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Reviews
Apocalypto (2006)
A Mayan man tries to escape human sacrifice.
OK, so not only is this movie historically inaccurate, but it is also . The Maya were a very sophisticated people, not "primitive" and backward as portrayed by the movie. They were the Romans of mezo-America: magnificent art, architecture, religion, and education. A main theme in this movie is human sacrifice. The film portrays sarcifice as something negative, gruesome, and barabaric- none of which describe how human sacrifice really was to the Maya. To be sacrificed was an honor. In Mayan cosmogony, the Gods sacrificed themselves to create the fifth world: the world of the humans. For this, the Maya were indebted to the Gods and made sacrifices in return. In fact, the Maya didn't rip peoples hearts out as a sacrifice. More often, they would pull a rope with stingray spines in it through the tongue or phallus. They would let the blood drip onto paper inside a special bowl. After, the paper would be burned as an offering. The heart cutting out was more an Aztec and Tehuetehucan thing. In this ceremony, the heart was cut out and help up to the sun, still beating, as an offering to the sun god. The head was not cut off, as seen in the move; rather, the body eventually rolled down the temple steps, not thrown off. The Maya, Aztecs and Tehuetehucan belived the sun wouldn't rise if they didn't sacrifice. Also, they never painted people blue or sacrificed many people at once. It was more like once a day. Another mistake is the use of names like Jaguar Paw. The obsession with the Jaguar was an Olmec thing, which predated the Maya. Oh yeah, and the Maya wore clothes, not loin cloths. Yeah, this movie is so wrong, it makes me angry.
War & Peace (1972)
The BBC movie of the epic novel War and Peace. Enough said.
I would just like to say that this is probably the most ridiculous movie I have ever seen. First of all, it 70s BBC (aka really bad acting). On top of that all the actors speak with exaggerated and obnoxious British accents (not that British accents are bad)... Hello, this is supposed to be Russia, could you tone it down a bit. Second, there is no music. What kind of movie doesn't have music? A really bad one. Plus, there are really gross, eating each other's face make out scenes, so without music, you can hear all the nasty sucking and spitty-ness. All sweet and romantic, huh. Third, the whole this is so melodramatic, it's funny. I mean, the scenes are so awkward I burst out laughing, even though it's no supposed to be funny. Fourth, the casting sucks. Natasha, who is supposed to be thirteen at the time, is played by, like, a thrity year old woman with her boobs taped down (to make her look younger). Hello? Couldn't you just get a younger actress? I mean, seriously. It can't be that hard. Watch the Soviet version of War and Peace; it is much better. Everything is wonderful about it. Plus, the actors are hot and they are cast well (Natasha probably is thirteen). I would only watch this movie again because it is so ridiculous it's funny.