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hebe-96296
Reviews
The Incredibles (2004)
The most Incredible movie to date
I love this movie. It's characters - amazing, it's story - thrilling, and its villain - possibly the best villain in the Pixar catalog. The movie wastes no time at all with its scenes. Everything runs smoothly and is times with needlepoint precision. All the characters serve a purpose in the story, and there are no instances of filler or childish jokes anywhere. The film feels very mature and isn't afraid to intimidate kids in order to tell their story (something modern Pixar seems to have lost the backbone for). Syndrome works perfectly as a twist villain. He isn't like Hans or Callaghan who just turn evil randomly. He has a solid motive and a deep-seated hatred for the protagonist due to what he perceives as his idle betraying him which leads him down the path to villainy. This was Pixar's first all-human film, and let me just say: they knocked it out of the ballpark. The film is fast-paced, clever, mature, humorous, and... incredible.
Tu zi zhon de huo hu li (2014)
An abomination
This movie... oh my gosh... where do I even begin? Let's start with the CGI: the character models look butt-ugly, and the animation is unsettling. The movie starts off by introducing us to all the bunny characters by explicitly stating all their main character traits, without a single hint of "show, don't tell." It's just text-book-level bad writing. The voice actors are clearly phoning it in, but who can blame them? They were given a mindbogglingly awful script. There is no music. Every scene is so silent, you could hear a pen drop, making everything feel awkward. Please do your kids a favor and do not expose them to this rubbish. They would be more mentally-stimulated watching a brick wall than torturing themselves with what ever this is supposed to be.
Dixie y la rebelión zombi (2014)
It is bad.
The art direction is stunning in its awfulness with character designs that would give children nightmares. The humans look even worse than the monsters. The lip-syncing is obviously off because it was dubbed, so I will give that a pass; but the way the characters mouths move is very strange with characters that talk with their teeth clenched half the time. The dialogue is as robotic as they come, and it is very obvious that the voice actors didn't get second takes. There is a huge lack of music during every scene, including intense scenes which makes everything feel awkward, and the camera shakes every five seconds. Speaking of the camera, the camera stays on shots for way too long and goes absolutely crazy during action scenes, making it difficult to see what is actually going on. The humor is lacking, and the story is the epitome of cliché. Nothing special or good here. It is worth skipping.
SpongeBob SquarePants: My Leg!/Ink Lemonade (2018)
Way to ruin the "MY LEG!" gag
"My Leg!" (1/10)
Ink Lemonade (1/10)
As a fan of SpongeBob, this episode baffles me (and no, I'm not talking about Ink Lemonade; I'll tackle that next.) I'm talking about the shameless, painfully unfunny end to the once-comedic "MY LEG!" gag. For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to, every time there's a disaster in SpongeBob, and a lot of characters get injured, there is always a 2-second-long audio track of a character screaming "MY LEG!" The same audio track was recycled every time multiple characters were injured throughout several episodes, and it became a recurring joke, shrouded in mystery. The whole point of the joke is that no one in the studio acknowledged it. It was a meme of sorts. Then one sad day, the Nickelodeon staff were replaced by chimpanzees, and they decided to ruin the gag once and for all. We already knew it was Fred doing the screaming, but no one ever expected the writers who have long since stayed true to keeping the joke ambiguous would not only point out that it was Fred doing the gag but also greenlight the gag as an entire episode, making for some very unfunny jokes and annoying dialogue. R. I. P. The "MY LEG!" gag (1999-2018). As for Ink Lemonade, it's pretty typical of a season 11 SpongeBob episode: bad, unfunny, gross, etc. The only, and I mean ONLY, reason I'm not heated that much over Ink Lemonade is because, at least in this episode, the writers didn't have the gall to ruin a nearly 20-year-long gag.
The Angry Beavers: Sans-a-Pelt/Gonna Getcha (1998)
Utterly disgusting
I watched these two episodes with my little brother. The first one was weird, but the second one was... wow... just wow. I don't even know how it aired or what the writers were thinking. The face-farting thing at the beginning was already a little weird since I've been on the internet long enough to know that face-farting is a fetish. However, the real kicker is the end where (no, I'm not kidding) a robotic arm grabs Daggett by the waste and forces him towards Norbert's butt while Daggett screams, and then it cuts to a black screen with a loud fart, implying that Norbert farted on Daggett's face. Mind you, I watched this with my little brother. He and I just stared at the blank screen for thirty seconds before my brother told me it wasn't funny. The second-hand embarrassment I felt was immense. Parents be advised, this episode is weird, kinky, and disturbing.
The Simpsons: Catch 'Em If You Can (2004)
Incredibly insulting
I don't know what people who rated this dumpster fire a 10/10 were thinking. This is a painful episode to watch. For one, Marge calls her kids stupid and actually tries to abandon them on multiple occasions. This is (and I emphasize) extremely out-of-character for Marge who is usually a loving and supportive mother who cares deeply for her kids. Secondly, this episode feels very mean-spirited. As a child who grew up with parents who put their marriage before my siblings and I, this was a real punch in the face for me. Throughout the episode, there are several degrading jokes about kids being burdens to their parents. Give me a break. Stop treating kids like their awful, money-sucking demons who take time away from parental sex. It is not the kids' faults they were born. This episode blatantly ignores the emotional impact treating your kids like trash has on the kids themselves. The episode wants me to think the kids were in the wrong for acting like kids, and the parents are in the right for abandoning and lying to them. This episode deserves more hate.
0/10 stars.
Minions (2015)
Just a cash-grab
This whole movie is just one shameless attempt to capitalize on the instant success of the minions in Despicable Me. I guarantee you this movie wouldn't have even existed had there not been such a huge minion fanbase. The writing is awful, the minions are annoying and speak gibberish, and the movie feels like it was just made to sell more minion toys. Why, oh, why did we have to give those little yellow stubs their own movie. Maybe this isn't the popular opinion, but I thought the minions were annoying the first time I watched Despicable me back in 2010, and somehow this movie amplifies their annoyingness. I was far more interested in Gru and his family than these minions. They just eat up screen time and speak nonsense to be funny, I guess. I really don't know.
Antz (1998)
Really bad
It is amazing what got past the censors in this movie. From massive levels of violence to a mention of the B-word, it's surprising that it received a PG rating. However, I think the worst part of the movie isn't even the violence or vulgarity; it's the style and color pallet. It looks washed-out and grime-colored. This movie made me physically sick to watch. I watched the movie later as an adult, and I relived the headache-inducing stomach-turning sickness I felt the first time. I thought rewatching it would give me a new perspective, but no; it's just plain bad.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
Meh
I found the whole movie kind of pointless. It seemed like just an attempt to squeeze one last sequel out of the Ghostbusters franchise. With that said, I'm giving it five out of ten stars because I didn't find it offensive or bad. It was just... meh.