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Technotise - Edit i ja (2009)
Absolutely amazing
This movie is absolutely stunning. The animation is superb, the voice acting is epic, the story is great and the mood and depiction of the future are unbelievably well done. The little details like an old man reading the obituaries in the newspaper, but using a large switch on the end of the paper to switch between pages, or the witty banter exchange that spices up a long dialog exchange, these are the things that draw one in.
I was rooted in my armchair from start to finish. Since I'm "local" in a way, I understood the dialog, and I can honestly say the English translation does it no justice (I had English subs on, just to see how they translated it) - if you know someone with Balkan roots, watch it with them and have them explain the moments when you see them burst into laughter - there are no titles that can translate some of the insults or jokes. As they say - translation is like a woman. If it's beautiful, it's not faithful. If it's faithful, it's most definitely not beautiful.
All in all, please watch this movie - it is worth every second of your time and then some. This borders on some of the best anime's I've ever seen, right up there with Samurai Champloo and Cowboy Bebop.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
Ugh...
// Minor spoilers and bad guy ultimate plot revealed in last paragraph, but it's so stupid you want to know it. Long and rant filled review.
Let's start with 10 stars.
Rosie and Shia wouldn't know how to fake chemistry if someone wrapped a lead pipe in the periodic table and beat them upside their botoxed faces for an hour. The romance part is so awful, so cheesy in this movie, it takes down a star right off the bat. I will also mention the "romance" between Optimus Prime and America - the "one and only real and holy country in the world". *puke*
9 / 10.
Rosie has to be mentioned again as a standalone entry. I can imagine how the casting went.. Bay walks into modeling agency, closes his eyes and says "Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, you're the clone that comes along!", thereby picking out the 403rd pair of tits in the lineup. A horrible actress, pretentious character and a so obnoxiously unnecessary role the movie would have been two stars better if she were not there at all. Also, lips are not supposed to look like that. If I was Shia, I'd worry "Are you sure your lips don't hurt? Can we kiss? Won't a stitch break or something?"
7 / 10.
At one point, a guy "hacks" a bridge. He logs into the "bridge control" , and lowers it. Hollywood, bridges do not have an open internet connection with a designated port for "Bridge Control API", otherwise every hacker would be lowering and raising bridges everywhere.
6 / 10.
Since the black guy stereotypes in Transformers2 got some bad rep, Bay went the other way this time - Irish and Scottish. Yes, there is a green robot with an Irish accent, and a red robot with a huge belly and a beard, with a Scottish accent. How did that happen? Did they scan an Ire/Scot when they landed instead of a car? If so, weren't they supposed to turn into the robot-terminator-chick type from Transformers 2?
5 / 10.
Physics. Oh god, the physics. Dear Michael Bay, please realize the following: a) Moon sand is a highly corrosive and metal-unfriendly substance. Any kind of moving metalpart coming in that much contact with it would self destruct by the time it made 3 steps. b) One plane was enough to collapse a Twin Tower into dust. A seventy million billion ton robot shooting and crashing into a building will not make it "tilt slightly" and when that building falls, it will not get stuck between two others like a bridge, ever, regardless what it's made of, especially if that same robot is still crawling through it and destroying chunks. c) When stuff explodes near people, people tend to be stunned, burned and / or get shrapnel shot into their spines. They do not sit idly by and contemplate the situation. So if a grenade explodes in an office cubicle next to the one where the protagonist is standing, he will most probably DIE. d) You cannot grab a SHARP, MAD, DANGEROUS robot by the neck and keep it in control. You will LOSE YOUR FINGERS. e) Do you have any idea how much extra it costs to send an extra kilogram into space in a shuttle? Now imagine how much fuel and money you would need to send 10 million-ton robots into space with a regular human space shuttle launcher. f) When people fly through glass, they ALWAYS get cut. When they fly through 10 panes of glass, they DIE. When they fly through 20, they DON'T, because they got impaled on the 12th or 13th.
4/10
Stealing characters from other franchises just for the kick of it is not cool. You have a predator robot, a robot that is "Q from James Bond", etc. What...?
3 / 10.
Plot: If I was an evil genius and built a war-turning technology, I definitely would not build it so that it has exactly one weak point that, if struck, undoes absolutely everything it ever did, and I would definitely not leave it exposed. The bad guys' ultimate plan was to teleport their PLANET to Earth's atmosphere in order to rebuild it. This raises several issues: 1) You would have approximately 10 minutes to live, before Earth and Cybertron collided due to gravity. Those 10 minutes would be filled with an apocalypse due to uncontrollable floods caused by tides. 2) If you want 6 billion people for the sole purpose of slave labor, you should think about point 1). Also, it is stupid to believe 6 billion people could rebuild a robotic planet sooner or better than 1000 decepticons - you not only have to accommodate and feed the people, but also modify the planet's surface for them to be able to move on it. 3) There is a part where Megatron is chillaxing in an alley after a big fight, and the flat-lipped wonder of a model-clone that is Carly comes up to him spewing some bullshit about the other bad guy getting ready to betray him. Now, even if she made a point, I would still CRUSH that human insect. A meaningless pretentious bitch telling me what to think? I'm a god damn eleventy billion ton robot, you skank! *crush* The other critically stupid thing is the fact that Megatron then prevents the other bad guy from killing Optimus. If you have two enemies who are fighting, it is generally not a good idea to prevent them from killing each other! And while we're here, the decepticons could have won if the bad guy had just used one of the 994208 chances to kill Optimus he's had up until this point.
This brings the movie down to 1/10, but I'll give it a star for excellent special effects. 2/10.
The Chosen One (2010)
An embarrassing disaster
Rob Schneider directed, wrote and starred in this?? This is a disaster. By the time anything happens in this movie, you will have thought you watched three of them already.
The movie is a festival of bad CGI, horrible plot attempts and downright embarrassing attempts at humor. What little was left in the now dated and "living-on-old-fame" actors Steve Buscemi and Rob Schneider is gone so far it can't even look back. In this movie, they are neither funny, nor entertaining in any way.
The movie centers around a successful man who lives in a huge house and has money galore. He is the most successful salesman of his dealership, and yet he just about loses his mind when his wife leaves him. He faces this so badly he tries to comically commit suicide, and acts like a moron at work. All good and well for a short gag, but this behavior goes on for an entire hour and a half of the movie - during which it is wholly depressing to watch it. He is then visited by some random native American douches from Colombia, who believe him to be "The chosen one" - which they do not explain in any way. They just keep insisting on it, and depressingly eating coca leaves on the carpet in his house, while leeching him for money and pouring his beer into the sink when he isn't looking. They also fix his houseplants with cocaine magic.
The movie is full of product placements and stupid explanations of every single event, present or past, as if the viewer is a retard unable to piece frames together. It is packed with clichés, from native American visions with eagles to flutes playing when tribesmen so much as speak or eagles appear on screen. Naturally, there is a naive romantic subplot involving a gorgeous model (ex-government embassy employee, yeah...) guiding the natives to LA. Understandably, it is impossible to meet an unattractive woman in LA, especially if she means you well and came from far away to see you.
I still have no idea what genre this movie is supposed to be - I'd like to call it a drama, because it definitely is not funny, but it lacks any kind of message, any kind of plot, and any kind of point (unless their point is that car salesmen are evil, and should turn their lives around helping animals, vegetarians and shamans while defying gravity). It falls apart at every seam and provides no pleasure whatsoever on any level.
If you want to watch a good movie, do not watch this under any circumstances. If you want to see how low Buscemi and Schneider have sunk, watch this and wince.
Knight Rider: Knight Rider (2008)
Made for the McDonalds nation
Well, growing up with the original did bring back some heartwarming memories when I heard of this. I got it and watched it right away, and it's quite... well.. special.
The acting is horrendous, especially Deanna Russo's. Like an inept teenage actress trapped in a 30 year old woman's body, she failed to express every bit of imagined feeling on screen. The new Michael is a coca-cola-light boy just itching to take his shirt of in coming episodes, and eventually turn into a Mitch Buchannan, and they obviously went for the looks on both of those actors, half for the "male McDonalds-feeding blog-nation of teenagers loving junk-movies like Freddy Vs. Jason" and half for their female counterparts.
The whole pilot was a huge commercial for Ford who was obviously very interested in letting everyone know they've funded project. The car itself acts like a retarded teenager, vroooming and showing its own engine power off when it's moving 2km/h.
The plot wasn't as stupid as the bad guys, who obviously made every single choice in the entire episode count as the wrong one, and yet still magically arrived to places before our protagonists, and incidentally found themselves on the same roads as them several times even though they had no leads. Some lucky streak. The love story tossed in between is an abomination, and the comic relief buddy was a complete mistake.
On the pro side, Ford did cough up some nice dough for the cars and the effects, and for a series it looks pretty decent. Even the brain-hemorrhaging plot was entertaining and humorous to see at some points, and I can definitely see myself watching it, if nothing else then just for the giggles. Kilmer as the voice of Kitt actually did pretty good for me, but that could be due to me watching the original on disgusting synchronized German TV, so I never actually heard the original one. Ah, and must not forget, adding the Hoffmeister to the end of the pilot was absolutely precious.
AVH: Alien vs. Hunter (2007)
A unique experience
I had the good fortune of being both in a good mood and in good company tonight, so I decided to see this with my roommate.
The result was an hour and a half of constant laughter and spasms of the abdomen. While this movie had the script that a ten year old mental patient could write better, the fact that it was an absolutely horrible rip off of AvP didn't help either. Don't get me wrong, rip-off's are fine as far as I'm concerned, but when you butcher the original script (which was no polished pearl either, truth be told) in such a brutal and merciless way, that's just wrong.
I think the acting is actually sometimes even done better here in Croatia, just as the camera-work (Croatia is renowned for awful quality of both camera and script, not to mention acting, mind you), and the voice-overs (yes, voice-overs!) are done just as bad.
The whole movie gives you the impression of being made from top to bottom in a 100 square foot radius, the scenes are done in one and the same place over and over again, only the angle changes a bit, a prop or two is added, and occasionally smoke... and the costumes... my god, the costumes.
I won't go into further detail here, as this was an absolute disaster of a film, and while it would get a 9 out of 10 on my fun-o-meter, the objective grade here is 2, and I'm being generous.
If you're looking for an action flick, or anything to do with Sci-Fi, don't see this. If you enjoy a good trash movie like I do, and had fun watching Leben Tod - Night of the Dead 2006 (a must-see for trash lovers), this deserves to be on your to-watch list.
Cheers!
The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)
Very good
Whether it's displaying human emotions, portraying the hard life of the modern lower class and their struggle for life or the presentation of family and love, "Pursuit of Happiness" takes us all the way.
An excellent drama about one man's infinite struggle to provide for himself and his son, and all the unbelievable obstacles thrown at him daily. It excellently portrays his desire to win and overcome all troubles, and stops at nothing to reach his goal.
Will Smith completely stole the show, his performance was breathtaking, especially how he presented us with the emotional view of happiness at the end of the film. His bond to the son in the film seemed very real and was also well done, but that probably lies in the fact it's his real life son. Nevertheless, an excellent job from the both of them. It's just, I kinda expected Dan Castellaneta to say -doh!- every time he entered the scene :) A strong recommendation to everyone, it's a picture well worth seeing.
Harsh Times (2005)
Good, not great
The movie offers very good insight into the lives of two young men of south central LA and all the danger those lowlifes have to face. It emphasizes all the bad things we already know about those hoods and takes us deeper into the action and reality. The story is nothing breathtaking, it's merely something like a simple overview of the period and the area, but the development of the story towards the end, and of the characters is very good.
Honestly, the only weakness in this picture was Bale in the first 30-40 minutes of the film, as I just could not get used to him as a wannabe Latino tough guy. The "gangsta" attitude just did not stick to him, and I simply could not help thinking "god how fake this looks". However, towards the end, he either got deeper into the character or deeper into my head, but it felt good to watch him by then.
The movie in general is quite good, but nothing that would send shivers down your spine. In any case, I recommend it as it's a good piece to be seen, realistic and dramatic, especially the last few minutes.
The Fountain (2006)
Ridiculously stupid
Much disappointment and a severe dosage of boredom is what I felt after watching this. I don't know what this was supposed to be, I don't know what it's called, and I don't care whether it belongs in a subcultural branch of art called avantgarde or whatnot, but this was simply ridiculous.
I generally love puzzling thrillers, dramas and movies that make you think. I love being left breathless after one finishes, having to rethink it, and I love the goosebumps some give me. But this was not it.
If someone thinks a mix up of these three stories (a conquistador in New Spain looking for a Mayan pyramid, a scientist trying to beat death by injecting root juice from African trees into monkeys with tumors, and a monk in pajamas traveling through space in a bubble with a tree tattooing himself and believing the tree won't die if they reach a dying star in time, in a friggin' bubble!) is entertaining, heartbreaking or amusing, or all three, fine by me, I'm not here to point fingers and judge, but I didn't see it that way. The story is ridiculously stupid, and this whole movie is generally liked by the big-shots because it has to be. It would be unpopular and uncool if it wasn't, kinda like it would be uncool for Mr. and Mrs. Smith to be unpopular simply because it's Pitt and Jolie who play the protagonists.
About performance... Jackman failed miserably. This is out of his league. No, it's more like.. he's out of this story's league. He can do better, this was just humiliating. As for Rachel... well, I've never been a big fan of hers, but this role suited her... no emotions needed to be shown, and most of the time she was quiet or in bed. Meh...
Anyway, honestly, I know the exact kind of people that would adore this movie... so... if you're bisexual, like wearing sweaters or scarfs even when it's hot and sunny or in closed spaces, if you looove to smoke but you're totally a vegan and love the nature (!!) and if you frequently engage in conversations about god and/or yoga, this is the movie for you. If, however, you're a mean bitter individual who demands an understandable and effective story that took more than a week to write, like me, don't watch this.
Cheers
Penny Dreadful (2006)
A horror indeed
Just yesterday I had commented on "Stranger than Fiction" and said what a refreshment it was in this sea of trash we're fed nowadays, only to bump into a drop of that trashy ocean today. Honestly, worse than a lame low budget student flick.
"Penny Dreadful" is a movie no one wants to see, trust me. It is a typical teenage horror movie, with one horrible cliché after another with one exception: the total cost for this one could not have exceeded $1000. I'm not exaggerating. To exemplify, we have the basic rules of American wannabe horrors.
1. The protagonist is always more or less hot. 2. If it's a girl, she will ALWAYS trip and fall while running, hurting her ankle so much it'll disable proper movement. 3. The bad guy is always disguised until the end of the movie. 4. The only, and I mean ONLY element of "fear" in American "horror" movies is ALWAYS complete silence followed by a sudden (and very much expected) loud noise, and quite possibly the rash appearance of the bad guy. 5. If the protagonist is not played by a famous actor/actress, tits will be shown in the movie. 6. The protagonist is a moron (runs upstairs when chased in a house, instead out the door, cannot utilize basic laws of physics to help him/herself...) 7. The protagonist, after beating the bad guy down and having the opportunity to kill him, will always give up the notion and run away. 8. The protagonist is immune to injuries (all but fatal) and minor dismemberment (a lost finger or toe are no hindrance to our hero. He/she will always merely wrap it up into a scarf or a ripped cloth and move on without pain or infection) 9. The bad guy is completely immune to concussion and stab wounds, and will not suffer from any blunt traumas to his/her head, nor will he/she stay dead after mortally wounded and disposed of for the first time. He/she HAS to die a HORRIBLE and destructive death to stay dead. 10. The antagonist will never run and always moves in a very cool and calm way, but always catches up (and in full breath) with the victim no matter how fast the victim runs.
You all know these outlines, no?
That said, let's see what brilliance this movie brings us. It is packed with bad camera angles, for one. The "scary" scenes are "enhanced" by space sounds, zooms and blurs so they "scare us to death" even MORE, and the plot is unimaginably dumb. Also, if you enjoy scenes of 25 minutes where a silly retarded girl screams, and screams, and then screams some more, backed up by space sounds, flashes and blurs, this will be the "bestest" movie ever for you. There will also be lots of trees. Yes, trees. You'll see trees. And then more scenes of 25 minute screaming of a girl in a car. This goes on from somewhere around 20th minute of the movie, to ten minutes before the ending, where there is a typical revelation of the bad guy, a chase, and the antagonist's ultimate demise. Naturally, an opening was left at the end for a sequel, should this misery by any chance ever earn enough money to cover those $1000 spent on it, but I sincerely doubt that.
My most sincere recommendation is not to watch this movie, unless you enjoy mental masochism like myself, watching hundreds of such films. Sigh. My own fault I guess.
Cheers.
Stranger Than Fiction (2006)
A complete breath of fresh air
A masterpiece, this movie.
In this age of B-rated action flicks and predictable teen-comedies and/or dramas, this is exactly what I needed to see to renew my faith in movies.
Will Farrel is brilliant, in comedy or tragedy, the man knows what he's doing and I adore his work. He played his part well here, both the comic and the tragic parts without a flaw, and I cannot think of anyone more suitable for the role. His average appearance makes him perfect for the hero of the story, and it's absolutely brilliant that we've not yet again been forced to watch two absolutely physically perfect human beings couple, but instead see two average people, far more flawless in spirit than simply and only looks, create a strange, yet very romantic and tragicomic bond.
The movie will make you laugh, it will make you think, and in some extreme cases, it might make you weep. The only "thumbs down" thing in the whole story is the fact that, were the novel mentioned in the story ever published, I am thoroughly convinced it would.. well.. suck. :) As I've said before, this movie is a complete breath of fresh air in the stench that we're being served nowadays, and I strongly encourage everyone to see it. You'll feel happy after you do, I know I did :) Cheers
Big Nothing (2006)
The only thing that was good was the Rammstein song
If we were in the early 80s and I was a preteen boy, I would have given this movie a whopping 3. Today, in 2007, watching it was an insult. My roommate is still spazzing out on the floor beside me as I write this, and we've agreed to go out tomorrow and get us some "I saw Big Nothing and all I got was brain damage" t-shirts. My sincere and honest recommendation is not to watch this movie, not under and drugs, or other perception altering substances. Schwimmer's performance was worse than the one of Britney in Crossroads, and this man is labeled for life as nothing but Ross Geller. Simon Pegg is honestly not made for this film. He fits into a British sit com. And the others... honestly... not worth mentioning. A typical 25yr+ old blonde dressed in pink acting to be underage (as in all American movies), a Torrente wannabe detective and a plot so predictable it's insulting to even try and follow it is not worth the 80 minutes of your time. In my opinion, an utter disaster, and a weak attempt of ripping off Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Very weak.