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Malum (2023)
1/10
Pointless remake
4 November 2023
I was happy when I heard a remake of last shift was being made, hopeful that a bigger budget, and being able to use the lessons learnt in the original would make for a good film. Unfortunately, that hope was misplaced.

Malum is one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time. Everything about it feels wrong. The acting is poor, the music terrible and the camera work looks like it's been done my a group of school children. Where the original had genuine moments of terror and suspense, this has neither, and its utterly predictable from start to finish. This didn't feel like a movie made with a decent budget and studio backing, was more like a piece put together by college students or a cheap made for TV movie.
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The Jester (II) (2023)
2/10
Total waste of time
12 October 2023
Warning: Spoilers
This has to be one of the worst films I've watched, regardless of the genre. It immediately felt like a terrifier ripoff, but if it was made by wish.com. The effects are awful, couldn't even be bothered hiding safety lines in the hanging scenes, the story is appalling and the acting even worse. You don't feel any connection to any of the characters, no explanation into the back story of the jester, or any of the characters really, so you're left wondering what's going on. The biggest let down though is definitely the acting. Most, if all, are relatively unknown and I can't see that changing. Delaney White plays the main character, and she's just awful, I mean truly shocking. I saw better at the local pantomime with my niece, I think she could probably do better in all honesty. I love a good low budget horror, you definitely don't need to spend millions to pull it off, but this felt like a high school media project. I'd avoid if at all possible, spend 90mins having a nap or go for walk, hell, watch the grass grow, it'll be better than this for sure.
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2/10
God this guy hates archaeologists
29 March 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I watched this after reading the premise, the search for a lost human civilisation, which is something that really peaked my interest.

However, the feeling I'm left with is the whole show is just one man's personal vendetta against archaeologists who disagree with his theories.

As the series progresses you have 'experts' brought in that agree with these theories, but most have been outcast by the general scientific community for pushing suedo science.

Everything this guy hear's and says is twisted to fit his own agenda, regardless of what hundreds of experts say. He's quick to say he's a journalist, not a scientist, but he still knows better.

If you want a factual programme, go elsewhere. If you wear a tinfoil hat then this is for you.
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1/10
Should've stayed dead
28 March 2023
I've been a fan of the puppet master franchise since I was a kid, and they've always been low budget and a little campy, which is half the charm.

Unfortunately this iteration takes this to the extreme and totally ruins what could've been a fun film to watch.

From the outset the camera work is shocking, jutters when panning across scene and hardly ever square on, leaving you struggling to focus. The music is pretty much constant in every scene which is really off putting, especially when it's just dialogue and no action.

The acting is absolutely terrible, I've seen better at the local amateur dramatic society and school performances, it's as if the just don't care.

The special effects are just as bad, nothing looking the slightest bit real and difficult to watch because of the quality.

This is one of the few films I wish I'd never have watched. Don't waste your time with this one, I'd burn all copies and erase it from existence.
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1/10
Absolutely awful
21 March 2023
This is the tenth iteration of children of the corn since the original, and God this is by far the worst. The acting is appalling, the special effects anything but and the score just as bad.

The whole thing feels like a kids lazy attempt at movie making over the summer holidays.

The story makes no sense whatsoever, the writing is shambolic and the acting is laughable.

Several scenes have actors looking for the camera, and those that find it look dazed and confused, which is apt for the movie.

I'd advise everyone to stay well away from this pile of garbage, and I beg the production companies of the world to please, please stop giving Kurt Wimmer money to make these abominations.
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