Reviews

Well Lucy gets killed. Now I'm writing this because I kind of felt this was the right progression even though unexpected, and explored why I felt it. The reason I figured is because Lucy had it coming. She placed her moral objections above the lives of three women who were almost their friends, who pleaded with her. Then she couldn't read the sincerity of Beth trying to protect her. Then she didn't care or try to defend the three when she felt secure and out of the woods. But it is still sad.

I felt the pangs of disappointment whenever I became aware of the hugely derivative elements. The first, that the clan world was clearly modeled after the power struggles of GoT, I got over first, but I have to say that must be the worst idea of all. Even the music reminds of comparable GoT scenes. There is a dragon-like creature. A puppet aristocracy just is ridiculous when it's taken seriously, as in the case of the Gelflings. The Skeksis on the other hand are the main stars as their degeneracy is very life like, and the Chamberlain says some things that you actually stop and think. Unfortunately even the good ideas are derivative, like the very funny interplay between the heretic and his alter ego: this is straight from the Henson movie the Labyrinth, the old man with the talking hat, even the voices are exactly the same. The spider creatures forming faces is also taken straight of that movie, the talking hands. I mean, what did you hire 10 writers for that can't come up with a new thought? But I was missing the Henson expressive puppet world, and there it did never disappoint.

Reading the wiki entry on the black panther party: the FBI considered the movement 'the greatest threat to internal security of the country' at the time. Curiously enough, the Marvel comic character also preceded the forming of the party in 1966, though nowhere can you read that it had any influence. Also strangely enough, the new movie encourages the same practises that the party did, namely community outreach and medical clinics. And just like the party, the movie makes it clear that politics is about power. Where the film differs from previous black superhero movies is that the hero here does not live with other Americans in a harmonious melting pot: they are their own kingdom, and vastly superior to the 'colonializers' (word used in the movie, FYI Imdb editors..). Well I guess in the end all superhero movies are empowering to their constituency (spiderman: the geeky teenagers; superman: the goody two shoes; the avengers: the groupies? Thor: the rednecks). That's the positive thing I can see here. The movie is also reasonably entertaining.

Some of the scenes are literally cinematic history. If people got off on 2001 by Kubrik, they should be putting a shrine to this one. The drama that unfolds in the space scenes is out of this world. Not since Dr. Zhivago have I seen more grand film making. The cinematic score is embedded so well it feels like a direct extension of the visual cortex. Ennio Morricone has not written more fitting music since The Good, the Bad & the Ugly.

I initially was put off by the ending. I guess I felt it fizzles into a Utopian aliens-are-like-us kind of escape from better screen writing. Well I still am disappointed. But that can never take away from the breathtaking accomplishment that is the first 4/5ths of the movie.

Brian, your movie flopped because of the incredibly terrible trailer that made it out to be some documentary movie about alien origins like anyone wants to watch that. Trailers are everything, you need to do it yourself. DO NOT WATCH THE TRAILER: It has the whole story in it as a cheap sequence of spoiler highlights, huge letdown by telling you everything that happens, without any buildup or creating suspense.

Disney kills every mother of children in this movie (three on last count). Nobody else dies. I've heard some rumors that for some reason Disney was doing that, but this movie is the proof. Without any comment from me, a few more examples of this splendid flick: The wolf howls (in the way of howling for a hot woman) after meeting Little Red Riding Hood, who is portrayed by an actual child actress. Jack the boy, who's only pastime is to milk his cow, and insists on thinking the cow is a 'he', gets slapped by his mother after she tells him only females give milk while he gives her a look of 'not true'. Pretty much everybody is gay. Everybody is behaving badly, but that's considered o.k. because they also have a good side.

There is so much wrong with this movie. I have to get it out of my system. I haven't been this disappointed since'Rattatouille' in people's ability to spot devious junk when they see it. This contains spoilers but oh my, I wouldn't know what to spoil.

Ellen Page manages to annoy in the first minutes of the film, a little know-it-all twerp with improbable snappy one liners her only way of communicating. Somewhat helping is the oh-so-cute Cera, but this character is so clearly copied from Napoleon Dynamite and Superbad, it's trite. Page really looks more like 13 than 16 - pregnant, while almost a toddler herself. But in her world everybody at once thinks she should be treated like a responsible adult, while on the other hand not holding her responsible because of her age. Well if that isn't some dreamy lala land. Everything works out for her of course. Seemingly she is running into trouble because the adoptive parents break up. Crying because she wants her little son to have an intact family, this seems to be her biggest struggle. But without further ado, the foster mom still takes the baby (I guess the contract was binding), and Page decides she loves Cera and they play the guitar together. Let's see: Tiny teen gets pregnant. Nothing wrong with that. While a premeditated act, as is confirmed about three times in the movie, Page doesn't think of using a condom. Why? She gets off the hook (doesn't even look at the baby) by finding adoptive parents. Worst case she could always give it to Jolie.

The kid gets to live with a single mom, but she has money and it's not Page so nothing to think about.

Much more important according to the movie is for Page to be in a happy relationship, as otherwise she might run out of time, being 13 already (I mean 16).

Cutie little indie music suggesting everything is dandy.

Not much of a story, ridiculous dialog, very dubious messages.

But you won't notice any of this, because the movie is boring as hell.

Putting in some good words about smoking (that was actually a good satire), Reitman feels the need to promote kiddie pregnancy. I kind of pity Diablo Cody, as the script reveals sociopathic tendencies. But what drove Reitman to implement this 'vision' I don't even want to know.

What age is the audience supposed to be? Thirteen? Most kids we saw at the movie seemed to be that age. Whatever middle aged critics find to recommend for adults is beyond me. Actually kids should be protected from this movie.

Oh final warning: don't discuss the movie with your girlfriend. While the enormity of the sickness of this movie may sink into her slowly, she will initially be too prejudiced towards womanhood in the form of the script writer, the main actor, and the compassion towards unwanted pregnancy to realize what the hell she just watched.

The screen writing is so dumb it pains me to have wasted 2 hours of my life I'll never get back (where have I heard this before). The acting is so-so. Things change often enough to keep you watching and waiting for something gruesome to happen. Nevertheless there isn't a single original thing in this movie. While the first Cube was a nerdy horror movie, which didn't make a whole lot of sense in the end, cube zero has picked up on that and tries to retell exactly the same story, except this time it makes an obnoxious point of trying to spoon-feed explanations for every detail that the first movie didn't answer. The comic thing is, the director recycles the exact scenes of the first movie that were somewhat weird, and tries to explain them. But the scenes are just copied over, there is no coherence whatsoever. This script is sooo pointless. I can imagine it being written by some half-wit 15 year old with a baseball cap and a pack of beer for a class project. The best part is in the end, they cripple the 'good' wunderkind guy, and he becomes the retarded fellow in the first movie, and you see him when they find him ('this room is green..') in Cube 1997. Goodie gooodie, clap clap, what a twist. First of all, what about if you haven't seen the first one, this doesn't make any sense you nitwit director. Oh, another great idea: instead of the numbers to identify x,y,z coordinates of the room (cube 1997), this time it is 3 letters, each one giving one of 26 possible coordinate values. Duh. Except now permutations don't make much sense anymore..so he lets the letters disappear before anybody can use them..I want my money back.

I guess I had to write this down since there are just so many bad, inconsistent, or just stupid ideas in this movie. Directors/writers should be required to possess some talent.