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Reviews
Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Almost as if they didn't want to bother
Ocean's Eleven came across like a loose, fun affair but with a tightly-wound plot and twists that you actually cared about and seemed clever. This movie, the twists show up, but by the time they get there, it's almost as if they couldn't be bothered to really stage them effectively or really had any desire to make you care about them. If the filmmakers don't care about what they're doing, why should we? The movie is so detached it's almost like a camera was pointed at the actors and they just improvised the entire thing. In addition, most of the actors are completely wasted. Carl Reiner's character is at least forced to the sidelines intentionally - by him saying he wants out - but Bernie Mac disappears for half the film, and basically nobody makes an impression perhaps save for Matt Damon and Brad Pitt.
Waste of time.
Drop Zone (1994)
Enjoyable in a silly way
This is fun. The premise is ridiculous -- really, a parachuting gang? But Wesley Snipes and Gary Busey liven it up. Don't take it too seriously, and you'll have a good time. It's one of my guilty pleasures. The idea of what's going on is a bunch of hooey, and really, Wesley Snipes hasn't made a lot of good movies lately, so this one is starting to look better and better. (Blade? Good. Blade 2? Pretty good. Blade 3?? Not so much.) He's better when he keeps it light, and this was before Gary Busey turned into a gigantic pile of mush and started to do reality television (gasp, ugh, barf). It's clever, reasonably well put-together, and goes down easy.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Peter Jackson respects his audience and characters.
And I can't think of a higher complement than that. One thing I noticed near the end of this, and that's nobody in this movie, including Merry and Pippen, kills people "accidentally." There's no Jar-Jar Binks moments where a character accidentally slips on a rock, which tumbles down and kills 50 Orcs or some such nonsense. At no point is Jackson insulting us, or insulting his characters (ok, Gimli has a couple of these moments in Two Towers, but he still ended up killing people anyway.)
Overall, this trilogy stands as the greatest of all time. And the significance of each battle in the individual movies becomes greater every time - the skirmish by the river in Fellowship gives way to the greater battle in Helm's Deep to the monstrous, colossal battle of Miris Tirith. It truly relates how the world of men is slowly enveloped in this task from an initial small group of people trying to change the world to the massive acknowledgement that the world will end if people do not unite.
There's so many great individual moments, too - just about every character gets one, as well: (SPOILERS)
--Pippen's song, while the mad steward sends his son on a suicide mission, which seems lifted from King Lear more than anything else.
--Gandalf's ride to Minas Tirith
--Gollum speaking to the water
--"I'm glad I'm here with you at the end of all things, Sam."
--Aragorn's one line, "For Frodo."
--King Theoden's repeat of "I know your face" to Eowyn.
And the extended coda really does it justice; this is nothing to complain about, especially when modern action movies usually end the film right after the adversary's head has been cut off and finishes rolling down a hill. Considering that this is a 9 1/2 hour epic (and more like 11 hours when considering longer versions), then there's nothing wrong with twenty minutes of endings.
It's fantastic.
Armageddon (1998)
Terrible
I can't say I've seen too many movies more depressing than this, and it's supposed to be a big exhilarating action movie, but it's really not. The tone, photography and dialogue show a bunch of characters marching to their death in the grim, most isolated way possible. It's not fun, it's too long, too loud, ugly, stupid and reprehensible.
Oh, and Ben Affleck sucks.
1/10
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)
brevity is the soul of wit...
...and this film has neither. It has no wit, and it is not brief (14 minutes would be about right.) And I wish I could just write the word "Terrible" but IMDB won't allow it.
Simply put: one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Period.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)
About the dialogue
First, let me just say that I enjoyed this movie a lot, not quite on the level of Episodes IV, V and VI, but I enjoyed it a bit.
But I have to complain about the dialogue, and more specifically about the people asserting that "the dialogue stunk in the first three movies too."
Ahem. The dialogue in the first three movies most certainly did not stink. This movie doesn't have anything that approaches the level of dialogue from various points in the first three movies, such as:
Han: I thought you liked scoundrels. Leia: I don't...I like nice men. Han: I'm a nice man. (kisses her)
Ben: Just myself, the boy...two droids...and no questions asked. Han: What are you, in some kind of local trouble? Ben: Let's just say we'd like to avoid any IMPERIAL entanglements.
Han: Listen, I had everything under control until you let us down here! Luke: Could be worse. (large rumbling noise) Han: It's worse.
Darth Vader, at the opening of ROTJ to Commander Jerjerrod: I hope so, Commander, for your sake. The Emperor is not as FORGIVING as I am.
Anyway, the dialogue in the first trilogy just had a better sense of playfulness; these people seemed like people. Even out in the middle of space, Han Solo and Luke Skywalker seem like regular people, as does Obi-Wan Kenobi, even if he comes across as a little sad. The characters here mostly serve plot rather than acting like people; as much as the effects and plot contributed to the success of the first three movies, the comradery between Han, Leia, Luke, Chewie, Lando & the Droids really shaped how we felt about these movies; they seemed like a family of people who we could admire and be friends with. Han & Luke seemed like friends. That comradery hasn't been established in I and II - Obi-Wan & Anakin don't have a particularly strong relationship, and Anakin & Amidala come across as forced more than anything else (save for the Gladiator scene, when the 3 more or less come together.)