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Bigfoot (2006)
Had a few redeeming factors.
This is not a good movie, although by low budget monster movie standards I would say it is far from the worst. The plot and the dialogue are no worse than average for such movies. One thing I liked was this: Usually in monster movies set in a small town, a significant percentage of the population are ignorant blockheads continually running off halfcocked and doing stupid, and usually trigger-happy, things. This movie had a few of those, but most of the major characters were actually decent, reasonable people. That was a pleasant enough change that in spite of the two star rating, I'm actually not sorry I watched this.
Prelude to Infusco (2014)
Bad movie
Pretty much everything about this movie was bad, but what stuck out for me was the dialogue. Most of it was just random clichés thrown together. It was often the case that one line made no sense in light of what had immediately preceded it. And much of the direction seemed to be an effort to make all of this gibberish seem profound.
Genesis (2018)
What ... no "thought-provoking" reviews?
Usually movies like this, which throw a random collection of moral and philosophical issues against the wall, will generate a disappointing number of 8 or 9 point reviews from people gushing that it "makes you think" and such. As I write this, I am pleased to see that there are 15 reviews, none higher than a 6, and none claiming that this nonsense was needed to jump start their brain.
By the way, if the sequel to this ever gets made, with the robot army going against the surviving humans, just see one of the "Terminator" movies instead. They did the same topic far better than these guys ever will.
48 Days Later (2015)
What do you expect in 8 minutes?
I really don't know how to rate an 8 minute short. It is certainly a nice looking film. It offers a slightly different take on "last person on earth" films, but not different enough to get too excited about. The main criticism I can imagine from some would be that so little actually happens, but that's kind of the idea. (Actually, the main criticism will probably be from nitpickers complaining about the condition of the bodies after 48 days. A realistic depiction of that would certainly affect the survivor's quality of life, and thus maybe her decision-making.) Anyway, for 8 minutes of your time, I say watch it.
Attack of the Moon Zombies (2011)
Been there, done that.
I probably smiled the first time I saw a movie which sent up 50s SciFi movies simply by exaggerating the bad parts of those movies (like the cheesy sets and monster costumes.) At this point, having seen dozens of such movies, it really takes a bit of extra cleverness or wittiness for me to be satisfied by them. Attack of the Moon Zombies has nothing resembling that until the credits, which is way too little and too late. If you've never seen one of these send ups before this might be a 5/10 for you. For the rest of us, 3/10. There is just nothing new here.
Left in Darkness (2006)
The entrance exam for heaven seems a bit arbitrary
I agree with the comments suggesting that this movie was reasonably well done, but the premise of the movie was so preposterous that it was impossible for me to view the whole thing in any kind of favorable way.
The premise here is that there is a limbo that must be a stopover for a fairly large percentage of the population. At one extreme, a rapist who kills a girl with a date rape drug, followed by killing himself, winds up here. At the other extreme, a grandfather who did nothing worse than lead a sort of pointless life after his child was killed also winds up here. So what is the big test that determines where you go from here? It isn't good deeds -- the girl risks her soul to save her still living friend, and that isn't enough. She shows mercy towards her killer, and that isn't enough. Is it resisting temptation? Nope -- the best offer she gets is to jump into a shaft leading straight to a completely visible Hell. No, the God of this movie has created a limbo where your ticket to heaven is as follows: last for about two hours without believing anyone you see, whether they give you cause or not. Before the two hours are up, if you happen to notice some light coming out of a dumbwaiter shaft, you decide that is the way out that one person alluded to, and you climb up it to heaven. Good job of separating the worthy from the unworthy, big guy.
Also, should you find yourself in limbo, be advised that the devil himself can be temporarily incapacitated by a blow from a fraternity Hell week paddle. Kind of appropriate, I guess, but I never expected him to have such a glass jaw.
Vampire Bats (2005)
You've seen it all before.
The main monster movie formula hasn't changed since the 1950s: The pet evil technology of the time (radiation, pollution, germ warfare, genetic engineering) in conjunction with the pet villain of the time (mad scientists, the CIA, right wing militias, evil industrialists) turn some natural creature into a dangerous mutated version of itself. Fighting it is made harder by clueless citizenry, corrupt politicians, and head-in-the-sand bureaucrats. Frequently the good guys are aided by a guilt-wracked insider. In the end, some sound or scent is often used to lure the creatures into one place where they can be destroyed.
The variables are filled, in this entry, by pollution, evil industrialists, vampire bats, and music. Instead of an explosion, they are killed by steam. We don't see much of the insider, who is used mainly to throw the audience off as to which character is a crook.
This movie isn't as silly or heavy-handed as many movies using this formula, plus the acting is better, but the fact remains that you've seen it dozens of times before. (Although the choices of evil technology and favorite villain always result in some reviewer gushing that it was "ripped from the headlines.")
Man-Thing (2005)
Far from the worst monster movie
The range of scores on this movie is hard to understand. I haven't seen all of the Marvel adaptations, so I have no opinion on whether this is the worst of those. But anyone who thinks this movie is the worst of anything else must have been living in a cave ... a cave that isn't wired for cable. By monster movie standards this is probably a bit better than average. Even if one isn't grading on the curve, and even if you knock off an entire star for the bad accents this deserves at least a couple of stars just to separate it from movies like "Skeleton Man" and "Plan 9 from Outer Space". From the previews I was expecting this to at least surpass "Flying Virus" as the "Reefer Madness" of anti oil company movies, but it wasn't even that. Relax, people. On the other hand, this surely should be separated by at least half the spectrum from a genuinely good monster movie like "Alien", so a score over five is hard to understand. Hence, two stars.
Skeleton Man (2004)
They don't get much sillier than this
As I write this, no user reviews are in yet, but there are 17 votes with a 4.8 average, so apparently some people thought this movie had its moments. I didn't notice any, and even if I had I don't think I could have stopped rolling my eyes for long enough to appreciate them.
A common debate among movie buffs is whether major mistakes in science, police tactics, and the like so common in B movies should detract significantly from one's enjoyment. I tend to fall into the "Yes, that's a reasonable reaction" camp -- especially when the mistakes are central to the plot. With this movie, I look forward to reading how anyone can defend this mess. They completely botch pretty much every aspect of military tactics and strategy, police tactics, weapons, science, folklore, common sense, and human behavior (outside of B movies, that is.) In short, I can't think of any non-trivial thing they got right.
Any movie would have its work cut out for it when its central premise is a supernatural spirit, impervious to all small arms, able to disappear into another dimension at will, and yet apparently vulnerable to simply a bigger explosion. (They don't make ghosts like they used to.) Combine this premise with every detail being wrong and you have a memorably bad movie.
Larva (2005)
Standard monster movie
The main monster movie formula hasn't changed since the 1950s: The pet evil technology of the time (radiation, pollution, germ warfare, genetic engineering) in conjunction with the pet villain of the time (mad scientists, the CIA, right wing militias, evil industrialists) turn some natural creature into a dangerous mutated version of itself. Fighting it is made harder by clueless citizenry, corrupt politicians, and head-in-the-sand bureaucrats. Frequently the good guys are aided by a guilt-wracked insider, who often gets killed in the process.
This movie is straight out of that mold, and is as silly as such movies usually are. The sloppy way that it was edited for showing on the SciFi channel created a few extra head-scratching moments that may not be present in the video store version. The best of these was a continuity classic where a girl in a car goes from bra off, to on, to off, to on in about 5 seconds.
Solaris (2002)
Calling it an "Art Film" is no defense
Many of the reviews up to this point have defended this film by proclaiming it to be an art film and invoking the standard art film defense: that one's desire to have something actually happen in a film is directly proportional to one's shallowness. I agree that this smells like an art film --- it mostly consists of irrational conversations punctuated by staring, brooding, and flashbacks to previous irrational conversations. (Albeit in a brightly lit spacecraft rather than a poorly lit apartment.) I don't need photon torpedoes blowing up aliens -- I would be willing to accept an enlightened conversation as "something happening", but we don't get that. By the time Gordon leaves for home, they know nothing about the phenomenon that she didn't know when Kelvin first set foot on the station. But thanks to his inept interviews (e.g. not asking follow-up questions to clarify obviously ambiguous answers), it takes him days to get up to speed. Toss out all of the time he wastes on that, and the flashbacks to very standard scenes from marriage to a depression-prone partner, and you are left with a typical Twilight Zone episode.
Alien Visitor (1996)
People are easily impressed by scornful aliens.
Got a screed about all of mankind's faults? Can't get anyone to pay attention, however, because we've heard it all a thousand times before? Even fellow greenies react to it with a half hearted, "right on" (while suppressing a yawn.) Get a job on a sci-fi movie, and put those same words into the mouth of a contemptuous alien. Suddenly people think the words have become profound and thought provoking. I'm starting to understand how "The Day the Earth Stood Still" got an 8/10.
The Paradise Virus (2003)
Only noteworthy for the missing cliches
Standard "Disease outbreak in remote area; expert who happens to be vacationing in the area takes charge" movie. There are only a few deviations from the norm. One is that the kids involved are pretty reasonable from the outset. Usually they are monsters who repeatedly gum up the works until they redeem themselves in the end. Another is that the local medicine man/witch doctor who is normally an impediment early on is never completely discounted or redeemed in the end. Perhaps since this seems to have been made for the faith oriented PAX channel, they didn't want to seem too judgmental about the faithful. Finally, there were no evil local politicians/leisure industry bigwigs trying to cover the whole thing up. The lack of these stereotypes was refreshing -- if we have the PAX channel to thank for that I may have to sample a few more of their offerings. Aside from that, however, this was pretty standard stuff. You've seen it all before.