Change Your Image
thelinnets
Reviews
Wrong Turn (2021)
Ridiculously flawed
A group of wokes go into a woods hiking despite numerous warnings of how dangerous it is. One dies by getting hit by a tree which is rolling towards them (just move to the side?) and the group are traumatised for 30 seconds then move on. As soon as this had happened I had lost interest but continued to watch as the group took countless injuries but somehow overcame them like a WWE wrestler in no time at all. Then the 70 year old Dad searching for the group takes the beating of a lifetime and takes an arrow to the heart (lol) but still manages to save the protagonist like its a walk in the park. So dumb.
Malignant (2021)
How the mighty Wan has fallen
As a horror movie lover it breaks my heart to see how James Wan has gone backwards so far from his days of Lights Out and The Conjuring. So where do I start on this one? Malignant. Absolutely as dull as toothache. Acting that belongs in the local amateur dramatics community. Over the top music. More cheese than you'd find in a pizza hut buffet. A paranormal villain that looks like he's a Slipknot reject. CGI that looks like it's travelled from 2001. I could go on, but oh my goodness this movie is poor. 3 stars just for the occasional atmospheric moment and beautiful scenes of Seattle.
The Unholy (2021)
Good but played far too safe
If you're new to horror then I think this is a good place to start. Good plot idea, decent characters and a few scares. It just never got out of second gear and left me wanting more. Also, the story was predictable and I just either it had something unique or different in it to really make it stand out. That said, I would watch again as I liked the movie's atmosphere and visuals.
The Dark and the Wicked (2020)
How do they get away with it?
Copy and pasting the same sort of horror movie time and time again and making a living off it? It's certainly not the worst but it's so bang average it should be called The Bang and the Average. Scary moments are scattered throughout and the acting was good but the story was so bland and pointless it made me believe that horror is at this point like nu-metal. Dead and buried. I would only recommend seeing this if you are completely new to horror and maybe own a sheep.
The Block Island Sound (2020)
Irritating and Dreadful
"You've got to stop drinking Harry." If I heard that line one more time I would have punched myself in the face. Every scene has a build up and teases to be super epic but is about as climatic as watching paint dry. I don't think I've been so angry about sitting through a movie this bad since Saint Maud. It's so bad you can't even have a bit of fun with it and laugh. It must be Rhode Island locals giving this such high reviews because this is a nonsense of a movie.
Crone Wood (2016)
It's a 6.5 but I can't do that so I'll go 7!
Where to start? Stupid plot. What idiot goes camping in the woods in the middle of nowhere in November in Ireland with a person you've known a day? Anyway, this happens and then almost everything else after is predictable, awkward and so clichè. But that said, I actually enjoyed this movie and the lead female was very good. It's one of those guilty pleasure found footage movies that's decent for a rainy night or for those who are new to slow burn horror.
White Gold (2017)
A joy to watch if you're an Inbetweeners fan
First season excellent, I almost can't fault it. I just wish the episodes were longer. I worked for a double glazing firm and have lived in Essex so this hit me on a lot of levels. My biggest criticism is too much screen time in season 2 for RJ and his Dad Ronny senior. It's not that these are bad characters, it's just they eat away at the episode length thus we don't see as much of Vincent and the rest who are significantly funnier and more interesting to watch. I hate that this show ended after 2 seasons and on a semi-cliff hanger at that. That's why it's only the 8 from me and not a 9 or 10 star rating.
Southbound (2015)
Just a great horror
I seriously loved this movie. Within the first 10 seconds you realise its going to be great. The problem is not many people like anthologies but for me you can just sit back and enjoy the horror with this one. The only down side is the first 3 acts outshine the last 2 but I can let that go.
Head Count (2018)
Couldn't get more average
Certainly not the worst horror I've ever seen but it was not scary and just seemed to be a carbon copy of The Thing except set in the desert instead of Antartica and instead of an alien it was a summoned demon. Really nothing more to say.
Sound of Metal (2019)
A long depressing process
Not a movie with a start, a middle ot an end. Just a sloppy coming together of depressive boredom. If the main character was just going to sell all of his possessions for the operation, why didn't he do this the second after he got his diagnosis? It would of saved me watching 2 hours of nobody talking. It seems any movie that touches on a subject of disability is unfairly labelled "a masterpiece". But this is truly forgettable. Only people who call mushy peas, wassabi, will like this movie.
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
My guilty pleasure, would recommend to anyone
Ok, if you're looking for the Blair witch project 2 THIS IS NOT IT! This film is a completely different entity and breaks the 4th wall in which the Blair Witch Project is seen as just a movie and the main characters are fans of it only. But this film is just awesome. I know a lot of people hate it but it's the (almost) perfect horror. Slow start, character development, then scares and then its climatic. It helps if you've seen the first movie though to enjoy what the characters in this a referring to in their dialogue.
Saint Maud (2019)
The most boring British horror you'll ever see
Not really a horror, more a miserable drama with snail pacing and very little to get excited about. I really can't understand the fuss about this movie as it is literally so boring I couldn't wait for it to be over. I've given it a 2 because the acting is good and one scene was decent and unpredictable but that's it. Save your precious time.
Monster Party (2018)
Good idea that makes no sense
The problem with this type of movie is they forgot rule number one which is to make the main characters likeable. They didnt make them likeable at all and therefore I just didnt care. Though the premise was good it was just too warped for me and I couldn't get into it. Very poor.