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Comicstaan (2018– )
2/10
Could have ~maybe~ been a promising format, but terrible execution
21 July 2018
It's hard to not be ad hominem while reviewing this show, because it's fundamental flaw is the judges. A bunch of comedians (who I otherwise wish the best) are running around pretending to comic legends, giving gyaan to freshmen comedians. Are they really that myopic to not know that outside of their niche and their immediate fan following, they have yet to establish themselves, forget being someone who can 'mentor' others. The proof is in the pudding - the content is so bad it deserves to be called 'cringe worthy.'

To then hype up the show and fill it with fake laughter (seriously there are parts where you will be like "Wait, was that supposed to be a joke?" and is followed by all the judges losing it. Think of the Navjot Singh Sidhu model. Not encouraging to see them resort to this.

While I genuinely support the Indian comedy scene, this was just a poor poor attempt. Should be taken off air.
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Quarries (2016)
2/10
Terrible. Don't waste your time.
12 March 2017
Another installment of the cliché 'hillbillies killing everyone in the middle of nowhere for no reason' sorry excuse for thrillers, this 'movie' is COMPLETELY AVOIDABLE. Don't believe the handful of glowing reviews which are undoubtedly fake reviews by crew/ cast members/ paid agencies. Writing anything more on this movie would be wasting more time I will never get back....
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Te3n (2016)
1/10
Horrible horrible t**d of a movie
21 July 2016
Warning: Spoilers
How badly can you make a movie when you are copying it from another? Te3n badly, apparently. This movie is full of overacting and plot holes so giant that no-one would be surprised if you would end up with less hair at the end of this movie. e.g. it took the geniuses a WHOLE night to figure out that when they had two calls that were verbatim with the same tonal inflection, perhaps the second one was just the first one being played back! Wait... not only did it take them a full night, but their first guess was that the kidnapper used the same words and the same tone 8 years apart! O.M.G. I don't expect much from Abhishek Bachchan - that guy gots to make the dollar bills, yo. But this is truly a discredit to an actor like Nawazuddin Siddiqui who really should have abandoned this movie halfway. As for Vidya Balan: She had a better performance talking to flies about toilets in her latest radio ads. Awful movie - do not watch. It may fool you at first glance because stylistically it can be appealing (initially) but trust me, it's got the same mental level as a saas bahu serial. I want my 2 hours 15 minutes back.
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Delhi Belly (2011)
8/10
Decent - a good time with lots of laughs!
13 July 2011
Warning: Spoilers
I think if you disregard two (false) things that are hyped about this movie, you will enjoy it tremendously. Firstly, this movie does not have lots of sex. It has one limited scene which gets over in 10 seconds. Secondly, there isn't all that much swearing. It's really overblown. Maybe if you have lived in a bubble for your whole life, it may seem strange to you, otherwise it is not over the top - it is actually pretty similar to how people that age with that background would talk to each other.

The movie is overall very funny and doesn't lose steam halfway (which is usually the curse of most bollywood movies). It remains interesting till the end. It is a good time, and as long as you don't go looking for an intellectual or artistic movie, you will enjoy yourself.

The only other crib I had with this movie was that while the movie was supposed to be in Hinglish, it was basically in English - and that somehow was quite hokey. It wasn't as bad as the street children speaking English in "Slumdog Millionaire" but it wasn't authentic either. And then a couple of references were strange - there's a joke related to them being "accessories" to murder - which is legal terminology used in the U.S. and not in India. (The word that would be used here is "accomplice") - these were little moments that just created holes in the authenticity of it all, and the Hinglish and accents used by the actors should definitely have been more authentic.
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Kisaan (2009)
2/10
Useless movie
4 October 2009
Absolutely third rate clichéd story. Nothing great in terms of acting - though it's hard to say whether that is because of the actors' own inadequacies or because of the lackluster and uninspiring plot line. I would say watch this only if there is a gun pointed to your head.

There is nothing worth writing about this movie. It's another brick in the great wall of miserable Bollywood movies which have nothing new to add.

The theme (plight of farmers) could have been much well dealt with if it were say written by someone with a quarter of a brain or creative talent.

Only reason I give it 2 stars is that there are worse movies out there.
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Billu (2009)
3/10
Horrible Movie
7 May 2009
The only reason this movie gets three stars from me, is because at least it's not a copy of some other movie, a tragedy that plagues 9 out of 10 movies coming out of Bollywood, and because Irfan Khan does well in his part.

Other than that, this movie has nothing worthwhile to write about. The acting is sophomoroic. The CG scenes are so bad that it's not funny. As another reviewer said Song sequences just pop-up with little tangible relation to the story line. Lara Dutta plays here character terribly (why can't they cast someone who looks the part?) Priyanka Chopra and Kareena Kapoor are thrown in a couple of songs clearly with the clichéd intent to cash in on celebrity cameos. The story is ridiculous. The humour is just not there.

But worst of all: This is just a narcissistic, glory-fest to celebrate "King Khan" and the entire movie is nothing but a thinly veiled attempt of promoting the "Shahrukh Khan" brand.

It's just too bad that Irfan Khan chooses to work in such shallow movies - truly not a credit in his portfolio. (But I suppose it pays the bills).

In a nutshell: Unless you are a psycho Shahrukh Khan fanboy / fangirl, AVOID this movie.
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3/10
One of the most terrible movies I have seen
22 April 2008
The only reason I give this movie even 3 out of 10 is because I didn't hate the movie till the end. The acting, cinematography etc. was good (although nothing extremely exception either). But the story and ensuing "moral" is god awful.

Short of Catholic propaganda, I don't see any reason for this movie to be made. I am not Catholic or Christian or religious in fact. So perhaps I can't associate with the "moral dilemma" that is posed in this movie. My guess is that to anyone who isn't Catholic it probably isn't a moral dilemma at all. And that just leaves you wondering why you wasted all this time on this movie that for about 90% of its duration is a good action movie, but the last 10% totally negates it and become REALLY pretentious.

It's like eating this awesome ice-cream only to reach the end to find a piece of dog turd.

Good movie for Catholics maybe, HORRIBLE for everyone else.
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Undertrial (2007)
8/10
Much better than the average Bollywood flick
1 November 2007
While some reviewers are correct in pointing out that this movie lacks polish, the substance of the movie and the acting of Rajpal Yadav more than make up for it. One of the more outstanding aspects of this movie is that it presents a much more realistic depiction of legal proceedings than any other Bollywood movie I have seen till date. Although it would be erroneous to call it wholly accurate, it was gratifying to see that some thought had been put into this matter.

The theme of the danger of trial by media / society is a very pertinent issue today in India (in fact in much of the world), with standards in journalism rapidly falling. The effect this is having on the integrity of judicial proceedings is a very contemporary issue, and this movie is fairly thought-provoking in this regard.

I would give the producers / directors extra points for not tainting the movie by hiring big "stars" as is the unfortunate trend followed all to frequently in Bollywood in trying to maximize on a film's marketability.

The dialogue could be slightly better in parts. Yet in parts it was very good in terms of being realistic and not forced. A little bit more polish, and this movie would be excellent.

Definitely worth a watch!!
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Partition (2007)
2/10
Terrible - Don't watch... ever.
3 October 2007
I tried watching this movie, but I didn't make it past the first 15 minutes. It's a terrible disappointment, considering the cast, but I can't look past the fact that the dialogue is in English and some of the actors pretending to be Indian are not even close (read: Kristin Kreuk). Considering that India alone has 1/6th of the world's population and one of the biggest movie industries, I don't think it would have been hard for the film-makers to have found an excellent Indian actress to play the part. And I don't say so because of some blind patriotism, but because it's absolutely and totally absurd for a non-Indian to play the role of an Indian/Pakistani. Now some people say that 'as long as she's convincing who cares?' but my point is exactly that she's NOT convincing and never can be - not due to her acting skills, but due to her ethnicity. For example, however good an actor Tom Hanks may be, he'll never be able to play an Australian Aborigine!

But that is still minor to the biggest faux pas the film-makers made: having the dialogue in English. It totally destroys the mood, as well as any semblance of authenticity. Had the same movie been made in native languages (Hindi, Urdu, Punjabi) with English subtitles, this may have been an excellent movie. Unfortunately, as things stand, I would not recommend anyone seeing it, apart from film students who want to study "What not to do" in movies.
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3/10
Shoddy at best
9 July 2007
I would preface my review by saying that out of the 3 stars that I rated this movie, 2 would be solely for being somewhat original. The unfortunate circumstance that plagues the Indian movie industry is that most movies thrown at the mainstream are, more often than not, copies (to varying degrees) of foreign (mostly Hollywood) movies. Having finished anything good that I had to say about this movie, let's continue with why this movie is bad.

Firstly, the worst part of the movie was the end. It was terribly cheesy and melodramatic and extremely disappointing. It was especially disheartening that after 9/10ths of the movie tried to portray the contemporary problem of racism (though the authenticity of the manner in which they have portrayed it is questionable), the end is probably the furthest they could have taken you from providing a practical solution. This is unfortunately very typical of Bollywood, where melodramatic, half-baked stories are thrown to the masses with a veil of some sort of social activism / awakening, but very predictably ending in an anti-climax.

Secondly, it provides a very uni-dimensional view of racism. It reminded me, amusingly, of old westerns where the good cowboys wore white hats and the bad ones wore black. This film suffers from a terribly oversimplified notion of racism. It's a little too black-and-white. (If you want to see a better movie about skinheads watch 'This is England' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0480025/).

Thirdly, though the acting is not as atrocious as it could be, given the cast, it is definitely not anything notable. The lead actor as others have observed can be said to have improved from his earlier work, but has still a looooong way to go before he can be said to be a good actor.

Fourthly, the camera work was also nothing great. One reviewer remarked that this movie was good because it had "No awkward pauses or abrupt scenes" - true, but is that really an achievement that one should credit a professional with?! Isn't that the basic minimum one should expect from a film-maker?! On the other hand, I wished that there was better camera work when they covered parts such as the graffiti on the walls, which proved to be quite unreadable.

All in all, this film is quite shoddy, and makes a mess of an otherwise pertinent issue. I would say don't waste your time watching it.
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The Number 23 (2007)
3/10
Blaaaaaaaaah
20 June 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Acting, style, cinematography etc. aside, this movie suffers from serious flaw - the story.

The whole premise is that 23 appears everywhere to Jim Carrey and others, but the way they find it is sooooo amazingly terrible, that it's not even laughable. For example:

"Laughable" has 8 letters. "Letters" has 7 letters. 8 + 7 = 15 and 8 + 15 =23 OMG!!!!!!! 23!!!!!!!

OR

I am 25 right now. I have 2 legs. 25 - 2 = 23 OMG OMG!!!!!

It. is. THAT. bad.

It's just one of those movie where the overwhelming insanity / irrationality of the protagonist is supposed to dupe you into feeling that the story is genius.

Worth a watch if you have been accidentally locked in your room with nothing else but a TV, DVD player, and this movie. Otherwise, give it a skip.
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2/10
A big waste of time
20 June 2007
This film is terrible. You don't really need to read this review further. If you are planning on watching it, suffice to say - don't (unless you are studying how not to make a good movie).

The acting is horrendous... serious amateur hour. Throughout the movie I thought that it was interesting that they found someone who speaks and looks like Michael Madsen, only to find out that it is actually him! A new low even for him!!

The plot is terrible. People who claim that it is original or good have probably never seen a decent movie before. Even by the standard of Hollywood action flicks, this is a terrible movie.

Don't watch it!!! Go for a jog instead - at least you won't feel like killing yourself.
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1/10
Awful Sequel to a very funny movie
16 June 2007
For those who don't know, this movie is a sequel to the movie 'Hera Pheri.' Hera Pheri was a truly funny movie. It's not that the humor was very sophisticated or even ambitious - the movie was merely funny at a very basic level. This sequel is perhaps one of the worst movies I have ever seen, and undoubtedly one of the worst sequels ever made by Bollywood (and that is an achievement!!!) Firstly, it seems that the movie was merely made to cash in on Hera Pheri's success (as opposed to say realizing that they could do more with the same characters).

Secondly, as some people have noted, it's a total rip-off of 'Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels' (which is an excellent movie!) - even to the point that the ending scene is exactly copied!! Frustratingly, throughout the movie the copying is done with total non-application of mind, and this factor alone is worthy of the contempt that any self-respecting movie buff should have for this atrocious excuse for a movie.

It's really a pathetic situation here in India where soooooooo many movies are made by ripping-off movies from all around the world, and the vast majority of the audience are ignorant of this fact. This movie is just another illustration of this terrible state of things.

Guy Ritchie, sue these guys!!!
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