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Reviews
Jeruzalem (2015)
Comedy gold
So many unintentional lulz. From Sarah falling off her bike going 1 km/hr, to the line delivery that seems like they're reading off cue cards, to the character actions making zero sense whatsoever, this movie has it all.
Have you ever seen the movie Birdemic? Well, imagine that with demon zombies and a big budget. That's pretty much this movie. Acting is hilarious and the lines are so stilted and comically delivered. See this as a comedy, watch it as if the writers like to eat crayons, and you will have a great time.
I like to picture everyone in this movie trying their best and thinking they're creating this horror masterpiece, and this is the result.
I love it so much.
JK it's pure ass lmao.
The Outwaters (2022)
Thinks it is smart, is not
This movie wants you to believe that it is really smart, artsy and creative. It is a nothingburger of slop. You know that one person at a party who misquotes a philosopher or talks overconfidently about things they know nothing about? Well, that person is this movie.
The acting is passable I guess but nothing to write home about. The sound design is kind of neat in the sense that the screams are modified to sound demonic at the beginning. Kinda cool, and that's about it. It tries desperately to disguise excessive gore as a good found footage experience, completely missing the idea that found footage is about way more than that. A good found footage movie should have several elements: 1) a good reason for someone to keep filming, 2) genuinely likeable characters with believable motives that you can root for, 3) a well-developed setting with rules that the movie consistently follows, and 4) imagery that is clear, striking, and stays with you. This movie has none of those things. Like other reviewers, I found myself asking "Why am I still watching this?" at many many points throughout the movie, and couldn't offer a good answer. Still can't.
This movie was so hyped too, which makes it worse in a way because by the end you think, "That's it?" Yikes.
Watch something else. Watch anything else. Watch an old re-run of your favourite show. Hell, watch paint dry. It will be a more satisfying and rewarding experience.
I hate to pile on with everyone else dunking on this movie, but it deserves it.
Madeo (2009)
Messed up in the best way.
Hoo boy does that final scene stick in my mind. This movie is a true gem and is a truly powerful tale of a mother's love. It is absolutely gripping and ruthless, so I think it's safe to say that Bong Joon-Ho has done it yet again. What I really appreciate about him is his ability to tell a great story. You can tell that he really cares about making sure that all the pieces of the stories fit together perfectly, and he is a master at it. He wants you to think and pay attention in his movies, and rewards you for doing so. I think the main actor of this movie gives the performance of a lifetime here and captures the essence of the character so well it's hard to believe she is acting. Unreal.
Ah-ga-ssi (2016)
Beautiful in every sense of the word
This film is like a fairytale. Everything is so beautiful from the cinematography to the costumes to the story to the heart. Everyone gives excellent performances and I had no problem getting immediately immersed into this. There is no one whose motives make no sense, and the blend of humour and levity with a heartwarming and often heartbreaking story are truly something to behold. There are enough twists and turns throughout this movie to keep you guessing and in this way it is highly engaging and well worth the watch. This movie left a big smile on my face and I will be watching i again for sure.
Oldeuboi (2003)
A masterpiece
If you have no experience with Korean cinema then this is probably one of the best movies you can watch to get started. Bong Joon-Ho is a true master of his craft, and this film grips you from the first scene and never lets you go. All characters are extremely well fleshed out with understandable motives and the usual use of symbolism and subtle hints are so rewarding for the viewer who is willing to pay attention. Do not, I repeat DO NOT watch the Spike Lee version. Spike has no respect for the source material and I am convinced after watching his version that he cannot hold a candle to people who actually know how to make movies. Watch this today.
M3GAN (2022)
Allison Williams can't act
Every line out of her mouth took me out of the movie pretty much immediately. I didn't think she was so bad in Get Out so I'm not sure what is going on here. What is this stiff, wooden, high school level acting? Also, for whatever reason she is nasty, manipulative, bad at her job, and pretty much an awful everything (mother, neighbour, employee). She acts like the world owes her a favour when in reality any company would have fired her multiple times over for gross incompetence and wasting company money, time and resources. Of course, this is a Blumhouse film so the acting isn't the only thing that sucks about this movie. Get ready for unbelievable characters, simple stereotypes of people, and general nonsense characteristic of Blumhouse films. I didn't believe anything in this movie for a second. Skip.
Velma (2023)
Where are the jokes?
Seriously, how is this show so unfunny? Who wrote this and on what planet were they on when they believed that these types of mean-spirited, painfully lazy jokes would land? The creators of this show very clearly make spots in the episodes where they think you should laugh, but the jokes are so flat and lifeless. Listen to the other reviews on this one; this show is utter trash and should never have been made.
I swear to god an edgy 8 year old would write jokes like this. Nobody at any point thought to watch these episodes and vet them for whether they can actually make people laugh? Or was this just a bunch of people who have never been told that they have no talent all cheering each other on. This show deserves to fail on every single level.
There are no jokes here.
Chugyeokja (2008)
Needs more love
This movie is a nail biter from start to finish and really needs more love than it gets. The performances are believable, there are plenty of genuinely tense moments, but also humour and levity in appropriate moments. And the child acting doesn't suck ass for a change.
SPOILER: you really are hoping that the mother survives and it is such a gutting moment when she gets killed. Na Hong Jin is fast becoming one of my favourite directors and he really knows how to capture and keep an audience's attention. I particularly loved the main character's gradual realization that what he is doing is putting young women's lives at risk for this own benefit. That last voicemail by the final victim is particularly brutal. Don't sleep on this one.
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)
So much fun
I had a blast with this one, and I wasn't expecting much. All of the characters have fleshed out backstories and feel necessary to the plot. Puss has understandable motives and a great arc in the story, and there are lots of great action sequences that keep your attention and move the story along at a good pace. Surprisingly, it also is emotional at points, and you genuinely feel for the characters and what they learn (I won't spoil anything). Voice acting was great all around and no one really took me out of the movie. Good sense of humour and the animation is beautiful as well. I don't really have much to say that is negative about this movie, so give this one a try and you will likely be glad you did.
The Pact (2012)
An excellent substitute for ambien
This movie is so painfully slow. I had no idea what was going on most of the time, partially because explanations were either on the nose or non-existent, and due to the fact that generally nothing happens. Even when something does happen, it's really, really boring. How is a movie this boring? The ghost or spirit or whatever starts messing with the girl but then even that is so boring and you can't see what the hell is happening or who is doing it. It is full of the usual boring clichés and tropes and the colour is that typical dark, drab, palette that becomes unbearably boring. I regret spending time watching this "movie" which really feels more like a bad episode of a television show pointlessly stretched out to movie length and padded by the director's foot fetish (for real, there is honestly a 20 second slow motion shot of her foot for some reason). There is no reason for this movie to exist, let alone for it to be this long. Watch this if you are having trouble sleeping and enjoy laughing at bad acting. You're better than this Casper Van Dien.
1st Summoning (2018)
Bad acting!
Not a single person in this movie can act. You know that SNL sketch where a bunch of high school students are dressed in all black and act overly serious? Well in that sketch they are all trying to act like a bunch of emo teenagers for laughs, in this movie everyone acts like an emo teenager but they play it completely seriously. The girl holding the camera's dialogue is so unbelievable and cringey. People don't talk like this in real life. I don't know who wrote the script for this trash but they need to go back to film school (no high school) and re-take all their English classes. Also, the dude with glasses has the most unbelievable earrings I've ever seen in my life. I know criticizing earrings is weird for a horror movie but for real, they stand out so much I had to say something. Do not watch this.
POV: Norowareta firumu (2012)
Ridiculously dumb
Starts promising, fun premise, and a good idea. Until the characters just hang out while the ghosts are coming to get them. These morons just sit there screaming like idiots while the ghost is literally approaching. They had every opportunity to run but they just jump up and down screaming like they are on something, pure genius. The stupidity of their response took me right out of the movie and I was on team ghost right away. Seriously writers of this movie, learn how to write believable characters that would actually do what a normal, reasonable person would do in this situation. I can't believe they did this when the movie was going well to this point. Don't watch this.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022)
Message over content, skip this one
The show's message is basically "men bad" but it's so on the nose and embarrassingly presented. This is one of those shows that pander to a certain group, and when the show inevitably fails due to its lacklustre writing and overall poor quality and preachiness, will decry the group that the show preaches against as the reason for its failure. No. Take some responsibility and learn to write a quality show. If you want to include a message, that's fine. But do it well and don't be so lazy about it.
The thing that is truly frustrating about the recent trend in movies and television is the level of deflection going on when a show has clearly not done its homework. If the writers at She-hulk know what Bruce Banner's past was, that little speech about dealing with anger more than him would have been changed significantly. Respect the goddamned source material for goodness sake. And don't whine and blame men or whoever when you are actively alienating them in the first place. That's not fighting for social justice, that's being stupid.