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Reviews
The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)
A Great Adaptation of my Favorite Chapter From the Novel
The Captain's Log has always been my favorite chapter from Bram Stoker's 1897 masterpiece Dracula, and I'm glad that this very terrifying segment of the novel has finally gotten its moment on the big screen.
As other reviews have stated, watching this film will likely bring back memories of Alien, The Thing or Predator, but I found that The Last Voyage of The Demeter has a certain human element to it and a sense chemistry between the various protagonists of the film that sets it apart from the aforementioned movies.
The script, co-written by Zak Olkewicz, son of Walter Olkewicz who portrayed drug-runner/bartender Jacques Renault in the television series Twin Peaks, and Bragi Schut Jr., writer of last year's Samaritan starring Sylvester Stallone, defines its key players well, and each character is unique and memorable in their own right, which further adds to the group dynamic that exists between the film's main protagonists.
Most characters in the film have their own backstory and distinctive personality, which allows audiences to love (or hate) each of them in a different way, which made it all the more difficult for me to witness the death scenes of certain characters. This expansion and humanization of character story arcs that were not present in Stoker's original novel adds further depth and complexity to the Dracula mythos, and complements the novel (and also Copolla's 1992 film adaptation of it) quite well. The pacing of the film is exceptional, and its build-up of suspense rivals that of the greatest of horror films, Alien and Predator included.
The special effects are very well done as well, especially those of the monster himself and the combustion scenes. I could go on and on all day about all the great points of this film, but that's all I'll say about Last Voyage of The Demeter, as words alone cannot do it justice. Thanks for reading.
Swelter (2014)
A broken story and even worse dialogue
This film's plot and premise make very little sense. It revolves around a former crook named Bishop who made off with $10 million after a Vegas heist while all of his accomplices got pinched, and due to a bullet wound to his head he's forgotten where he hid the money from the robbery. Bishop is now a sheriff in a small town in the Nevada desert called Baker.
For some unexplained reason Bishop (who was bleeding profusely from a gunshot wound to the head) was able to get away from the scene of the robbery in Sin City which was swarming with police (the same police who busted all of his accomplices) and made it all the way out to a small town in the middle of the Nevada Dessert which was many miles from Las Vegas and ran into his savior Alfred Molina, who plays a doctor in the film.
Where the near-death Bishop found the time to hide the money in a town he'd never been to before (or how he managed to get his badly bleeding body there in the first place) is left unexplained, as is the reasoning behind why Bishop took his chances hiding the money where someone could have possibly found it when it would have made more sense to keep it safe and close to him is unclear as well. (And when the location of the money is revealed at the end of the film one really starts to wonder how on earth such a badly injured Bishop could have even put it there in the first place).
For some reason the doctor in the small town he now resides in knows that Bishop has hidden the money nearby (although how the doctor knows this is never explained) as do numerous other people not living in the town, yet for some reason only the doctor and his ex have made any effort to look for the money.
At one point in the film the movie's antagonists tell numerous people in the town about Bishop's past and that the money is hidden somewhere in Baker. The crooks then say to the townsfolk that they'd better find the money for them or else the whole town will burn. This is downright illogical and stupid, as no crook (especially ones who were capable of stealing $10 million in the first place) would tell random people that there was that much money in loot hidden somewhere nearby and honestly expect them to fork it over if they found it.
Although these are but a few of the glaring plot holes present in the film, I can assure you that there are many, many more.
This movie also has some of the worst dialogue ever written which attempts to be clever but falls ridiculously short. Take this for example:
"Look at Stillman. It's like he's waiting on a train that already left the station."
"I'm thinking you're out where the trains don't run."
It's really that bad.
U.F.O. (2012)
This is Just.....Bad
This film is awful on so many levels, from the nonsensical plot to the direction and acting, as well as everything in-between.
At times the film tries to play off of the unjustified fear of an alien arrival plot element like Under the Skin, Arrival or the Twilight Zone episode The Shelter did, but instead of exploring the roots and meanings behind human conflict and paranoia, we are treated to meaningless banter and arguments between the main characters such as past love affairs, a bar fight the night before and other events that are totally irrelevant to the story (especially in the wake of an alien onslaught).
And if the aliens were supposed to come in peace as is insinuated throughout the course of the film, why are they trying to murder innocent children and everyone else on earth on that matter in cold blood? What films like Arrival, Under the Skin and the episode of Twilight Zone which was The Bunker did well, this film (if one could even call it that) utterly fails at.
The camera crew apparently couldn't even hold their cameras straight, as everything is wobbly and all over the place. Certain shots just go on for way too long, sometimes for over a minute in which the camera just remains focused on a character as they literally do nothing. The acting is just as bad, and I think Van Damme (the only reason I watched this film) appeared in this atrocity was to promote his daughter's lead role in the movie, which she fails at miserably. Her acting is seriously terrible, as are the performances of virtually everyone else in Alien Uprising.
And why did all the highly technologically advanced and super-intelligent aliens at the end just randomly start killing one another? Better yet, how does the bum on the street know an alien arrival is impending and knows exactly when it will happen? Most of all, why does one of the main characters at the end try to kill one of the film's other main protagonists in the midst of the alien invasion simply because he can't get over the fact that they broke up years ago? Oh yes, because this movie was written to be a total chaotic mess that made no sense whatsoever.
No Retreat No Surrender (1985)
An Overlooked Gem
This film is a classic, every bit as good as the original Karate Kid, in my opinion. Like The Karate Kid, it has a youth who embraces martial arts to help him deal with bullies and the like, but it also has so much more. We get a supernatural element in the form of our protagonist Jason befriending the ghost of Bruce Lee, some great humor (especially in the form of the fat bully kid), a great dynamic between Jason and his father (and also a great lesson to learn about standing one's ground) as well as the fact that Jason is fighting a criminal syndicate not only for the sake of himself, but for the sake of his new hometown as well. Van Damme only appears at the beginning and ending of the film, but gives a great villainous performance.
Double Team (1997)
Simple Fun
Just enough of a story to keep the pace going, masterfully directed action sequences and an awesome prison escape scene make this film worth watching. The plot is absurd and illogical at many points throughout the film, but one must always remember that many of Van Damme's films are not to be taken too seriously, and are to be enjoyed as to satisfy our more primitive movie watching urges. Many of the shooting and fighting sequences are over-the-too and simply outrageous, very much in the vein of Commando. Like Commando, I laughed at numerous times throughout this film due to its unbelievable nature. The coke machine scene at the end probably takes the cake for me.
Kill 'Em All (2017)
An intriguing plot and a good cast
A solid action-thriller with its fair share of plot twists-and-turns. The characters in the film are all unique in their own right and have their own distinct personalities, adding variety to the film's acting.
The chemistry between the characters works well, especially between the two FBI agents played by Peter Stormare and Maria Conchita Alonso alongside Autumn Reeser, even if Reeser is unconvincing with regards to her acting at times. Van Damme's character is especially likable due to his motivations and backstory, even if it's one we've seen before.
I liked how the film blended real-world post-USSR Balkan history with fiction. Not a groundbreaking or revolutionary addition to the genre, but it doesn't have to be.
Black Water (2018)
Way too many plot holes
This film's plot is a total mess, which ruins what could have been an enjoyable Van Damme B-movie. For example, Van Damme lets one of the film's main antagonists live at one point in the film (Kagan) when he had the perfect opportunity to kill him, which leads to that antagonist attempting to kill Van Damme's character later in the film, something that would have easily been avoided had Van Damme simply finished him off when he had the chance.
It is also never explained how Kagan knew exactly where Wheeler (Van Damme's character) would be in the first place when Kagan ambushes Wheeler. The biggest plot hole is when Wheeler and the film's supporting protagonist, Cassie Taylor, have already made it to the bow of the sub to access the com room yet for some reason they still need a key from one of the film's antagonists to get to the bow (where they already are).