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Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
Don't waste your money watching it.
Disjointed would be too much of a kind insult for this movie.
Phoebe is awful, and unbelievably annoying as Helena. It's almost like the directors just had her rant about random things and then just inject them into the movie, while pretending that it was an actual plot point.
Ford is phoning it in for a paycheck, he knows the movie was garbage, but he gets paid whether it bombs or hits.
Mads was a bit of a cheesy villain, but we like that in Indiana Jones movies. It just seemed like he was in a different movie than the rest of the characters.
Look, as bad as Crystal Skull was, having Shia take over and then a role where Indiana helps his son ala Last Crusade would have been better than this. This was not very well written, or thought out.
Nobody (2021)
This movie should not have been as much fun as it was.
I get it, John Wick era, John Wick style, similar bad guys, some of the same people working on both, obviously it's got to be a cheap knockoff cash grab, right?
Nope. Hutch wanted this.
I really enjoyed Hutch's spiel at the table to the mob boss, leaving, crossing his fingers in the car, and us, the viewer, not really knowing which choice he was hoping for.
I mean, we found out pretty quick with his grinning in the car as he is being shot at, but kudos to Bob Odenkirk.
Prey (2022)
Predator? More like Wokedator.
I wasn't going to leave a review. But the longer I watched, the more irritated I became.
I liked the idea of the Predators being in the past also. Clearly, as illustrated by Predator 2, they had been.
There was so much wrong in this movie, it's not even funny. I had hoped to see the origin of the flintlock given to Harrigan in Predator 2. I did like that part.
The rest of the movie was wypipo are dumb and evil, and Natives good and smart with Native women being the smartest and strongest of all.
Seriously, this Predator had to be a young hothead one that got lucky and decided to use all of the cheat codes his species had to rack up a score to brag about rather than quality of kills. Impatient, full of himself, and dumb at times. The collapsible shield was a cool new addition I did not have a problem with. Laser guided smart mini Glaives that spin and shred everything in every direction independent of the user? Overkill, and no trophy to claim afterwards.
And Naru attaching braided tree bark to a hatchet to throw so she could turn into some sort of Scorpion? No, just no. Whoever thought that was a good idea needs to be fired faster than the armorer from Rust.
The only reason I am giving this a 5 instead of a 4 is because of the Predator effects and bear fight.
The Boys: Here Comes a Candle to Light You to Bed (2022)
Learn the difference.
The Boys has received flak for being woke.
In this episode, we see the The Deep arguing against a woman who misgenders an octopus.
This is after we see a theme park monetizing Woke Wok.
I posit that this show makes fun of the weirdos, while laughing at cancel culture.
The Boys: Herogasm (2022)
Fight me!
Anthony Starr deserves an award for his monologue arguing with himself.
TNT being an even cringier version of Wonder Twins is great.
Soldier Boy out of time as a much more angry and disgusted Captain America with nuke ability is hilarious.
I fully expected Victoria and Starlight to fling that nasty La Croix trash.
Love Sausage is the man.
Frenchie is far more perverted than is given credit for.
I wondered at the ability of film to accurately transcribe the comic arc.
Although a bit different, I am not disappointed.
Invincible: You Look Kinda Dead (2021)
Think, Mark!
This is the absolute worst rated episode of Invincible.
I usually just skip it on any rewatch.
And yet it still scores higher than 90% of movies or television shows.
Cobra Kai (2018)
I have something to say....
Childhood is about siding with Daniel LaRusso and cheering him in the movies.
Adulthood is about understanding and empathizing with Johnny in the Cobra Kai series.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
I give it a 7.
The first one was amazing. The second one was fun. The reboot was pure, unorganized trash written and directed to fit the leftist "girl power" propaganda with terrible actors and malicious pandering.
While slow at times, and a little predictable, I felt the hand of such movies as Goonies, Lost Boys, and nearly every other 80s movie with kids as the protagonist.
I'm completely serious. Splice the 80s movie style of kids knowing better than the adults with Ghostbusters and that is what you get with this movie.
It's not Shawshank Redemption tier. But, I felt definite Monster Squad vibes. Fun, and silly.
Dexter: New Blood: Storm of Fuck (2021)
It's looking good...
Dexter has faced the troubled teen before. Now, it is not so easy for him to dismiss. This could be interesting.
Also, having Dexter's sister, Hall's real life exwife, Carpenter, return to be an angry conscience is genius.
We get to see Deborah being the same smart mouthed energetic person she always was, while placing the blame of her demise squarely on Dexter, and antagonizing him into a straight and narrow that Dexter cannot always adhere to.
Castlevania (2017)
Good series adaptation of the games.
At the time of my writing, there is a troll downvoting every review.
Over thirty years ago, eleven year old me traded in three NES games and forty dollars I had saved up for Castlevania 3: Dracula's Curse.
I did not play Castlevania: Symphony of the Night until a year after it's release, as I did not have a PS.
I have never regretted even one second of pulling weeds and cleaning fishponds for two months to earn the money to buy a PS and the game.
I legit bought FF7 after SOTN. I was not a PS guy, until after SOTN.
I hear of the TV series. I watched the first season the day it is released.
I knew in the first season the writers felt the same way I did.
Castlevania has an excellent story.
Some people argue about Sypha being a Mary Sue. They never played the game. They were not even alive when the game was released.
Everyone knew she was an OP character in the game. The problem was getting from point A to point B with her. She was slow, and weak. She took more damage than any other character, and dealt the least amount of damage with her weapon.
But, her magic was so stupidly overpowered that it was worth it to keep her. There is a level you have to complete near the end of the game that requires a lot of perfectly timed jumps. Sypha was terrible at jumping. Grant was good at jumping. Alucard could just change into a bat and fly over it. Trevor was okay.
I suffered, to get her through it.
Sypha's most powerful attack pickup was not even on Dracula's boss level. You had to load your code, and start from the prior level to get it. And then fight your way to Dracula. Without picking up anything else.
But, when you got there. Wasting Dracula's three forms with her was like pointing a flamethrower at a paper house.
It was the same way in the show. As long as she had backup to keep her from being attacked from behind, any fight was a wrap.
The animation in this show is great, it is what should be expected of every studio. If you cannot come close, find a better animation studio and eat the cost. It will be worth it.
The writers also do a good job of weaving in elements from multiple sources in the Castlevania universe.
I recognized Dracula's castle instantly from SOTN. As well as Alucard's sword. And Trevor's Morning Star. Sypha was freed from a Cyclops trap, the same way you met her in the game.
Carmilla was included, a legendary vampire known for her sheer evil and ferocity.
If I was forced to complain about the TV series, I have one complaint.
Grant. The hyperactive wall hugging ninja pirate was not included. They hinted at his eccentricities and presence in the show, but he was not part of the team.
It's a very small complaint.
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021)
Not bad.
Why am I having so much fun watching Eddie Brock try to be a decent guy doing his best while his alter ego is encouraging him to eat and kill bad people?
Why am I having so much fun watching Woody Harrelson be a bad guy just wanting one person to accept him, with no remorse?
This movie is fun. Maybe, it is not, to children whose parents were not of reproductive age the last time Woody portrayed a serial killer with a sense of humor and crazy ideals. I find it viciously funny. But, then, these kids did not see Woody in Taxi. Or NBK. Or White Men Can't Jump. Their first experience with him was Zombieland. And they have no idea why he is funny, because they are children. He was hilarious in Zombieland. What these little kids are mentally incapable of understanding, is that he is always funny. Tom Hardy plus alien symbiote? Hilarious. Woody Harrelson plus homicidal alien symbiote? Mickey would be proud.
Venom plus.
What If...?: What If... Thor Were an Only Child? (2021)
It's a hilarious episode, if you pay attention.
This episode is frat boy Thor and Loki partying with Captain Marvel being the fly in the soup. I am aware that Brie refused to voice Captain Marvel for this episode. I also caught myself for a second when Thor mentioned a MidGardian word to describe Captain Marvel. Saying what he did was worse than the naughty word. It infantilized her, and that, for Brie Larsen, is far more insulting. Brie has to be spitting brass tacks over this. I give the studio props for that, it could not possibly have been easy getting those multilayer jokes into the show. When Thor told her how much more fun everyone was having before she showed up, I had to pause and calm down the laughter. When Darcy made the connection between her cat Goose, Top Gun, and called her Maverick while joking that she was writing checks she could not cash, and Maria Hill agreed, I had to pause again to stop the laughter. The jokes were written to apply to Brie Larsen, and Captain Marvel, simultaneously. Who cares that somehow Thor made friends with Surtur and goes out to parties with him? That's far better writing than expecting me to believe T'Challa managed to convince Thanos to stop his dream of killing half of all life and join up with the Ravager crew that T'Challa had somehow also managed to convince to do good.
I suspect a lot of the negative reviews are people angry about Captain Marvel being portrayed as unfunny, cold, rude, and annoying.
Did they even watch the Captain Marvel movie?
The VA did a better job of making Captain Marvel more likeable than the actress herself. At least, by the end of the episode she was sorta likeable. Unlike the movies, where I am still waiting on anything from Brie to show that the studio made the right choice in her.
I also never knew how much I would enjoy seeing Loki as a Frost Giant. That was neat.
Loki: The Variant (2021)
Best of the three post Endgame shows.
We're two episodes in. I watched WandaVision, enjoyed it, but overall it was a pleasant series with a few interesting moments and a few laughs. I watched Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Unfortunately for that show, after two episodes, I had to physically force myself to sit down and watch the rest under the sheer hope that it had to get better. It did not, it got far worse, and I regret the time wasted.
I waited until after the second episode of Loki to post this review.
Why am I having so much fun watching?
Loki acting up and throwing trash around while antagonizing Pompeiians and releasing a goat rampage is hilarious.
After the big reveal at the end of this episode, I swear, if we get some Jodie Whittaker style garbage in this show instead of the awesomeness of Missy, I will retract this review.
The Mandalorian: Chapter 16: The Rescue (2020)
Warning, read at your own spoil.
I see you, whoever it was that decided to put a lightsaber proof beskar spear into Pedro Pascal's hands.
Also, if you decide to include more Luke, gradually reduce the morphing effect until Sebastian Stan needs no CGI to play him.
Talking to you, Jon. I know it can be done. And, I know he's one of your guys, and is really good in action scenes.
Bib Fortuna really let himself go after Jabba died.
Songbird (2020)
Ripoff.
Movie is nothing more than propaganda. The liberal agenda is prominent, with a definite Hunger Games type feel of a nobody standing up and suffering against the system they helped create and propagate only when it does not work in their favor.
She should just wear a mask. Masks prevent all disease.
I despise unoriginal movies. Trying to capitalize on the common cold into a world ending sickness that immediately deserves execution, and then being mad or fighting back when those you care about are affected by your policies?
Definition of hypocrite.
Gramm should have been shoved into the hall for summary incineration. It's what you wanted. Until it affected you.
The Mandalorian: Chapter 13: The Jedi (2020)
Gonna say it.
I enjoy on a gut level the sheer amount of actors that are given a shot at being in a Star Wars production.
You work your entire life at being a respected big name actor or actress, and you are willing to join this production to be even a one off villain or antagonist.
I wish Disney could see this sort of dedication instead of being blind.
The Boys: We Gotta Go Now (2020)
Good.
I am quite glad to see more of the comic references finally. Hughie's relationship with Starlight felt extremely rushed, and finally, The Female moonlighting as a paid assassin to satisfy her homicidal face ripping urges.
But, Butcher throwing the squeaky toy in the car with the command, "Terror, fu*k it", made me cheer.
Mom being a secret drug dealer was pretty awesome too.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: The Totally Excellent Adventures of Mack and the D (2020)
Can't decide if genius or shameless.
It felt a lot like a mishmash of 80's movies. All of the 80's cliches rolled into one episode. Coulson in a Max Headroom style setup was something I did not know I needed to see. Evil robots straight out of Chopping Mall. Not a bad homage to a more innocent time.
The Mandalorian (2019)
Best Star Wars title in years.
I saw both ESB, and ROTJ in theaters. I have read hundreds of Star Wars novels since the late 80s. I watched the remastered OT when they came out, and liked some changes, and disliked others. Then, the prequel trilogy. They had good points, and bad points, and really, removing Jar Jar and adding a bit of believable chemistry between Hayden and Natalie would have helped tremendously. Rogue One was decent, Solo was not that bad, and then. Then we have the new ones. Someone, a lot of someones, need to be fired and barred from ever having any say in anything that goes onto a local news television channel.
Then, The Mandalorian comes along. It's like Disney realized how badly they screwed up, and let someone write a Star Wars universe based show that actually LIKES Star Wars, and wanted to tell a story about a previously unknown character making his way through life five years after the fall of the Empire. And it works. This show has everything that the fans who grew up watching non Disney Star Wars could want. I do realize that as I write this, we are only two episodes in, but, every single thing that I have seen fits into the thirty five years of Star Wars history pre Disney. And it is wonderful.
Joker (2019)
Joaquin plays a perfect tortured Joker.
I saw the hype. I saw the negative spin the media tried to portray the movie in. I saw the reports of the eight minute standing ovation at the screenings. I saw the review bomb attempts the Rotten Tomatoes professional critics were giving Joker. And I went and watched the movie myself. Joaquin Phoenix has created a man who had his entire life and beliefs fall apart in a week, and learn that even those closest to him never really knew him, or lied to him, or were responsible for the pain he was going through his entire life. The worst part was, they did not even care or notice what had been done to him. His story, this take on Joker, this is what creates a supervillain, a man so broken by society that his last resort is to laugh at the futility and sadness and rage that has been forced upon him.
Rambo: Last Blood (2019)
Classic Rambo
Watching this movie, I knew the formula. I liked the idea. I still do. There are a few predictable points, but it is more of what you expect to happen if you cross Rambo. At one point, near the end, I thought to myself, "What did you expect following Rambo into the place he cut his teeth on while growing up?" For all of the people complaining about the blood, grow up. It is not even close to being gory.
ARK: Survival Evolved (2015)
This damned game.
I could go on for hours. I began playing it in Early Access in Aug of 2015. Many bugs, constant updates, and an oftentimes glitchy experience but a persistent open world environment and interactions with hundreds, thousands of people in the nearly four years since then has made it a love/hate relationship. I have somewhere around 12K hours. I have seen all of the developmental hell this game went through, from barely scraping by and the devs working 12-16 hours a day, six and seven days a week for little to no pay as an indie game that a little too closely resembled another, ill fated game that one of the leads dumped to create this one, to the eventual sellout to a massive unfeeling, unthinking corporation that immediately tried to make Dark and Light, a blatant ripoff of Ark, which was a ripoff of The Stomping Lands. I have watched it all, from the Flier Nerf that caused tens of thousands of players to quit in the span of a few days, to the joy and awe of the Center map being released on official servers as the first expansion in mid 2016. I saw the rage of gamers, angry at a ten dollar fee for downloading the Scorched Earth map, after they had paid twenty dollars in Early Access for the game, that's right, and gotten two whole maps with the addition of The Center, which was a free map.
This game hooks you, because you play at first to learn, and experience the wonders. Then, as you get better, and you build bigger, and collect more virtual pets to eat your neighbors with to protect your belongings, you become more invested. You fight, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes you find yourself handcuffed to a toilet when you log in, making you someone else's personal fertilizer factory for their crops. And sometimes you login only to find everything you own gone, and nothing but red in your log. Because the game never pauses, while you sleep, people are still playing. And they might decide your stuff looks tasty. So you start over. There is no winning, no end to the game. And if you let it, it will run your life. As you can tell, mixed review for a great concept, but it is definitely a game worth putting a couple of hundred hours into for the experience. And the original 20$ I spent was well worth it.
Captain Marvel (2019)
I watched it again.
This movie takes Nick Fury, the singular most badass human in the MCU, and reduces him to nothing more than a B rate comedy sidekick.
And that is the highlight of this movie. The cat is the best actor in this piece of garbage.
Yoga Hosers (2016)
Silly, with tongue in cheek.
I have seen reviews here bashing the movie. Yoga Hosers is no Godfather. This is obvious. I have been watching Kevin Smith movies for nearly 25 years. Instead, look at the fun the actors are having. This movie stars Johnny Depp, his kids, with Kevin Smiths daughter, Johnny Depp's ex girlfriend and mother of his children, Kevin Smith and wife, Jason Mewes, Stan The Man Lee....all of these people friends. It was done for fun, and to poke fun at Canada and millenial culture. If I had the pull and the money, I'd do it too. Kevin Smith does this, every now and then grabs up his friends and makes something silly, and goes back to making the movies that earn huge amounts of money. Does no one remember the line from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back? You make the safe film, then you make the art film. And sometimes, you make a film for your friends. That is Kevin Smith. Sometimes he just wants to have fun with his friends. The relationship Kevin Smith has with his daughter is one that every father should dream of having. Or am I the only one moved by seeing Harley Quinn Smith in tears when Kevin Smith gave her the bat used by Harley Quinn in Suicide Squad as a gift? And Depp. It is like he has a side of him that reasonates with Kevin Smith. He plays a lot of roles in movies, but seeing him onscreen during one scene with his daughter and cracking wise that she may not be old enough for what he is talking about was great. The movie is not in my top fifty, but it was nice to see friends and family making jokes and enjoying themselves.
American Gods (2017)
Good.
I have read the book three times. I will keep this review short. The series is just as good. Czernobog, Bilquis, Shadow, Low Key, Mr Wednesday, Anansi, all of them are so close to how I pictured them to be in my mind that I see nothing wrong with the series. I only hope that the end of the series matches the book.