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1/10
Thanks to liberal alcohol intake, I was able to slog my way through this mess
9 January 2012
It took a very strong Long Island Iced Tea and a couple of other cocktails, but I managed to sit through this one from beginning to end. Mostly I stared at the ceiling, listened to the radio, or contemplated the massive pile of laundry that needed to be washed, because looking at the screen while trying to make sense out of the inaudible dialogue and threadbare plot was something I could do only sporadically. I always try to find some words of meager praise for even the worst movies, but staring into the empty void that is "Night of Horror" renders me too anaesthetised to pay compliments. I would not say that this film is actually painful to watch; rather, it is a black hole, a concatenation of nothingnesses, the bewildering cinematic equivalent of formless scribbles on a plain canvas. It induces no reaction in the viewer other than confusion and perplexity... and perhaps wonderment at Mr. Malanowski's ability to find a distributor. A person could make a more incomprehensible excuse for a film, but it would require an active hostility to the audience on his part. In Mr. Malanowski's case, I think this is just a particularly remarkable example of extreme laziness.
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6/10
An opportunity wasted...
12 May 2010
Warning: Spoilers
This was an opportunity for some truly biting satire, but it was instead a rather pedestrian and forgettable bit of fluff. Reading a description of the plot- "An ethically-challenged anthropologist concocts a completely fake tribe and fools the whole world"- it should be a brilliant send-up of the goofier aspects of anthropology. Perhaps a digression is in order.

Anthropology is a strange field. In their zeal to become as "objective" as the scholars of the natural sciences, anthropologists have sometimes forgotten that their subject of study is homo sapiens, a species which frequently frustrates attempts at "objective" scientific analysis (except where quantitative measurement is possible). Because of this, anthropology, during its long history, has seen more than its share of hoaxes, frauds, and rank nonsense (George Psalmanazar, Vilcabamba, the Tasaday, Margaret Mead and the Samoans, "The Third Eye", etc). Sometimes anthropologists are taken in by the wild tales of tribesmen playing a grand practical joke on gullible foreigners. Sometimes anthropologists exaggerate local peculiarities, ignoring the great similarities between the locals and Westerners- or, trying to prove that differences are only skin-deep, they do the opposite, ignoring obvious biological differences in favor of cultural explanations. At other times, anthropologists are taken in by complete fraudsters whose elaborate nonsense confirmed those anthropologists' preconceptions.

Undergirding and feeding nearly all such hoaxes is one constant- Western observers who project their own fantasies and pet theories onto strange and distant peoples about whom they have insufficient information. Whether it is Rousseau with his "Noble Savage", credulous 20th-century advocates of "free love", communitarian socialists, earnest anti-racism crusaders, or people desperate to explain away the differences between men and women as nothing more than "culturally constructed", anthropological frauds always find a fertile market among people who are more concerned with critiquing their own societies than with learning about strange ones. (None of this, by the way, is meant as a dismissal of the work of serious and sober anthropologists who study and analyze the human animal).

This constant is exactly what is missing in "Krippendorf's Tribe", and its absence means that the satire never bites or cuts, but only gently prods. As far as the film is concerned, the only thing driving the popular interest in "Krippendorf's Tribe" is simple prurience- part of the equation, no doubt, but only one aspect of a much larger issue in real-life frauds.

A better approach would have been to highlight the way that intellectuals could use a phony tribe to serve as a justification for their own crackpot theories about human society and human nature. "Krippendorf's Tribe" dances around this slightly, but we don't see much of it. Part of the problem is that Krippendorf himself remains more or less fully in control of whatever information comes out about his concocted tribe, the "Shelmikedmu". He only invents things on the spot, based on aspects of his own life. It would have been more pointed to see the Shelmikedmu tribe taking on a life of its own, with other hucksters, fraudsters, and over-zealous academics contributing their own (equally bogus) information and theories about the Shelmikedmu. Surely, someone with experience of backbiting and jealousy in academia could have helped sharpen the rather dull-edged satire here.

Another part of the problem is the film's attempt to manipulate us into looking at Krippendorf as a sympathetic character, despite his lies and fraud. The movies uses most of the classic techniques- his wife died, he was under stress, and one lie just snowballed into another in true Fawlty Towers fashion, until other, more sinister people started manipulating him into bigger and bigger lies. We have seen all of this before, and it's not very convincing. A better approach would have been to portray Krippendorf as an unalloyed con artist, morally dissolute and positively eager to tell any whopper to keep the fraud going. This would have opened up many more opportunities for the kind of first-rate satire that this film should have had in spades, but didn't.

At any rate, one does not wish to judge the film too harshly. The sexual jokes are crude and not nearly as funny as the filmmakers seem to think, but in most other respects, this film is adequate entertainment for a rainy afternoon in front of the TV.
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Abe's Tomb (2007 Video)
4/10
If you ignore the weak acting, mediocre writing, tiny budget, cheap effects, and unoriginal plot, it isn't all that bad.
21 March 2009
To be perfectly honest, I find it difficult to find a single word of clear-cut praise for this film. The acting never gets better than mediocre, and is at times laughably bad. The dialogue creaks, making me wince at a few of the sillier lines (delivered, of course, with deadpan earnestness). The film was obviously shot with a budget of about zero dollars, and the effects are pathetic, in the rare instances they actually exist. Finally, the whole "vampire plague" thing has been done to death, and many of the plot elements were so familiar that I felt they had been cobbled together from other works.

Despite all this, though, I could not help but like the movie a little bit. Perhaps I just felt sympathy for what was obviously a heroic effort by a no-budget team to make something entertaining; in any case, I was rooting for them all the way, even through the many less-than-stellar scenes. Is "Abe's Tomb" really worse than all those other cruddy vampire movies that were blessed only with bigger budgets, and whose bad actors happened to have famous names? All in all, "Abe's Tomb" maintains a certain charm despite itself.
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Ghost Rider (2007)
5/10
Plot holes and a poorly written story are slightly ameliorated by special effects and decent visuals.
6 April 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Frankly, this movie left me slightly annoyed. I am not speaking as a fan or even a casual reader of the "Ghost Rider" comic books (I've never even seen one). I simply felt that the plot was poorly organized, unfocused, and fairly dumb. It wasn't a horrible story, just one that consistently fails to deliver on any of the expectations it creates. It feels almost as if "Ghost Rider" was filmed with an unfinished first draft of a script, or that half of the important scenes ended up on the cutting room floor.

The film is also hampered by what appears to be a complete lack of "rules" for the operation of the supernatural in the film's world. One minute demons are pronounced unable to walk on "consecrated ground", the next minute they're waltzing in and out of churches (this is only one of the most glaring inconsistencies; there are plenty of others). I'm not demanding that a movie depict demons accurately (since I must concede that real demons are probably not very visually interesting), but a little consistency would be nice. As a side note, I am getting a bit tired of movies that depict demons and the like, but don't bother depicting their logical counterparts, such as Angels. If there were no Angels, there could not be any demons.

On the plus side, the movie at least has decent visuals, and the atmosphere is sufficiently interesting to keep one looking at the screen. The special effects are nothing special in this world of CGI wonders, but neither are they laughably stupid. All in all, "Ghost Rider" is dull and idiotic, but it does not begin to plumb the depths of true cinematic awfulness (trust me on this one- I own "The Beast of Yucca Flats" on DVD). You probably have better things to do with your time, but there are also plenty of worse ways to spend it, I guess.
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The Luck of the Irish (2001 TV Movie)
3/10
Ouch.
17 February 2007
This movie was almost painful for me to watch, and I have a pretty strong tolerance for bad movies (I own a copy of "The Beast of Yucca Flats" on DVD). Aside from accents that almost made my ears bleed, an absurdly stupid plot, and a villain so clichéd he makes Snidely Whiplash look like a complex character, this film has a healthy dose of nauseating pablum. Furthermore, anyone who claims that "The Quiet Man" reflects unfair stereotypes about the Irish will completely change his mind if he sees this moronic mess of leprechauns, gold, third-rate "oirish" accents, really awful step-dancing, and other assorted nonsense.

This being said, I can't give this movie a score too low. The plot, however stupid, is at least logically coherent, the production values are decent, and there doesn't seem to be any great level of technical incompetence here. I suppose I should give the Disney Channel credit for even attempting to do something like this, results notwithstanding.
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7/10
This was a good movie, but it could have been a great one.
17 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Although I am glad that this movie was made, and I certainly think the result is a more than adequate family film, I can't help but feel disappointed by the result. In making the transition from book to film, it feels like the filmmakers jettisoned what they thought were minor details of C.S. Lewis' original work, and replaced them with typical Hollywood-style action sequences.

While none of this was bad in itself, many of those "minor details" were, in fact, central to the themes and ideas of the book. It's not that things were changed that bothers me. Some of the additions made to the story were quite good. What bothers me is that certain things were changed or deleted that shouldn't have been.

For example, the initial encounter between Aslan and the Witch was meant to demonstrate Aslan's absolute superiority over the Witch, and her fear of him. She was terrified of him, mirroring the way that, in C.S. Lewis' world-view, evil is absolutely inferior to good.

The film, however, was interested in making the Witch seem like a "credible" villain, and took away much of her fear in that scene. It's a mistake. C.S. Lewis' point- that evil is much weaker than good- gets lost, and very little is gained from the change.

Similarly, in the book, the Beaver specifically states that Aslan is neither tame nor safe. Lewis put this in to mirror his ideas about God. The movie, in the interest of keeping Aslan's status as a Lion as a surprise, drops this element, opting instead for a few seconds of surprise for anybody who, say, didn't read the title of the film (are we really supposed to be surprised that Aslan is a lion when "The Lion" is right in the title?).

There are numerous other instances of this. Please don't misunderstand- I'm not some mad purist who can't stand it when the slightest change is made transitioning to the screen. I don't mind changes per se, it's just that C.S. Lewis was a very talented writer exploring some very complex themes, and he didn't include small details randomly or without thought. In a nutshell, I feel that excellent elements have been removed and replaced with merely adequate ones.

This is not to say that this isn't a good movie. It's an excellent family film, and certainly ranks head and shoulders above most the the garbage people take their children to see. It's a rousing adventure story, the visuals are magnificent, and Lewis' works shines through despite the misguided changes. This movie is entertaining to both children and adults.

This is a very good film. That's too bad, though, because it could have been a great one.
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Mystery Men (1999)
8/10
Well written and well acted, though the genre has been done to death in subsequent years.
17 February 2007
The rating I'm giving may seem unreasonably high, but I have to give "Mystery Men" a lot of credit for some hilarious running gags, most of which go completely unnoticed on first viewing (and which, I understand, were largely improvised). It seems as if every time I watch it, I see something I missed before.

"Mystery Men" is not just very funny, it is consistently funny throughout. Even better, most of it is relatively clean humour (not spotless, though), at least compared to some of the jokes you'll find in the typical modern comedy.

That said, the superhero-parody genre has been more-or-less mined out by now, so perhaps "Mystery Men" will not age well. I am a little sick of these types of movies myself, but I do not hold it against "Mystery Men", which I liked when I first saw it and still do.
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3/10
If you like grainy, out-of-focus, black & white shots of a fat man lumbering through the desert, look no further.
17 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
For something that's allegedly a "horror" movie, I have to say that the only feeling I get that remotely approaches "horror" when watching this film is horror at how boring it is.

"Beast" is not, however, the kind of mind-numbingly bad endurance test that one might expect from something like "Night of Horror" or even Coleman Francis' other film, "Red Zone Cuba". "Beast" might be described as a low-level workout, to help you build up to watching the really bad movies.

For one thing, it's pretty short. For another, the plot, however idiotic and threadbare, does manage to hold together, for the most part. There is also some genuine entertainment value here, in the form of the outrageously absurd lines of narration, delivered with absolute deadpan seriousness by Coleman Francis- "Boys from the city, not yet caught by the whirlwind of Progress, feed soda pop to thirsty pigs".

As far as the acting, I don't think we can really class it as "acting". It's more like "moving about in a vague and nondescript way without saying anything" (the dialogue was added later). The best actor in the film, by far, is the bunny rabbit, who was not even a professional actor, but just happened to wander onto the set. His performance was the most moving and realistic one of the entire production. It's a pity nobody in Hollywood tried to contact the rabbit for further roles.
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Spplat Attack (2002 Video)
4/10
Hilarious, ridiculous, pompous, and silly.
17 February 2007
As awful as this is as a piece of film-making, it is pure comedy gold. The entire production reeks of egotism and pomposity, and the whole thing is amplified by the fact that nobody involved seems to realize how outrageous the whole thing is. The whole thing is really a tribute to Shatner's massive ego- though, to be fair, he does seem to have a sense of humour about it. Even the title is a pompous and pointless misspelling (how is "Spplat" pronounced differently than "Splat"?).

I should add that the advertisements for "Creative Light Entertainment" that come before the movie starts are even funnier than "Spplat Attack" itself.
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8/10
Not informative, but VERY entertaining.
17 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
This is by no means great cinema, to be sure. But even though the film views everything through green-tinted "oirish" spectacles, there is considerably more here than one might expect. The performances are excellent, and the dialogue, whatever its faults, is quick and clever. If you're looking for entertainment, rather than education, this is a safe bet.

"The Majesty of the Law" is a great segment marked by VERY strong performances. The plot is simple, but it's actually quite emotional, particularly near the end, when the policeman finally takes the guilty party away. The dialogue here is very well-constructed, and the themes, contrasting a man's principles, old-fashioned nature, and stubbornness with the modern world's demands, are moving.

"One Minute's Wait" has no doubt drawn accusations of playing to popular stereotypes of Ireland and the Irish (which it does), but this doesn't change the fact that "One Minute's Wait" is hilarious. I laughed particularly hard at the exchange in which there is a confusion over bishops.

Finally, there is 1921. Probably the weakest of the three films, it is still pretty good (certainly better than most of the dreck being made today). The camera shots used when entering the prison create a wonderfully eerie mood, and the atmosphere is strong throughout.

There is also quite a bit of nostalgia here- not because it somehow depicts "the old Ireland", but because it was a regular TV special on St. Patrick's Day, and numerous families grew up watching it every year.

Ultimately, I wouldn't advise anyone looking for some sort of insight into "the soul of Ireland" to watch this (frankly, I'd advise any such person to stop wasting his time), but anyone looking for an entertaining, funny film need look no further.
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8/10
It has a weak section about 2/3 of the way in, but on the whole, it's hysterically funny.
16 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
"Escanaba in Da Moonlight" has some serious flaws, but it's still worth the watch. The first half of this movie is gut-bustingly hilarious in ten different ways, and there is a real sense of heart that runs throughout. The film does start to lag for a while- mostly after the card game, and some of the sequences after about the 2/3 mark can be hit or miss (the "Bearwalk" is particularly dull and somewhat stupid). Near the very end, though, things come together again, and the finish is satisfying and warm.

I should mention, just to warn anyone planning to watch it, that much of the plot hinges on some kind of goofy Native American spiritualist conceit, though it's played mostly for laughs and not taken very seriously, and there is considerable toilet humour, though most of it isn't TOO disgusting, as toilet humour goes.

"I think I look forward to Opening Day {of hunting season} more than any other day of the year- It's like Christmas, with guns!"
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10/10
There is no such thing as a perfect film, but this one comes very close.
16 February 2007
There is no such thing as a "perfect" film. Any individual viewer will have his own expectations about what a movie should be, and they will never mesh perfectly with what is actually on screen.

This being said, "A Man for All Seasons" is the closest thing I have ever seen to a "perfect" movie. The dialogue is witty, deep, believable, informative, layered, and meaningful. The plot is superb, and the subject is an excellent one. Any historical film will have inaccuracies, to be sure, and this one does, but Robert Bolt managed to minimize them by using the actual words of many of the historical figures depicted.

The plot is both very complex and very simple, providing philosophical depth to fill hours of discussion, but still intuitive enough that anyone can understand the basics.

The acting is magnificent. Paul Scofield's depiction of a moderate, reserved, unassuming man of great character bring to mind Plato's conception of a perfect Philosopher, just as Robert Shaw's portrayal of Henry VIII as an intemperate, vain, arrogant man with drastic mood swings is a great representation of Plato's Tyrant. Indeed, all the characters in this film seem to represent elements of the struggle between these opposing types.

The other thing that fascinates me about "A Man for All Seasons" is the way it manages to be completely riveting without any "action" scenes. This movie is so well constructed that it does not need any such scenes. I wish more filmmakers today could learn how to do this.
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9/10
Superb film- if one knows a little bit about the subject matter.
16 February 2007
I'll admit one thing about this film: if one has absolutely no knowledge of Christian theology, scripture, or tradition, one will probably not understand it. In that context, the violence might seem brutal and pointless, and the unpleasant viewing experience goes untempered by any higher meaning or purpose.

To those with even a little knowledge of the subject matter, however, this is a masterpiece. It is a truly artistic and meaningful film, and the violence isn't random or sadistically brutal at all. "Passion" abounds in literary and artistic allusions, theological depth, countless double-meanings and clever flourishes, and brilliant technique. Even setting aside for the moment the excellent innovations unique to this film, the entire story brims with references to ancient stories from Christian tradition, and many of the shots mirror scenes from Medieval, Renaissance, Baroque, and other great Western art. The film draws inspiration from the Divine Mercy images of Saint Faustyna Kowalska, the paintings of Baroque master Caravaggio, the writings of Blessed Anne Catherine Emmerich, many long-established pious legends, and countless other sources.

There is also rich philosophical, psychological, and theological depth here, and by no means is all of it from other sources alone. Though some have called the characterization "flat", "Passion" enables us to draw great insight from small actions (for example, the film reveals a great deal about Judas by showing his reaction to the children taunting him- he reacts outwardly, expressing rage at the children, rather than blaming himself for his emotional state), and is meant to be understood in a larger context that viewers will at least partly understand.

This is all news, of course, to those who think that "art" is a phenomenon that began just before the start of the twentieth century. For many modern viewers, the allusions will be lost, the meaning will be inscrutable, and the physical beauty will be obscured by the admittedly grim violence.

For those who know a bit about the subject matter, however, this is an example of an art form being used to its fullest extent.
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