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Reviews
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
Not too bad for a DTV
DTV horrors are usually especially crappy, but Wrong Turn 2 managed to give us at least one character who wasn't a complete stereotype. Erica Leerhsen actually did a good job, and her character was written with some actual depth, something I was NOT expecting. The deaths were hilariously bad, as expected, but I love cheesy horror deaths so I'm not complaining. Kimberly Caldwell was a funny cameo; poor girl's gotta have no money left. All in all, it was miles ahead of the original, which was a Texas Chainsaw Massacre/The Hills Have Eyes rip-off that pretended it was something new.
6/10
Saw IV (2007)
Better than the previous Saw **Spoilers**
The reveal at the end was lame. Who is this Agent Hoffman and why do we care that he's evil? Why add so many new characters and kill off all the old ones? I liked Kerry. I liked Rigg. I couldn't give a rats ass about Hoffman. And it looks like Perez and Strahm aren't gonna make it to Saw V (which is inevitably going to happen) and neither is Rigg. And Wikipedia implies that that Hoffman guy killed Jeff's daughter, so... yeah. How much longer can they continue this 'Jigsaw kills through his apprentices and tests them from beyond the grave!' stuff? If you ask me, they never should have killed John off at the end of Saw III. Not to mention they still have several loose ends to snip off.
On the bright side, the traps are finally getting good again. They finally teach us something about the characters and have something to do with their 'sin'. Morgan breaks her dependency on her husband by pulling those rods out of her body, killing the abusive Rex. That was cool. The Knife Chair made me wince, but it was the only trap that really did so in the movie. I like John's ex-wife Jill, although I don't know what such a hot woman sees in an old man with cancer. She will hopefully be in Saw V.
All and all, it was better than the abysmal Saw III, but still didn't surpass the original, or even Saw II. The ending of Saw II was unexpected, and it surprised me because I kind of cared, but this ending was disappointing because we didn't get to know Hoffman before he turned evil. 'Bout a 5 out of 10 I'd say.
Mr. Atlas (1997)
Quite possibly the worst film ever made
Oh... my... god... this is without a doubt the absolute cheesiest movie I have ever seen. The acting is bad, the story is weak, the characters are weaker, and the whole film just doesn't make sense. Couple this with mediocre directing, really strange scenes (such as the one where the kid reaches over the ravine and mysteriously falls in), and thoroughly abysmal dialog ("Look!" "Musta peed his pants!"), and you get one complete failure. Not to mention the fact that the only thing Mr. Atlas looks like he could defeat is a case of chocolate bars. But this is part of the movie's charm. Sit down and watch it with a few of your friends for a good laugh.
I love this movie, because it's just SO BAD!
House of the Dead 2 (2005)
Watch this one and forget the first one ever happened
Uwe Boll didn't direct this movie. That's a small mercy. Yeah, this movie isn't perfect, but it's not too bad either. Going in to this movie, I was fully expecting the same complete rubbish that House of the Dead was. However, I was fairly surprised. It was by no means perfect, but it wasn't that bad.
There were some glaring deficiencies in plot. The ending, which I won't give away, was ridiculous and solved nothing. In many senses, it's just a traditional horror movie, with all it's cheesy effects and, in many places, painful dialog. The "comic relief" of the movie, I believe his name was O'Conner, annoyed me to no end. Bart, the perverted soldier, made me want to kick him in the nuts, which, I suppose, is what the director was going for, but nevertheless, he was annoying as well. There were other problems with dialog in other places that do not come to mind at the moment. It seems like a decent movie that was made with a really low budget. This can be expected, I suppose, seeing as how it was a TV movie.
That being said, there were parts of it that were pleasantly surprising. I was happy to see Victoria Pratt in this movie, because I think the is a good, if not merely decent, actress with actual emotion behind her lines, which is lacking in a lot of horror. Also, I felt that there was a decent amount of chemistry between Emmanuelle Vaugier and Ed Quinn. Not enough for an Emmy, not even close, but for a horror movie, a TV horror movie no less, it was pleasantly surprising.
All in all, a thoroughly average film. 5 out of 10.
BloodRayne (2005)
Okay, so the movie isn't perfect....
This movie was not perfect, I'll admit. In fact, it wasn't even close by any stretch of the imagination. But, I think if it had a decent director and a better writer it would have done so much better. Yes, the plot deviates greatly from the game, but so did Resident Evil's, and that movie wasn't so bad. I felt that Boll did a horrendous job explaining several points of the plot, such as why Kagan needs the parts of Belial. The special effects were nothing special, and in places they were downright campy (especially the incredibly fake death of the guardian of the eye).
While watching this movie, I shed a silent tear for Michelle Rodriguez, Bill Kingsley, Billy Zane, and some of the other actors who, if given a decent script, could have made this movie good, maybe even great. Who knows? It's not their fault.
That being said, the movie could probably have done well, had it been written more sensibly and directed by someone with some actual talent. Although, I have to say that it was a step above Alone in the Dark...
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
The Greatest Romantic Movie Ever...
I, personally, hate romantic comedies because I find that most of them are so frivolous that they don't warrant my attention. This movie, on the other hand, moved me incredibly. It is to date to be the only romantic movie that I can stand. It is a beautiful statement that no matter what, true love endures. Complete with memorable performances from Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, and an incredible supporting cast, this movie is one of the greatest I have ever seen.
I can see how some people think it's stupid however. The movie did not follow a normal linear time progression (it essentially starts and the end and goes backwards) and I could see how some people would find that confusing. I will admit, the first time I watched this movie I had no idea what was going on until the end. Then, with a full understanding of what was going on, I watched the movie a second time. That was when I fell in love with it. This is an amazing movie and definitely worth your time to see. It's a shame that it lost Best Picture of the Year to Million Dollar Baby.
Saw (2004)
One of the most disturbing horror movies I have ever seen...
This is one of my personal favorite movies of all time. The first time I saw it, I had to sleep with the lights on. I know it's childish, but it scared me that much. And it's not just the gore and the blood, it was the sadism. The fact that Jigsaw had set all of this up and knew so many intimate details about his victims was truly terrifying. He remains my second favorite Horror Icon to date (after Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lechter). I did not give the movie a perfect score because I have real problems with the two main characters, but everyone else made up almost completely for their lack of acting talents. I, personally, was surprised at the appearance of a fairly high profile actor such as Danny Glover was in this movie. The rest of the cast was relatively unremarkable.
Saw II was excellent as well, given Jigsaw's expanded role and Saw III was a good movie that could have been done better, but this film, in my humble opinion, was in a class all it's own.