Change Your Image
Da reel Mikestar
WHAT else can I say? I had about 6500 posts on the old boards and was banned 12 times!
I love a girl who is a dirty rotten gutter tramp with cramps, so she does not love me back! [angry] But it is ok, because she is menstruating! [angry]
Reviews
Wishcraft (2002)
A brilliant blend of different genre's, with the end result being a superb horror/teen slasher flick!
This film has to be one of the best teen horror films I have ever seen! It impeccably combines different genres, such as horror and thriller, into one movie, and the result should be uneven, but due to the excellent execution, it is not!
What starts off as a stereotypical teen-angst story of a nerd being in love with the prom queen quickly and furiously mutates into a horror film about a boy with three wishes, and how he chooses to use that power.
The ending is great, and truly a surprise. What is the biggest surprise is the fact that no one saw it coming - when you think the film is headed in one direction, it is actually going in another! A great horror movie, well worth seeing!
The Crow (1994)
It is impossible to watch this movie without linking it to the death of Brandon Lee
While the crow should work on many levels, the underlying factor explicitly contained throughout the whole movie is the over whelming sense of horror and sheer dread when you think of what really happened to lee, during this movie. how can we consider it light entertainment when one of the scenes features Brandon digging himself out of the grave? How can we enjoy ourselves when at the end we see Draven return to a seemingly blissful eternal rest, when we know that the life of the films star was cut short just before the completion of the film? The DVD extras are even more distrubing, particularly one that features an interview with Brandon, made a few days before his death. Brandon looks happy and cheerful, and is happily relating to the camera the fun he is having while making the movie, and how it is a very philosophical movie, and it makes you ponder about life and death - how can we even watch that interview when we know what happened to Brandon? The saddest part of all is that underneath the goth make-up, brandon is unequivocally unrecognisable throughout the entire movie - for such a great star's final film, it is impossible to tell it is even him - there is only one clear shot of him in the whole film, and perhaps that is the most disturbing factor. The films final dedication, the simple 'For Brandon and Eliza' is tragic to read, because while it appears to be so short and sweet, implicitly embedded within it is the death of Brandon and the immence sorrow his fiance must have felt. This movie is almost unwatchable, because of what happened to brandon. Unless you have a fascination with sick, twisted thing, you should avoid it.
Banjo-Kazooie (1998)
Too damn hard for little kids!
One of my sisters friends lent me this game, and it is too damn hard! It carries the appearance of a kids game, but you have to learn how to do tons of intricate moves that require you to twist and turn your hands into all sorts of awkward positions, and you have to search seemingly endless levels for 100 notes, to improve your 'score'! You also have to find these impossibly hidden jigsaw puzzle pieces, that require you to do almost impossible tasks to get them! AND I AM ONLY UP TO STAGE THREE!!!!! Maybe if you have no life nad can stay home all the time you might get some enjoyment out of this, but otherwise keep away! AND IT IS DEFINATELY NOT RECOMMENDED FOR KIDS - THEY WILL PULL THEIR HAIR OUT WITHIN THE HOUR!
Valentine (2001)
Really awful!
This really is the worst teen slasher flick I have ever seen! Like always, a masked killer is hacking up young, pretty girls, but the twist is they were all mean in school, and they suspect a rejected boy may be doing the killings.
Sounds promising, but this really is awful! There is no plot structure, and you don't care about the characters. It has pointless twists in the plot which are never fulfilled, and the ending is predictable and boring! Do not see this movie on Valentine's day, or any other day for that matter, because your lover will think you strange for having such an awful taste in films!
What's the Worst That Could Happen? (2001)
Truly is the worst!
This unfunny, silly, trivial movie moves at a snails pace, and is only good for one laugh. Danny Devito who is meant to be the bad guy in this movie is far more lovable than Martin Lawrence's awful character, and it is very uneven when you find yourself rooting for the 'bad' guy. This film rarely entertains, and with some of Lawrence's great film credits, it is a wonder why he appeared in this film. Devito is good as usual, but the script does neither actor justice.
Watch it on a saturday night on tv, but don't rent it.
Malcolm in the Middle (2000)
Plays like a bad home movie
This show has a disfunctional family getting into all sorts of trouble! What an original concept! This show features unrealistic situations, boring characters, and has no humour. Who would find the ramblings of an insane woman funny? Do not see this show, because if you do, you will start to think that even south park was never this bland!
Get Over It (2001)
Good, but unfulfilling teen comedy....
This film is ok for a rental, but it is too uneven to be anything but. It starts off as a typical teen comedy, with the boy being dumped by his steady, and doing anything to get her back. She is appearing in the school play, so he enlists the help of his friends little sister, who has knowledge of the play.
After that happens, the film takes a turn around, and goes from comedy to drama. It has the most predictable ending in the genre, and you are left feeling unfulfiled. The second half of the film is what spoils this film, and makes it not the great film it could have been. The second half is too rushed, and too much emphasis on the play, rather than the kids.
This film is not a bad film, but only rent on a night with your girlfriend, but never think of buying it!
Monkeybone (2001)
Attrocious!
Brendan Fraser's career must have gone down the drain, because if he has to accept roles in movies like this, he can no longer be hot property! This movie is the worst comedy in modern times, about a boring monkey who is meant to be wise-cracking and funny, but just comes off as dull and rude! The plot revolves around the monkey escaping from Fraser's dream, possessing his body and wreaking havoc in the real world. While it sounds promising, anything this slow has to be doldrums. This is the kind of film they use to put children to sleep! The cover promises us it uses South Park type humour, but South Park was never this boring!
Anyone who finds amusement in this film is already brain-dead! Just steer clear of it, alright! Make sure this film never gets near your vcr or dvd!
Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
Wicked fun!
This kind of film only comes once a decade! Tom Green is without a doubt headed for big thngs, and in this superb film he showcases his excellent comic abilities! Adam Sandler never made me laugh this hard, and Green makes Jim carrey look boring! The plot centers around a young man who dreams of being an animator, and refuses to settle for anything less! Along the way he gets into all kinds of trouble, which is just an excuse for Green to show off his superb comic ability - not that I am complaining! This film is definately not for kids, but if you want a film that will have you in stitches almost every minute along the way, this is for you!
Howling II: Stirba - Werewolf Bitch (1985)
What a joke of a movie!
This film was terrible! Oversized teddy bears that were meant to be werewolves ran around making fools of themselves! The camerawork was so shoddy, all you could actually ever see were blurs that were meant to be people! The werewolves really did look like big teddybears! The sound was horrendous, and due to awful dubbing you could barely grasp the storyline, not like it was much of one!
This is the kind of film an enemy would give you as a practical joke, it is that bad! The only scare you will get from it is that you paid 3 bucks for renting it! Watch paint dry, far more entertaining!
Guilty as Charged (2000)
Action at its very best!
Only rarely does such a great film come along! This film is one if the best action films you will ever see - Using a familiar premise (the most dangerous game) this film puts a neat and needed twist onto it, making it a shock a minute marathon! This film makes you hate the devilish army officers responsible for performing the deeds, but you also sympathise with them, because it is their way of trying to make the world a safer place. This film has all the makings of a great action movie, and deserves so much more than to be classed as b grade fodder.
Outside Ozona (1998)
Nice variation of Pulp fiction
This is a nice, witty, emotional, film! It is a drama/comedy/action intertwining 4 stories into one, all wrapped around a radio program. This film is a nice surprise as it has nice characters who you want to see get ahead, and nice use of scenery. It is a film that will never bore you, but it will never draw you in, either. It is not as good as pulp fiction, but if you expected it to be, you must be silly. Watch it with an open mind and you will be pleasantly surprised! It is a treasure!
Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996)
Not even so bad it is good!
This is a shocker! While the first three were so corny they were mildly amusing, this one must have been done for a joke! It unsuccessfully spoofs star wars and alien, with characters running around unconvincing cardboard sets! This is the kind of film that is bad-bad, not even worth a rental! It is so cheesy and stupid you will find yourself nodding off! It is not even good for a laugh, the joke is on whoever made this crap!
Final Destination (2000)
A nice change from the usual teen movie
This is a nice surprise. It is a teen movie, but has none of the silly gags we all cringe, and it is not cliched like so many others. The plot has lots of twists, and it would be deserving of getting a great review, if not for such an unsatisfactory ending. This is a nice change from scream type movies, and if you want something that is in the teen genre, without being a no-brainer, check out this worthy title.
The Matrix (1999)
Sci-fi ra-ra crap
This is a big load of incomprehendable sci fi crap, that you will have to watch twice just to understand. It is like a painful x-men comic, but worse. The characters, plotting and other such attrocities are a joke, and this is the kind of film that belongs in the rubbish dump! This film should have been forgotten, just your regular crappy si fi, but somehow, it became a classic. Just goes to show, pretty special effects make a successful movie....
Pleasantville (1998)
yaaaawwwwnnn....
This sure aint a modern fairy tale. It plays like an awful afternoon special, that is meant to teach us the value of family. This film goes for two hours, and every minute is torture. You will continually be looking at the clock, hoping it will finish soon. This tried to be a modern fairytale, but instead it is an unenjoyable sludgefest.
Hiding Out (1987)
Enjoyable mixture of action and teen comedy
Sure, it was not meant to be an oscar winner, but this is the kind of film all the family can enjoy. It has elements of a teen comedy, drama and action. This film is the kind that you can watch over, without getting bored. It is not crude like most teen comedies, and relies on structure and characterisation to push the plot along, which is a nice touch. This movie is a nice film, one for all to enjoy!
Battlefield Earth (2000)
Underrated Gem of a movie!
I rented this expecting it to be horrible, good for a laugh. I am glad to say I was wrong. There are many awful reviews for this movie, but let me tell you, this movie is a work of art!
Travolta is perfectly cast as the evil alien who has enslaved man-kind, and we cheer along with man kind as they start a revolt. There is great indepth charactirisation, and each character you can relate to, in some way.
The movie has a fun plot, and while it will not win any points for originality, it never ceases to be enjoyable.
This movie both entertains and teaches, which is not an easy task. This movie is thought provoking, and I was pleasantly surprised! Forget the awful reviews, this is a great film!
I hear they are now making a TV series of this, and if it is as good as this movie, I will be an avid watcher!
The Ambulance (1990)
Great fun!
Saw it last night, this film has it all! From the interesting start, which grabs our attention, to the eerie score of the music, to a fascinating insight into the world of comics, romance, suspense, intrigue and humour! Eric Roberts like always gives an outstanding performance as the poor guy who is caught up in this world of danger. Great fun, and such twists! Just when you think the movie is going one way, it takes a completely different direction! I loved it, and reccomend it to anyone who loves a good thriller!
Bushwhacked (1995)
Outstanding!
10/10! This film is fun, witty, warm and adventurous! All round good guy, yet naive Daniel Stern finds himself framed for a murder. Not one to give in to the odds, he poses as a scout leader and takes a group of ranger scouts into the mountains for fun, thrill, chills, a bit of romance and adventure!
Daniel Stern does what he does best, plays the lovable idiot who's constant antics always raise a smile. The scene with the bear cub is his funniest work yet, and the scouts are headed for big things! Outstanding performances all round, I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of this production. It has the requisite of leaving your brain at the door, but once you do that, expect the laugh of your life!
The Whole Nine Yards (2000)
Bloody awful!!!
This film tries to get us to like these cold blooded murderers ~! I'm sorry, but I cannot like or relate to a cold blooded hit man ~! The whole premise of the movie is that this hit man is a nice bloke, but he aint! That girl dentist is the worst actress in the history of motion pictures, never once ceasing to annoy the viewer! The whole romance plot is a shocker, and you just can't wait for it to end!! Why won't Willis get it together and make Die Hard 4, and quit it with crap like this?!?!
Coyote Ugly (2000)
BORING!!!!
How many ways do I loathe thee? Let us count....1,2 skip a few 44 skip some more, ONE MILLION!!! Boring movie aimed at teen girls about so called dancers but never do they show any skin! It is boring, the worst acting imaginable, and they got the title wrong 'It should have really be called - These girls are as ugly as coyotes. The film is sappy, to such an extent it becomes painful to watch. If you are a teeny bopper rent it with American Pie and have the time of your life, if not stay clear!!!
Campfire Tales (1997)
Why was it ever made?
Group of yuppie kids crash their car and decide to tell a bunch of stories everyone has already heard. Yeah, I know they are Urban Legends, but it wins no prizes for originality. It has a twist at the end that you didn't see coming, but the twist is boring and in no way adds to the quality of the film. Surprisingly, Urban Legends came out one year later which deals with them far better. If there is one redeeming factor in this movie it is Christine Taylor, who is very attractive, but if you really want to see her, you would be better off with Brady Bunch!
Highlander: Endgame (2000)
Better than the Ed Wood classics....(Minor spoilers)
This film is the most inept film to ever grace the cinemas. Absolutely no plot, and it contradicts every single other Highlander movie and TV series. Connor's demise at the end means absolutely nothing, as we can be certain he will be back in h5, and the excuse will be he went back to planet zeist when he died. This film has to take the prize as the worst movie ever made! The whole movie is a series of flashbacks strung together for no aparrent reason. Connor was the real star of Highlander, but they have decided Duncan is, an absolute germ of an idea! See this movie for a laugh!
Gossip (2000)
There was alot of Gossip about Gossip
The word on the town was that it was a half decent movie. Like most gossip, this was incorrect! I just saw it last night and it has to be the biggest load of crap I have ever seen. A plot that no one cares about, as movies are meant to help us escape reality, and this was an accurate, yet boring, portrayal of how college life is. The professsor should have lost his job, as harassing the student without proof of his crime, is a big no-no! Yes, the ending was a surprise, but it was not a wow, I never saw that one coming, what a great ending to a great movie, it was more like, A twist does not a good movie make.
The main girl was not attractive, and I am wondering why they did not hire Katie Holmes, to make one element in this crap watchable. Then again, Holmes would never embarrass herself, by appearing in this movie!