namaGemo's Reviews

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

2/10

I don't know how anyone could have murdered anyone on this trip.

13 November 2017

This was such a borefest, I can't imagine how anyone on the train stayed awake, because I dozed about 20 minutes in, got a bump from my girlfriend to wake up. Then, 10 minutes later, she tells me she's going to see if they sell coffee, cause she's falling asleep.

I got 2 more bumps throughout the movie to wake up. I think this compares with Paranormal Activity on the NOTHING IS HAPPENING scale. Characters were boring, dialogue was boring, plot was dumb, and the pc/progressive/liberal angle, enough already.

The only things that had value were Depp and some of the CGI, which I kept asking, was all this cgi necessary?

So there you have it, a boring movie that you will be begging to end. Now, I've never seen the 74, but apparently, it's better than this thing was. Brannagh seems like he was trying to emulate Denzel with a bloated opinion of himself in Fences, making every scene about him in a "look at me, I'm great, aren't I" sort of way.

This film is a fart in the wind that you hope dissipates quickly.

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Quintet (1979)

1/10

Wow, I never expected to see Paul Newman star in a film like this.

13 August 2017

Unreal that a film could rival Paranormal Activity for inducing yawns, but Quintet pulls out the stops. It's not only as boring as PA, but it tries to make points that are so vague they are meaningless to anyone able to stay awake through the entire film looking for some substance.

Problems:

First, that annoying filter! REALLY, this blur filter, as if the entire film is a dream sequence.

Next, the music. It seems so out of place trying to make you think something is happening, while nothing is. Almost like the conductor had the band playing for another movie.

Plot! Where was this thing going?

I'm sure there might be fans of Altman or Newman who might like this just because, but if you're neither, this is a brutal and boring experience. Excruciating for someone hoping to see interesting sci-fi and a glimpse of someone's idea of the future.

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Disaster L.A. (2014)

2/10

Do NOT believe any reviewer giving over a 4 star review.

30 April 2017

Warning: Spoilers

I can't even believe anyone is calling this FRESH or ORIGINAL. As some have stated, this starts off as a rip off of Cloverfield. The party scene, getting to know the characters that will eventually bore you to tears with sob story after sob story, that eventually comes about with each new death.

And speaking of death scenes, all completely unnecessary as it appears, multiple people decide to stop, tell the others to run. They sacrifice themselves for absolutely no reason, because in the time it took them to stop and explain WHY they were going to sacrifice themselves, they could have run away.

Next rip off, lines, seemingly taken directly from ALIENS! The "What are we gonna do" taken from Bill Paxton's role, along with others from that scene. I'm surprised they didn't throw in Burke's line about building a fire and singing songs.

This film wasted more time on emotional depth, and honestly, these characters weren't worth caring about. Even from the first scene where the girl becomes a zombie, the people watching her attack the first victim are about as emotional over this as they would be at a restaurant when they hear a dish break in the kitchen.

Example: "What's that?" "Dish broke." "Okay, and you were saying ...?" It's all pretty much, "Oh well, who cares?"

Yet another Cloverfield plot rip off, the lead character, deciding he needs to make sure his ex is safe, and then we discover her new man is a douche. It gets worse and more unexplainable as the douche steals their car, and SOMEHOW, gets pulled out of it and killed. The most interesting part is how did this happen in a zombie breakout with what amounts to a handful of zombies?

It all boils down into a lot of going nowhere and doing nothing. I'd just say to watch it if you're a fan of seeing how bad a movie can be, and I'm not talking "So bad, it's good", I'm talking, so bad I'll never get that time of my life back.

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Trace (2015)

4/10

Jeffstanding FRAUD review

30 November 2015

This movie is not even close to a 10/10. It's not as horrible as "Eaters", but 4 stars is about right. It had some tension, but wasn't really scary nor was there gore if that's what you're into.

As to jeffstanding and his review, let's see, he joined right after this was released and what a shock, only has one review and it's for this film which he gave 10 stars and claims is the greatest film of the year. It's obviously he worked on this film in some capacity.

This film is somewhat entertaining and probably more so if you actually buy into the ridiculous idea that evp's are actually paranormal, despite all factual evidence proving the opposite. It's a typical cheap horror film made with non actors for the most part on a low budget. If you know this going in and just have to see the latest at red box or Netflix, take a watch, but just don't expect to be too impressed.

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Eaters (2015)

1/10

the review by ANARCHYSOAP is crap and a lie

18 October 2015

It's obvious ANARCHYSOAP worked on, or acted in this garbage film. I find it interesting he mentioned character commitment, because while watching this piece of 5hit, I kept laughing at how the actors had absolutely ZERO conviction and telling my girlfriend about it over and over. Especially the least talented guy in the yellow shirt who was supposed to be getting married. He was the absolute worst, with second place going to the annoying 5hithead who gets tied up in the barn. You basically want to see this cast getting killed in the most brutal of ways, minus the girl because her body was pretty rock'n, and she had an attractive yet odd Maggie Gyllenhaal vibe going on.

The first few scenes were nicely shot as the Mustang pulls into the rest area, and it makes you think it might be starting out good, and then it just collapses after the girl disappears. I've never seen a more disjointed film. Like 10 minutes of two idiots looking around, and you're thinking, wtf happened to the damn biker gang guy, or this guy, or this girl? I mean really stupid direction and pacing that's just awful. Mostly because instead of fleshing the story out, they added filler. I'd say 85% of this dung was filler.

As others have mentioned, laughably long scenes of people hearing others screaming, and looking as if they hear nothing. It reminded me of WCW wrestling with Hulk Hogan seeing the image of the ultimate warrior in his mirror, yet Erik Bischoff couldn't see the warrior. WHA WHA WHAT???

SO, endure this feces at your own risk. You have been warned.

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Reaper (I) (2014)

3/10

BEWARE!!! Junk10 Star reviews!!!

24 August 2015

Seems to be a lot of people associated with this pile of trash film are offering GREAT but completely UNTRUE reviews. I rarely write any myself, but in cases where it's obvious people are trying to push trash upon unsuspecting viewers, I'm alerting those to be on the lookout.

Don't waste time or money on this. It's not so bad it's good, it's just trash straight through. My 3 stars are for the female lead and viewing her, but her acting leaves a lot to be desired as does the rest of the cast who appears to be phoning in the horribly written dialogue.

This story starts somewhere and ends up nowhere. Multiple story lines that have zero to do with any reaper. We're given a quick spiel on the reaper, but it doesn't have anything to do with his focus on people in this hotel. Unless you want to see a cute girl, avoid at all costs.

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Infernal (2015)

1/10

Don't listen to any review that gives this trash more than 1 star!

28 June 2015

This movie is boring trash from start to finish. It appears that someone thought the cast dropping the F word every other line would make this film more gritty and real. What it did is make you wish it would end and the cast would 5tfu themselves.

Let's get to sound, it's hi, it's lo, you are constantly grabbing your remote to adjust when you should really hit mute, because there isn't much worth listening to. Best case scenario is to fall asleep and just miss the rest of the film and be happy you didn't endure any more boredom than this dished out. The beginning of the film shows all these people wishing the married couple happiness by way of video, but there is this one guy who keeps shouting at the camera operator "we're not cool man, we're not cool, so 5tfu and let me tell my story Bro, cause we're not cool man!" Just a horrible concoction to waste screen time, because it goes nowhere!

Then, somehow, this earthquake thing happens when the girl mentions she's pregnant, and the cross on the wall turns upside down while this cheesy stock sound effect is heard. The effect basically screams HOME MOVIE!

From this point on the movie just bounced back and forth from worthless shot to worthless shot, whether the parents are explaining how the daughter is BROKEN because she's combing her hair, or visiting a counselor so they can understand that the daughter has problems......because she's combing her hair.

Let's get to the music. How often does one watch a film like this and wonder why the music doesn't work with any scene in the film, and then you think, ah, the director or producer has a friend or kid who has a garage band, let's have them get their name out by putting their music all over this film? It didn't work, and most of the time distracts from this boring turkey.

So, watch if you want to see a VERY bad film that is NOT so bad it's good.

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Alien Opponent (2010)

1/10

Don't waste your time!

12 February 2013

Seriously, some people are claiming this film is fun. It is "not"! I rarely write reviews, but this film sucked so bad except for a lot of tightly cupped female breasts. If you want to see some nice bodies in the first half of this film, fine, but the cast is left with nothing to work with. It really just sucks so bad that I felt compelled to complain about it. I don't know if I've written any glowing reviews for films, but those stand out in their own with high scores. This thing has a 4.2 currently, and it's lucky it has that. I'm guessing nice female bodies and decent effects got it that score, but unless you've been living in a cave and humor is new to you, this will be a waste.

I'm normally a fan of "so bad it's good", but this is not one of those films. You want "so bad it's good", check out a Fulci flick, or an excellent piece of art like Burial Ground.

Leave this one to people who have insomnia, cause this is a cure. Even beats Paranormal Activity for induced snores per minute.

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Ghost Hunters International (2008– )

2/10

More trash for people who believe in garbage without evidence.

7 January 2010

I don't know how anyone can take shows like this seriously? Same old crap time and again, and there is never anything shown to prove anything out of the ordinary has happened. Just because someone can not pin point the reason for hearing a thump noise, does not mean it's automatically paranormal, it means that they don't know what made the noise.

Made up story lines from other nut bags about Hitler's ghost and so on only make this show more laughable as they try and communicate with Germans in English. Whether it's Ghost Hunters or GHI, nothing credible has ever been shown, and it surprises me that these people can carry on doing this despite hundreds of investigations which prove fruitless.

It's even more laughable that the viewers can still believe in paranormal things after viewing so many failures. How slow are some people to comprehend that you can't find evidence for things that don't exist?

Like GH, they also have the fake little light indicators which are obviously lit up by someone with a remote when they pretend to talk to spirits. One wonders why that if their static light meter is working so well, that they don't apply multiple technologies at one time, using thermal, evp, and the electromagnetic gadgets once they pretend to pinpoint a spirit communicating with them. Might help with the believability, but again, since there are no such things as ghosts and demons, they play the hand they got to try and fake out the audience.

I give it 2 stars because it's not that good, but is watchable if you need to laugh at the idea that people still believe in ghosts, and waste precious hours of their lives actually hunting them.

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Raging Bull (1980)

1/10

What a pile of garbage!

25 February 2008

This definitely ranks as one of the worst films I've ever seen that I "heard for years" was a classic. It was dull, the characters, especially the focus of the movie was boring. The person I cared for least was Lamota, and I didn't think Deniro's portrayal was good either. Hey, maybe it was spot on, but if anything, it just proved Lamota was BORING and stupid, and nobody that should have had a movie based on his life.

Don't believe the hype, cause even if Lamota could deliver a knockout, this movie can't.

BIG TIME BORE & STINKFEST!

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