Change Your Image
spazberryme
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
Criminal Law (1988)
painful to sit through
I picked this movie because I was in the mood for a crime thriller, and I love Gary Oldman and Kevin Bacon. I thought it was weird that I had never heard of this movie, but now I can see why.
Kevin Bacon actually delivers in his usual role as a creepy rapist, and Gary Oldman is not bad considering what he had to work with. I did have to snort at some of his overwrought intensity, but it did not really seem like that was his fault as much as the filmmakers.
I felt annoyed with the movie as soon as the Nietzsche quote appeared in the beginning, it struck me as pretty cliché. Then Oldman did his whole "clear" thing with the glass of water and I was like... OK that was a pointless prop, he's showing the jury that water is clear just like the facts? That's pretty dumb. But as dumb as the movie was presenting itself to be, it was truly I who was dumb, thinking that with Oldman and Bacon this was still going to be a good movie.
The dumbest thing about the movie is that the majority of scenes are completely pointless or make no sense. First of all, the entire premise is stupid. Why did rich attorney Oldman go wandering around in the woods in the rain looking for Bacon in the first place, just because he called him? Why did he run to find someone instead of just using the phone in his car? Why did he go to the extent of becoming his lawyer just to get a special "in" on him? The majority of the film is Oldman brooding and snooping around on his own, little time is actually focused on the relationship which is supposed to be the whole point of his scheme. Why wouldn't the police have figured out right away that all the victims had been treated by the prime suspect's mother, something that would have shown up in medical records? Even many small scenes had me going, wait, what? For example, Oldman goes to Bacon's house, presumably to meet him... snoops around the room until he gets caught by the mom and then he just leaves... so why was he there in the first place?? Why does he meet up with the cop lady in a playground with milk and cookies? Why does he imagine that he is having sex with Bacon's character, honestly?? And why does the mom try to protect the son who is raping and murdering her patients??? And what was the point of even having the old man character? And why does Oldman visit him randomly in the hospital??? That was so random... like, here's this old man you saw for two seconds in the beginning for no reason, and oh yeah he's in the hospital for a few more seconds, because why not.. And I had kind of zoned out by the end, but how did Bacon even get into the courtroom alone with Oldman with a gun just by firing a few shots??
I will say there was some interesting camera work and cool set design.
But the most unbearable thing is the amount of dialogue. The few minutes of Bacon being menacing are actually scary, but the majority of the movie is just people talking. Talking, talking, talking with no plot development. But whatever, it's not like film is a visual medium or anything.
I like how the film ended pointlessly with Oldman just walking out of the room... because I did not have the energy to sit through an attempt at an actual ending anyway. It was actually better with no ending because at least it was over sooner!!!
30 Minutes or Less (2011)
ick
This movie seemed like it might be funny from the trailer, but unfortunately it disappointed. There was something about some of the humor that gave me a sick feeling. There was some sexual humor that was just weird like the Jesse Eisenburg character nonchalantly watching Aziz engage in a bored sexual act in the car, pretty much every gross thing that the Danny McBride character says, the fact that the only two women seen in the film (besides the people in the bank I guess) are there primarily as sexual plot points (one is the love interest, but the think more time is devoted to discussing the time he banged her). The stripping scene was gratuitous. I find Jesse Eisenburg really unpleasant in this for whatever reason, and kind of wished the bomb would go off. I'm not sure why they cast him, because I can't think of any funny part in the movie involving him, yet he is the main character and doesn't really seem like a "straight man" character. Danny McBride plays the same redneck character as always. I found it amusing in Pineapple Express, but in this movie the character was like extra gross as was the humor. It just seemed like the movie would only appeal to an immature male audience. The handling of sexuality as something in and of itself funny or laughter inducing was just DUMB like a seventh grade boy wrote it. Not to mention we find the reason that Eisenburg's character is a loser pizza guy with no girl is that his mom slept with a lifeguard years ago, hmmm... I would love to do a Freudian analysis on this screenwriter. Aziz is funny as always and made the movie somewhat more bearable, although there were some weird moments with the character that I think had to do with the script. Nick Swardson was also funny and good in his role. The movie ends (spoiler alert) immediately after the bad guys die. We have to assume that they are not caught, and that they are not going to the police given that they were planning on keeping the money. There is no resolution to the fact that the father died innocently, what happened with Juicy/Jacqueline or Nick Swardson or the fact that there is obviously going to be an investigation into all the dead bodies.