggar's method actor who's upset the director is going ahead with the project without her Or maybe John Vernon's sleazy director? It's never quite sure who the most interesting character of the movie is supposed to be.

Trading in atmosphere and suspense for gore and soap opera plot twists, Halloween II picks up where the original left off and Dr. Loomis is on a mad hunt to find Michael Myers before he kills again or gets to Laurie Strode who is now sleeping off the night's horrors in a understaffed hospital.

Director Rick Rosenthal does a great job of keeping Halloween II feeling like a direct continuation of the original film. Dean Cundey's cinematography helps connect the dots and Carpenter's score gets a gothic, synthy revamp with Alan Howarth. The main drawback are the poorly drawn new characters, the silly twist, and a heroine who spend 85% of the movie in bed and sedated.

Blood Feast was one of the first of its kind and, like most things that came first, it doesn't have all the kinks ironed out. Acting is enthusiastic, but you've probably seen better performances in your nephew's high school production of Rent. The gore effects are bloody and nasty enough, but aren't terribly convincing. The story feels like it was made up on the spot.

Did I mention that I really love it in spite of all this? Blood Feast has tons of flaws that we could sit here and nitpick all day long, but what it has that many better made films don't have is a sense of indie filmmaking spirit. It seems like everyone is having a great time making this and it makes you smile.

Alone in the Dark feels a lot more high brow than what was coming out at the same time thanks to a cast that features the likes of Donald Pleasance, Martin Landau, and Jack Palance. It's well directed by Freddy's Revenge director Jack Shoulder who squeezes as much tension and suspense as he can out of the concept which involves a psychiatrist and his family falling victim to a home invasion of escaped mental patients. There's a twist towards the end that I truly didn't expect. Highly recommended.

Better than average slasher with a tinge of Italian gialli thrown in there to spice things up. There's also a heavy somber mood that helps it stand out from other more fun slashers from this time. It feels a little more sophisticated than some of the other ones from this time. It's a bit light on gore, yet the violence seems more more vicious, protracted, and mean spirited than it is in other slashers except maybe something like My Bloody Valentine which has a similar mean streak. The identity of the killer isn't too hard to figure out, but you can still have a good time with it even once you've figured it out.

Also, this was directed by the man who brought us Chitty Chitty Bang Bang which I find hilarious.

If you like down and dirty feel bad movies like Maniac or Nightmare, Don't Go in the House is more of the same. It's less gory and explicit, but the mean spiritedness and ick factor is still present throughout.

It's well made with a great central performance by Dan Grimaldi as the mother obsessed serial killer who likes to lure women back to his house, tie them up, and torch them with a flamethrower.

This one isn't very good in the traditional sense, but somehow, I kept trucking through it against all odds. There's so much padding in this that it's ridiculous. Did we really need a whole subplot involving the principal and his secretary?

In spite of this, when Graduation Day gets going, it's off to the races and there are some inventive death scenes such as death by football and it's hard to hate any movie which features a karate chopping final girl.

The story and script of Troll are not great, but you'd never know it from the way all the actors commit to every moment. Shelley Hack and Michael Moriarity seem to be under the impression they're in a quirky sitcom, Noah Hathaway still thinks he's in The Neverending Story, and June Lockheart plays it like she's still an MGM contract player. The effects are also terrific and there a appearances by Sonny Bono and Julia Louis Dreyfuss of all people.

If you're expecting anything close to Maniac just because its two stars are in this as well, you might want to readjust your expectations. There's definitely some sleaze, but The Last Horror Film is far less oppressive and bleak than Maniac and is actually pretty fun, especially when compared to that film. There are some cool meta elements that were way ahead of its time. It might make a good palate cleanser after seeing Maniac.

It might be because the copy I saw was so dark that any scene not taking place in broad daylight was totally unwatchable, but Ghostdance did nothing for me. There are some good ideas and the death scenes I could make out were decent like the one with the hapless victim falling through a glass display, but it was hard to tell who was who and I couldn't help but check out. This might be a film that will get a much needed reappraisal if it ever comes to Blu-Ray with a brighter transfer.

I didn't remember this one being as good as it is. There's still a few silly moments, but it's no surprise that Charlize Theron became a star and I've never seen her more vulnerable than she is here. Your heart bleeds for her.

A sexy nanny charms her way into a young couple's life so that she can steal their baby to use as a sacrifice for the tree god she worships.

Yes, it's silly and ridiculous, but Friedkin treats the subject matter with upmost seriousness and there are a few exciting sequences that The Guardian worth recommending including a few Evil Dead-esque tree attacks and one scene where a tree spews out gallons of blood when it's cut down with a chainsaw.

A teenage girl gets stuck babysitting at a secluded county home as punishment from her father for going over on her cell phone minutes and receives creepy phone calls from someone who can see and hear everything she's doing.

As remakes go, When A Stranger Calls isn't quite the bottom of the barrel, but it's not at the top of the heap either. An unexpressive lead performance by Camilla Belle doesn't help things much, especially considering that we're stuck with her for just about every shot of the movie. When the action finally kicks into high gear during the climax, it does generate some legitimate suspense and excitement, but the concept itself works better as a short film or set piece in a larger film than it does being stretched to full length.

An agoraphobic writer somehow gets enough control of her issues to drive up a secluded country estate where she can rest and get some writing done only to find out it used to be a whorehouse and the scene of a few brutal murders. Naturally, the ghosts begin calling to her, but can she be trusted?

The Nesting has its heart in the right place and, perhaps, with a less annoying protagonist, it could have worked better than it does, but the simple fact of the matter is that no one wants to spend nearly 2 hours with someone this whiny. I can't tell if it was the writing or the actress, but she got on my nerves. The house location is really impressive and there's some mood to be milked from that, but not many of the scares land and it feels like it takes forever to get going. Still, it's not badly made and worth a watch.

Few premises are as silly as a severed hand coming after people, but Demonoid embraces the silliness and ends up being very entertaining. It all starts at a Mexican mine where this demonoid hand is uncovered and immediately starts making evil things happen. After the hand kills her husband, Samantha Eggar decides to go after it with the help of a priest played by Stuart Whitman and hilarity ensues. You have to give these actors credit for keeping a straight face the entire time. Talk about an Oscar snub.

31 has to be Rob Zombie's most by the numbers film to date. Everything is mannered in that very special Zombie way and it feels like he's just cramming all his favorite things, actors, and quirks into one film simply to keep the engine from getting rusty. You never get the sense that he's passionate or believes in this story or its characters. It's just a cash grab that panders to his most devoted fans. The worst part is that you forget you ever saw it about 15 minutes after it's over.

Filmed, acted, and scored with a degree of class that most other slasher films of that time don't have. Sometimes, it works, and other times, you'd wish they'd take the kid gloves off and have a little fun with the lurid premise. However, there is a pretty cool "decapitated head in a towel bowl" scene towards the end that ups the sleaze quotient a bit. Otherwise, this is a bit like a non-slasher fan's slasher film. It could make for a good gateway movie.

Dee Wallace seems to be having the time of her life playing "the witch" in this retelling of the classic fairy tale, but that's really the only thing to recommend about this movie. It doesn't do anything that we haven't seen a million times before and the script isn't clever enough to compensate for that.