Change Your Image
tinoid
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Jason Bourne (2016)
Jason Boring
Being a die hard front row seat fan of the Jason Bourne movie series I suffered bitterly .. this movie is a huge a cold shoulder to cry on .. I feel that the movie actually makes some kind of creepy gesture at Iceland, as many of us know that is the number one country that does it's own thing and is not part of any big brother club and really .. I didn't know people spoke German in Iceland ! Both the story line and the handy cam were shaky and except maybe for the scenes with Nikki, the entire movie lacked the warm heart and creativity that Bourne tickled our fancy with in previous releases (that includes Legacy in my opinion which is 20 times better than this chill pill) The action scenes and the dialogues felt sterile and scripted and the action auto tune made me feel like I was watching an episode of CSI. Pretty much following a recipe for Jason cake, Paul Greengrass stoically dishes up every thing we have seen before, the car chase, check, the locker at the airport, check, motorcycle, check, hand to hand combat, check, did we forget anything ? Many things just seemed out of sync like the smartphone spy scandal a la Snowden vs Jason simply not giving a beep and only trying to find out about his past that had zero to do with each other, creating a plot hole vacuum the size of Russia. All in all a disappointing mess .. I immediately looked up who the director was because I had difficulty believing it was the same person that did the previous totally epic movies. I had more fun opening the IMDb review section afterwards and laughing my anxious disappointment away reading the comments by likewise genuinely annoyed people. I was bawling my eyes out so, thank you for that relief! So funny. I would have given this 3 stars for such and such, but messing up the most epic franchise in history comes at a price, so there it is, the way I feel about this lukewarm lover from the past
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (2015)
No Mocking but Yay! Splendid until they end it
*This review may contain spoilers, it depends on how imaginative you are, so be warned and do not take the risk because you really need to see this for yourself!*
I'm still listening to the music at the credits and felt the urge straight away to share how much I loved this story all the way to the end. To be honest I expected the last two movies to have gone downhill as happens most often with producers losing it to dish up something even more exiting than the last box office success. And sure, there was some of that action but especially the ending was very very good .. Unpredictable and true to the character of the Mocking Jay: Fierce yet fragile and genuine, which makes up her strength. Plus the music at the end pleased me entirely. I will give this a ten just for being made so true and gentle and patient enough to show some emotion, where we're usually treated with shallow jokes, punchlines, flashcards and sensation to produce a forced smile on our numb faces. Anything to avoid genuine feelings it seems at times, quick .. make a joke! Never thought I would but I loved it .. splendid. The imagery was stunning and the details, such as the designs of the Capitol buildings very well done and reminiscent of ominous and grandiose communist regimes as we still know them around the world. I was surprised the last two movies received a slightly lower rating, they certainly did not disappoint. There's a valuable lesson about what society should do once they spot a psychopath in power .. end it on the spot, so we can all enjoy our lives in peace
10,000 BC (2008)
More than decent
°Sabertooth spoilers ahead°
Not sure what the critics are all about but I really enjoyed this. Sure, I get that it's not historically watertight, like are there really giant birds running around 10.000 BC ? and it's probably not the movie to end all movies .. but it was more than decent. The story never became predictable, the visuals were enjoyable all throughout and I did not cringe at any of the dialogues or the acting for that matter although both were kind of basic but hey, it was a prehistoric time after all remember, and I have to admit I cried real tears when .. Nah I'm not gonna tell you that yet! are you kidding me. The whole production had a pleasant warmth and friendliness to it, like in olden times, when people still had a heart and cared for each other, instead of preying on something twisted or shocking. I guess that's what you guys have been missing? That means evolution did a bad job and now you're just too numb to enjoy anything if bloody body parts are not slapping you in the face.. So, perfect feel good movie for a night with the girlfriend or your family and totally made to watch on a large screen. I had some debate with myself whether to give this a nine or a ten but this title really needs some rescuing from harsh votes of the modern day zombies and I'm willing to be the hero of the day
Term Life (2016)
Erm Life
°No Spoilers but be warned anyway°
Tho watchable this was utterly mediocre and unremarkable. The story barely keeps afloat, the acting is so so .. although Hailee Steinfeld certainly made an effort and Vince didn't do anything crazy .. and maybe that's just the problem. The movie is decent but a bit bland. The imagery isn't anything with the word awe in it and the dialogues certainly do not stand out in any way. In spite of that, there were genuine good intentions and pleasant people to watch. It may get you through a lost hour without tears or anything dramatic like that
It seems the IMDb person approving my review has edited the last part out! without even saying a word. I was addressing the fact I think it's ridiculous reviews should be at least 10 lines long, and that I feel IMDb should be glad we are writing reviews, for free. It 's fine if you disagree with me but don't make my text disappear like a thief in the night. Thank you
The Revenant (2015)
Haunting
I'm going to give this a 10, it's deserved. Marvelously captured and very authentic depiction of a story about betrayal that aims to stay as close to the truth as possible and the Indians are not made into the good or the bad guys, none of the usual Hollywood cliché's, I love that.
°Minor Spoiler Alert°
Whether it's realistic to assume a man would be able to hunt down his foe after barely surviving a bear in the midst of winter is questionable, nonetheless I absolutely loved it. Make sure you can stomach the grim display of the realities of survival but once you saddle you're good to go. I'm still letting the images sink in, so I don't have much to say except, make sure you see this movie ..
Blackhat (2015)
Wish I never hat
My suspicions started when they showed an elaborate and boring animation of information going through a computer chip or something , for the second time in 10 minutes .. I was like what .. not again .. I really tried but I couldn't torture myself into seeing the whole thing. And here I am now .. looking for answers to my confusion and angst. I am still 'watching' by the way, it's playing while I'm writing this review, which is 20.000 times more interesting. Who or what made it, how and why or what for, what ever. I don't know and I can't be bothered to look it up. I'm truly thankful for Popcorn Time, for not paying a dime to see something this appalling and dismal .. Just accidentally saw another scene .. Hiding behind a 1 inch thick cardboard billboard always works fine for me too, when I'm being shot at with high caliber automatic riffles .. Good move hero what ever your name was.. Just look at the movie cover. He obviously knew what an irreparable unsavory mess he was in .. I would look worried too, for sure
If you're into spy movies, you have just been briefed. This is not for the faint of heart. Use this classified information to your advantage and save yourself .. Make a run for it while you can
Fury (2014)
Don't trust the movie nazi's ..
Because it was excellent .. Sure, you can even find fault with the Mona Lisa if you want to but trust me she will keep smiling. This one takes you hostage to the last second. Armed to the teeth with credible, gritty and raw images of mortal combat, it made me feel like I was deep inside the belly of the beast and I could smell the iron vapor of blood, rust and gasoline. Sure, it's slightly over the top at times but hey it's a Brad Pitt production, so you shouldn't expect a dusty history lesson. The story is sturdy, the camera work and special effects really earn their stripes and the acting takes no prisoners what so ever. The picture and atmosphere of Germany in the 40's marvelously dictated. I never actually liked a single war movie. This is the first one that didn't blow up in my face and it lacked the dreaded stench of self righteous American veterans that always has me running for cover.. So don't trust the false propaganda out there and enlist to find out for yourself !
Maggie (2015)
What the haggie ..
Very lame, unthrilling and depressing for all the wrong reasons .. Good points: Abigail Breslin is in it and Schwarzy is making a believable attempt at acting, not even once saying, "I'll be back" when he leaves the barn house. We see a kinder and more sensitive side of this walking talking muscle fossil. That brings home a full point on my IMDb review ! But apparently because it's artsy, nothing exiting is allowed to happen .. Dreadfully dull .. I started to wonder if the point of the movie was to turn the audience into the undead by means of terminal boredom.. My fingers are starting the feel numb as I type this, I'm worried, where do you get something like this tested ? Now for the gritty reality of the rest of this pseudo artistic tombstone
SPOILERS AND INFECTIOUS FACTS
All we see is a long series of forced and awkward daddy daughter moments and because your brain is still working you can see how nothing makes any sense. Like her dead finger appears to suddenly have lost it's bone too .. and when Maggie cuts it off, she doesn't forget to put it in the food dispenser even tho she is overcome by horror, what a neat girl, but the sink is dripping with zombie blood as she runs off in terror. Her eyes turn white, which is a sign of total blindness .. but she can still see the most intricate details, like a field of daisies "So beautiful Daddy" She also reads books with great ease .. and when she visits the infected love of her life we see her eyes are suddenly normal again .. as not to raise suspicion among the law enforcement officers probably .. The family knows shes bloodthirsty but do not lock her in at night .. Neither do the cops remove her by force to prevent contamination, because Schwarz is wearing suspenders and looks like he means business. Last we see of her is killing herself by jumping off a 5 feet high barn roof .. That should do the job !
Prophetic Verdict: This pale corpse is guaranteed to suck most of the life out of you, forget about what you payed for it .. leave it alone. Sanity comes at a price
Dark City (1998)
Dork City
After seeing that this juvenile .. what ever it is .. has a superb 7.7 rating I decided to put myself through the ordeal and watch it to the end, just to make sure.. Well.. I'm sure now ! It was gruesome, and you, who ever is reading this, you should thank me with both hands for liberating you from having to go through the same gut wrenching boredom. Do I regret it now ? Yes, I would rather stick a straw in my eyeballs and gently suck them dry with a twist of lime. Maybe if I ever arrive in the future, I can un watch this movie .. thoughts like these keep me going in life
Warning * You have to be over 9 years of age to read these spoilers * I'm about to spill the milk
When the movie started, the first scene was so dark I feared I had gone partially blind or something .. but you should let your eyes adjust patiently and it turns out to be a good thing because you can't clearly see the immature and stale performance of the cast, especially Murdork, who gave me the opportunity to experience new levels of annoyance and irritation previously unknown to me. The aliens were even worse .. they controlled the whole city, could hover, yet they brought a rusty old knife to intimidate. Jennifer Connely looked lovely as ever but that wont stop this dark turd from reeking .. my 4 year old niece tells better stories. You can put your braces back in now .. What a contrived pretentious heap of pubescent tissues .. Watch old tapes of your first school play or repaint your Lego blocks, just save yourself by all means, don't watch this awkward ejaculation or it will stick to you
Interstellar (2014)
Gravy & Gravity
And heaps of it .. Enough to keep you firmly glued to your seat for 3 full hours .. Not an easy task in times where people barely have the attention span to read their own name .. Yes, Matthew McConaughey delivered a stellar performance and the story sparkled to the last minute without turning stale, can you say the same about your beer ? From the first minute the movie effortlessly takes you inside and ties even the most far out concepts into a clever storyline. The visuals pleasure the eyeball and even though no one has ever seen space time bend itself around a black hole, the voyage never turns into a bad LSD trip or a whack video clip from the early 80ies
*Fasten seat belts, spoilers ahead*
One of the few things that made me frown a little was the cornfield set ablaze by Murph to lure the brother out of the house so she could ponder her bookshelf in peace, decipher the Morse code and save the planet, I mean it seems a bit much, to destroy the last food on earth just to have the house to yourself. Also, at times the music was too loud for my sensitive human eardrums but other than that, an incredible experience, with hints of dry humor, marinated in human warmth. Possibly one of the best SciFi movies, for years to come
Lucy (2014)
What was I thinking ?
Like many, I feel compelled to share how nasty and painful it was to watch this movie to the end and then try my best not to look displeased .. Fact was I was on a fresh date with a girl and I didn't want to be all emotional about it and walk out so instead I tried to look stoic and philosophical but it made me just as phony and pointless as the movie was.
At the outset things aren't that bad, some believable acting, gore and suspense but as soon as Lucy gets smarter, it seems she is sucking the sense straight from the directors brain and she turns into a nasty arrogant bimbo with the empathy of a 5 year old. The whole 'movie' is a confusing and spasm inducing sequence of animal clips and shameless tomb raiding of effects from any movie we know. She smashes cars into innocent people in the streets, kills a guy on the operation table and we are still supposed to believe it is all worth it because she is close to discovering the secret to existence .. which turns out to be scarlet vanishing into thin air and handing her radiant wise self over to the nutty professor in the form of a cheap 1 dollar 50 black plastic usb stick. It turned out to be a bad omen, the date went nowhere too. I should have used my entire 2 braincells. I feel traumatized , be forewarned if you think about seeing this movie
Blindness (2008)
Close the blinds ...
Okay.. I signed up too .. just to make sure I will cancel out one of the people who voted a 10 for this lukewarm wet towel .
I have to admit I have an ulterior motive. When I feel depressed I read hate reviews on IMDb and it makes me feel better straight away .. I can't stop laughing. So I should sincerely thank the director for his herculean efforts to make a movie this bad .. a genuine antidepressant while my prescription pills remain safely on a shelf collecting dust .. but let's get back on topic
*SERIOUS SPOILER ALERT* We are left to witness a bunch of people who have mysteriously gone blind and have been dumped in an old mental asylum being terrorized by one of them who happens to have a gun (note that he is blind too .. how would he know where to aim ?) What can I add to the perceptive observations of other people who did not buy into this movie ? I'm profoundly grateful I didn't pay to see it .. but let me throw a few wet towels in the shower .. The Japanese woman begging to get raped .. The part where the fat guy thanks the raped women for a good time, hears one of them died from being a "dead fish" but then we find out that the raping is still in progress .. Who are the women we see in action ? as it seems the 9 female volunteers have already returned and are mourning the dead sister .. and I was disgusted by Julianne's spineless husband who not only turns 2 blind eyes to his wife being raped but makes things worse by making out with a blind hooker and protests when his wife finally kills the bad guy to save the day and it appears the crook did not sleep .. 2 days of non stop sexual performance .. any professional male porn star would envy that. To summarize, My jaw dropped, and I could not retrieve it .. if you still want to see this brain hazard and ignore all warnings .. at least make sure you are visually impaired (perhaps with a wet towel),your kids are sound asleep and close the blinds