Reviews

Let me get this out there, this is not a movie for me. This is a movie made for the born again Evangelical crowd and unless you are part of that crowd you will probably hate this movie as well.

There is so much *wrong* with this movie. The dialogue was seemingly written by somebody who never wrote proper dialogue before. It's almost like they programmed a computer with some of the most popular scripts and it just muxed them all together in a meaningless way. Nobody talks like people in this movie talk. It felt like a bad sitcom in places where I guess they were going for levity but it just fell flat.

The acting is sub-par. Christina DeMarco who plays the main character is so wooden in most of her scenes that she could have been replaced with a puppet and I doubt anybody would have noticed. Greg Robins was okay, he's not going to win any awards for his acting but at least he's acting.

The main issue, beyond all that, is that due to some unexplained reasons she's now able to convert with a touch. That's right, even if you didn't want to be converted she can turn you into a Christian forever. And the movie plays this off like it's a good thing. But hey, forget free will. It's not like that isn't the cornerstone of choices where Christians are concerned so long as they win in the end.

This is a bad movie made by and for very stupid people.

This is something on par which a high school student would come up with. It's cheaply made, the dialogue is bad, the acting is sub par, there's tons of shaky cam action, there's no character development and there's no actual plot. It's really not so much a movie as it's just a bunch of scenes that are filmed.

The movie tries to be suspenseful as a mini-van carrying six girls is being chased along a dark country road by a crazy person in an SUV. That's it. This is 90 minutes that you won't get back.

This isn't even a movie that is "so bad it's good". It's just... bad without any redeeming qualities.

Please give this one a pass and go for something else.

You know what's worse than a poorly made movie? A poorly made movie that tries to be more than it actually is.

A friend of mine who is in into obscure works came across this and knowing my tastes in bad cinema asked me to take a look at it. The word that came to mind when seeing this was "amateurish" in every sense of the word. The camera work was amateurish. The acting was amateurish. The editing was amateurish. The sound was amateurish. I could go on but I think you get the point.

The biggest issue with this is that it's filmed as a mockumentary. So you have people "acting" when they're supposed to be acting natural. Now this could be due to bad writing. A case could be made if the portions that are filmed commercially have terrible acting but when the camera is off and only the cameraman who's filming the behind the scenes portion captures what comes off as a natural interaction between the characters. But no, it's still as painfully stilted as it was before. There's literally no difference between when the actors are "acting" and when they're not. They're playing the same people and speaking the same lines.

In the end I feel this was sunk with it's own ambition. They tried something avant garde and came up with something that even a community theatre group couldn't be proud of. Next time, maybe aim a little lower and work on making your dialogue and acting feel more natural than it did.

Where do you even start with a movie this bad? Even in the worst movies I have ever seen there is some redeeming factor or one bright spot you can point to. In this movie however there is none of that. This is "The Time Machine (I Found at a Yardsale)" or as it should be known, "The Time Machine: The Anti-Movie".

Scenes are framed incorrectly with most of the background taking up the shot. There are rules and ways of framing involving thirds. This movie thinks that if something is centered on the screen, then it must be okay.

Use of static shots. Movies are a visual art form. People are supposed to move naturally. But not in this movie. No, they stand completely still for minutes at a time and spout tired dialogue in front of green screens. One shot of the hero takes two minutes while he drinks a glass of orange juice. Not a moment is wasted from him getting the glass all the way to him drinking the juice and putting the glass in the sink. And while he drinks it, he just stands there, looking blankly ahead and not moving. A truly riveting performance I must say.

But he's not the only bad actor, no the movie is full of them. From the bland lead who speaks every line in a bored monotone to the bland female lead who speaks every line in a bored monotone. Watch as they speak to each other in front of a green screen. Marvel at how they don't show any emotion or facial expressions as they do. Cower in fear as you feel your sanity slowly leave you.

The special effects are pathetic and this is possibly where the majority of the budget went. Anything they couldn't show was done in post as the leads stand in front of a green screen. Even a lot of the outdoor shots were done this way, possibly because they had terrible sound and lack of a boom mike.

But the worst part of this is that they have a time machine yet act as if they're still affected by time and it's linear effects. If you had a time machine you could literally take as much time as you wanted to do whatever you wanted then travel directly to whatever point in time you wanted. Let's say you need to be at your sister's wedding but you have a concert you want to see that night. No problem. Go to the concert, then use your time machine to go back in time and attend her wedding. At no point do they say this is not possible to do.

And yet, at the most opportune time or when they couldn't figure out any other way to get around a problem, they simply use the time machine to fix the problem. Consistency. You need it.

So yes, this movie is not a good one and I don't even know if I can recommend it to lovers of bad movies. It is just a mess from start to finish. Even a movie like "Birdemic: Shock and Terror" has it's riffable bits and it's enjoyably bad. This one I don't think you can even enjoy it ironically.

You've been warned.

Poor Dana Plato. Such a hard life and ending to an otherwise potentially marketable actress. She had it all, fame, a hit TV show and a bright and bubbly personality that lit up the room when she walked in. The only thing missing was talent.

As Kimberly in Diff'rent Strokes, she was still young and let's face it, most child actors aren't very good. It takes a DiCaprio, a Gordon-Levitt or a Foster to show true greatness and become a truly exceptional actor. Dana Plato had none of this and it showed. She could have grown into the parts, gotten guest spots a plenty but she was stoned most of the time and was seen as a liability so the parts she did manage to land after Diff'rent Strokes were of the low budget and exploitive kind.

Enter Different Strokes. Dana plays Jill, a feminist and a lesbian who is helping out the chauvinistic Jack with one of his photo shoots. She comes to LA to help out and is smitten with Jack's long suffering girlfriend who is also named Jill. Well guess what happens next. A rather unbelievable situation where Jill seduces Jill and we're treated to some soft core porn. In fact, most of this movie is soft core porn with people making out, lots of bare breasts and that's about it.

This movie really is nothing more than an excuse to see the lovely Landon Hall and / or Dana Plato naked. The acting is sub-par, the dialogue deserve better treatment and the less said about the shoe horned in plot the better. This might have worked better as a play where the hammy acting and line delivery would have been a lot better received.

So don't kid yourself. The reasons to see this movie are to see the actresses naked and because of it's rather infamous leading lady.

You have been warned.

This is an odd movie. It's made for a predominantly Christian audience and I guess it doesn't disappoint it's target demographic based on the reviews. However, it's only going to reach those that already agree with the message. The rest will be turned off for numerous reasons not the least of which are the wooden acting, poor script and terrible directing.

I love bad movies which is why I originally saw this in the theatre. I get a great deal of enjoyment watching the bottom of the barrel movies from such classics as "Plan 9 From Outer Space" to more recent examples like "The Room". However, as bad as this movie is, it's not an enjoyable example even though it has all the earmarks of one, it comes off as something trying to be more clever than it actually is.

The only saving grace of this movie is Malcolm McDowell as the titular Devil. He hams it up, chews the scenery and is absolutely perfect for the role.

So know what it is you're getting yourself into before you see this. If you're a hard-core Christian you'll love the message and ignore the poor acting and directing. If you're anything other than the aforementioned group you're going to get something completely different out of this movie. And don't say I didn't warn you.