Reviews

comes this steaming mound of rotten amateur bargain bin trash,Ed Woods mouldy angora sweaters could produce better,actually this pointless sack of garbage probably woulda been better done by ed wood,having criswell doing the intros from his coffin would be far better than watching a sad old has-been acting like a grandfather from a Stephen king novel,attempting to scare the audience with little skits whose only shock value would be to the writer of them,when on hearing the finsihed product would have to ask what dark and powerful demon has infested my mind and guided my typewriter to such mind-numbing lows.

Anyway onto the "dead-time"stories...

the first one is about some dumb chick who throws a hissy fit and gets her even dumber crew killed,its not even as good as it sounds in the second episode a fat guy digs up bits of a mermaid after being advised by an insane antique dealer not to do,the inevitable ensues..

the third story gets a lot of praise from most reviewers,god knows why,its not as eye-gougingly terrible as the previous 2,but crap nonetheless.

there is a ray of hope though,for all you would-be screenwriters out there,just look at dead-time stories,it actually got made,someone pointed a camera and financed it,and as mind boggling as it may seem..it happened.

according to the DVD case"Romero cant wait for this"so i can only assume that he hasn't yet seen it...lucky bugger.

the great mans work might not be up to par these days but he doesn't have to worry about the competition on offer here,he could have wrote and directed better with his milk bottle glasses off.

but don't go thinking this is the new"Birdemic",its not even that good,if this was to get a midnight movie release it would be to counter insomnia.

i cannot say anything good about it,low budget is no excuse for a mind-numbingly awful script and since anyone with a pound of butcher meat and a make up kit can produce a half-decent zombie,that is what was needed for this to have any chance of standing out.

for hundreds of years the finest scientific minds of our age have pondered the question..if your alien daughter had a tail,frog legs and an ass for a face....would you f#ck her?

And that is pretty much splice.A predictable and quite dull picture considering the subject matter and the director both promise so much more,it plays out like a tight fitting mix of fatal attraction,frankenstien and daytime soap opera.

Hard to believe that this is from the same guy who gave us the awesome cube and the pretty good cypher,still that's what happens when you cast Adrian Brody,like bleach to a germ he kills it dead.

And the poor creatures name"Dren"what drut thought of that?

Vomit-gore..the next big thing???its possible y'know,nobody thought country music would take over the world but they're line dancing in Tumbridge wells these days.

Anyway...i see this film as Twilight's evil twin,a whiny self-pitying look at my pretty hair pile of cardboard cut-outs,a Dennis Wheatly rip-off made by the 30 yr old fat guy with the beard that wears his baseball cap real low and hangs around the train station with his crew of underage school kids passing on emotional wisdom and bleak poetry.

I cant be bothered to actually discuss the plot or the acting,its all bad,cheap,nasty,shallow but worst of all its boring,mind-numbingly so.

In short,this picture wasn't disturbing or vile or sick and twisted,it was just poor.

I'll keep this short as i could rant for hours about how awful this film was.If the director had any sense this would have made for a very good short,there was only 15-20 minutes worth of plot padded out with scenes of Jim Sturgess walking slowly around London and showing off his one acting face(its a half grin that he wears for almost the whole runtime).

With crap like this still being funded and praised it is small wonder that the British film industry is on its knees.

P.S heartless drinking game....take a shot every time someone says "old son"and you will be dead before the credits roll.