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South Park: The End of Obesity (2024)
More souless garbage
The perfect way to describe modern day South Park and this special.
The A plot is that Cartman is fat but he suddenly wants to lose weight so no one can have a comeback when he insults them so he wants the weight loss drug Ozempic but his insurance won't cover it so Kyle, Butters, Stan, and Kenny try to make the drug themselves.
The B plot is another utterly moronic Randy plot. I will say this until blue in the face, stop making Randy a main character. His charm wore off many seasons ago and now he's one of the worst characters in modern day South Park; super overused and super unfunny. But anyway, Randy gets "hooked" on Ozempic with some moms in South Park and that eventually spirals out of control into them robbing pharmacies and other places to get the drug once it's harder to get.
Neither of these plots are funny or interesting. It feels like another case of Matt and Trey just randomly picking a current topic out of a hat, putting minimum effort into writing an almost hour long "special" about it, having Cartman and Randy be the de facto main characters, and hoping that the plots alone are funny enough to compensate for the sheer lack of jokes. The comedy in this special was nonexistent and the only somewhat funny idea that was in it was a bunch of sugary cereal and snack mascots being their own little mafia hunting down the boys for making weight loss drugs. But they were so under used compared to the moms that they just felt like an afterthought to try to add more bodies to the chase scene. They should have just made the mascots the main villains like they did in season 15 episode 8 with Cartman Burger and Stan being the targets of fast food mascots but I guess I shouldn't expect Matt and Trey to remember their previous (and much better) work.
The only other jokes you can sniff out from this special are the Ozempic alternative called "Lizzo" which is just body positivity that can result in you excrementing from your ears. Also something about how Ozempic is willpower for fat people or something. Also also, it's a pain and impossible to navigate the American healthcare system. Again, not that funny and really suffers from a lack of variety in the jokes.
And like I said, Cartman is the main character of the A plot and while the rest of the boys, plus Butters, are actually involved in this plot, only Kyle has any real importance, as he's the one who's pushing to make Cartman the drug. About 17 minutes into the special Stan and Kenny appear just to be recruited into helping but outside of that Stan has a few lines but doesn't do much and I think Kenny has less than 5 lines. If this isn't a clear sign that Matt and Trey no longer care about writing about the 4 boys outside of Cartman and maybe Kyle, then I don't know what could be clearer.
All of this is just so tired and already old. This simply isn't South Park anymore. No longer is it the series that created such gems like Red Hot Catholic Love, With Apologies to Jesse Jackson, Medicinal Fried Chicken, 200, 201, Make Love, Not Warcraft, Good Times with Weapons, and so on. This is now just a moving corpse, one that acts as if nothing is wrong and that everything is still as it was but if you watch one of those episodes I listed and then watch a modern day episode or special, the difference in quality is night and day. In the older episodes the writing was usually much tighter and had some great jokes. Also, the boys and other kids were often the main characters instead of Randy and maybe a few other adults being the main characters 9 out of 10 times. Remember when the show wasn't afraid to focus on other kids like Timmy, Jimmy, Wendy, Token, Cylde, and Scott Malkinson while still (usually) mixing in the 4 boys? Matt and Trey sure don't. One of the biggest and most glaring issues of modern day South is that there is no variety. It's now almost always Cartman and Randy being the main characters going through a randomly selected current topic, even if that topic isn't the biggest one out there anymore. It honestly feels like Matt and Trey are now a few months behind on trends and topics but still write as if, for example, Ozempic usage, is the biggest thing right now instead of a variety of more recent and prevalent topics.
This show has fallen so far...
American Graffiti (1973)
An aimless waste of time
I'll preface this by saying I did not live in the 60s, 70s, or anywhere near them. Therefore, I am not nostalgic for those times. Perhaps if I were, I would have enjoyed this movie but I did not. This movie is an extremely simple story of a group of high school graduates having a "fun" night out on the town before going their separate ways.
Notice how I put fun in quotations? That's because this movie is far from fun and is instead extremely aimless as the plot suggests. The group is barely together throughout the night, only occasionally running into each other until they finally all meet up at the end. We follow a couple going through a fight, the town big shot who is looking for a beautiful girl he briefly saw but ends up getting in some trouble with a gang, the nerd trying to impress a girl by lying through his teeth, and the greaser jerk/bully having to drive around what seems like 12/13 year old girl while also being on the lookout for a guy wanting to challenge him to a race. Absolutely none of these plot threads lead to anything exciting. The couple gets over their fight, the big shot destroys a cop car so the gang lets him go but he never meets the girl, the nerd is revealed to be a liar but the girl still had fun so she'll hang out with him again, and the greaser drops the girl at her home and beats the guy at the race. Then at the end we are told what became of them. The greaser was killed by a drunk driver, the nerd is missing in action, the guy from the couple is selling insurance, and the big shot is a writer in Canada. Now these futures would make you feel something... if the characters had any emotional value to them to make you want to care about how they end up but they simply do not.
And to call this movie a comedy is just silly. There were no jokes told, just a few gags that might make you smile but that's it. It feels like they just wanted to slap a comedy tag on it to draw people in. The acting was fine for what it is but it would have been a lot better if there was an actual plot to this thing. Also, I get this is set in the 60s but the amount of sexual themes, especially directed at what are 17/18 year olds feels really creepy. Especially with stuff like the 12/13 threatening the greaser that she'll tell the cops that he touched her, the same girl getting hit on by what appears to be 17/18 year old boys, Harrison Ford's character (the guy looking to race the greaser) hitting on the girl from the couple despite him looking to be in his 30s, and a male teacher calling students "sexy".
There's really not much else to say about this movie. It's just a nothing burger. Unless you love the 60s and 70s, and watching one giant ode to that time period that has nothing else to say, this movie is insanely forgettable and will likely not leave you with a good time. I really feel like I wasted 2 hours watching this. The only thing I can compliment is that it really does feel like you're transported to the 60s, but that's coming from someone who isn't an expert on the period. Ultimately I just don't understand how this can be considered a classic.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch (2021)
Wasted potential: the series
This series could have been The Clone Wars (later seasons) level of quality if it had been properly written and thought out. But it wasn't, and is instead yet another Dave Filoni project that doesn't meet the standard it could and should have met.
I think the main problem that caused this, at least in terms of the qualities of the show, is Omega. She is essentially the main character while the rest of the Bad Batch has three options: be completely reliant on her for them to have any character (Hunter, Wrecker), be stuck as a side character that has next to no character despite being apart of the Batch (Echo, Tech), or be interesting yet never properly explored (Crosshair). Without Omega, we would have been able to get an exploration into the relationship between the actual Bad Batch members such as how Echo is still trying to adjust to the Batch's strategies (never shown) or how Crosshair leaving them for the empire impacted the rest of them (never explored apart from the basic "we miss him but he's our enemy now"). Omega also brings about a childishness to this show that it absolutely should not have, and thus the show is constantly switching between dark subjects such as the empire killing civilians and then back to Saturday morning cartoon antics such as Omega being completely oblivious and thus putting the Batch in danger by doing what she thinks she should do (almost like they're her babysitters). It feels similar to The Clone Wars with Ahsoka, but the difference is that Ahsoka actually matured from an annoying child into a thoughtful and mature teenager and the show matured with her. Omega and her respective show barely mature at all and are instead stuck in this endless twilight zone of flipping between mature and immature. Another issue Omega brings to the show is her constantly getting captured. It gets to a point where you don't even care, since you know she'll be fine and be saved until the cycle repeats. And this awful trend is present throughout the show, even in the finale, which just makes it feel cheap and boring since we've already seen her escape imperial captivity before and be fine.
And that feeds into the sheer insanity that is this show's writing and pacing. I swear Filoni demanded that at least 60% of this show be complete filler. There are countless instances of the show releasing an interesting episode (or at least moving the plot along) or two and immediately going to some boring side mission that you could not watch and miss absolutely nothing. Even the final season had this issue with episodes such as episode 2 "Paths Unknown" and episode 8 "Bad Territory". And like I said, these filler episodes give absolutely nothing of interest. "Paths Unknown" just has Hunter and Wrecker find some clone cadets while exploring an abandoned imperial lab and the clone cadets don't do anything outside of this episode; they go with Hunter and Wrecker and then just chill on Pabu for the rest of the season. "Bad Territory" is even worse, as Hunter and Wrecker help Fennec with a bounty so they can get intel she has about why the empire is looking for people with high M count, just for her to reveal at the end of the episode she doesn't even have the intel but will now get it for them since they helped her. So basically, these "elite" soldiers are too stupid to even confirm if she has the intel before they decide to help her.
There's also other issues, such as the Bad Batch just not being interesting. Like I said, almost all of them, barring Crosshair, are just stereotypes and not actual characters. Hunter is just "Omega's dad", Wrecker is "stupid, strong, Omega's "cool" uncle", Tech is just "smart" (I'm not kidding), and Echo is just "bland". At least Echo leaves the Batch to help Rex find and free imprisoned clones and finally has something to do other than be a background character.
But oddly enough, this show can occasionally release a really good episode. However, funny enough, almost all (if not all) of those episodes don't focus on the Batch. They are all about Crosshair working for the empire and experiencing other clones such as Howzer and Cody defecting or being disposable to the empire such as Mayday or Rex and Echo working to free clones. I think this is a pretty glaring sign that the writing team just couldn't think of anything for the Bad Batch outside of Omega and thus when she's not in an episode (which would be impossible if the Batch were in it), they can be free to write the way they want to instead of having to dumb down everything. But again, this is just a testament to the show's utter inconsistency.
The show also butchers canon, as it has Ventress come to Pabu to test Omega for M count despite her dying in the novel "Dark Disciple" (which is still considered canon according to Lucasfilm), the events of which take place during The Clone Wars era (aka way before the imperial era where the Bad Batch is set in). And Ventress wasn't even needed in this show since she does absolutely nothing except have Omega do a few things, then lies to her and say she's not high in M count, and then just leaves to never be seen again. It feels like Filoni wanted to replicate bringing back Maul and hoping to get the same response but the difference is that Lucas and other writers had a story to tell with Maul. Filoni had no story to tell with Ventress and thus she feels like a cheap insert just to make the seals clap. This show also features a female scientist named Emerie, who is somehow a clone. How she is a clone is never explained; we get absolutely nothing about how and why she was created as a female when every single other clone (apart from Omega) that came from the Jango Fett template is male or even how and why the Kaminoans didn't care that she was "defective" and kept her anyway. Then there's the issue of this show constantly trying to make Palpatine being alive in The Rise of Skywalker make sense by having his cloning experiments being conducted during this show, and hence why the empire wanted Omega. They really need to stop this, Palpatine being alive after being blown up with the Death Star is stupid and completely invalidates all that came before it, and it always will. No matter how many times you try to show the empire making clones, it will just feel like a lame attempt to try to explain an almost universally hated creative decision in an almost universally hated film.
Ultimately, this show could have been really interesting by being about a clone squad having to try working for the empire but then defecting and then being on the run all while still trying to fight the empire and free their brothers but instead we get the Omega show which is just grating 90% of the time. Heck, the show could have functioned better if Rex and Echo were the main characters while the Bad Batch acted as side characters (without Omega ever existing). What a shame...
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: The Cavalry Has Arrived (2024)
Stuck on repeat till the end
So the bad batch is finally over. And how did the finale go? Pretty uninteresting in my opinion.
Omega and the kids execute their plan to escape their lab by rewiring the medical droid to knock out the only scientist staffer who is watching over the children which is just silly since we have seen countless scenes of the whole observation area above the vault crawling with scientists before. Omega releases the Zillo Beast for it to rampage and act as a giant distraction. Echo dressed as a TK trooper and Emerie go to the vault and by the time they get there, Omega and the children are already gone so they now have to track them down. They eventually do and they have Emerie take the children to Pabu while Echo and Omega go free the clones and look for Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair, who were captured by Hemlock's clone assassins. They break out all of the prisoners, including Nala Se and Rampart, and all the clones agree to help Echo and Omega. Nala Se goes to the lab to destroy the data and Rampart follows her and forces her to tell him about project necromancer. He thinks he can use the information to bargain with the empire but she had a thermal detonator that she activated before he shot her so they both die and destroy all research along with them. Echo and Omega eventually find the rest of the bad and save them but only after Hemlock takes Omega with him and Wrecker gets hurt even more (how he didn't die in this finale is insane). Hunter and Crosshair go after Hemlock and of course shoot and kill him while he has Omega hostage because she was able to distract Hemlock by stabbing him in the thigh with the medical tool she used to create an opening in the vault wall. They then escape the planet with the rest of the clones seconds before Tarkin and his star destroyers arrive (he came because he got reports that the Tantiss lab was under attack and they had lost control of the Zillo Beast).
Tarkin recognizes Hemlock's failures, shuts down the use of the Tantiss base and diverts all funding to "Project Stardust". We then see that everyone is on Pabu, with Echo and Emerie going to Rex and eventually Senator Chuchi in order to help find places for the clones and also tell the senator of what Emerie saw while working in the Tantiss lab. We see that Crosshair got his hand chopped off and that Wrecker is still injured so this must have been right after they escaped Tantiss. The show then fades to black and then shows Omega all grown up getting ready to leave to be a pilot for the rebellion and an old Hunter yet again not wanting Omega to go because it's too dangerous but of course she tells him she's not a little kid anymore and she wants to do more so he just says that she's still a little kid to him and he lets her be on her way.
So here are my critiques: first and foremost, this does not feel like a finale besides Hemlock dying and the Tantiss base being destroyed. I think this probably stems from the fact that the show has had way too many instances of the Bad Batch having to rescue Omega from the empire after she's recaptured during the show's lifespan. It just isn't that interesting when you've already played out almost the exact same thing multiple times. This wouldn't have been an issue if Omega had either been trapped on Tantiss for this whole season or just wasn't captured as frequently. My next critique is Emerie. Apparently she decided to help Omega and Echo because she was wrong about the Tantiss lab. Like I said in my review of the previous episode, was she brainwashed or did she just not question experimenting on clones up until now? It's never explained but I guess she just had a random change of heart when interacting with Omega. Also, we still have no explanation as to why and how she's a clone yet female. Next up, this was a fast 48 minute finale; it feels like the show really didn't want you to be able to take a breath while watching the episode (maybe to trick people into thinking that a lot happened despite being 95% action and 5% wrapping up loose plot threads). Then there's the issue of the empire. Omega tells us that now that Hemlock is dead and his data is destroyed, no one will be coming after her or force sensitive kids anymore. Really? Is no one in the empire responsible for figuring out who destroyed the Tantiss base or did Tarkin just chalk it up to the Zillo Beast? And then there's the future stuff. First of all, Omega looks about 19-20 in the future, assuming that she was 8-9 during the rest of the show and has no accelerated aging. If that's true, then wtf were they doing on Pabu for 10-11 years??? Just hanging out and leeching off of the locals again? And I find it hilarious that they don't even show us future Wrecker, Echo, and Crosshair because I guess the show deems them unimportant compared to Omega and Hunter *sigh*.
Ultimately, an uninteresting finale that is honestly just confusing in the end. I guess it fits with the series: a bunch of ups and downs, yet somehow always managing to flatline at the worst possible times. It probably doesn't help that Hunter and Wrecker have no character outside of Omega, Omega is annoying, Echo is stuck in side character mode despite him being apart of the batch, and Crosshair is actually interesting but is never explored enough (his shaky hand was never properly addressed, it just got chopped off in the end). I will not miss this series. If you want to watch a series that actually develops clones properly, watch The Clone Wars.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Flash Strike (2024)
Limping to the finish line
This episode is fine; it's just fine. Nothing more, nothing less. There's no real progression here. The bad batch make it to Tantiss, get shot down, so Hunter, Wrecker, Crosshair, and Rampart all have to go through the jungle to make it to the base while Echo sneaks onto the base from the science ship by wearing TK troopers armor. It was stated at the beginning of the episode that the Tantiss base had been informed that the bad batch and Rampart infiltrated that space station to follow the science ship to Tantiss so I guess they were spotted and reported, just not while they were actively in the base during the last episode.
We also see that Omega is exploring that opening in the vault wall to see if she and the other kids can escape. Which is fine except for the fact that she very clearly goes deep into the interior walls yet when the other scientist lady comes to check her vitals she magically teleports back despite it being almost impossible that she'd make it back in time. At the end of the episode, Echo is in the lab and Emerie recognizes him and they say to each other that Omega told them a lot about each other. Echo says they're there to free all the clones as well as Omega and that he can't understand why Emerie would be a part of this since she's a clone too. Yet again that comes up. How exactly was Emerie created from the Jango Fett template? She clearly had accelerated aging since she's not a child like Omega so what? Was she a defective clone or somehow mutated to be female and the Kaminoans just kept her? Will her existence ever be explained? Of course not. Emerie is taken aback when Echo says that she's been experimenting on the clones and she just weakly says that she was just doing her job. So was she brainwashed or what? Surely she knew this whole time she was experimenting on fellow clones and that's pretty messed up, right? Anyway, she tells Echo that Omega is being held in the vault with the other children but he won't get anywhere near it without her help so he'll have to trust her. And Echo is confused by her saying the other children. And then the episode just ends with Omega saying she found something big (she saw the Zillobeast being experimented on while moving through the interior walls) and that she has a plan to escape.
My issue with this episode is that it genuinely felt like it went nowhere. Omega just has some vague plan of escape, Echo is going to go with Emerie to try to free Omega and the other kids, and Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair are still stuck in the jungle. Rampart ran away from some monster he sat against and got captured by TK troopers so I guess he won't be in the finale. And speaking of the finale, what is it even going to be? Just the bad batch rescuing Omega, somehow freeing the imprisoned clones (maybe Rex shows up to help get them off world), and they take Emerie with them? Even if they kill Hemlock, wouldn't the empire still go after them and try to recover Omega? Something tells me the finale is going to be super underwhelming and completely unsatisfying.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Into the Breach (2024)
This works... SOMEHOW
Yep, another side mission in order to finally find Tantiss because Rampart only knew of a way to find the coordinates, not the actual coordinates. So their plan is to sneak aboard a station in order to find a ship that is leaving for Tantiss and then attach their stolen shuttle to the ship after Echo sneaks aboard and disables the proximate sensors. My major issue with this episode is that ALL of their plan works. Having Rampart pretend that he was demoted to captain is hilarious, especially since he bosses around a lieutenant officer after he questions the bad batch on what division they're apart of due to their armor not being up to code and why they're there, and also two troopers guarding the room they need to get into. Do the low level imperials just not know who Rampart is or the fact that he was stripped of rank and sent to an imperial labor camp? I mean he was a vice admiral after all. How does his story not spread amongst the ranks? And even if they didn't recognize Rampart, shouldn't they report to their ACTUAL commanding officers that a captain that the lieutenant and troopers have never seen before has randomly shown up with three clones and told them off or told them to go to the barracks to receive further instruction despite them just starting their guard duty? Also, the bad batch all "remove" the markings on their armor to look imperial but the only one who actually looks imperial is Crosshair. Echo's looks passable minus the red and Wrecker's doesn't even look scrubbed of markings but I guess that's ok since he stays with the ship. But Hunter? He just removed the markings on his helmet and torso, he very clearly still has teal paint and none of his body armor even matches his helmet except his torso. How was he not immediately spotted and questioned by even just random troopers walking by??
So yeah, they just sneak by everyone and knock out those they couldn't get past easily. Of course they're successful in attaching their shuttle to the ship so they're now heading for Tantiss. The other part of this episode is Omega hatching a plan to escape and bring the other kids with her. We see some other scientist lady annoyed that Emerie keeps Omega with the other kids but I have no idea why. Isn't Omega also a specimen now? Omega also manages to steal some medical tool so she can open the wall to where the kids' blood samples go to get sent to another part of the base in order to use that as their method of escape. As she's breaking open the wall, the scientist lady sees that something is going on so she goes down to the vault to check it out but some how Omega put everything back by the time she gets there.
So yep, it seems like the finale will be the bad batch breaking Omega and the other imprisoned clones out of Tantiss and maybe killing Hemlock and blowing up Tantiss. Maybe they'll send the coordinates to Rex so he can join them but I kinda doubt it. Either way, I can't wait for this series to finally end. I have thoughts on why the finale will probably super unsatisfying but I'll leave that for the future reviews.
The only positives about this episode is seeing Echo in action again and I like the banter between Rampart and the bad batch. That's about it.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Juggernaut (2024)
Sudden way to find Tantiss is sudden!
Seriously? I called it in my last review but of course the bad batch just suddenly figures out a way to find where Tantiss is after countless episodes of them lamenting that they can't find it and have no idea on how to find its location. And how can they find where it is you may ask? Why Admiral Rampart of course. Crosshair remembered that he sent Nala Se there when Crosshair was still working for the empire so they decide to find him and get the information. I could have sworn Rampart was killed but whatever. So yes, Crosshair technically knew of a way to find Tantiss this whole time but just never said anything because he "never wanted to go back there". This writing team is beyond stupid. He never told the others of a way to find the top secret and completely hidden away imperial lab that had held Omega, him, and other clones for so long because he didn't want to have to go back to the lab? They seriously couldn't come up with a slightly better excuse than that??? It's almost like he could have said something as soon as he reunited with Hunter and Wrecker and saved us a few episodes of everyone trying to figure out where it could be. But no, let's drag out this show and "plot" for as long as possible by writing the characters to be uncharacteristically stupid and thus completely halting everything so the show can dive into more filler side missions that act like they matter to the overarching plot *sigh*.
Anyway, the rest of the episode is just the bad batch breaking Rampart out of imperial imprisonment. It's all action apart from Omega being brought back to the lab and into the vault with the rest of the high M count children, which is shown very briefly. And of course, Rampart says at the end of the episode that he doesn't have the exact coordinates of Tantiss but he may know a work around. That's basically the show's way of saying that it's going to waste another episode for the bad batch having to do some one episode mission in order to get the location of Tantiss before the finale is set in motion. And honestly, what finale is even there to be excited about? The bad batch breaking Omega out AGAIN? Rex and Echo joining them to free the clones imprisoned on Tantiss? Hemlock is killed? Emerie helps Omega/escapes with her? Who knows, but all of it feels so poorly and loosely written. Everything feels so disjointed and honestly Omega, the bad batch (Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair), Rex and Echo, Hemlock, and Emerie all feel like they're from entirely different shows. This show wants to be dark and mature with the empire experimenting on children but then wants to be the equivalent of a character in a TV-G rated show having the answer to a question but never giving the answer because "no one ever asked" if they knew the answer. It's extremely annoying that the show can't make up its mind on what it wants to be and I assume this will continue until the show's last 3 episodes are done.
The ONE positive thing I can say about this show is that the animation is simply beautiful. Glad at least some of the show's staff actually puts effort in.
0/10 episode but +1 for the stunning animation.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Point of No Return (2024)
Right back to where we started...
I seriously cannot believe this. They actually did it. They wrote how many episodes of Omega wanting to escape, escaping, and then trying to figure out why the empire kept her at Tantiss just for her to go back by the end of the episode. This has to be some sort of late April fool's joke.
So basically, the clone assassin tracks down Phi and scans her ship's flight logs so he sees that she frequents Pabu. He goes there and sees Omega so he contacts Scorch so they can send reinforcements. The assassin blows up the bad batch's ship and Wrecker is caught up in it so he's unconscious for the whole episode. The reinforcements then start destroying all ships and boats in order to stop them from escaping so Hunter, Crosshair, and Omega plan to steal an imperial ship but of course that goes wrong so Omega decides to give herself up to the empire and of course Crosshair tells her no but she convinces him to let her do it anyway. And what is her plan? Have Crosshair shoot a tracking device on the ship that takes her so they can find Tantiss. That's right, Omega gives herself up just to find Tantiss so they can free the clones there. But wait, because Crosshair has to fight off some TK troopers before he can shoot the tracker so he ends up not making the shot. So basically, Omega is taken (again), the bad batch are stuck on Pabu until Echo can come pick them up, and they have absolutely no way of finding Omega again. But of course, I'm sure they'll just magically find a way to find Tantiss location in an episode or two.
This show is just mind numbing. It quite literally just reset the story back to the beginning of the season. Also, you gotta love how utterly stupid and inept the bad batch is. I don't believe for a second that these guys are supposed to be an elite task force of clones that successfully conducted and completed countless missions for the republic. With the way they are portrayed in this show, they could get curb stomped by some of the better 501st troopers. Ventress literally told them they're not as safe on Pabu as they think, and what? They just ignored that and took them at least 2 days (assuming that each episode represents a day from episode 9 to 11) to load up their ship to get ready to leave? Well at least now the first Pabu episode is complete filler, since when it first dropped everyone was saying it wasn't filler because it was a foreshadow to the bad batch retiring there. Guess not since they've been leeching off of the island for however long and now are the direct cause of the empire destroying their ships, boats, searching homes, and holding residences at blaster point.
The show only has four episodes left (thank God) so I assume that the next two are trying to find Tantiss and then the last two will be the bad batch, along with Rex and Echo, going there and freeing the clones and maybe killing Hemlock and blowing up the facility. Just get it over with and let the show die in its own agony.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Identity Crisis (2024)
Identity Crisis? Yeah the show is definitely having one
This episode can be summed up as Cad Bane is still abducting force sensitive children for Palpatine, Emerie has a conscious and doesn't like experimenting on children, and the clone assassin is still hunting down Omega.
This episode was just a bore to watch outside of seeing Cad Bane again. At least he steals any scene he's in. There's really not much to even say about the episode. This show is just OBSESSED with project necromancer so it can try to loosely explain "somehow Palpatine returned" in The Rise of Skywalker, aka a famously horrible line that is almost universally mocked. It would have been way better if star wars pretended like that never happened and in this show Palpatine is having children abducted to further expand the ranks of the Inquisitorius. Now that could have been cool. But no, we get this show desperately trying to make it seem like the sequel movies make sense and connect to the rest of star wars. I don't even know what the show is trying to tell story-wise anymore. Is this a show about the bad batch trying to live in a post republic galaxy where they are no longer soldiers but the empire is hunting them down because of Omega? Is this a show about how important Omega is to everything? Is this a show that's about what Rex and Echo are trying to do in terms of freeing clones? Or is it just one giant attempt at making Palpatine being alive again make sense? Even the show cannot decide. Toward the end of the episode we find out that the clone assassin found Cid and made her tell him where to find the bad batch so she told him about Phi, who he's now tracking down. My question is, if Hemlock is so concerned about getting Omega back, how about maybe sending more than one clone assassin to hunt her down? I know Hemlock says the other clone assassins aren't ready to join the one yet but can't he send a few squads of clone commandos to hunt Omega down too? Also we see that Tarkin isn't happy that Hemlock is eating up so much of the empire's funds but Hemlock just tells him that the project being conducted is classified and extremely important to the emperor. Then Tarkin just tells him that if his project does not yield results it won't end well for the Tantiss facility or Hemlock. Which makes you wonder, if we accept that Palpatine can and does come back from the dead, but way after Hemlock (has likely) died, did he use the clone bodies Hemlock made or did Palps just use the research to make his own? I bet that will never be explained.
1/10 episode but +1 for Cad Bane.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: The Harbinger (2024)
Retcon and filler
Oh boy, this one is just rough. Ventress is here. She's just here. Some people may not understand why that is bad but others know that she died in the novel "Dark Disciple", which took place during the clone wars, aka way before the setting of the bad batch. And do we get any sort of explanation as to how she's alive? Expect one cheap and lazy line about how she has lives left to live, nope. I do not care that she is a nightsister and they have the ability to resurrect the dead. It's ok to let characters die and stay dead guys, we don't have to retcon the death of any and every single fan favorite character, especially if you don't have a story to tell with them. Filoni could have at least shown her being revived by nightsister magic but that would also not make any sense since Vos and Kenobi buried her in the novel. I think Filoni just wants to try to copy the popularity of Darth Maul being brought back but the difference is Maul wasn't confirmed to be killed in TPM, just assumed to be. In Dark Disciple, Ventress definitely died.
Ventress shows up on Pabu to test Omega for M count by having her go through some tests to see if she's force sensitive. During these tests the bad batch realize who she is, think she's still their enemy, and try to fight her but get their butts kicked. Ventress tries to explain to them that she's not their enemy anymore but they won't listen. Omega comes back while they're fighting and of course she thinks Ventress has changed and she somehow makes the bad batch promise to let her do the tests with Ventress. Gotta love how Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair are basically her pets at this point, having to obey her every wish no matter how idiotic. And during the last test, Ventress accidentally summons a giant squid turtle monster with the force while she and Omega are out on the water, because of course the writing team wants to manufacture tension so we get ANOTHER monster of the week. At the end of the episode, Ventress tells Omega she's not high in M count but after Omega goes off with Wrecker, Crosshair says that she's lying. Apparently Omega DOES have the potential (for the force I guess?) and that would mean that she would have to be taken away from the bad batch to be trained but Ventress posses this as a hypothetical so who even knows.
All and all, yet another episode where nothing happens. There is no story for the bad batch apart from "OmG wE gOt To FiGuRe OuT wHy ThE eMpIrE wAnTs OmEga", which has absolutely no urgency since why does it even matter? I thought Hemlock wanted her found as soon as possible but it doesn't even feel like they're hunting the bad batch down for her. Ventress even tells them that they're not as safe on Pabu as they think so where tf is Hemlock and his troopers? Are they just sitting around waiting for some intel to come in about where Omega could be? And on the topic of that, if Omega does have force potential, why? Simply why? She's an unaltered clone from the Jango Fett genotype so does that imply that Jango, and following that logic, Boba too, are force sensitive? Or is Omega just special because of course she is? But hey, at least Ventress quips that "your blood doesn't make you a jedi. You'd have to be trained for that" so get bent Rey and sequel fans.
This show is a mess and needs to be put to sleep, permanently.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Bad Territory (2024)
We now return you to your regularly scheduled filler
*Sigh* we can't have nice things, can we? The two previous episodes actually gave us something to be interested in and progressed the plot but now we go right back to filler that you can completely skip without missing anything. It genuinely feels like the writing team demanded that 3/4ths of every season should be filler.
This episode can be summed up as the bad batch wanting to know why Hemlock is after Omega so they ask Phi (that obnoxious pirate from season 2) to get them information who then directs them to Fennec because she was after Omega for Nala Se way back when so Hunter and Wrecker go find Fennec and ask her for information on the empire hiring bounty hunters to go after targets with high M counts but of course they are broke so Fennec has them help her with a bounty she's been having issues with. Joy abound. They capture the bounty near the end of the episode and Fennec reveals that she doesn't even have the intel they wanted but now that they helped her, she'll get it for them and they'll have to just trust her. Are you actually serious? They couldn't have been bothered to verify that she had the intel BEFORE they helped her? The only other thing that happens in this episode is Crosshair getting his hand checked out by AZ and he tells him that it's not physical but could be mental so he asks Crosshair to explain what experiments the empire did on him but Crosshair refuses. Then at the end Omega gets Crosshair to meditate like a jedi to try to heal himself. You may be wondering where she learned about that and I was too until she said Gungi (the wookie youngling) taught her it, which to that I call bs. There is no way she was taught anything about meditation, and if she did, she would know it's not something that "heals" you, especially if you're not force sensitive (unless this show is trying to say that she and Crosshair can now use the force).
After the last two episodes focusing on Rex, Echo, and their crew, and comparing it to this episode, it's clear that the writing team has genuinely no interest and puts no effort into trying to write well for the bad batch. The episodes that focus on them are so insanely dull and devoid of creativity. This show should have just focused on Rex and Echo with the bad batch as supporting characters (and Omega never even existing).
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Extraction (2024)
Slightly less intreresting than last episode
This episode is basically a continuation of the previous episode, but a bit more action packed and less interesting in terms of story.
Most of the episode is Rex, Howzer, Nemec, and the bad batch escaping the base while the empire (both Wolfe and his men and the clone assassin) are chasing after them. Throughout the episode it's clear that the clone assassin is willing to do whatever it takes to capture Omega while Wolfe is annoyed that the assassin keeps using methods that could hurt or kill her, such as shooting down the small ship they tried to escape on. While everyone is trying to escape to meet Echo at a rendezvous point (Echo was flying the bad batch's ship to pickup Gregor), Howzer asks why Crosshair had a change of heart and Crosshair explains that loyalty meant everything to him but the empire didn't feel the same way and that he realized how disposable he was to them, which seems like it made Howzer more understanding of him, as he felt similarly. Crosshair ends up going toe to toe with the clone assassin and honestly gets beat pretty bad while the assassin quips about how Crosshair could have been one of them, The assassin even almost drowns Crosshair before Howzer saves him, showing the Howzer now trusts him. The ending is where it gets a bit sloppy, as Rex and everyone else are on a cliff and get surrounded by Wolfe and his men. A sort of reunion occurs and Wolfe says that he thought Rex was dead, KIA on the attack cruiser. Rex tells Wolfe that he lost a lot of good men that day, and today. Wolfe doesn't understand why Rex is there and fighting against them. Rex clarifies that he's not fight against Wolfe, he's fighting against the empire and explains that the empire has been experimenting on clones and imprisoning and killing others. Wolfe doesn't believe that until Rex tells him that Omega has seen it and Omega confirms it to be true and that's what is happening on Tantiss. Rex tries to offer Wolfe to help them and stand with them but Wolfe tells him that he is a soldier of the empire. Rex tells him that he's hunting after a child and that isn't him and he needs to start questioning orders despite his training, which is confusing. As a die hard Clone Wars fan, I don't exactly remember Wolfe being a clone that follows every order to a T and doesn't question them for a moment. And his chip clearly isn't active, since he just lets them go without saying anything and for some reason the rest of his troopers don't do anything either. Even if he told them all to stand down, why would none of them still try to capture Rex and the others because they're loyal to the empire? I legitimately thought this is where Wolfe would join Rex since he is found with him and Gregor in Rebels but I guess we have to wait for that, kind of like a Cody situation where he's loyal but eventually realizes what he's been doing and deserts the empire.
This episode was ok but it's was mostly just action and then an awkward ending. Also rip Nemec since he died in this episode.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Infiltration (2024)
Finally something interesting
This episode actually managed to be interesting and engaging, probably because the bad (lame) batch are put on the back burner. This episode focuses on Rex and his group of rebel clones after they capture a clone assassin sent to kill senator Singh (the guy the bad batch rescued earlier in the show) while he had been meeting with senator Chuchi about trying to unite planets to oppose Palpatine's rule. Rex and his group can't get anything out of the clone assassin but find that he has a target list of both the senator and Omega so they call in the bad batch to inform them that the empire is hunting after Omega again (shouldn't they already know that?). When they show up, Howzer is really upset that Crosshair is there, which is understandable since Crosshair got most of Howzer's men killed and him locked up. Eventually another clone assassin is sent to find the first one and finds Rex's base but also spots Omega so he calls in for backup. The rest of the episode is essentially just Rex, Howzer, Nemec, and the bad batch trying to escape from the assassin hunting them down. It's also revealed that the clone assassins going through "conditioning" and have their identifications wiped. Howzer thinks that Crosshair is holding back information and it turns out he was right, as Crosshair reveals that the empire tried to make him an assassin but he was too "defective". The end of the episode shows imperials shuttles flying toward the planet and it's shown that Wolfe is leading the mission, so it'll be interesting to see what happens next.
Overall, we finally get a decent episode. It wasn't anything amazing but compared to the last 5 episodes, at least SOMETHING is happening. We're getting an expansion on just what Rex and his group are doing, with him even telling Omega that she will probably be vital in finding Tantiss (eyeroll) which means that freeing the clones from Tantiss will likely be the bad batch's final mission, like I predicted. We also learned a little bit about growing rumors in the galaxy that Palpatine is worried about his rule being challenge so that's cool too. Hope the next episode keeps this up.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: The Return (2024)
Grumpy uncle vs Omega's dad: the filler episode
Now that Crosshair has rejoined the bad batch, of course Hunter is distrusting of him and throughout the episode they're constantly arguing with each other. Hunter has some stupid quips about how Crosshair was just "following orders" when Crosshair told them that all the local raiders were dead because he dealt with them. And of course Omega is trying to mediate them.
The plot of this episode only happens because Echo shows up. He meets up with everyone on Pabu (that island planet from that complete filler episode) and wants intel on Tantiss from Omega and Crosshair in order for them to find the facility and free all the imprisoned clones but they need an imperial terminal to access the data on Nala Se's data pad that Omega stole so Crosshair tells them about that outpost on the snow planet he was at in season 2. Hunter tells Omega and Wrecker to stay on Pabu while the rest of them go to the outpost but of course Omega says no and they simply let her come. Even Crosshair says that while she has potential, she's still just a kid and she shouldn't really be going. But that doesn't matter since the bad batch members are all required to bend the knee to Omega no matter how stupid or wrong she can be. They go to the outpost, we get some good moments of Crosshair remembering the place and even seeing the fallen clones' helmets on the ground, picking them up, and putting them on a crate, almost as if to show that he is mourning their deaths and that he believed that they were his brothers despite being regs. But then we need some action in every episode so the issue this time is that they need full power to the bunker but the outdoor sensors are drawing a lot of power so they redirect it all. This in turn allows for some giant, armored worm creature to be able to attack the bad batch but after Hunter and Crosshair have to work together to save each other and lead the worm off the perimeter, they turn back on the sensors and all is well. Now that I'm typing this, it's come to me that this is almost exactly like episode 2, where Hunter and Wrecker have to go to an old imperial facility to connect to a terminal for intel and along the way they have to fight off a giant monster. Props to the writing team for making another lame monster of the week to pair along with another dull mission. Oh and by the way, Crosshair and Hunter made amends by Crosshair saying he thought he knew what he was getting into with the empire but he did bad things and made his mistakes. But my question is, did he remove his chip or not? He's clearly not influenced by the chip anymore but for anyone who remembers (I wouldn't blame you if you don't), at the end of season 1 imperial Crosshair reveals to the bad batch that he removed his chip, despite the fact that we saw the empire strengthening his chip and the show just leaves that information as a cliff hanger for him. And here now at season 3 episode 5 we still have no answer to the cliff hanger. So again, did he actually remove his chip or has it just malfunctioned now?
The only redeeming qualities of this episode were Crosshair remembering his time at the outpost and sort of honoring the dead clones and the fact that we got to see Echo. I would way rather watch Echo and Rex with their group of "rebel" clones trying to free other clones than whatever lame missions the bad batch are going on. It's obvious that the bad batch have nothing to do now other than go free the clones on Tantiss and that's likely going to be their final mission because what else do they even have to do? The empire isn't really after them except Hemlock and even then it seems like he just wants Omega. Cid's not after them either, and heck, they don't even need to do their old missions of the week to get money since now they just leech off of the people of Pabu. The bad batch are just there to help Echo and Rex and occasionally have a problem of their own. Put them out of their misery already...
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: A Different Approach (2024)
Grumpy uncle and annoying child: the filler episode
Another filler episode. Great. This time the entire episode can be summed up by Crosshair and Omega crashing on a planet, needing 30,000 credits to get shuttle tickets without chain codes, Omega swindling people in a bar by playing cards and getting the credits needed, an imperial officer that lost to Omega takes Batcher, they go to rescue her, and then meet with Hunter and Wrecker. You can essentially just watch the last few minutes of the episode and miss nothing.
Omega yet again takes center stage, showing off her naivety and overly generous nature as much as possible. Some child street vendor saw who took Batcher but won't tell them who unless they pay 10,000 credits. Crosshair lunges toward the kid and he drops it down to 5,000 and Omega just pays him. How about threatening him with the blaster? I'm sure that'll make the information free. And also, by rescuing Batcher, Crosshair and Omega are caught by the imperials and have to steal an imperial cargo ship, which can be tracked, instead of not rescuing Batcher and just taking the shuttle. This in turn allows Hemlock to know that they were there and to track the ship. Great job Omega, if you didn't go rescue an animal, you and Crosshair would have escaped without leaving a trace and couldn't be tracked. I swear Omega is written just to be annoying and make every situation worse. I can't remember a single time she has actually made things easier for herself or the bad batch. Can we please end the Omega show and actually get to a show about the bad batch?
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Shadows of Tantiss (2024)
Why are people rating this so high?
This episode has Palpatine visiting the lab to see the progress of "project necromancer" and claims that it is there is nothing of greater importance to securing the future of the empire. Seriously? More and more trying to link to the sequels is just annoying. Palpatine dies at the end of RotJ and that's it. He does not come back to life but I guess Filoni and crew have to try to make it seem like the sequels connect to the rest of Star Wars (which they don't). The rest of the episode is Omega and Crosshair finally escaping and Hemlock finding out that Omega's blood can be used for midichlorian cloning... somehow. I'm sure the show won't explain it at all. Did the kaminoans make Omega that way or is that just how she naturally is? She's from the Jango Fett template and unaltered so is that implying that Jango could have been force sensitive? This show is such a mess that loves creating questions but never answers them. But hey, at least this episode wasn't filler so at least there's that...
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Paths Unknown (2024)
More filler
This episode can be summed up as Hunter and Wrecker get intel to where Omega could be, she's not at the old and destroyed imperial lab, they met some clone cadets that survived the empire bombing the old lab, they find a console that still works to extract intel to find out where the new lab could be. That's it. That's the episode. Simply thrilling.
The entire episode is them going through the old lab with one of the three clone cadets to find the console while the other two stay behind in their cave hideout. And of course the entire time they have to deal with hostile monsters that don't actually harm anyone because injuries would be too graphic for this show! During this, the other two clone cadets want to steal Hunter and Wrecker's ship so they can escape the planet. They find the ship and break into it by rewiring the lock. And just like that, we now have a second time in this show where literal children break into the bad batch's ship and steal it. Do they seriously not have any security systems to prevent people from breaking into their ship, especially after the last time it was stolen? Are you serious? But it's ok because the other clone cadets just steal the ship so they can fly to Hunter, Wrecker, and the other cadet to save them from a vine monster. You could skip this episode and miss nothing.
Star Wars: The Bad Batch: Confined (2024)
Waste of your time
Holy does this episode provide absolutely nothing except a weak attempt at linking the research they are conducting in the facility to the sequels with Palpatine ordering for them to test for midichlorian cloning. Apart from that this entire episode's "premise" is just Omega is in the facility helping with research and taking care of the animals, Nala Se keeps discarding Omega's blood samples, I guess foreshadowing that Omega somehow has blood compatible with midichlorians (I'm sure that'll never be explain). Omega also sees Crosshair regularly but he is defeated and keeps telling her to leave without him. He even gets mad at her when she says that the female scientist will help them because she's a clone too (don't even ask me how there's now just female clones, the show just breezes by that fact) and Crosshair says that she's too trusting and that not every clone is her ally. Omega retorts that Crosshair doesn't trust enough which is down right infuriating. Omega is not in the right yet the show portrays her as if she's much smarter than Crosshair. Overall, a terrible start to the final season.
South Park (Not Suitable for Children) (2023)
One of the most bland and lifeless things to ever come from South Park
The A and B plot of this "special" got old after the 10 minute mark. This episode might genuinely be worse than the jakovasaurs episode or the serialized episodes of more recent seasons...
The A plot is Cartman and the rest of the kids being addicted to an energy drink called "Cred". Why are they addicted to it? Because online "influencers" are sponsored by them and they push kids to drink it. The "social commentary" with this plot is as shallow as possible, with a simple "haha kids are stupid and are easily influenced by online "influencers" and those "influencers" know that and use it to push things onto kids".
The B plot is another Randy focused one. For the love of God, Randy isn't funny anymore. Stop making him a main focus of every special and almost every episode!!!! The plot is that a teacher is discovered to have an onlyfans account and the parents are mad about it since she influences their kids but Randy isn't mad anymore when he hears that she makes $10k a week from it so he decided to make his own onlyfans page. Eventually Sharon gets mad enough at him and decides to start her own onlyfans page which leads to Randy using Cred to have the algorithm push his content more. Oh and btw, this causes Randy to have his uncensored junk being on screen almost every time he's in the special, to the point where you just want to stop watching and never continue (other male characters also show their junk). The "social commentary" here is something something, social media websites aren't safe for kids but people turn a blind eye to that fact so they can target kids and get more views.
This "special" felt like another instances of Matt and Trey just looking at a checklist and picking what topics they want to focus on even if the two topics feel extremely disconnected.
This "special" was a bore to watch, as it had nothing interesting or special to say. Heck, it wasn't even funny. I maybe exhaled loudly twice while watching, not even one laugh. It's almost like they don't bother adding in jokes now and instead just hope and pray that the plots themselves are funny enough to keep viewership. But that certainly wasn't the case with either of these plots, especially the Randy B plot (but that's no real surprise). Also yet again we get an episode or "special" where Stan, Kyle, and Kenny aren't important. Heck, Kenny isn't even seen or mentioned in this "special". Really? Not even a scene of Cartman mocking Kenny for being too poor to buy Cred? Again, it feels like Matt and Trey have completely forgotten that South Park is about the four boys.
It's pretty clear that one of three things is happening. Either:
1. Matt and Trey are burnt out or just don't care anymore and are putting minimal effort into South Park now
2. Matt and Trey are using AI to make episodes now
Or
3. Matt and Trey aren't really involved and just have interns writing everything now and they just give their stamps of approval.
Whichever one it is, South Park is clearly directionless and just a sinking ship. I miss the days where I looked forward to new South Park releasing but now I just know better...
South Park: Joining the Panderverse (2023)
Decent special but I didn't like it as much as I expected to
I was really hyped for this special but it didn't live up to expectations for me.
The good:
The concept is great. Playing off the idea of both forced diversity in movies and everyone doing a multiverse fits perfectly for South Park.
Taking shots at disney and kathleen kennedy is never not deserved and is always welcomed. I loved that Matt and Trey pointed out how disney keeps losing money and their stock is getting worse and worse. Alternate KK always telling people to put a chick in it and make her lame and gay was decently funny.
Alternate universe Kenny. Need I say more?
The alright:
Cartman was alright in this special but it felt weird having him forgive kathleen kennedy. I legit expected him to let go of her hand or something before returning to the normal universe so she could be stuck there. He also didn't have many funny moments despite the fact that he was the focus of the special.
The jokes of the panderverse plot. I liked PC Principal's thoughts on it and how he totally accepted it without thought. Nice social commentary there. Besides that, I can't remember any specific examples of anything being funny other than haha both normal and alternate Kenny like a girl with big honkers so he/she keeps telling her that Cylde is going to fart on her, ruining the prank.
The bad:
The actual shots taken at disney and kennedy. This special was extremely soft on both of them. No super sharp quips about either and they really weren't made out to be that much of a laughing stock. And frankly, they kind of made kennedy out to be not bad in the special, which feels weird. Why is the explanation for lazy writing and forced diversity that of "well I was responding to hate mail so I tried to combat racism by appealing to everyone". Like that should have been her excuse and it turns out she had much more sinister motives for the diversity but Matt and Trey didn't take it that far for some reason.
The use of the other 3 boys. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny yet again had no real importance in this special. Why is this a trend in South Park now? The whole point of the show is it's about Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny being kids in crazy situations but nowadays, the boys almost never even feel like they're friends but rather just kids who tolerate the other three more than the other kids at the school. The same can be said about Butters too. The trailer made it seem like he'd have a key role in this special but he was practically nonexistent.
The alternate universe characters' usage. These characters were completely disposable and served absolutely no importance to the story. Alternate universe Cartman did nothing and the normal boys just rolled with Cartman appearing to be a black woman after being forced to. And normal Cartman in the alternate universe experienced nothing except kathleen kennedy chasing after him. No discrimination from all the diverse women and none of them really confused by why their Cartman is now a fat white boy. Why didn't Cartman get super freaked out or mad when he saw all minorities like he did in the pee episode? It felt like a lot could be said or done with this idea yet nothing was. It was just basic stuff. It was also stupid that the alternate universe's "boys" were just saying their Cartman skipped school so she used the fat white boy to take her place.
The Randy B plot. Jesus, can we please get Randy out of having a main character status? His character has been so overused and it has overstayed its welcome for multiple seasons and specials now. And he's still running Tegridy Weed despite the fact that he went back to his old job at the end of the last special. The actual B plot is extremely boring and doesn't tie into the panderverse plot at all until the end. It's just your basic screw billionaires, the system doesn't work, and AI is better than us type preaching. It's grating to watch and Randy's modern day character is just obnoxious, unfunny, and frankly a jerk to his friends and family. Was he sometimes this way in early seasons? Yes, but that wasn't his entire character. Now it is. He's so stupid that he can't figure out how to fix a broken oven door yet he can use computers to do the countless things he's done in previous episodes/seasons. Also why did Matt and Trey write more about AI? They had a whole episode dedicated to that last season but I guess they're just fixated on it now. Please don't make AI the new Tegridy Weed of South Park.
Ultimately this special was alright but felt severely neutered. It could have done and said a lot more but for one reason or another, did not. It feels like they intended for it to be longer and be edgy yet they got told no and had to tone it back. Maybe because Paramount was worried about being sued by disney? Either way, it just felt weird and did not live up to the hype, at least in my eyes.
Ahsoka (2023)
Didn't Dave Filoni describe watching this show as a "religious experience"?
Well, I'll tell you what, I want no part of whatever "religion" Filoni thinks he's discovered by watching this bland, lifeless, and utterly devoid of quality show.
This show is yet another abject failure in the catalog of disney star wars. It follows all the same beats of Book of Boba Fett, Kenobi, and Mando season 3, in which the acting is wooden and actors look bored out of their minds, plot holes, plot convenience, and plot armor left and right, dialog that sounds like a child wrote it, and just a general and obvious disdain for ACTUALLY GOOD Star Wars and media in general. It's honestly offensive to even call this Star Wars.
Every single character in Ahsoka can be described as wooden and emotionless. This is in part due to the dialog and in part to the direction of the show. The characters make it a point to almost always be stone faced and have no emotional hints in their voices, even when a supposed emotional scene is happening.
The fight choreography looks like something out of a high school play. Actually, that might be an insult to high school plays. Despite this show featuring multiple lightsaber wielders and even more characters who wield swords or spears, no one knows how to fight with a melee weapon apart from Hayden Christensen. While Hayden (Anakin) has a fluidity to his fighting, Ahsoka, Sabine (we'll get to that), Ezra, Baylan, Shin, Marrok, Morgan, and random grunts look like they're just swinging around a cool stick they found. It's clear that they maybe got a 5 minute tutorial on how to fight for every combat scene, and then they just recorded the first take. And that's not even mentioning the countless stances they hold at times that would get them killed immediately if the characters they were fighting had half a brain.
And there's the elephant (or girlboss) in the room, Sabine. This character is insanely unlikable. It's like Filoni sat there and decided to make her character the most try hard "I'm the coolest person ever and can do anything, but I'm also extremely snarky to everyone, even my supposed friends" character ever, and while characters like that can at times work, Sabine has no charm to her. She actively helps the villains and, frankly, is almost solely responsible for Thrawn returning to take over the galaxy. Fun fact, Sabine never gets punished for this. Heck, Ahsoka never even gets mad at her for dooming the galaxy. She also becomes force sensitive in the last episode, despite the fact that that retcons Rebels and, frankly, the force as a whole. Now just anyone who wants to can become force sensitive with next to no training in it. Remember when the jedi and sith had to actually find people who already had some force capabilities before they could hone in on them via training? Yeah, that's not the case anymore. Sabine deserved absolutely none of her "character arc" of becoming force sensitive yet it happens with little to no challenge. One day she can't even move a small cup, and then, like, 2-3 days later, she can pull her lightsaber and fling Ezra with ease. Did I forget to mention that she survived a lightsaber gut shot wound and was completely fine the next day? I wish I was kidding. Qui-Gon Jinn, eat your heart out! I've seen people trying to say that she survived because she got stabbed in a different area of the body, which is true, but c'mon. She is barely even in pain when she wakes up the next morning. No damage to her organs, body functions, or even her ability to move around. What nonsense is this? I've also seen people argue that Vader and Maul survived much worse, which is true, but they're missing a key detail. Those characters were sith, aka, force users who are able to use their pain, hatred, rage, anger, and other negative emotions to make themselves stronger and keep themselves alive. In The Clone Wars show, Maul is found to have gone insane because he delve so far into the dark side in order to stay alive. And in Vader's case, he forever had to be sealed in his suit to keep him alive via life support systems. Besides Sabine, the Grand Inquisitor, and Reva from Kenobi (Sabine was not force sensitive, and The Grand Inquisitor and Reva are not full on sith, so they don't have the same dark side strength that Maul and Vader have), we have always seen characters die from a lightsaber stab wound to their organs. Some of those characters are even pretty powerful, such as Qui-Gon Jinn (as previously mentioned), Mother Talzin, Savage Opress, Agen Kolar, a whole bunch of younglings, and probably some other force users I'm forgetting about. And at the time of the stabbing, Sabine WAS NOT force sensitive. So let's look at some characters who weren't force sensitive and died from being stabbed by a lightsaber. Some of these characters include Faro Argyus, Commander Colt, Dutchess Satine, likely countless clones who fought against Ventress, Count Dooku, and Pong Krell, and a lot of other grunts/minor characters (and probably more I'm forgetting). And all this isn't even counting how many characters died by being slashed by a lightsaber in the back, stomach, and so on. Point being, Sabine surviving a lightsaber to her organs and being completely fine the next morning is beyond ridiculous, and shatters any suspension of disbelief, and frankly breaks the canon of this universe.
Then there are the villains. What snooze fests. Baylan and his apprentice Shin are kept as a mystery FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW. That's right, we learn next to nothing about them through 8 episodes. The same can be said about Morgan. Then there's Marrok, who many people speculated was Ezra, Star Killer, or maybe someone else. Turns out he wasn't even alive. He was just a zombie (maybe?) reanimated via nightsister magic, and yet that's never explained, so for those unaware of nightsister magic, Marrok was just a cloud of green gas. These characters are nothing short of boring and a giant "who cares?".
Then there's Thrawn, who is yet another failed character. Gone is his characterization from the novels of being utterly brilliant when it comes to military tactics. Now he's just another bumbling idiot who, every time he loses men or fighters, chalks it up as "an acceptable loss". Morgan even dies because Thrawn tells her to stay behind to stall Ahsoka. Could you really not use another nightsister (there are 3 others helping him for some reason) by your side while trying to overtake the galaxy? He can also never decide between trying to kill Ahsoka and the gang or just leaving them be so they can be stranded once he leaves. One moment he says to let them be and get the ship ready as fast as possible, and then the next moment he's told that the ship is ready, but he decided to stay behind and still send more troops after Ahsoka and the gang.
Some other, more minor things include:
1. Rosario Dawson just isn't Ahsoka. She can't move like Ahsoka, she can't act or emote like Ahsoka, and she can't even be as intelligent as Ahsoka. Her depiction of Ahsoka is some old, former jedi padawan (that the show, for some reason, thinks was a former jedi knight (Way to keep the consistency between your own projects up, Filoni!!)) that is as flexible and acrobatic as a brick, has the same range of emotion and personality as a plastic house plant, and has the intelligence of a balloon animal.
2. The costumes and makeup look downright terrible. Hera, Ahsoka, and Thrawn look like cheap cosplay. I've heard many people say that they've seen better cosplay on Instagram, and I definitely agree. This was the case in Kenobi too. I guess with the over $100 million poured into this show, they spent about $50 on the costume and makeup departments.
3. This show moves at a snail's pace. It easily could have been condensed into 4-5 episodes. Characters speak, pause for 5-10 seconds, and then the next character speaks. With 8 episodes, how do you have time for filler? I guess that's just how weak the story is.
4. This show relies heavily on viewers having watched The Clone Wars and Rebels, despite the fact that Filoni has claimed you don't need to watch those shows to understand this one. I guess that's the case if you enjoy watching a show where you understand next to none of the character relationships and a whole lot of stuff mentioned. Heck, the entire memberberries episode, which is episode 5, will make no sense to people who did not watch The Clone Wars, and the entirety of Thrawn's relationship to Sabine, Hera, and Ezra will not make sense to people who did not watch Rebels. And that brings up the memberberries, of which there are a lot. This show, and much of disney star wars, relies on George Lucas' Star Wars to try to keep people interested. There's a reason why episode 5 of this show gets such high praise and ratings. It's only because they brought back Hayden and had Anakin show up to spout some vague nonsense, show Ahsoka past battles seen in The Clone Wars, and live action Rex pops up for a hot second. This show hopes to blind people enough with nostalgia to squeak by, and unfortunately, it works on most.
Overall, go watch The Clone Wars if you haven't. I've seen quite a few reviews for this show refer to it as a kids' show, and while its target audience is kids, I can assure you, it has a great deal of adult themes and emotional maturity throughout the series (and even fixes a lot of issues that the prequels had), but especially past season 2, with a few episodes and arcs being the exception. It frankly has some of the best Star Wars to ever be written. And wouldn't you know it? It actually develops Ahsoka and gives her excellent characterization! In that show, she goes from an annoying kid to a mature and thoughtful person who is almost universally loved by fans. That show is 100 times better than this slop that desperately tries to leech off of the popularity and general love that people have for The Clone Wars. Ahsoka is simply yet another nail in the coffin for disney star wars.
Ahsoka: Part Eight: The Jedi, the Witch and the Warlord (2023)
A lame ending to a lame show
What exactly did this show or ending accomplish? Nothing but more dragging through the mud for well liked characters. I grew up watching Ahsoka in The Clone Wars and this show must have some alternate timeline Ahsoka that is just a complete moron and has the emotional range of a jellyfish.
She is completely fine and EVEN HAPPY that Sabine screwed over the whole galaxy by helping Thrawn return and now those two along with Huyuang are stuck in the other galaxy. Their characters are still so bland that it's insane. Sabine can finally use the force now I guess despite the fact that that shouldn't be possible. But then again, who are we to point out that Filoni can't be consistent with his own characters?
So the end of this show shows that Thrawn and Ezra are back while Sabine and Ahsoka are now gone for good... maybe? Who even knows or cares at this point. I'm not even going to bother going into all the nonsense plot armor, such as them surviving the star destroy bombarding them with its turrets... MULTIPLE TIMES!
A few more glaring things before I wrap this review up.
1. Thrawn is an idiot and the complete opposite of a brilliant war tactician. He constantly can't decide if he wants Ahsoka and friends dead or if he should just leave them alone and let them get stranded (should have done the latter so Ezra wouldn't have been on board your death star dude). He also just keeps sending more men to try to kill Ahsoka and friends and when they fail, he just claims that they are all acceptable losses. How exactly is you repeatedly losing troops and even tie fighters acceptable? You're already limited on resources you moron. He also just flat out leaves Morgan to have her fight and stall Ahsoka which I guess works but Morgan also dies. Thrawn and even the other nightsisters, yet again, seem to not care that their own are dying. They should especially care when someone who had some power to them like Morgan dies but I guess not.
2. Baylan and Shin barely exist in this episode. That's right, the whole show kept them, their pasts, and their goals mysterious only to reveal... next to nothing. We know absolutely nothing about Shin through 8 episodes. And with Baylan, we only know that he was a former jedi general who survived order 66 and somehow fell to the dark side after but isn't really a sith. In this last episode we simply see Shin approach the bandit camp and ignite her lightsaber. And we just see Baylan on top of a mountain that looks like The Father from the Mortis arc of The Clone Wars. So either Filoni is delusional enough to think that this show should get a season 2 or that they will be explored in some other show (or maybe the Mandoverse movie). Poor, poor Ray Stevenson. Dude tried to actually act, unlike his co-stars, but he was completely held back by the script and dialog, which seemed like they were written up by a 12 year old.
3. The show ends with Anakin's force ghost happily looking at Ahsoka and Sabine as they walk off to be with the rock snail aliens. Why is he happy about them basically being stuck in a foreign galaxy with no way home? We may never know. I feel so bad for Hayden for ever being a part of this show but I guess he at least is making those big bucks.
4. I already mentioned it but Sabine is force sensitive now. Great. Her character didn't deserve that arc at all, especially considering she couldn't move a cup a few inches away from her like a day or two ago. Now she can just pull her lightsaber to her from far away and even has enough power in her to help Ezra fly over to the star destroyer. Remember when Huyuang said that she has no aptitude for the force? Guess he was wrong too. Dang Huyuang, you've existed for at least 25,000 years and you can't understand that people in their 30s can just develop force abilities out of nowhere? You silly goose. But in all seriousness, Sabine still shouldn't be force sensitive. She was insufferable during the entire show, what exactly has she done to deserve this? It's not like she trained at all. All we saw was her failing to sense Ahsoka (the ripoff scene from ANH) and her failing to pull that cup I mentioned earlier. In case Filoni forgot, all living things have the force inside of them but most do not have the capability of using it. But again, I guess we can't expect sound logic from this show. Now everyone is special and can use the force. I guess the jedi and sith were just too picky over time considering how their ranks could have been so much greater if they had just picked up random bounty hunters or assassins (or random people with some morals for the jedi) and barely trained them in the force just for them to eventually become force sensitive.
Ultimately this show (and episode) is a complete waste of time. Go watch The Clone Wars if you want to see the origins of Ahsoka and how she is actually supposed to be as a character. I can guarantee you that that show is 100 times better than this one. Heck, even check out Rebels. That show also handles Ahsoka as a character much better than this show and you'll at least see how Sabine and Hera are actually supposed to be. This show is just classic disney slop disguising as a star wars show.
Ahsoka: Part Seven: Dreams and Madness (2023)
Snooze fest episode
The episode starts off with Hera before the senate oversight committee, which is a good start considering how unlikable she's been in this series, always acting like she's better than everyone and knows better too. But the room they're in looks awful, like some poor attempt at recreating a courtroom in a local office building that has a small conference room. Hera throws a fit with the same senator who didn't believe her in earlier episodes and he brings up some really valid points about her abusing her authority for personal gain but at the same time is still a complete idiot and dismisses what Gideon did on Mandalore as "acting alone". Also why is there absolutely no mention of the fact that Hera disobeying orders and leading a mission got pilots killed and x-wings blown up? Is this show saying it's ok to get people killed as long as your heart was in the right place?? Then C-3PO comes into the courtroom to give a data chip that shows that Leia as a senator authorized this mission. Obviously we know this is a huge lie but my question is why would Leia cover for Hera? I know they met briefly in Rebels but since when did Hera have a direct contact to her? Then Mon Mothma just says that clears everything up. It actually doesn't but whatever. Then Mothma reveals that she knows it's a lie but just rolls with it anyway. Great job as chancellor, lady. Someone lies to your face and you're just fine with it even though you know it to be a lie.
Then we cut to Ahsoka and Huyuang who are still traveling in the space whales. But why though? How are they not to the next galaxy yet? Just how long does it take?? Then we see Ahsoka training by swinging her lightsabers around using the stupidest movements imaginable. If she used any of those moves in a duel, she would be skewered immediately by any decent lightsaber duelist. It turns out she's playing a hologram recording of Anakin while doing this and he talks about the villains they faced in the Clone Wars such as Grievous, Ventress, and Dooku. Great memberberries Filoni, just great! We get it, we should go rewatch that masterpiece of a show rather than this boring, lifeless garbage. Then Huyuang comes in to tell Ahsoka that the whales are slowing down so they must be close. Then he points out an excellent point, which is they still have no idea where Sabine is and if they are even being taken to the same galaxy, the same solar system, or same planet. Then Ahsoka tells him that Sabine went with the enemy so if they find the enemy, they'll find her which is extremely flawed logic. And then she laughs at Huyuang's worries about not being at the right place and tells him that she thinks the odds are high. He tells her that they're astronomically low and then gets annoyed at her. We know because of how dumb this show is they'll be in the exact right place but Huyuang is still absolutely right and Ahsoka is unbearable.
Then they finally jump out of hyperspace only for there to be something wrong. Apparently Thrawn and his buddies put out a ton of mines around the planet to blow up as the whales go by???? When did they do this and how did they ever have the time or resources to do it?????? Then after Ahsoka clears the minefield no problem (of course), a bunch of enemy fighters come out of nowhere and start attacking. Maybe that would have been a better idea when they were still having to maneuver around the minefield? I swear the "heroes" only survive because the villains are too stupid actually attempt to kill them. Then Thrawn tells the fighters to retreat as to not waste resources despite the fact that he very much wanted to stop Ahsoka just an episode before. After they stop the ship, Ahsoka and Huyuang hide in the whale graveyard and Huyuang asks how the enemy knew they were there. I don't know, maybe it's just a hunch, maybe just a sheer shot in the dark but MAYBE IT'S CAUSE OF THE COUNTLESS SENSORS ON THE GIANT STAR DESTROYER THAT ALERTED IT THAT THE SPACE WHALES WERE COMING OUT OF HYPERSPACE?????? Then Ahsoka says that Thrawn was behind that attack which is just what??? How could you possibly know that???
Then we cut back to the actual main character of the show, Sabine and now she's traveling with Ezra and the stupid rock snail people. She apparently told him about the fall of the empire with the battle of Endor, and I kid you not, Ezra says "and the emperor died?" and Sabine responds with "that's what people say". Well that does it, that ambiguity is enough to make it so good old Palps "somehow returning" is still likely going to be the canon. So much for anyone's hopes that the sequels would be erased from Star Wars. Then Ezra asks Sabine how she found him and of course she sidesteps it and just says it's complicated. What she really should be saying is "I actively helped and hitched a ride with the villains who I knew were trying to bring back Thrawn. Essentially I screwed over the whole galaxy and ruined your heroic actions just to see you again". Sabine then reveals that Ahsoka took her on as her apprentice and Ezra laughs and says "really?". Gotta side with Ezra, it's a miracle that she ever even considered you to be POTENTIALLY her padawan. Then he asks her if Ahsoka is coming back and Sabine seems to hesitate. I can't even remember at this point, does she still think Ahsoka is dead? Probably.
We cut to Huyuang trying to scan for Sabine and it doesn't work so Ahsoka tries contacting her through the force which absolutely shouldn't work CONSIDERING SABINE ISN'T FORCE SENSITIVE. But of course it works. So I guess Rebels has been officially retconned. Filoni slaughters his own old works with new works that completely defy what the old works say. I'm not even a fan of Rebels but c'mon, you really can't keep a bit of consistency in this franchise?? Then with the help of the nightsisters, Thrawn locates where Ahsoka is and has the hyperspace ring start firing at her. Of course she again gets out unscathed but then Thrawn tells them to send out the fighters again. Again, consistency. Does Thrawn want Ahsoka dead or does he not care about her and doesn't want to waste resources hunting her???? Make up your mind show. Then Baylan and his apprentice find Ezra and Sabine and prepare to attack them. Except Baylan isn't going to help, saying that his apprentice's ambition leads her on one path while his is on another. Ray Stevenson can act sure but dear God does his character flip flop, much like Thrawn. One moment he's fine with trying to kill Ahsoka and then the next minute he won't help kill Ezra and Sabine, acting too high and mighty to kill them. So does he have conflicts over killing jedi or not??????? Then it sounds like he's leaving Shin (his apprentice) for good? Who even knows or cares. This show keeps trying to make them seem cool and mysterious but since we still know next to nothing about them except Baylan being an order 66 survivor (get in line dude), who even cares? You can't drag out a mystery for the whole show just to reveal next to nothing. But again, this level of laziness from disney wars shouldn't surprise anyone.
Then we see the mercenaries attacking Sabine, Ezra, and the rock snail people. And Sabine is the only one with weapons of course. And also of course, she never puts on her helmet. But I guess that checks out since they decided before filming that Sabine can't ever cover her face and blaster bolts will just never even go near her exposed head. Plot armor to the max baby!!! Then we see Ahsoka chased by the fighters and she passes right over Sabine and crew. Seriously? Do the writers not know how planets work????? This planet looks pretty big so how in the absolute f did she just so happen to find exactly where Sabine is????? Then Ahsoka jumps out of she ship to I guess go help Sabine and she just so happens to land right where Baylan is. What was he doing this whole time??? Did he expect her to do that or was he just taking a nap???? Then he acts all surprised that she's alive. MF YOU DIDN'T KILL HER, YOU JUST THREW HER INTO THE OCEAN. THAT'S NOT HOW YOU KILL SOMEONE UNLESS THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO SWIM!!!! Then they ignite their lightsabers and Ahsoka makes the dumbest poses imaginable, first looking like the gman from prop hunt and then idk... trying to look like a lowercase t???
Then we cut back to Sabine and Ezra getting circled by the mercenaries and they play this absolutely HILARIOUS game of Sabine trying to give Ezra his lightsaber and him telling her he doesn't need it and she should use it. He then decides to fight the enemies who have literal spears with just martial arts and force pushes while Sabine shoots them with her blasters. Just like in the last episode, the enemies are so stupid that they don't just attack Sabine's head. She should have died at the end of episode 1 but yet here she is still bending all logic in universe just so she can survive, much less even get an injury that doesn't get reversed in a few hours. We get another cut to Ahsoka and Baylan and their lightsaber choreography is yet again awful. They look so lifeless and lethargic, just standing around swinging their lightsabers with no real effort all while holding the stupidest stances and forms ever. I will continue to point this out every time because it's truly impressive how lazy Filoni was, as to not even have his actors know how to wield a weapon that has a pretty common use in this show.
And yet another cut back to Sabine and Ezra, with this time Shin almost slicing Ezra with her lightsaber but only gets a tiny bit of his hair while Sabine fights the leader of the mercenaries, who just like all his buddies, refuses to even try to attack her head. Also btw Ezra is fighting against Shin but literally just dodging her lightsaber and she's swinging it around like a moron. Again, does anyone in this show apart from Hayden know how to actually use a sword?????
This is episode is just boring, boring, and lazy.
Ahsoka: Part Six: Far, Far Away (2023)
Far, Far Away... from being a good episode
The episode starts with Ahsoka and Huyuang traveling inside the main space whale's mouth and discussing how Sabine went with the villains willingly and how she could have ended all this. Finally, Ahsoka mentions this but she isn't even mad or even frustrated??? Just has a slight hint of being annoyed. Also Huyuang sounds off in this. Idk if the voice changer wasn't working right but he just doesn't sound the same. Then Ahsoka says some vague statement of how Sabine didn't have enough time to be trained to make the decision between finding Ezra or destroying the map and that she was fated to make the decision which is just... huh? How would you have possibly trained her to make the right decision? Every time we've seen Sabine in this show she's just been a general idiot so what makes Ahsoka think that she would have ever not made the decision to help the villains?? Then Huyuang gives some vague response about how the force can give insight but can't provide all the answers and Ahsoka acts all confused and asks what he means by that. Uh, what do you think that means? It means it can guide you but doesn't give you answers on what to do. Why is every single character in this show insanely dumb??
Then we cut to Sabine sleeping in a jail cell that I guess the villains provided to her. Then Baylan comes to talk to her through the door, which looks really stupid considering there's only a little grate right at his face. Then Sabine has some standard for her dumb remarks like "I was hoping for a room with a view" and "I tend to avoid reflection". And I kid you not, when the camera is on Baylan his face isn't even moving while delivering his lines through the door (aka they just dubbed his voice over the scene). Really? What kind of low budget, cut rate show is... oh wait it's just disney wars that spends millions but still looks as cheaply made as possible. Then Sabine is mad for... what exactly? She shouts about them having a deal and Baylan smirks, almost implying like he lied to her but like... you're not even to your destination yet. What makes you think he's breaking the deal yet? Did you expect traveling with the villains to be like a space cruise?? Then Baylan tells Morgan that Sabine is blinded by her wanting to see Ezra and that she can still be of use to them. What use could she possibly serve now?
Then the villains and Sabine arrive in the other galaxy and take a shuttle down to the planet. They land on a mountain and see night sisters doing who knows what. And yet again the costumes and makeup look like cosplay *sigh*. Then the night sisters say Sabine "reeks of jedi". Literally how? She's not force sensitive so how would they know that? Then they send 3 balls (I'm not kidding) to make a energy triangle around her, basically forming a collar around her stomach and then as they gets dragged off by I guess magic (which also looks super fake), she again shouts about having a deal and asking where Ezra is. Like, do you see Ezra anywhere??? Who knows if he's with Thrawn or is somewhere else completely. The fact that you thought the villains would know where he is is insanely comical. Sabine is so unlikable, I'm honestly actively rooting against her.
Then Baylan and his apprentice are talking and we learn that Baylan was at the temple during order 66 and he talks very somberly about it. I feel bad for Ray Stevenson, he's actually trying to act but then they give him the stupid line "it's all inevitable" after talking about the fall of the republic and the rise of the empire. How many times will this character say something is inevitable? But also, him being AT the temple during the purge and surviving is just annoying. Why does every single kid survive order 66? I can understand a few but why do we always focus on the ones that do because we got Grogu, Reva, and now Baylan. Then he says that bringing Thrawn back will only give them fleeting power but what he wants is the beginning to put an end to the cycle which is just the most vague nonsense ever. It sounds like he wants to stop the cycle of a constant power shift yet he is a direct cause for the upcoming shift of power from the new republic to Thrawn, assumingly.
Then we cut to Sabine trying to use the force to escape. She fails obviously but man I can't wait till this Filoni creation retcons one of his other creations in Rebels by now saying that Sabine is force sensitive. Then out of nowhere, a star destroyer appears, presumably with Thrawn in it. But like... how? How does it have enough fuel to run? How does it have the crew to operate it? If that was the star destroyer he was in at the end of rebels, how is it working in the slightest?
Then we see an insane amount of imperial remnant stormtroopers with super damaged and dirty armor yet the hanger bay looks spotless. Great attention to detail guys. There's also some captain stormtrooper that has some really weird helmet that has a full on gold face on it, human nose and all. And then comes in big papa Thrawn. Andddddd he looks awful. Seriously his costume might be worse than Hera's. He looks like a middle aged man cosplaying as Thrawn. Then we get Thrawn talking to Sabine and she once again is asking where Ezra is. This character is about as deep as a plastic kiddie pool. Then apparently they're just going to let Sabine go look for Ezra using the intel they have??? Why though? Why would you help her at all? Thrawn says something about since she helped him, he'll help her which feels super out of character for him. But then Thrawn tells Baylan and his apprentice that they'll kill Sabine and Ezra as soon as she finds him (please let this happen).
So Sabine heads out only to be ambushed by some weird humanoid species similar to tusken raiders (that were later revealed to be with the villains, but actually still just bandits who I guess decided to help the villains for no reason?). They have guns yet always just shoot at her beskar so nothing happens to her despite the fact that they could just shoot at her head or whack her with their staffs and likely kill her instantly, but that would make too much sense for this show. Then we get an extremely dumb scene of Sabine finding the wolf thing she was riding, as it had ran away from the aliens. She calls it a coward (???) and then walks away and it follows her. Why would it be loyal to her at all?? Then she accepts it back and it immediately picks up a scent. How convenient! Then the dog sniffs a rock and she says "It's a rock. You're embarrassing yourself". Oh my lord who wrote the dialog for this character. It is the cringest, most force, "look at me I'm so cool but I still have a sharp tongue and wit" dialogue I've ever heard. Then it turns out that the rock is actually an alien that has a shell that looks like a rock and Sabine. Then it has some necklace that has the same symbol as the one on Sabine's shoulder pad and it calls a bunch of its friends to pop up. HOW CONVENIENT THAT SABINE JUST HAPPENED TO STUMBLE ACROSS THE ONE THAT HAD THE NECKLACE!!!! WHAT WOULD SHE HAVE POSSIBLY DONE IF THE WOLF ALIEN HAD FOUND A DIFFERENT ROCK CREATURE???? AND THEY SPEAK A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LANGUAGE BUT SOMEHOW KNOW EZRA'S NAME!!!! Holy poop is this show beyond stupid.
Then we get more vague garbage from Baylan about how he misses the idea of the jedi order but doesn't miss the weakness of it and that the planet they're on has some unknown power dwelling. Again, this character could be very interesting if the dialog wasn't written by a child. Then we cut back to Sabine and she's being taken to the rock shell alien's village. And then as she's looking around, out of nowhere comes Ezra, looking like some shaman. And I won't lie when I say Ezra's actor can actually act. He can actually show emotions and not be obnoxious and smug like the rest of the "protagonists". They're happy to see each other but Sabine has yet to drop the bomb on Ezra that Thrawn is getting ready to go back and she's the cause of all of it. Also, does Ezra even know Thrawn is still alive?
Then we cut back to Thrawn and the nightsisters have sensed Ahsoka coming but apparently Morgan thought Ahsoka was dead?? How?? Baylan never saw her dead so why would he assume that? But then Thrawn assumes that Baylan did that because he was once a jedi too which is just... huh? Is his character past being a jedi or not. The show can't make up its mind. Then he tells Morgan that they should assume Ahsoka to be alive and that he wants to know everything about her, including her background, homeworld, and master, which again makes no sense. Thrawn was an admiral in the republic and even worked with Anakin late in the clone wars. How would he not know of Ahsoka or at the very least that she was Anakin's padawan. Did he just never hear the news of when the jedi temple was bombed a jedi was found responsible for it???
Another lame episode that acts like its cool and interesting when it couldn't be less if it tried. Sabine is still as obnoxious and unlikable as ever and Ahsoka (for what little we saw of her this episode) is still emotionless. At this point we have every reason to root for Thrawn and the imperial remnant.
Ahsoka: Part Five: Shadow Warrior (2023)
The entire episode is a call back to a much better show yet completely misunderstands the 2 characters from said better show
The episode starts with us being shown that the map has been cut into 2. Amazing how its inner mechanisms aren't melted from the heat of the lightsaber but I guess that logic tracks since this is coming from the same creative team that thinks a lightsaber to your organs won't kill you.
Then we get Hera getting off of the Ghost, looking around while holding her blaster, seeing nothing, and then telling the old asian guy from Mando over comms that it looks like they "missed the party". What tipped you off idiot? Could it have been the giant hyperspace ring that went into hyperspace right through you and your x-wings, killing 2 of your pilots? Then her son comes out of the ship and asks if he can come out. The answer should be absolutely no considering they're on the base planet for the villains but she tells him yes as long as he doesn't wander away. What a terrible mother she is, constantly letting her kid be in potentially dangerous situations.
Then Hera hears a noise and goes to investigate only to find Huyuang standing on the edge of the cliff where Ahsoka fell, holding Sabine's mando helmet. Did he just not hear Hera or was he too busy "mourning" to call out to her? And Huyuang is sad because he told them to stay together but "they never listen". At what point does Huyuang acknowledge that Ahsoka and Sabine are complete morons (at least in this show) and won't ever take useful advice?
Then we go to Ahsoka who is still just staring at Anakin and then she tells him that he "looks the same". What does that even mean? The same as what? When you last saw him before the siege of Mandalore? And then he responds with "you look old". This show is trying to do some weird thing of trying to emulate humor you would find in Clone Wars but here it just doesn't work. Then Ahsoka responds with "well that happens" and folds her arms. Ladies and gentlemen, DIALOG!!!! Then Ahsoka asks what happened and Anakin tells her she lost a fight but she doesn't remember??? Does she just have memory loss now???? Why?????? Then Anakin tells her that he's hear to finish her training and implies that she's close to death. And then he calls her Snips again. I love the relationship between the two but they keep using the name Snips almost like they're desperately trying to call back to a much better show. Does Filoni remember that Anakin would call her by her name too, right? Then Anakin says the lesson is to live or die and starts fighting her and... what's this? GOOD FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHY FROM HAYDEN??? FINALLY SOMEONE IN THIS GOD FORSAKEN SHOW CAN PROPERLY DUEL WITH A LIGHTSABER!!!!!
Then we cut back to Hera being stupid. Carson (the old asian guy from Mando) tells her that they have to report back to HQ because senator Organa can only stall for so long. So I guess Leia is doing fine but we'll just never see her. But Hera tells Carson that she's not leaving until she has answers and starts throwing a fit about how maybe people should be asking more questions. Then her son tells her that there's something weird about the water and he can feel it. I know he's Kanan's son but really? He can already sense stuff through the force without even trying? Then he says he hears lightsabers in the ocean which is just what???? Could this show be any stupider if it tried??
Then we cut back to Anakin and Ahsoka dueling and then Anakin cuts off the section of ground where Ahsoka was and then she falls. Unfortunately, not to her death but rather to a flashback of a Clone Wars battle. Then we get some vagueness about how this IS her training which makes no sense. Then we see Ahsoka mourning over clones who were injured during the battle and that would be fine if it weren't doing the exact same thing the Clone Wars episode did during the Ryloth arc where Ahsoka leads a squad of clone pilots and gets most of them killed because she was too gun ho and fell into a trap. And Anakin seems oddly not caring about the clones which is so out of character for him. At least we get to see live action Rex though so that's a plus I guess. Then we get Anakin acting even colder to Ahsoka and then as he walks away he turns into Vader with the suit and all and then back to Anakin. Really? Not only do you portray Anakin out of character but then you try to make it seem like Vader was the one acting like that, which makes no sense.
Then another cut back to Hera and Carson tells her that they're going to deplete their fuel reserves but Hera tells him to keep looking. She then tells Huyuang that she's a bad general and boy is she spot on with that.
Another cut back to Ahsoka now shows her at the siege of Mandalore where she still looks like a child. Great job guys, you couldn't make Ahsoka look even a bit older? 14 to 17 and no change except in clothes. We again see Rex and he actually talks to her with the voice of Temuera Morrison and his line delivery sounds... rough. Then young Ahsoka crosses her arms. Is that really just her trademark in this show despite it never being the case in Clone Wars or Rebels??? Also it's worthy to note that both flasbacks have been clouded in smoke, probably so they didn't have to actually put effort into CGing Ryloth and Mandalore. Then Anakin trots in and says he doesn't remember this battle. Ahsoka tells him that it was after they had already split. Also not only does Ahsoka still look like a child, she also still sounds like a child. Guess aging just didn't happen for her. Then for some reason Ahsoka is still acting like Anakin is full on Vader and then he gets mad at her and tells her to go back to the beginning of her training and ignites his lightsaber but this time it's red. This show can't tell the difference between Anakin and Vader and it's insane. Then he duels her and kicks her back into where they started (I assume it's the stupid world between worlds) and they keep showing this imagery of Anakin suddenly being Vader in the suit and it's so tiring and uninteresting. Then he tries fighting her again and she somehow disarms him and throws his lightsaber away saying that she chooses to live and then reverts back to Anakin and tells her that there's hope for her and disappears. And to all this... Rosario Dawson still has the most bored look ever. Did Filoni tell her that Ahsoka has no emotions or is that just how she views the character???
Then Ahsoka gets swallowed up by water only for the show to reveal she was in the ocean the whole time. How has she not drowned yet? And how convenient, she's underwater yet somehow just floating right underneath the water so they don't have to deep dive for her. Also was all of that a vision or does this planet have an effect on force users? Oh wait, the show will never explain it. Also also, good thing Hera brought her son and put him in massive amounts of danger so he could find Ahsoka. If he hadn't been there, she never would have been found. It's all so convenient!!!!
And now everyone is asking where Sabine is. If only they knew she directly helped the villains and will likely be the cause of a bloody war between the imperial remnant the and the New Republic. Ahsoka then says that Sabine could have left a force imprint on the broken map. Can we please stop with the force memory/echo power? It's so plot convenient it's insane. Then Ahsoka senses that Sabine gave the map to Baylan and yet again has no reaction to it. No anger that she was an idiot and gave it to him, no worry that she may be killed. Just... nothing. Then Carson tells Hera that the fleet is coming and they're not coming to help. Finally, maybe she'll be punished for disobeying orders and getting her men killed all while doing nothing to stop the villains. Maybe she'll stop flaunting the fact that she's a general and has command once she loses her rank. Then Ahsoka sees the space whales. It's obvious that they'll follow the villains via the whales migrating instead of trying to fix the map. Then Mon Mothma talks to Hera and asks her if she has proof of imperial remnant activity and she says no?????? YOU LITERALLY HAVE PILOTS WITH YOU WHO SAW THE VILLAINS. CARSON IS LITERALLY NEXT TO YOU, YOU IDIOT!!!! Then Mothma tells her that she and Ahsoka must come back to Coruscant and Hera throws another fit, as if she doesn't deserve to be punished for what she did. Then Ahsoka goes up to ig communicate with the space whales and Hera tells Carson to stall the fleet. Then Carson pulls something we'd see in the sequels with the whole "identify yourself" to the fleet and "well the general is on a classified mission" and "I disagree, there was a mission". It's all just so dumb. Then the head space whale agrees to let Ahsoka's ship travel with it in its mouth. Then Ahsoka tells Huyuang that she has no idea if the whales know where Sabine went and sort of laughs about it. So you think it's funny that they may take you to a completely different location and you never find Sabine or the villains?????
All in all this episode sucks just like the rest. People are rating it highly because of Hayden and Clone Wars flashbacks. I wish disney wars' fans weren't so blind to the low quality of this show but I guess some things never change...