Reviews

Yawn. Some people fight.

Yawn. Some more fights Yawn. Dull plot twist yawn. Poor overacting.

Yawn. Not sure what happened, eyes heavy cant stay awake.

Snoooooooooooooooooooooooore!!!! Yes that best explains my experience of watching the Purifiers, one of the dullest British, ney FILMS ever. And I have sat through Val Kilmer in the Saint and Dr Moreux. Kilmer in Batman Forever. Mortal Komat 2. Now and Then. Matrix 2 & 3.

And you know what NOT ONE OF THEM came close to this.

Oh and its a rip of off the Warriors with the same ideas done on a lot less money. See the other film instead. SEE ANYOTHER FILM instead!

This is the second film in the last month I have watched that was spoiled by a trailer. In this case not the trailer for Bullet Proof Monk, no, this one was the trailer for the Matrix sequels. Frustrating as it is the Matrix looked so good that this film seemed rather anaemic by comparison.

Starring the legendary Chow Yung Fat and Sean William Scott, Bullet Proof Monk is an attempt at a traditional kung fu story, mixed with buddy buddy action, telling the story of a monk entrusted with a sacred scroll that when read will being about the end of the world and a group of Nazi's chasing him for said item.

Not that the plot is important. This film is about the action. Or should be. However they forgot to put any in, and save for a few dodgey CGI wire fu sequences that look more Scooby Do than The Matrix, this film is bereft of any thing that could be called action.

The only time I was excited was the brief moment where Chow Yung Fat John Woo's it with two Berrettas, but in the end this served only to remind me how good Yung fat can be (see The Killer, Hard Boiled )and how much he is slumming it here in a sub par kung fu master role.

To be honest the best thing about this film was it's tag line, A Monk… A Punk… A chick… in A kick arse flick. Which says something really… a comedy without laughs, an action film without action, a buddy buddy film without chemistry, made to look rather cheap by a 30 second trailer.

Not the worst film of the year, but not that good either.

And so it starts, the silly season of films. Ever since Jaws broke box office gold, the Summer has been a key time for the cinemas. Big films, big money, big stars but this often meant poor plot less films, devoid of intelligence and point. The original X Men went some way to break this mould and, am I pleased to say X Men 2 goes one better, in this season of the Super hero summer.

As an avid fan of the comics, I loved the story led character action of the first film and X2, much like the original is truly an ensemble piece, with almost all the actors getting nice scenes, strong diaglue and a great story.

This is a great super hero movie, one of the best in fact, which is as strong on action as it is story, character and development with each character advancing emotionally in the film. More than that it's a great movie.

Oh and the action scenes ROCK! The fight between Wolverine and Lady Deathstrike is vicious, brutal and very well directed, proving that Usual Suspects director Brain Singer has finally got over his directing of action block.

Every one shines in this movie. But that's the thing, as much as everyone tries stand out amongst the crowd, just like the original it's Wolverine's movie. Hugh Jackman steals every scene as the furry, cigar smoking mutant. And finally we get to see Wolverine's famed bezerker attack.

And with a support cast of Patrick Stewart, Sir Ian Mckellum, Halle Berry, Alan Cummings and the always great Brian Cox as General Stryker this film is the perfect example of what can be done when time is taken, and when a crew and cast genuinely care about the film they are making.

Jackass, as we know, is a MTV show where a bunch of qualified and not so qualified stunt men and women put themselves through all manor of extremes for our entertainment (and often disgust). Having been a fan of the series I was intrigued how they could raise the bar suitably for the big screen, and whether the uncinematic format would be translated to the silver screen. After all on TV we witnessed everything from the human barbecue, being shot with a tazzer and various skateboard falls and bumps.

Well I can happily inform you that like watching the film is just like watching the TV show…. Only a little more extreme.

There's no plot, no Knoxville fighting against the forces of evil to secure the love of his life… just a selection of random falls, breaks, injuries and stunts that impress and scare in equal measure. Special note must go to the golf cart injuries, the non-lethal bullet, the tightrope walking and the opening giant shopping cart/masonry cannon skits. Knoxville has said that this film represents the swang song for Jackass… but I doubt that, after an opening weekend of £40 million in the US (over doubling the films budget) that this will be the last we hear from Jackass.

This film is funny. Side splittingly so. If you like this kinda thing. If you don't it probably wont win any new fans or convert you but Jackass represents non-pretentious fun and one of the most humorous films I have seen in some years. I personally (as did the cinema crowd behind me) laughed from start to finish… but that's just me. Be warned however this film isn't for the light of heart or weak of stomach….

Okay so this film has been reviewed at the cinema already, so I'll save the story details. I won't even mention the great opening sequence or the truly hilarious turn by Sir Michael Caine. Although both are highlights of the film.

Lets just get straight to the DVD. And what a great DVD it is. I wasn't the biggest fan of the film, but history has taught me that the Austin Powers DVD's are always a top buy.

Take for instance the special features. The deleted scenes, as with the second Austin powers DVD, shine through and present a series of cut sequences and gags which are, quite frankly, funnier than 90% of the scenes in the films. It's odd but these collections of gags seem almost to work better by themselves and show how strong, when stripped down and without the need for a story, Myers creations are.

On top of that, after the almost 15 mins of deleted scenes, is a very funny selection of outtakes, showcasing Myers talents at their best (Dr Evil/Austin Powers) and worse (Fat Bastard/Goldmember). Simply hilarious.

The rest of the DVD – documentaries, scene break downs and music videos are good also and prove how much the medium of DVD can shine when time and effort are taken with it.

If your not a fan there's little here that will convince you otherwise, but Austin Powers fans will rejoice in this DVD. It the words of the man himself "Yeah, Baby, Yeah!"

This was a film that I really wanted to see… vampires V's werewolves, in a titanic struggle for the end. Kate Beckinsale is tight leather… dark and Gothic… Sounds good doesn't it? That's what I thought. And whilst this isn't the worst film I've seen by any stretch it missed something… the O word… originality.

The story is simple. The war between Vampires and Lycan's (werewolves to you and me) has raged for hundreds of years… on the dawn of the awakening, the fiendish Lycan's plot to kill to Vampires once and for all… and there's some tosh about a pure cross blood line of the two species and Beckinsale getting off with a Werewolf.

But the film is so done before… Attractive woman spray painted into a leather one piece? The Matrix.

Double Handed Gun Play? See John Woo.

Vampires fighting with swords? Blade.

High Angle rainy shots? Bound.

Music? Matrix.

Plot twists? Jackanory… It's all so done before… and often better.

That's not to say the film lacks charm or style. It doesn't but like most else in the film what it has it borrows in spades and for the most part it has been done better and more expensively elsewhere.

Beckinsale is sexy and this is probably one of her best roles yet, but Bill 'Love Actually' Nighy is so miscast and the guy from Snatch even more so.

What they have done is take elements from bigger films and throw them together but with less of a cast and even less budget.

Like those jeans you bought down the market. It may say Armani. It may look Armani. But deep down, you and everyone else will always know that's is nothing but a cheap knock off.

Which for some people is fine… but not to my taste.

Hmmm…. Of the all new DVD releases for some reason I was drawn to this. Not Road To perdition or Insomnia… this. Couldn't even say why I picked this up – after all the trailer is bad, the film looks awful and even the sexy Tara Reid looks like an anorexic rake.

Unsurprisingly I was right on all accounts. This film is bad, crude and highly offensive in places. Needless to say I loved every second of it. In the Vain of American Pie and Road Trip Van Wilder is a genuinely amusing film, okay not in the same league as even Road Trip, but the film has its moments.

The story… and I use that term lightly… revolves around the titular van Wilder, starting his 7th year at college, the coolest guy on campus and very soon without his rich fathers money to fund him. What will he do? How will he make his tuition fees? Will… oh who cares, lets face it all you are interested in are the gags. And for the first hour of the film they come quick and fast. And lets just say you will never look at a cream cake in the same light again… The film hits the predictable serious bit, followed by the predictable ending and the gags do run out quick by the end.

However that said I can think of worse ways to pass an hour or two, and watch out for the now standard outtakes on the end credits, some of which are more amusing than the last half hour of the film put together. An amusing effort….

Williams is an assassin, Kelso a kick boxer. Together they team up to take on the man who wronged them, crime boss Kincaid. They fight henchmen, they kill henchmen and they shoot henchmen. There is a plot, although that never gets in the way of the often pointless killing of more henchmen.

Did I mention a few people got killed in this? Funny enough after watching it the first time (from a recommendation) I bought the film cheap of Ebay and decided one drunken night to do a drinking game. Every time a henchman with a beanie hat gets killed you take a drink. I lost count at 45. Any more I fear I may have died! Left For Dead is a low budget film. If you take it on those merits it actually ticks all the boxes of films i like... brash, bold, violent, funny, silly and one where 2 hours feels like ten mins.

Okay compare it to Mission Impossible 3 or similar and yes the film will look weak. But as far as cheesy 80's action films go, this isn;t bad at all.

Enjoyable, fun and frivolous this is a film for people who like fun films.

There's an old adage about the Star Trek movies… something about the even numbered films being the good ones. Wrath Of Khan, Voyage Home, Undiscovered Country. All good films.

But lets be honest since the Next Generation took over, the films we've had so far – Generations, First Contact and Insurrection haven't been great. Now don't get me wrong I am a Star Trek fan (but not a Trekkie), always have been. I even sat through at last 2 seasons of the risible Voyager. I wanted to like these films but I always found them lacking.

So, I approached this film with both enthusiasm and trepidation. I was written by John Logan, the scribe of Gladiator. Directed by Stuart Beard, who not only a great editor but always an okay director with Executive Decision and US Marshals. God it even has Ron Pearlman co-starring as Viceroy.

But, again, this film lacks something. And by something I mean good direction, editing, story and dialogue, and whilst not terrible, this film is again a major disappointment. And again, much like Insurrection before, this film seems little else than an episode of the TV series stretched (and god does it feel stretched at times) into a feature. There's far too much talking.

There's far too much story for a film that seems to go nowhere. There's even a second data, a prototype called B4 (get it "be-fore!"), to go with the second Picard (no, I'm not giving anything away here). The fight scenes are dull, we've seen it before and better, and the surprise ending isn't that surprising as they pretty much telegraph it from the second scene. And for a film scored by the legendary Jerry Goldsmith the music, much like the film, is dreadful.

There's a few good things here – Tom Hardy shines as the young Picard clone, the SFX are well above average, and it is nice to see all the old gang together again. But for a $60million + film, that's far too little to guarantee bums on seats.

This has been tagged as "A generations last journey", and judging by how tired and old they look, it's about time too. Many people wonder if Star Trek can continue. After all, failing ratings and poor movie outings are barely keeping the franchise above water. And on the strength of this film, I'm convinced that Paramount needs to put the franchise to bed for another 10 years or so. It worked for the Next Generation.